It felt like she’d been asking so much of him today, Colette thought. Dragging him into that memory with her, even if unintentionally, then crying about it on his shoulder, then asking him to stay, then asking to sit closer to him. Colette knew Shin well enough by now to know he sure valued his personal space, and emotional intimacy, even if they were friends, was something he never really felt comfortable handling.
But even so, after Colette rejected herself for him, Shin instead closed the gap between them, and placed a tentative hand on her back. His movements were a bit stiff, unsure of himself, as though worried he were crossing some line despite her having asked for some closeness in the first place.
Her shoulders relaxed, and Colette closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into the touch. It was difficult to push aside the guilty feeling of taking and taking and taking from him, asking for more than he was willing or able to give. But in the moment, she tried to allow herself to feel cared for.
Shin’s offer surprised her a little. Colette opened her eyes to turn and search his; but it seemed difficult for him to maintain eye contact.
“You’ve already done a lot for me,” Colette told him. “…Thank you, Shin. You’re… a really good friend.”
She felt exhausted. Reliving that memory, being in that state, seeing Lloyd again… and now Shin caring for her. …She hoped he didn’t feel like he had to.
But Colette leaned into his touch, and the warmth and softness of the blanket surrounding her coupled with the gentle smell of freshly cleaned linens that seemed to follow Shin, and the feeling of his nervous fingertips slowly rubbing up and down her back and easing the tension between her shoulders, lulled her comfortably to sleep.
When Colette awoke, her head was on Shin’s shoulder.
She blinked groggily, feeling light but disoriented as always when napping after a cry. What time was it? The same show was playing, but maybe another episode. Light from the sunset outside beamed onto the table in front of them.
Shin’s breaths were slow and gentle. Did he fall asleep too?
“Sh… Shin?” Colette’s voice was soft and tentative, guilty for having to wake up but not wanting to keep him here, either. His arm was still behind her, but in his sleep it had slipped down to rest loosely around her waist. Shin’s head leaned back on the couch, tilted slightly towards her, his chin resting on her forehead, his breath lightly disturbing her bangs.
It was comfortable, but the intimacy of their position made Colette’s face pretty warm. She fidgeted.
“Shin…” Colette tugged gently at his scarf—a soft blue and white material, not the bright and spotted red she’d met him in. This was the scarf she had given him, a few months ago now. And afterward, he had called her his friend for the first time.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, but, you don’t have to spend the night here if you don’t want to,” Colette told him, her smile bashful. “There’s no thunderstorm this time, after all.”
Colette told him already a few times that he was a ‘good friend’, yet he never knew what to say to that, so he remained quiet. What did it even mean to be a good friend? Not like he ever had the chance to truly learn what true friendship was. Still, he really didn’t feel like he did anything special to be worthy of that praise.
The next thing he could feel was how Colette leaned on his shoulder, which just made him avoid looking at her altogether. This was weird, right? The next few minutes he didn’t focus on the show they were watching at all and just spent his time overthinking if he was overstepping some kind of boundary here.
Colette didn’t say anything for a while though, and he could hear her make a unique short noise. This didn’t sound like she was still awake... did she fall asleep?
Finally, he dared to look at her again, only for his guess to be confirmed. Great, now he couldn’t move without waking her up! So what was he supposed to do?!
“Falling asleep while leaning on someone like me, you truly are naive...” He mumbled to himself. Not like he intended to do anything to her, of course not! But he told her before that he wasn’t a good person. That he did bad things in the past. How could she fall asleep on him like this without another worry in the world?!
While staying still like this he couldn’t help but think about how warm and soft she felt. Which ironically lead him to do the same as her after all... He started to close his eyes. Just for a little while... He was tired, so resting his eyelids while enjoying this warmth wouldn’t cause any harm, yeah?
The next time he opened his eyes again, he heard Colette softly speaking his name while tugging on his scarf. What was happening?
“...huh?” He blinked a few more times before he became more self aware of the current situation. Without another word he hastily scooped away from her. Now sitting on the other end of the couch, trying his best to force an uncomfortable smile.
“Ahaha... right, right. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to stay this late.” What was wrong with him? How could he fall asleep here?! This was so embarrassing!! He wondered if Colette woke him up because she was disturbed by their earlier position as well. So much to comforting her, dumbass...
He adjusted his beanie that almost came off while he was napping before he got up. “I’ll be on my way then. Good night, miss Colette!”
It was a quick and rushed goodbye before he moved fast towards the exit to his escape.
On his way home, a small part of him was still worried about her but there was only this much he could do! He already interfered too much as is after all! She’ll be okay for sure after some time has passed...
