The Man with the many regected chips.

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

marywhitlam

You’re trying to tell me you haven’t already been in all kinds of trouble to be found here?

#Fiona #convo #It's nice to meet you!#I'M LISH!

Of course I have, but not so much lately - I am not on top of my game.

always-sparks

#photos

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

Don’t—don’t worry about me, Luke. Why does everyone always worry about me? Why is everyone so concerned with me like I’m someone special when I’m really not.

#marlowe #convo #iasjdoisjd poor mar #luke just wants to make everything better

That's not fair, you worried about me when I said not to - now you..you can't just tell me not to worry. There's something wrong. I can tell. You are special, to me and many other people in town.

Please tell me what's wrong? I want to be here for you, l-let me be here for you.

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

Thanks, Luke.

Good. You really are my best friend you know? Is that weird? That’s why I came here. I was so worried about you. Don’t even do that again.

You're welcome.

You're my best friend too, so n it isn't weird unless you think yo ubieng mine is weird. I mean both you and Delaney are my best friends but you're mine nevertheless. Yeah, I know and I already said I wouldn't but you are changing the topic again. What's the matter, Mar? Or are you going to make me just sit and worry.

#marlowe #convo

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

Well I can’t help but worry as I just watched you go through all that first hand at the Hospital. Please just be careful. Pranks, huh? I see you’re back to your old self then.

Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see that - I let things get out of hand. Mhmm, careful of course - you know me Luke the Careful! Of course, I haven't done any in a while - people are becoming too comfortable with that. And we cannot have that.

#nora #convo

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

I don’t care. Whatever tastes good. Surprise me.

Feeling better?

#marlowe #convo #hehe he tries ;)

Fruity it is then!

I'm much better...now stop changing the subject - what's the matter Marlowe? I can tell something is wrong and it is making me worry bout you Lady.

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

You just got out of the hospital and now you want trouble again? Oh Luke! And you wonder why I have so many rules for myself.

That was alcohol poisoning Trouble is much different than that...that wasn't planned. Pranks can have rules you know...

#nora #convo

I still wonder why I chose to work at the hospital here...

We’re all special including you Luke and I won’t hear anything else of it. Your pranks do sometimes put you in a negative light but everyone knows it’s all in good fun and not with any malice. Besides sometimes I think they help the others in the colony loosen up a bit, at least from my view of things. Sometimes people just need a good laugh, especially in our lives. Yes but you did it and that makes you strong. I may be in some people’s eyes but some times I feel I’m not cautious enough, because if I were more cautious then maybe I wouldn’t have the panic or anxiety at all. But it’s hard to know, I only know what the smallest limit and the greatest risk I can take is. I know it isn’t fair, but nothing is fair, if it were I wouldn’t have these problems at all. I would be completely happy and carefree with my life here but I’m not, instead I constantly worry about if my apartment is clean enough or if I’ve remembered everything Kenneth told me on a certain day and if I wrote it down. I hate the rules but I love them as well because in the end they keep me from hiding away. Well a little extra brightness I can always take and with no hangover included it sounds like good fun. I’d be happy to go dancing with you Luke. But one question… Where do people dance here?

#nora #convo #hehe they sure did! :P

Alright, alright, I'll believe you then. Hmm, see someone who gets it other than Delaney - my pranks aren't always ill-willed...most of the time it's just to pep this town up. I don't think that is true, those chips fucked us up Nora - even if you were more cautious or less, those feelings would still be there somehow. I know the ones I struggle with never go away, it jsut took some hard times for me to fully understand it. Don't let life pass you by, you know? We were given second chances here - it would be silly to throw it all away because you are worried by emotions Wanna know a secret? No one is fully happy or carefree - the chippers are but not us...we all feel everything. Just try not to worry, alright? Let life happen and if things get too hard you know you can lean on everyone here, right? I'm always in the saloon, you know, if you would ever need to talk. Not to be too serious or anything, but you aren't alone. We're all messed up thanks t the chips and the people who messed with us. I guess I could see that - just don't make so many rules were you miss out on life. That's not fair for you. Yes, fun without the hangover. Anywhere Nor, any place that can play music. A roof if you are up to it, or would that break a rule?

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

N-no. No. I just…Can you…can you make me a drink?

#marlowe #convo #aw well he will be there to listen

Wait, Marlowe Vega just asked for a drink? Now I know something is wrong, but of course I can whip you up something. Fruity?

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

Hi.

#marlowe #don't worry he wil lbe there for her :P

Mar--what is the matter? Is everything alright? Do I...do I need to beat anyone up?

Feels nice to not be in that damned hospital anymore.

Now what trouble can I get myself into?

#gif starter

This is what death must feel like, eh?

That’s the point. I’ve known you…six years and you’ve never been in the hospital. The fact that you’re here now, how can I not worry? I’m going to worry. It’s inevitable. I’m going to be concerned every time I know you’re drinking because it’s what I do. You know I already worried before. Telling me not to do so is only going to make it worse.

Yeah, you’re breathing alright. Lying in a hospital bed. You look awful. Breathing or not, you’re not okay.

And yeah, I’ve thought about that a lot. I used to wonder what it would have been like if I’d been born two hundred years ago. How different would I be? I think about what I’d be doing with my chip still in place, too. But dwelling on what ifs won’t do anything at all.

Your life shouldn’t revolve around alcohol, and no one is asking you to quit cold turkey. Just…be careful. That’s all I ask of you. Be careful. If you wind up in the hospital again I really might slap you.

I’m happy, Luke. I am. It’s…it’s all very complicated and scary and new a-and I don’t know…it’s weird, it is. But I’m happy. He makes me happy. And you do too you know? Just in a different way. I just want to make sure we’re okay. Because I can’t lose my friend. I can’t.

You’re a great person, Luke. Please remember that. And you’re not a coward. You wanted to live. That doesn’t make you a coward at all. It isn’t fair that they would take your life away because your body didn’t accept their chip. Don’t ever let me hear you say that you should have taken the final surgery, th-that’s not okay.

I don't understand why you worry so much, I mean i understand why you worry but...I don't think anyone in this town worries about my actions as much as you do. It's nice to know someone is worrying, and I know I can't make you change your mind...just try not to worry as much.

Okay, okay, so I am not doing the best right now...in a couple hours I am sure I'll be back t my normal self. As far as how I look - I didn't think I looked that terrible. At least I am breathing though, I could of died...but I didn't.

You're probably right, there isn't much use in worrying about things we couldn't change even if we had the chance. I wonder about it too though, a couple hundred years back...how would I be...what was it like. I know normal is off the table but being able to comprehend emotions and see life back then would of been nice.

It doesn't revolve around alcohol, I-I ah mean I am not only about alcohol. I just like to drink from time to time...I'm not an alcoholic. Oh trust me I have no plans on ending up here again. I told Ryan not to bring me here in the first place...but I guess when I passed out he didn't really have an option.

Good, really god. I'm glad you are happy and that he makes you happy. I...ah...yeah I get it. You don't have to worry about us, okay? We're fine, we're friends. I'll get my emotions in check soon enough and hopefully that will make any other loose ends better. But we're good, I don't think Evan likes me anymore...but I guess that was to be expected.

Alright, I won't talk about it again. I just wonder what it would of been like sometimes. Or if the nurse was lying. I don't long for the outside world but sometimes I wonder what little things could of changed about it.

#marlowe #convo

This is what death must feel like, eh?

Bit too late for that. I’m a worrier by nature remember? I can’t help but do so. And you’re not the only one that’s tired of that. Don’t you see? Don’t you see why I tell you this isn’t your fault. If it wasn’t for The Agency, if it wasn’t for their strange desire to control us like that, we wouldn’t be dealing with this. We don’t understand these emotions because we were never allowed to. Our choices got taken away from us. Please don’t. If you insist on drinking—I can’t pretend to ask you to stop—but if you insist, be careful Luke.

There’s no belonging in that world. That’s not just you. That’s all of us. You just had to deal with it more times than we did. But you belong here. This is your home. No one looks at you like that here. You’re important to this town and we all love you. You’re not a joke, Luke. Don’t change who you are, either. I like the Luke I know. He’s my friend. One of my best, if we’re being honest here, and there’s no need for you to go and change your personality when it’s already great.

I’m sorry if I ruined things between us. I’m sorry. I do care about you, so much. I really do. I want you to know that.

And I know because it’s not anyone’s fault except The Agency’s. Your body reacted the way it should have. You’re not—you’re not fucked up and you weren’t born broken. Please don’t talk about yourself like that.

The final—weren’t they going to kill you? Are you…don’t talk like that!

But I don't want to worry you, how long have you known me Mar? Isn't this the first time you've seen me in a hospital? I'm not normally this reckless, alright that's a lie...but I am normally safe about it. I'm not going to drink myself to death...I learned I shouldn't mix as much. But I'm alright, you can feel my pulse...I am breathing. Just try not to worry so much, okay? I wonder what the world would be like with no chips, no Agency - do you ever wonder that? I'll try to be better and safer...I promise. Going cold turkey just doesn't seem likely. What else would I have without alcohol?

You're right, I don't know why I ever longed to fit in there - its impossible unless properly chipped. I love it here, you know? I mean right now...I'm in odd form but this is my home. I wouldn't want to be any other place. I just wish, I don't know, it would be nice to understand more. Or I don't know...I guess I am longing for something I can't quite put into words.I believe you, I guess I just let the emotions get to me for the first time in a while. It was overwhelming. Are you happy Marlowe? Because that is what matters, you're my friend and I care about your happiness even if I have a fucked up way of showing it. Okay, then I won't be more serious, I just wish I understood myself more. Do you ever feel that way? Like there is a part of you that you don't understand? You're one of my best friends too.

You didn't ruin anything between us, we're friends...I'm sorry that I wanted more than what we were. I care for you too but I'll keep myself in check. Hopefully that will pass and it will be easier to just be your friend. Alright, I'll...I'll ah stop talking about myself like that. Over the years my view on myself has well twisted in what I told you, it's hard to look at myself in any other way.

Yeah, that's what the nurse told me, I don't know...I just feel like a coward for running. Even more so because I am not one of those that wants to rebel against them - I just want to stay here and never let our home be in danger. It's cowardly I know.

#marlowe #convo

This is what death must feel like, eh?

I’m still going to worry. I’m going to worry all the damn time that you’re not trying to down your place’s entire contents. I always worried about you drinking and now it’s going to be much worse.

The outside world has no control over their thoughts, Luke. Don’t you realize that by now. What people think out there. It should have no effect on you. People out there don’t matter, and there are people in here, a lot of people, who care for you very much. People who think you’re great, and I’m one of them. D-don’t apologize. You can’t help who you like. I just don’t understand…I don’t understand why me. But Luke, you have to believe me when I say you’re great, and that I’m not worth it.

You know it’s not your fault that the chips didn’t work right? Those things…they’re not natural. They’re not meant to be in our bodies. It doesn’t say anything about your character. My body rejected my first knee replacement because it was foreign, that’s the normal reaction the body should have. Our emotions aren’t meant to be suppressed and we suffer more because of it. We went eighteen or twenty years with fake euphoria, everything is much worse for us now.

None of this is your fault, either. It’s The Agency’s. I-I’m sorry you had to go through what you did so many times. What we all went through once, you had endure so many times. I’m so sorry Luke.

I—don’t say that about yourself.

#marlowe #convo #much too much angst for my liking #haha

I don't want you to worry, I don't want anyone to worry. Maybe I am an alcoholic - it would make sense. I'm just tired, Marlowe, I'm tired of everything. Not you, or me, or anything like that...I'm tired of not understanding the other emotions. Drinking makes it easier, i just focus on the positive ones. I'll try to be safer, alright? Like I won't...I won't drink alone anymore. Since we all know how that ended.

That doesn't change the fact that after every wake I understood more than what the chip allowed...it doesn't change the fact that I understood I did not belong. I can still feel the way it felt to have eyes from the outside world on me. Sometimes I think I feel it here. If you say so, maybe there are some ..but even here I feel like the town's punch line. Maybe I should become more serious - maybe the colony would like that version of me more. but I don't know how to be so serious..it's not who I am. Too much seriousness just makes the day sad.I think you're great too, Mar. I don't know why you either, Marlowe...I mean you are amazing and intriguing but I can't explain why I ended up having feelings for you. It's been so long since I have had feelings for anyone. I just...I can't explain emotions well. Happy and Humorous I can do...the others...not so much.

H-how do you know it isn't my fault, the rest of my family...the chips worked. I'm the only one that had that many replacement surgeries. Something is broken in me Marlowe, I just know it. I-I guess I am just living in the "much worse" part...maybe all the chips were what fucked me up. But something did, I was either born broken or turned damaged - but either way...something is not right with me. I-it's alright, I mean I survived didn't I? Maybe...maybe I should of let them do the final surgery instead of running like a coward...what if that was my destiny?

I'm sorry Mar, I was just being honest.

This is what death must feel like, eh?

I don’t want to. I just want to tell you that you’re an idiot. And that I’m honestly kind of glad I didn’t know anything because I would have been worried sick if I would have known about you being in the hospital. You know how I feel about you drinking, Luke. To have done so much that you ended up with alcohol poisoning? I hate hospitals, too.

But you are. You are, Luke. I don’t have any reason to lie to you. I care about you a lot, you know. You’re a really important part of my life. And I think you’re great. I..I’m sorry that I don’t return your feelings. I’m sorry if I made you think…I’m sorry Luke. I really am. I want you to be happy. I-I’m not that person.

How am I supposed to just forget this? I-I can’t just walk away from you and pretend you never told me this. I can’t just…I can’t just forgive myself for making you feel like this. You can’t tell me this isn’t my fault. I can’t-I can’t help but feel so guilty, Luke. Look at you, you’re in the hospital.

M-maybe I shouldn’t have—

I’m saying that because it’s true.

#marlowe #convo #aisjdoisajdoaisjdoisajdiasjd #poor bbs #they will be back to being friends soon enough #without all the angst lol

I wasn't planning on going that far or ending up here, but I am glad you didn't have to worry. I didn't want anyone to worry. It was just going to be some heavy drinking - a little more than normal. I wish I could say I am sorry for drinking, but I am not. I just wish I didn't drink as much. I'm not invincible It's clear to me now.

I mean it's nice to know others think I'm wonderful, I just don't think I am...nor does the outside world. You don't have to be sorry...I mean you don't look at me like that or think anything more than friendship when you are near me. It's alright. Sometimes it happens. I'll move on -- I am sorry that I'm jealous. I have no right to be. You're a great friend and I won't want to lose that for my emotions not being in check. I know you have no bad intentions for me....I handled everything poorly. I thought I was okay with it, I really thought I was.

I don't know, I wish I did, Marlowe. I didn't mean to throw this at you, I just wanted to e honest. It's not all your fault. I mean, maybe if one of the chips actually worked I wouldn't be this far gone - but...I don't think anyone could save my head at this point. Just give it a day or so, I'll be back to normal, the pain will be on the back burner. I am in a hospital because I drank too much, I poisoned myself. None of this is your fault.

I don't think I understand, I just...after so many years in this body...how could I not be fucked up, Marlowe?

This is what death must feel like, eh?

I’m not going to slap you, Luke. Do I strike you as the type of person that would even do that? God, I’ve had—I’ve had people be completely inappropriate with me and I wouldn’t. I just don’t understand why you would be so stupid.

Luke…I think you’re wonderful. I really do. You’re absolutely ridiculous and you make me laugh and I like being around you. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t regret kissing you. B-but I told you, I told you that I didn’t know how I felt about you. I told you that that was my first kiss and that I was confused and scared. It’s not about you not being good enough for me. I’m not this…special person to be put on some pedestal. I shouldn’t be regarded so highly. I’m sorry. I really am it’s just…

I—-Luke…this isn’t…this isn’t fair. You telling me this, after everything that’s happened…a-and you know how I feel about Evan…what am I supposed to do with this information? I feel awful that you did this. Like I’m responsible somehow. I mean, you know how I feel about you drinking a-and you tell me what you did this? That you put yourself in the hospital because…because of me?

I just…you’re not fucked up, Luke.

#marlowe #convo #aw he isn't trying to make her upset #he is just trying to work it all out

Of course I don't think you're the type that would do such a thing, I was just saying...if you wanted to you could. I don't know. I don't even understand why I would be so stupid either. I thought, I don't know, I didn't know I would end up here. It was just a few drinks, then a bottle, then more. Maybe I am an alcoholic...I don't know. I obviously wasn't shooting for poisoning nor did I want to be in this god awful place. I hate hospitals.

I'm not wonderful, I've never been wonderful. I-I am sorry...I know. Like I said I wanted to be fine with everything but all these feelings I am feeling. I don't get it, I am used to ignoring any bad and only focusing on the good but I can't. I don't know why bit....It's really hard to be cheerful and playful. I don't feel happy. I guess I regard you so highly because I still feel something I shouldn't but I am trying to forget because I know it isn't fair and that I shouldn't. It's just hard. It's much harder than anything I have done lately.

I-I didn't want to say anything, I was just trying to be honest maybe work out what happen or what's happening to me. I know how you feel about him, I...shit...I am sorry. I wasn't trying to, I don't even know. Like I said I want to be happy for you two. And a part of me is but the other part...the other part is jealous, and i don't know what to do to stop that part. You don't have to do anything with the information, you could just forget it. If that would be easier. I don't know, Marlowe. You aren't responsible I'm the idiot, remember? It wasn't you, it was everything...I just wish I didn't remember anything. I'm tired of remembering every wake and memory.

You're just saying that because we're friends.

This is what death must feel like, eh?

casey-stewart

It took your mind off of how you were feeling though, didn’t it?