petite fille

i'm capable of rambling a lot bear with me

[rejinasofiaa]

july 23 | 14:50

Can I just hit the skip button and get to part where I’d just stop caring about you and how you make me feel? Because I’m tired of crying, and getting frustrated at your thoughtlessness and insensitivity, and crying some more.

I just need this to stop. This feeling when I feel so much hate towards you, I tremble. I need this to stop. I need to feel happy again.

I need to get to the point where your actions and how you make me feel no longer affect me, because I no longer care about you.

[rejinasofiaa]

may 05 | 05:18

Today, I realized that I need to be so much more patient with Audrey.

She was brushing her teeth earlier, and I noticed that she was just sucking the tooth paste from the brush and not actually brushing her teeth. I got impatient, because I know and have already seen her brushing her teeth correctly, so I ended up “pretending” to spank her leg. She cried a lot, thinking I spanked her, and I felt like I was the worst mother!! I hugged her and said I’m sorry and gave her a break, and then I got my own toothbrush and showed her how I brush my teeth. She followed.

Sigh. Before I had Audrey, I’d say that I get impatient really quickly and get annoyed when things aren’t done the way I’d want them to; I can be a brat. Sadly, I sometimes even can’t control my temper when dealing with my own daughter– like, when she doesn’t follow what I tell her, or when she keeps making the same mistakes. It’s horrible! I’m horrible!! My poor child forgets my blunders the next minute because she’s still too young and innocent and pure and forgiving. Even so, she still deserves a better parent!

My impatience is something that I need to work on; a flaw that I need to surrender. Right now. I have to learn to pause and process my emotions first before I say or do anything stupid and damaging in the long run; something that I can’t undo.

I still have a lot to learn as a mom– a first time mom. I still have a lot to improve within myself. I know I’m never gonna be perfect, but I have to try harder for Audrey. I love her so much, I can’t afford not to try.

[celestia-jade-deactivated201709]

INSPIRATION

I saw this quote a couple of days ago and it really hit home with me. We have to put work into our relationships every single day. Our babies are little plants that are just starting to grow and we have almost complete power over whether or not they flourish. Same with our marriages, no matter how long we’ve been together we have to keep working at it so that we don’t die out. It seems like something that should be obvious but when I think of my relationships with my kids looking like dead and withering plants it really stresses the importance. So today (and every day) my goal is to turn my most important relationships into big healthy flower gardens!

[momcode-blog1]

[rejinasofiaa]

may 09 | ugh.

I almost forgot how freeing “writing” here on Tumblr feels. Exhales. I haven’t posted anything personal since I got pregnant. Or at least, since JS arrived here in the States almost a year ago. Life suddenly got busy and I had no time to go on Tumblr and browse through the Dashboard, like I did on a daily basis before. But I need this again. I need this space where I can just write about my feelings and experiences because doing so is just darn liberating. Note that I won’t ever rant about family, or my marriage or my husband (lelz), because I’m just not one to spill the beans about my personal life and have people whom I know find out. I have a separate Tumblr account for them rants. Ha. 

So, yeah. I’m still here. Still here saying “Cheers” to life though, which includes parts where I sometimes hate the marriage that I’m in, where I sometimes hate the person that I’m married to, or hate the failure of a mother that I am. Everything doesn’t always turn out to be great, but hey, isn’t that always the case?

[lsleofskye]

[prayerpartner]

I’m not living for applause, I’m already so adored.

Francesca Battistelli, He Knows My Name (via prayerpartner)

[themountainlaurel-deactivated20]

[rejinasofiaa]

My husband, my #MCM

[rejinasofiaa]

april 23 | 06:00

I won’t get to see my babylove for today’s doctor’s appointment.

:,( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :,(

[katemiddletons-deactivated20181]

[carriefishers-archive]

[rejinasofiaa]

GAH!! DECEMBER!! I'LL GET TO SEE THIS WITH JS!!

[rejinasofiaa]

On Sundays, I get to dress up. (I loove being and looking pregnant!😁) #latepost #28wks #Audrey

[suspend]

[coupleforyou]

[rejinasofiaa]

THIRD TRIMESTER ftw!! 😳😖😫 Here's to a rounder tummy, chunkier cheeks, swollen feet, CHILDBIRTH 😶 and seeing my firstborn!! ❤😭😊 #28wks #iwantthatepidural #thankYouLord #nomorethan7poundsplsmylove HEHE 😁

[rejinasofiaa]

april 14 | 17:57

What’s my definition of a great day? A day where I get to treat myself to a mani-pedi (FOOT SPAS FTW) at my favorite nail salon, shop for maternity clothes (OMIGOSH, I’m hoarding maternity jeans a.k.a. “the most comfy jeans on the face of the planet”; I swear I’d still wear them even after I give birth) and go home with my favorite to-go food!

I’m just so happy and content right now, it’s ridiculous! :))