shadeless @releasingsavvymae - Tumblr Blog

perfectfeelings

“Healing is layers. Healing is time. Healing is excruciating. Once you think it’s done, it’s not.”

— Mary DeMuth

You failed

It’s the countless sleepless nights I just should’ve woke up alone

It’s the pure excitement and full of life drive, to the endless and meaningless drive back

It’s the crying in my bed once again because being weak is my forte.

It’s the riveting awakening moment that I will do better and I won’t fall the next time

It’s the failing before you even fall

It’s the concrete came too fast, but I should’ve known not to jump

It’s the fucking madness of why am I never the one but the wholeness of I’m the only fucking one

It’s the infinite round of what’s next

With the continuous reply of you are

And the infinite space that drives a bargain in my head

It’s the falling before you fail and failing before you fall just to get right back up again

In life we capture moments. In mine I’ve captured failure

It’s eating at the core of a disease in which I didn’t ask for

It’s the bouts and cries of a help me I’m not okay

help but why am I so helpless

Although…

I found solace in the mundane

I found myself withering away

Only to forget I’m the only one who makes me get back up again

I am the messiah of failure but damn I love a good revenge.

Am I really the only one to save myself in the end.

#original poem #makes sense to me #art #failure #staying alive #triumph #healing #coping #poetry

I recently moved out of my moms house. What brought me there was coming out of a 30 day rehab program, and I just couldn’t live on my own in the town it all started in. It was going on something like three years in that house. Time has become just a concept, so I really had no idea I’d been there that long. Captured is what has become my new living space. My new home. Within arms distance of the town it began in. When going through all the trials and tribulations I had no idea this would come as quick as it did. I never liked that house. But I’ve never liked being alone either. I never liked my home town, but I want to form better habits, and live life better. So maybe this space. This lonely, open space. Will bring me to that. Or maybe for once I will.

three years ago. my oh my has everything changed. ✌

#old habits #die fast #hippie love #three years past

what we found on our hike. ❤

#human nature

to feel free sometimes we just learn how to fly, but ill stay solid on this ground till i die. ✌

#wild is life #life is wild #stonerlife #naturelife

Got to try out this beautiful thing today. 💜

#made with tumblr #gif

I keeep finding these beautiful printed silky pant things everywhere. 😍😍😍😍😍

Got an interesting new weed called purp cat. I didnt understand the name until I got home and my roomate that doesnt even smoke weed questioned why it smelled of cat piss in the house. I never thought this was a thing.

pinkstyracosaurus

I will always prefer marijuana over alcohol.

satanhaus-deactivated20220217

Growing up in an abusive household is a fucking trip dude……If you’ve never had someone angrily wash a dish at you or fold a sock in your direction then how are you gonna understand why I get nervous when you quietly do the laundry, or why I ask “are you mad at me?” when you set the bag of groceries down too hard? It’s a totally different way of living and it impacts you long after you’ve left the situation.