hidden relic @relics-within - Tumblr Blog

I hate what I have become.

I hate it. People don't understand how difficult money is to get. How much I have to toil to get that money.

My mother certainly does not. I am loathe to part with it because I know the struggle.

Maybe my sister understands the same, but she sees light in it. I do not. I see the darkness of men and I fear I become worse than them.

I have toiled so hard to get something for myself and then, it is lost. I am angry. I am furious.

Not that it matters.

deatholy-deactivated20190626

How are you?

i wanna die sometimes but i’m fine

relics-within

Same

"How are you?" is the worst question you can ask me.

Would you wanna know how I am? and would you care?

Corporate Meetings

you lose braincells in this shit

Tenet - a Movie Review

Brilliantly choreographed, this movie orients around the idea of inversion - or more simply put, reversal of time flow. The idea is presented in a novel manner and the protagonist, Literally called the Protagonist, played by John David Washington, is a secret agent entrusted to save the world from its doom.

Interestingly, the movie's villains are humans from the future, who wants to destroy the present, so as to revert Climate change and repair their planet. While their actions seem selfish, one cannot wonder if we are leading to the same future.

While their solution is terrifyingly simple, it also gives rise to the grandfather's paradox. Would they exist if they succeed? and if not, their desperation for such an act is to be noted.

This movie is an eye-opener for climate change activists and deniers alike, and is a must watch.

Detachment - a movie review

Never have i resonated so deeply with a movie. I remember watching the beginning of this film and wondering why does this feel weirdly nostalgic, as if the director's feelings could be felt throughout.

Most critics of this film complain that the film potrays the deterioration and destruction of the current education system while offering no solution. I disagree. The film offers a solution, albeit it is hidden, in a sort of way. Before we discuss this, we must first go through the film.

The film offers a unqiue take on direction, much like the office. Opinions and observations are directly stated to the camera, by the protagonist and other teachers.

The protagonist Henry Barthes, potrayed by Adrian Brody, is a substitute teacher who has been temporarily employed in a suburban school in a rural landscape.

We also get glimpses of other character's lives, where we see a sense of existential crisis and impending doom. It sets off an eerie vibe for the movie, offsetting the nostalgic vibe with a much darker fate overlooming the Characters.

As Henry rescues a young girl Erica (potrayed by Sami Gayle) from the streets, He helps her leave her past. Without revealing much, It is certainly a must watch for seasoned movie-goers.

to all the bots who keep following me

please for the love of god, Stop

i have cried

i have cried my soul out. you may see only 2 tears, but in them contains every single frustration, every painful memory, and every happy moment.

I'm furious. Furious against the world. for making me what I am. For making me weak-willed.

Now, it's time I pay it back in full.

Remember the hopelessness inside ? Remember being helpless? that is what you are rebelling against.

Rage against conforming.

Rage against Lofty ideals.

Rage against society.

Do not try to change yourself for them, change them instead.

and lastly, there is nothing wrong about being a simple-minded fool in a corporate crap-fest of a world. However, there is a choice. you can remain that fool for the rest of your life. Or you can be a callous, ruthless, efficient fool.

Depression

it is a spiral. you cannot move on your own, but it pulls you away from the shore like a riptide. the more you struggle, the more it wins.

It has become part of you, enmeshed in you so much so that you can empathise with this monster.

There is no escape.

Had I not been a coward, I would have died long ago. but here I am, still struggling in the same rip tide.

A quote from Jiraiya makes a lot more sense. "Thinking back of it, my story is one full of failures."

Anxiety

this will be long. I have had this for a long time.

My anxiety about things is so bad, i can barely concentrate on today.

I literally stress about simple things.

have a meeting ? stressed out.

need to go out? stressed out.

talk to someone? stressed out.

I mean, my anxiety is so bad, i cannot stomach food properly without feeling the need to dump it. I have had several months where I could not follow my sleep schedule because i couldnot sleep.

I am not well.

I am anxious all the time.

why does this matter? it doesn't. i'm just rambling here, so atleast someone can see me. someone sees my posts and sees a lonely depressed anxious asshole and understood me.

i wish i could cry but all my tears have dried up long ago.

It’s always emotional blackmail.

pathetic.

you seem to forget that I cannot be swayed by this. I’m deadass tired of telling people to keep their faith to themselves.

quotemadness

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

Noel Fielding (via quotemadness.com)

relics-within

I'm pretty sure you're gonna find this one day, sis. I really don't care at this point. Our family was always dysfunctional.

Right, dad. Mom claims he's the best dad ever. He's not. He was an absentee father. Not a bad one, but not a good one either. I really cared about his opinion once, now I don't. He's an ass.

He is one of my ties tho. Currently. Maybe it'll change.

Mom, oh lord. Where should I even start? Terrible mother, but she tried to raise me fair. She's a lot of things, but Honestly, I don't care enough anymore.

She's less of a tie compared to dad.

Now, you sis. We never see eye to eye. We never will. At one point, I'm pretty sure I loathed your entire existence. Can't blame that ' me'. He was angry at a lot of things. But, honestly, you were good. I'm glad to have you as my sis.

So, why am I writing this, you ask?

Good question. I've never been a guy who trusts himself. I dunno. this is a contingency plan.

I've left lots of journals in my room. Burn them all. Read them, if you can. There's nothing good inside, but there's a story there, one you'd be able to find.

relics-within

I keep coming back here.

to this post.

to justify myself. but i am terrible.

A terrible son, an even worse brother.

uncaring, unloving, vengeful.

furiousgoldfish

reblog if you’re deeply dissappointed in your parents and you expected and deserved better

relics-within

i dont expect anything anymore

qvotext

This life hasn’t turned out quite the way I wanted it to be.

Unknown (via qvotext)

so what?

there is no catharsis here

there never was.

Looking back,i had hoped.

i was wrong. time here has been wasted. I do not know what i am supposed to do now. I wished i could reminsce, be nostalgic about it, but i hate it.

so, here is my words to ye, future me, run. Run far away from here. you will never receive peace here, only pain.

You have to leave them behind for that.

i am tired of putting up this facade.

People presume that I do not care about people and things.

It’s that I do care. But more often than not, I have been betrayed by those I trusted.

so, now here I am.

Like steel wrought with too much carbon, ready to break as the tensions increase and the pressure mounts.

I am simply nothing. my essence has seeped throughout the cosmos, my will leached day by day, this rotting corpse of a mind barely patched by an undying rage against fate and a slight glimmer of hope for better days.

My days are numbered by my own hands. fate will not have me. I submit to nothing.

Log_17_May_2021

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