Relieverse

WARNING: This is my emotional junk where I release all of my toxic thoughts to feel more relieved. Don't follow if you don't want your mood to be affected.

[relieverse]

Whether I did a “good” or “bad” things, I can never know if it’s gonna have a bad or good impacts later on. So why care if I did bad things in others’s eyes but good for me anyway? :) People will always keep pointing out something bad about the way I live, to offer me a solutions, but the lone to decide and bear the responsibilities of adopting the solutions in the end is still me, so I just need to listen to be more aware of my weaknesses, and don’t have to listen to every solutions they offer.

“Everything is not happening for me, bu me and because of me, everything happens around me and through me. So I just need to do what’s best for the life I have at hands.”

[relieverse]

Việc muốn chia sẻ điều gì đó hoá ra chẳng có gì hay ho, bản chất nó là để thể hiện cho ngta thấy rằng mình biết một điều gì đó hay ho này, thấy minh hay ho chưa?

Lại là một lời kêu gọi validation.

[relieverse]

I went through a lot of pain, because I expected too much from reality. I expected it to be pink while it is totally black. That’s how I hurt myself.

The only way to stop all these stupid unnecessary pain is to learn to get the best out of this black reality

[relieverse]

Oaoaoaaaa I want to show off myself badly :(((((((

But if I show off too much I will ruin my image I hardly built 😫😫😫😫

I want to show off so that I feel secured with my values

[relieverse]

Damn I think I want to create my own region clan =]]

[relieverse]

Tui thích âm nhạc.

Tui thích vẽ vời.

Tui thích làm đẹp.

Tui thích sáng tạo.

Tui thích lãng mạn.

Đáng lí là tui sẽ nên làm những nghề Creative.

Cơ mà tui thích thành công trên cả mọi thứ.

Làm âm nhạc, cạnh tranh cao, khó ra tiền, tui không giỏi tui không làm.

Làm họa sĩ, cạnh tranh khó không kém, khó ra tiền, tui không giỏi tui không làm.

Làm sáng tạo, cạnh tranh ngày càng cao, khó ra tiền, tui không giỏi tui không làm.

Làm phân tích, làm chiến lược, làm kỹ thuật, requirements có thêm khiếu sáng tạo, cạnh tranh thấp, ra nhiều tiền, tui giỏi tui làm.

[relieverse]

Im getting anxious again.

You know why?

[relieverse]

I do enjoy the scenes where my lover get chased by others, but I am the only can own him.

He may choose to go to others, but then he will immediately become value less to me. I'm interested in what I own only.

[relieverse]

Are you a predator, food or pet?

What kind of predators, food, or pets are you?

[relieverse]

I'm the most worthy person to me, the top priorities to me.

I respect those who respect me and what I claim is mine. If one try to take away or use what is mine knowing that is mine without my consent, he/she is disrespectful of me.

If what is mine, my team, my dog or my cat choose another, then it is no longer mine, die or live, I don't care.

I'm gonna achieve any goals I set myself to, even though I may lose it after due to the uncontrollable factors, I'd always be proud that I'd once achieve it.

My goal now is an achiever.

I've never settle for less. I may lose things, but the next things I gain would only be better.

[relieverse]

Remember this

Late is late.

Failure is failure.

Lie is lie.

No matter whatever the reasons, even childhood trauma cannot compensate for the fact that it happened.

[relieverse]

How to let go of something?

When you are hurt or tired ENOUGH holding on to it, you will actively teach yourself to hold it with less and less time until you can finally let it go. Human are imperfect, so we will always repeat the mistakes until we cannot bear its consequences anymore.

So can it be said that those who are more afraid of repeat the same pain will learn to let go faster?

You tell me.

When you are hurt or tired ENOUGH holding on to it, you will actively teach yourself to hold it with less and less time until you can finally let it go. Human are imperfect, so we will always repeat the mistakes until we cannot bear its consequences anymore.

[relieverse]

So I am indeed a rebel, who learned along the way that in order to get what I want, I need to act like questioner or the upholders or even the obliger, yet I can't keep that image for long since it's not the real "built" me. It was tiring to be someone else, and without a cause I find myself hard to stick to it, since I do have the urge to break whatever I have built as a rules (for myself and for others).

But now I have a thought that maybe it's not bad at all to be a rebel, who is innovative, bull-headed when doing something I truly feel like doing. The only beast I have to tame is the urge to break the rules, the beneficial rules that can help lead me to where I want to be in life. I should stop the urge to go in the opposite way just for the sake of it.

Hmm... Not an easy thing to handle.

[relieverse]

Thật ra làm mọi thứ một mình rất mệt, rất muốn dựa dẫm lấy một ai đấy cho đỡ phải cực khổ làm gì, nhưng rồi cũng tự lết dậy mà đi thôi, đời này trời ko cho phép dựa dẫm ai, hoặc chính bản thân trước khi sinh ra đã tự chọn con đường này, tự chọn một nha sắc trung bình, một gia đình trung bình để trải nghiệm cuộc sống. Cũng may là lúc ấy còn chọn được trung bình chứ ko chọn dưới đáy xã hội, không thì không biết là còn khổ tới cỡ nào nữa. Thôi thì cảm ơn lựa chọn trước khi sinh của bản thân, sẽ cố gắng hơn để lần sinh sau có thể lựa chọn một cuộc sống nhẹ nhàng hơn vậy, mà cũng không biết được bản tính ham vui, lần sau lại xin làm playboy 😅 huhu tôi khổ tôi quá mà. Thôi lèm bèm mãi, làm lo làm đi, mất job mất lương bây giờ.

[relieverse]

Damn this habit sucks. Whenever things get hard I just use love as an escape.

I know I'm stronger than this.

I know I shall make it, I shall be able to stand on my own regardless what happens.

I fail today again but I won't fail tomorrow!

[relieverse]

"It is very hard for me to truly connect to anyone as if I'm always a head of everyone. I crave relationships, I crave to have someone stand by me. I'm afraid of losing people that I was unwilling to do things for me. I lose myself easily in the relationship just to make people happy, yet it is never enough.

Let's imagine my capability to connect with others on a personal level at this moment is around at most 1 hour per day, while I can connect to people as long as possible if it is related to my ideal.

So I'd rather be limit myself toward 1 hour only for personal connection and lets the person close to me know about this.

It is okay if they treat it like a decease or weakness, it is just that I need it. That's all.

Stop afraid to be myself and lose anyone in life. Believe that there is someone out there truly is for me, even if in another life. I just need to be good on my own now, contributing my life for the humanity ideal that I have.

[relieverse]

Thing to remember:

It is true that the good attention you have is a big indicator of strong survival within the society; not having enough of it while seeing others are having the benefits from it may scare the animal part of you instinctively. Similar to money, to physic, to skillsets, attention is also a resource for survival that you cannot live without.

Yet, again similar to physic, money and skillset, you don't just get attention in one day and keep it forever. You will have to know your present state enough to choose the most effective way to reach a better quality of "attention". Take it slow to train and get it the way you are most adaptive with.