sammy! sweet potatoes

┐⁠(⁠ ⁠∵⁠ ⁠)⁠┌

[0v9]

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

[guldentusks]

Two tiny unicorn experiments from a couple years ago! I never technically finished them, but kinda liked them as is!

[foxes-in-love]

[infectiouspiss]

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

[infectiouspiss]

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

[infectiouspiss]

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

[guooey]

Beautiful cow who is mooing at you

[hewoweens]

u can be boiling alive in your mind for months and then on a random tuesday ur head gets so clear and life is worth living again and you're like damn what was all that about then

[faisdm]

[circumgutter]

[paperandpencilsandskips]

The Magnanimous Airplane

[kawuli]

well, the ears dropped

[animentality]

[zangoonse]

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

[zangoonse]

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

[dollsahoy]

There are a lot of people in the notes saying, basically, "Yeah, that's polyester for ya!"

but, the thing is

even polyester fabric was higher quality in the past

yes, not all of it, but, still, a noticeable amount of older polyester was...nicer.

yeah, it would still get picks and hold on to every bit of underarm odor, and that's on top of no-one knowing about microplastic shedding

but a 1950s Wash'n'Wear shirt, or 1970s double knit pantsuit, or 1980s neon sweatshirt, or a 1990s slinky knit or crushed velour mock turtleneck...so many of them would have been significantly higher quality than the fast fashion of today.

[sofairycakes]

i work in historical costume. i work in a big-ass warehouse, with hundreds of thousands articles of clothing dating back over 100 years (for original pieces).

the BLINDING difference in clothing quality between even the 1990s and the mid-2000s...not even going in to the decline in quality of clothing made in natural fibers (jeans with elastane, i'm looking at you), I've got faux-leather trousers from 1980s that are in near-mint condition, even after being hired and worn repeatedly for the past 40 years. we get donations of clothing that shows and films have bought online for contemporary shows that are disintegrating after being used on one show, for like....10 days, max.

don't even get me started on the seam allowances we used to get in clothes, because the assumption was you'd alter it at some point...

they hate you. they hate the planet. they have drip fed you worse and worse quality clothing until you don't even realize you're being sold Garbage

[isuggesteatingtherich]

i have a suggestion

[punkitt-is-here]

this duck LOVES pink drink

[punkryuki]

[contact-guy]

sherlock holmes deduces you are trans before you've figured it out yourself and refers to you with those pronouns and then when you look confused is like "ah...had you not arrived at that conclusion yet?" and wafts away in his dressing gown to smoke seventeen pipes, leaving you in a gender crisis

[skipppppy]

Hercule Poirot deduces you are trans by accident because he suspected you of murder and broke into your house and searched your stuff then puts 2 and 2 together when Hastings makes an innocuous observation about your fashion sense or something and he jumps up and cries “mon dieu!!!” before striding over to you kissing you on both cheeks and saying “ah, cher ami, you must live as you choose!” and then running off to confront the real culprit while you stand there in befuddlement

[ospreyonthemoon]

Columbo deduces you're trans from context clues while he's talking to you about the area, immediately uses your preferred pronouns and starts telling you about his cousin, who's also transgender, and how they got this job doing security, and how they told him that a security guard always locks up, and asks you if the guard locked up last night, and isn't it weird the place was open? And you're like, well, someone else must have opened it up. Maybe the guy in charge? He has a spare key. And then he nods and goes "the guy in charge has a spare key... well, how about that?" And then he offers you a cigar and wanders off, and a day later your boss gets arrested for murder.

[deathsmallcaps]

Fanon Batman deduces you are trans and suddenly a free hormone clinic opens up by your home a couple months later

[answeringmysister]

Miss Fisher learns youre trans and simply gives you hormones, and a little cocaine as a treat. she also invites you out to a club to meet like minded individuals. at the club you watch as she seduces the bartender and then the next day the bartender is arrested for the murder.

[viridianchronicle]

[teaboot]

Elementary Sherlock deduces you are Trans and takes you on as a specialist in many obscure and useful disciplines, and also takes you in when you have a falling out with one of your many eccentric and rich paramours. This leads to you becoming an occasional and part-time housekeeper. You are Mrs. Hudson. Yes this is Canon and it aired on TV in like 2007

[socialmaya]

[dalenthas]

I love that this joke works in English even though it's not written in English.

[feluka]

my top hobbies are shame and embarrassment but i also occasionally dabble in envy

[phantomrose96]

When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.

[phantomrose96]

people killed: 0

direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1

ongoing murders being committed by Ed's own friends/colleagues that Ed got in the way of to specifically stop that murder from happening: 2

[phantomrose96]

God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.

[aka-blaa]

You know, when you said "negative-3 kill count," I, who haven't seen the anime, thought, "He resurrected 3 people?????" But I'm seeing here on the wiki that apparently resurrection in this anime is a terrible idea.

[phantomrose96]

Official addition to this post.

[scramratz]

[skygenders]

And he froze the rent only six months into his term.