get up after you fall.

moments on a carousel; must admit we ride them well, and the horses never tell all throughout the ride: no one leaves alive. indie esen markov.  sideblog to regeneratecl.  loved by sky.

[remixecl]

galactic hues peer towards the building, nose twitching. she could smell iron (blood), salt (tears), and hear the whimpers. she had no capacity to understand what 'trauma' was, or the science behind it; all she knew was that places like these were FILLED with nightmares, her favorite snack. no distance was too high, no wall too thick - she found her way into Esen's room. Eliott watches as the person twitched, tears falling from his face. she gently presses her forehead against his, kissing

his forehead. within seconds, the nightmarish haze is lifted - the thought or memory consumed. his face relaxes, but she finds herself perplexed. “Eliott… know here…” and so she goes to wander through the halls, leaving his room. this is her first time in the order.. right?

     esen’s dreams are filled with many frightening thing–but one above all: THE FEAR OF BECOMING FALLEN.  he curls up, clinging to his pillow in the real world, dealing with his terrifying dreams–his FATHER turning his back on him ( he’d never, esen knows, but that doesn’t change how his subconscious thoughts work, ) && IT TERRIFIES HIM MORE THAN ANY ABUSE HE’S BEEN THROUGH.

     but the dreams subside tonight as quickly as they came, && esen forgets them as he wakes up in the middle of the night.  some part of him tells him to get out of bed, to go look around, so he pulls his shirt back on && does so.  after all, he has a bad feeling about this…

[remixecl]

swansvng:

     god , could she understand that feeling . nightmares – even worse , in her case , assignments from father or Tresaulti – kept her awake for days . still , the brunette approaches him , sitting by him . “ lean on me && rest . I’ll be here if any nightmare comes after you , ” she promises , leaving a kiss ‘ pon his temple . “ you’ve worked hard today , && playing with my sisters is no easy task . ” / @remixecl in reply to the ask !

     esen shakes his head once more.  he’s too afraid to sleep.  reassurance of WHEN the nightmares will come is just too much for him. he dozes for brief seconds, before jolting awake again.  he looks over at jo with a weary expression, before he murmurs softly,  “ BUT WHAT IF I DON’T WAKE UP? ” 

     it’s a stupid, childish fear, but one esen has.

[remixecl]

Pain is weakness leaving the body from Jo and her sisters

pain is weakness leaving the body | accepting

19) overly exhausted

     esen slowly looks up at jo.  he’s half-falling asleep in his chair.  hunter && max remain in his lap, with his hands carding through both children’s hair.  he whispers softly,  “ BUT I’M NOT TIRED. ”  

     but esen is tired, && it shows; his body is going into microsleeps--where he falls asleep for brief seconds, before returning back to reality.  he hasn’t slept in days--&& esen is in severe danger of the beginnings of permanent damage to his body.

     “ PLEASE, i’ll be fine. ”

[rpmusings-galore]

                           ———  what kind of    “ h e r o ”    does that make me…? 

[rpmusings-galore]

                                         ————- Are there any happy endings?

[screenshotsofdespair]

[datacowmuses]

Send “Pain is weakness leaving the body” and I will randomly generate how your muse will find mine

[atomiism-a-deactivated20190116]

datacowmuses:

[Random Number Generator can be found here]

with a broken arm

with a broken leg

dehydrated

with a concussion

with a stab wound

hungover

after a bar fight

with the flu

with (a) broken rib(s)

with sore muscles

after falling down the stairs

with a twisted ankle

blinded temporarily

with ringing ears

with a burn

after running into a door

out in the cold without warm clothes

covered in blood

overly exhausted

after a nightmare

after losing part/all of their memory

with a black eye

rper’s choice!

[remixecl]

SKYBEAN.  starter call.

[crouleek]

art-of-wandering skomentował(a) Twój zestaw zdjęć 

It’s perfect as it is. I’ve always loved your Kanda, but now I’ve fallen for your Alma.

Aww, thank you! I’m glad you like the way I draw him ^^ He’s one of my fav characters to draw^^

[remixecl]

avellaturortem:        ✮

                      Their stomach drops as soon as they see the files. A clawed hand reaches out, carefully taking the flies and immediately opening ESEN’s, practically ignoring Alma’s all together. Teeth chewing at their lower lip as Eun raises from where she’s been settled on their desk, fluttering up and moving to the door, squeezing under it to guard the door.

                       ❛❛ Esen, listen to me very carefully. If we get caught with these, we’re in a lot of trouble, okay? I’ll read them to you, but after that I’m going to put these back, okay? If you want, I can make you a copy of your file. But i will not read you Alma Karma’s file. Not without Alma’s permission for myself to open it. I will not invade their privacy like that. ❜❜

     esen nods reluctantly, knowing there are many answers he will not get.  but he still has this burning to know WHY WAS HE MADE?  WHY IS HE KEPT IN THE DARK ABOUT SO MUCH?  WHAT IS THE ORDER SO AFRAID OF?

     “ okay. ”  he agrees reluctantly.  he still doesn’t see such a big deal; it seems like EVERYBODY ELSE knows about things alma has said or done.  but if that’s what miku wants, esen’s not going to throw a fit && protest about it; like miku said, they could be in extraordinary amounts of trouble just by HAVING these files, never mind reading them.

[remixecl]

swansvng liked your post “SKYBEAN.  one liner call.”

     “ YOU KNOW, for an asshole, you’re really cute. ”

[remixecl]

     he’s flushed red, swaying a bit as he leans against a wall.  “ I FEEL DIZZY... ”

[remixecl]

SKYBEAN.  one liner call.

[swansvng]

remixecl:

     the practise arrows fly from esen’s practise bow with precision.  he’s a good aim, but that doesn’t say very much, because he’s taped a picture to the target of a person.

     THAT says more about esen.  &&  when the arrows turn into real ones, it says more about esen.  but he doesn’t realise he has a spectator not at first.  but eventually, once arrows are splitting one another, for forehead && heart accuracy, he stops, && turns to the person who’s been there.

    “ WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

@swansvng

     granite hues had fixated themselves ‘ pon his archery , reminded of a friend from long ago who could never miss a single shot . Jo wondered how well he would do against the daughter of Artemis . 

     “ I don’t want anything , really . I’m just watching , ” her reply is smooth , running her fingers through her hair . “ I’m new around here , so I’m still figuring out where everything is and when I saw your skills , I had to say that I’m impressed . ”

     a smile is given , kindness emanating from her features . the nephilim was brought into this war to ensure a positive outcome , the one of few heavenly beings who wanted it to end . currently , her position is like that of a nurse - to follow exorcists to the battlefield and treat whatever wounds they receive . “ if you go on missions , maybe we’ll fight together . I can only presume that you’re a strong component to the war , after what I’ve seen thus far . ”

[remixecl]

     “ I’M NOT GOING ON ANY MISSIONS. ”  esen says flatly, not accepting the compliment for what it was.  he should, because that’s GOOD MANNERS, but this is his coping time (TM).  this is the time where he reminds himself he’s allowed to be angry, to be hurt, &&LASH OUT THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS HOW.

     he looks at the nephil--not that he knows what she is, yet--with hardened ice for eyes.  he doesn’t want to pretend to trust this stranger--for right now, all he is is a roiling sea of a rage he was born with that he cannot control, no matter how much he wants to.

     “ i’m esen, by the way.  && YOU’RE WHO NOW? ”

[lunanier]

some expression requests i filled :) i really like some of these 

[remixecl]

     the practise arrows fly from esen’s practise bow with precision.  he’s a good aim, but that doesn’t say very much, because he’s taped a picture to the target of a person.

     THAT says more about esen.  &&  when the arrows turn into real ones, it says more about esen.  but he doesn’t realise he has a spectator not at first.  but eventually, once arrows are splitting one another, for forehead && heart accuracy, he stops, && turns to the person who’s been there.

    “ WHAT DO YOU WANT? ”

@swansvng

[remixecl]

SKYBEAN.  starter call.