Batfam and Random Shit

and not much else

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm pissed.

[hotvampireadjacent]

[sergal]

everyone shut da fuck up this is the only thing that matters

[imjunebitch]

actually fucking disgusting that glasses cost any money like if you actually think about it for more than a few seconds it is so unconscionably inhumane. this goes for things like insulin and mobility aids and hearing aids too ofc but fuck man, fucking glasses? the thing you need to fucking see? its genuinely sickening and inhumanly evil that those cost ANYTHING.

[papayafromtv]

big BIG fan of hardened hero/vigilante types having regular but non-negotiable fears. especially when those hardened hero/vigilante types are the batfamily. because as much as those guys are seen as cryptids and unbeatable legends that somehow manage to beat every meta around them without breaking a sweat, they are just. a group of guys. and i think that’s very fucking funny and people should be reminded of that more often.

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow:

[papayafromtv]

damian heard about bruce’s fear of bats ending in him deciding to become batman, went to the dentist once, and instantly decided he needed to go to medical school.

[remosdeerica]

Reblog for that last part^^^ 🤣🤣🤣

[lynxindisguise]

[hollanovhattrick]

tag game!!!!!

How quaint

@thehyperfixationistlass @thatmusicaltheaternerd @ch3rryreality @lucystark12 @embers-to-ash @wolfstarwitch70 @velvetnemesis @pjo-tvs-version @choosadex @istillwishforyouateleveneleven @leoluser12345 @reggie-little-mermaid @sageinthe-stars @bouncingdogs @rose-red-doors @chewing-on-lead

[thehyperfixationistlass]

very nice

and very true

@ventusvia @withdevovotion @mikeandwillsweddingofficiant @wiseonetiramisu @charlicantsleep @alpheiamoth @trashm0uthhhh @transmascanakin @loutwohearts @charliexxpoggers @sad-traffic-cone @jason-todd-loverr @tormentedstar @sunflowermyheart @mj-rulesdaw0rld @wiseonetiramisu and all my other mootssss

[ventusvia]

tumblr won’t let me post pictures again (WHYY) but I got praise kink

how did they know…

🏷️ @cybrbat @thequeerlerfamily @shadybisexualpirate @sweetcreatureeternal @the-monteverde-angel @two4byler + all my other moots

[cybrbat]

guys….

ok anyways

tags: @dessasink @kiwistarrrzz @ziggyzoomer @janiecakes13 @michellequeerler-irl @mwhotwheels @mikeandwillsweddingofficiant @vinylfawn @flayersuhani @sapphosweirdkid + open

[dessasink]

REYREY I AM SENDING VIRTUAL HUG

anyways

well yes

🏷️ @clleradin @jamm3rz @mwhotwheels @esarity11 @phoebebyers @janiecakes13 @peebclem @thehyperfixationistlass @sapphosweirdkid @wind-out-to-sea @antlerlein

[esarity11]

thanks for the tag @dessasink!! i love ao3 tag quizzes <3

ok but i sort of am a delusional escapist

༺ sorry if i re-tag anyone!! ignore if you've already done it, no pressure!! ❦ @vinylfawn, @stardust-daydreamss, @snoopyinrainbows, @raineyartandstars, @sallythatgurl6444, @puppydogmike, @whimsywheeelah

[whimsywheeelah]

ty for the tag anya AAAAA

i fear i'm just a huge softie at my core gang...

@byleriskillingme @ziggyzoomer @withdevovotion @bipbopboohoo @rosebloodbyers @sillygooseflopsss @bvleraddict

[byleriskillingme]

oh god

@moonywheeler @moonlight-froggy @frogboyisatitagain @puppydogmike @mikewheelercoded @oliveespineapples @dessasink @georgeodowd @berrycold

[mikewheelercoded]

hahahah I love it

@occasionalpisser @leovaldez0924 @nigripes-lover @sweetcreatureeternal @mindflayered @bylerthecreator @maybemagicalshadows @wiseheartheroes

[occasionalpisser]

YES!!!! YES, IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!

@willthefart (yes i'm tagging you in every one of these, hi will) @tireddreamergirl @willthezombieboy @i-like-gay-books @reneewhy1 @skeletonkittycastspells

[i-like-gay-books]

thanks for tag ☺️

real

@claudiacreature @miwiheroes @diangelo-supporter10 @nivea-ah @thepuffler @thoraelrlffnem @rockinwiserebel @bluest-hours

[thoraelrlffnem]

Thank you @i-like-gay-books and @tireddreamergirl for tagging me:)

Yep, that’s me.

@scoopstroopog @plunkre @isawyourgreenhair @nightnut @crxnbxrryjuice @your-ivy-grows13 @pendragonstarz @starshapedana @sweetcreatureeternal @girl-so-inlove @roseraintears @saintgoodlove @giggly-sorcery @just-the-gatekeeper @mikeandwill @mikebuyswillhotpot @donteatmelonseeds

[scoopstroopog]

thanks for tag ☺️

@arboreal-stop @mikewhoreler @theannoyeddragon82 @sadiesinkobsessedsstuff @sheilakijawaanii @impossiblekittydelusion @skeelly @coco6420 @camcamino @the-bogginses-are-gay @soliss-occasus @mqstermindswift @cityofstarsx @elliedafish @phoebephoebia @moonlight-froggy @august-shops @emmasdillema @sufferingfrommoodpoisoning @effervescent-sapphic @ghosts-starrstuf @bulionzkury @bylrndgm @stars-and-leather @starshapedana @icedcoffee2809 @dearfut-ureself @sstar-struck @mystuffynose @loserbaby66 @weirdo09 @ballad-of-a-teenage-girl @conanssummerchild @crunchie-morris @smalltown--byler @shadowyyyidk @maradarlow @rain-on-the-moon @apjofan @ketchup-is-green @isawyourgreenhair @mikeandwillsweddingofficiant @vickysnowpawz @bewitchingomen @tired-or-d3ad-inside @frogboyisatitagain @bubblybyler

[starshapedana]

thanks for the tag!!

@mothkillerr @1nfinitesource @hotpotwillthewise @oliveespineapples @gender-mischief @gothicosmic @thoraelrlffnem @bookbuyingintrovert @raeraeoflight @stargazingthemoooon @lycheeeejelly @inthemindofaghost @deeplenpeeple @epsilonstars @bulionzkury @weicecilia @clericscauldron @byersworlds @blimester +anyone else

[stargazingthemoooon]

[funkopop547]

Okayyy, I thought I’d get something normal

I swear I’m not a psycho

@bylerbean @halflitpages @heyimcelery @ilovebylerandhenderhop @mj-rulesdaw0rld @mikeandwillsweddingofficiant @michaelqueerlerslipstares @pewe7777 @rubyrider6000 @sourcarmellia @yoursleepdemon IDK WHO I TAGGED actually, if I forgot someone don’t be mad , if you don’t want to to ts or you’re just to lazy just ignore it

[ilovebylerandstonathan]

This is actually what I really really love in byler fics!!

@bylerbean @rubyrider6000 @pewe7777

@cinematic--pessemist + open tags cus ik y’all were prolly tagged b4 also I still don’t know all the names of my moots

[cinematic--pessemist]

Ayeee😛

@miwiheroes @smallstarrybox @istillwishforyouateleveneleven + open tags

[remosdeerica]

[muffinpines]

I'm crocheting again

#GleebusTypeCreature

[muffinpines]

The family...going to be selling these at the con this weekend (ignore the ones with umbilical cords I still need to weave them in 😭)

[remosdeerica]

They're perfect.

[al5asa]

Jondami dynamic is even more beautiful when you realize its an enemies to bestfriends story and not "puppy-sunshine Jon clinging to a grumpy Damian".

Like they literally hated each other the first time they met and for some reason they kept sneaking out to fight crime together while constantly fighting and bickering and making fun of the other.

The funniest part of their dynamic to me is that no one was forcing them to work together to begin with. They were like "Ugh, I can't stand this idiot, I can't believe I have to go on missions with him." While at the same time, choosing to hang out with each other.

So basically it's just forced proximity trope but they were the ones enforcing the forced proximity lol

[remosdeerica]

Jon/Damian: I can't believe I have to work with this idiot!

Everyone: you don't tho....

Jon/Damian: No, I'm gonna!

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: I don't "have PTSD," it's all just the wizard's curse.

Damian: The wizard is my grandfather but that's not relevant.

[papayafromtv]

reverse robin damian could be such a fucking tragic child if you think about it. like, it completely takes away bruce's choice to be a parent. in the original universe when he takes in dick first, he does it because he watches dick go through exactly what HE did, and he sympathised enough that he didn't want dick to be alone. with damian being the oldest instead, bruce is just a stupid twenty-something year old who had a fling with talia and now has no choice but to live with this kid because he has a biological responsibility.

i want to see an eldest son damian who grew up smart enough to know that bruce never wanted him, and that learned to be batman's partner not to serve justice, but to try and make up for his own presence in gotham. who fights simply to make himself useful to his father who is far too obsessed with his mission to give a damn about getting to know his biological son.

it would get even worse when bruce grows up a little; when he matures and realises how much he fucked up with damian. because you can't take back those early years, and bruce can't fix what he broke. even worse, he doesn't even try. he's too ashamed and emotionally constipated to try and muddle through the emotions needed to try and show damian that he DOES want to be his father, so he just... awkwardly brushes past it. as damian grows bruce treats him as a friend, which sure, is better than the whole soldier/ignored-unless-needed deal damian had when he was little, but still isn't good. he relies on damian too much while not providing an ounce of parental support because hey! as long as they aren't actively screaming at each other then they must be doing ok, right? bruce just tries to crack an occasional joke and have a beer with him every now and then to try to prove to himself that he can't have fucked up that badly; because if he had then why did damian still stick around???

but damian didn't stick around for bruce, he stuck around for his little brothers. i think it's universal that every first-child of bruce wayne will have eldest daughter syndrome no matter who it is, and i think with reverse robin damian it could be STRONG.

the thing about damian is that at his core, he is kind. the league and the life he was born into fucked up his morals and understanding of some things at first, yes, but even then it bleeds out of him in the way he cares for things. his love and eternal protection of animals, creatures supposedly lesser than him; and the way that regardless of his upbringing, when given the choice between what he learns from bruce about protecting people and what he learnt from ra's about the opposite, he always chooses to follow his father.

reverse robin damian grows up disillusioned to his father's merits of being, well, a father; but he's still kind. so when tim drake's parents die and bruce takes him in, damian decides he needs to be there for tim when he knows bruce wont. the most painful part would probably be that damian has to watch bruce be better at parenting tim that he was damian; because by the time tim comes along bruce is older, wiser, and again--he has that shared sympathy with what tim's been through. it was his choice to take tim in. so although he's still far from being considered a paternal person he does give it his all this time, and damian has to watch as his father casts him aside only to later apparently deem a collection of other random kids more worth his effort than damian ever was.

but bruce still isn't a perfect man, and damian is still so kind. so he steps in where bruce falters and sticks around even as he gets old enough to leave. when tim is adopted, then jason, then dick; damian stays so he can be for them what bruce never was for him.

to his brothers and to bruce, damian is an amazingly patient, forgiving, loving, and powerful person. he's bruce's first true partner, the golden child, the prince of gotham who will always help out if you ask for it. he picks his brothers up whenever they call, no matter the time or inconvenience. he cleans up after them on patrol, protects them, works himself to the bone, and still manages to show up in their personal lives as well. to them, damian is perfect.

but to damian? to damian, he is just the biological defect that bruce didn't want. the one who was needed as a soldier, not a son; and the one who will always work himself 10x harder than the others so that he can prove himself to be nothing like his father; the man who somehow managed to be a deadbeat while still sleeping in the bedroom right down the hall.

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce: Here *sets down jar on kitchen table*

The whole room stops, and Tim stares wide-eyed at the jar before backing away in slight disgust

Tim: What is that? Aren’t you supposed to be on bed rest?

Bruce: Your spleeeennnn

Tim: What?

Dick: What.

Bruce: You got sick last month, and it was bad… I felt bad… spleen…

Jason: *turning to Tim* You were missing your spleen? When the hell were you gonna tell anyone?!

Tim: Slipped my mind, anyway, how did you find out?

Bruce: I go into the League of Assassins servers and whatnot from time to time ever since Damian came into the family, no biggie

Duke: And you...?

Bruce: Infiltrated them about two hours ago to steal back your brother's spleen?

Bruce: Yes

Steph: Are you on drugs? You sound like you’re on drugs. What did Alfred give you?

Bruce: I don’t remember, something for my broken ribs

Cass: *standing up and leading Bruce to sit down in a chair* How many?

Bruce: Three, not a big deal. Anyways, spleen. *grins widely*

Jason: Wait... you infiltrated the League of Assassins while high

Bruce: *looks confused* What, like it's hard?

Damian: *had left the room earlier, is now back with a glass of cold water* Baba, please drink

Bruce: *takes glass and ruffles Damian’s hair* Thank you, baby, you’re so good to me. I love you so much *starts kissing his cheeks while Damian weakly tries to escape*

Dick: … *only slightly jealous* I’m calling Alfred

Duke: *poking Bruce’s forehead only to get a blinding smile back* Bruce is kinda cute like this, all dopey and stuff

[al5asa]

I just know that Damian was running this old man ragged when he was growing up in the League,

Like, forget Damian growing up being afraid of his grandfather.

Give me Ra's al Ghul, the Demon's Head, hiding in one of his offices so that his grandson's rude ass doesn't come and find him lmaoo

[robs-your-robins]

Thomas and Martha are new parents, they haven't slept in three days. Don't get him wrong, Thomas was so excited to be a dad but Baby Bruce has screamed every hour he's been home, he's pooped on Thomas, his spit up in his hair, near pulled Thomas's mustache off and peed all over his last clean shirt. So Thomas Wayne had the sexual awakening of a generation when Alfred Pennyworth showed up, with all his charm, suave sexiness, cute accent and mischievous glint in his eye, acting like such a gentleman all the time, just striding across the lawns of Wayne Manor like fucking Colin Firth in all his Pemberly slutiness, shirt billowing in the wind, pushing baby Bruce around in a pram to get him to sleep.

[papayafromtv]

au where Damian’s on ok-enough terms with his mother’s side of the family that they keep in contact, and on a phone call with Ra’s he finds out about Tim having lost his spleen; a fact which Tim did NOT alert the rest of the bats to due to a mixture of him not remembering that it might be relevant and him not wanting to deal with all the questions/shock of it all. luckily for Tim, Damian grew up in the league and has dealt with/seen so much shit in his life that he too does not really think Tim being spleenless is that important, and doesn’t think to bring it up.

unfortunately, Damian is also the youngest brother and is, in essence, a little fucking shit. so a couple months later when Red Robin has to meet up with Batman, Nightwing, and Robin to discuss the ring of illegal organ harvesters that Robin and Nightwing have just infiltrated, Damian hands over a gift bag with a clearly bitten-back grin and falsely-innocent expression.

Tim opens the back and genuinely bluescreens.

“I- I uh,” Damian chokes back a giggle. “I heard you needed one of these.”

Tim’s face is so uncomprehending that Dick snatches the bag away and moves to open it, complaining about how Damian had made them stop at a craft store on the way over to buy the bag and he still doesn’t fucking know why-

he looks in the bag and screams.

“WHY DID YOU TAKE- WHAT EVEN IS THAT?”

Tim stares forward blankly, in pure awe at the levels of comedy his little brother is bringing to the table. “It’s a spleen. He’s given me a spleen.”

Damian collapses into a fit of laughter to the point of crying while Dick, horrified, tries not to throw up over the mangled rotting organ Damian had stolen from the illegal-transplant ring. he doesn’t stop laughing for the better part of an hour and Bruce has to talk to Damian about the dangers of messing with case evidence, especially when that evidence is actual human remains.

obviously the question of why Damian thought it would be funny to gift Tim a spleen of all things brings about the knowledge that Tim does not have his original, which Tim is not happy about. the worst part is Tim can’t even be mad at Damian for it because that’s genuinely the funniest fucking joke he’s ever heard of in his life and he’s only pissed off that Damian of all people thought of it before he did.

[headcanonthings]

Jason: Timbit, are you ok? Are those painkillers I gave you working? Tim, high off the extra strength pills: If I put a milkshake in one yard and cracked open a cold one in another yard, where would the boys go? Jason: Tim, I- Tim: *grabs Jason by the shoulders and shakes them* WHERE WOULD THE BOYS GO?!

[stillnotsquashed]

Bruce: Because you have all failed to give me grandchildren, I have decided to give you a little incentive. For the first grandchild, I will give the parent 5 million dollars. For the second, 4 and so on.

Jason: You can't pay us to give you grandchildren, old man.

Bruce: Whoever gives me the first grandchild will receive their own custom-made Batmobile.

Dick: Really?

Jason: Hold on. I gotta make a call.

Bruce: I have three rules. Firstly, any adoptions must be made in good faith. So Jason, you can't just adopt Roy.

Jason: Like you practise ethical adoption!

Bruce: Secondly, you cannot just clone someone and call it a baby, Tim.

Tim: I would use my DNA.

Bruce: Still no. And also this game is not to be played until you are over the age of eighteen. Instead, Damian, Duke, you two can pick one of the others to team up with and receive a matching set of winnings.

Damian: (getting up) Come on, Grayson. Knowing you you have probably already got five children you simply do not know about.

Dick: I am not sure about-

Damian: I will also call Gordon and Starfire to begin negotiations.

They leave.

Jason: Okay, Duke, who are you going to wingman?

Duke: Cass, definitely Cass.

[butterfly-wingss]

Dead On Main Prompt #9

Jason goes undercover at GU and joins a club for older students because it's an easy demographic to target. Jason's cover is that he's studying Russian lit and dropped out of high school because health reasons but he's got his GED now and is getting his degree like he always wanted.

Danny's new to Gotham and at GU because he got in on scholar ship for astro-enginering. turns out not a lot of people wanna work on a semi secret space station that gets attacked at least once a year and is full of heroes. but Danny was a hero once and he loves space and come on whats the worst that can happen he gets thrown into space? he doesn't need to breath. Gotham has great Metahuman rights and if he just says he's a meta no one cares about his powers. central city wanted him to "prove it medically" no thanks.

anyway they meet at the club, two of the youngest, they both know Russian, they have similar humour, they both read that weird cult shit is happening here, they're both being lured to join a cult and they can tell they both see whats happening and now they're obligated to do something about it but will they openly work together or are they both trying to protect their new civilian friend.