i have this strange feeling that i’m not myself anymore. it’s hard to put into words, but i guess it’s like i was fast asleep, and someone came,
d i s a s s e m b l e d me, and hurriedly put me back together again. that sort of feeling. remus lupin.
seventh year
gryffindor
𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖚𝖘 𝖑𝖚𝖕𝖎𝖓 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖆𝖙 𝖇𝖊𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖔𝖓𝖌. he was over-competitive and good at drinking and very, very bad at aim. on numerous occasions james had asked him if he was the one that needed glasses. remus would say no and proceed to throw the ball at his best friends crotch. and yet despite the track record telling him he should give up, remus would take every opportunity he could to play the damn game. this time, of course, he was losing terrible, still grinning as his opponent landed cup after cup and he accidentally managed to land one. with his smile wide and a hiccup sounding from his throat, he threw his next ball, watching as it bounced off the table and off victoria nott’s head. the smile dropped and remus’ hands flew to his mouth, an onslaught of apologies being thrown her way as he moved to check if she was alright. ❛ shit, victoria, i am so so sorry --- fuck, this is totally my bad, are you ok? i should never be allowed near a ball again, merlin. ❜
❛ 𝖑𝖎𝖑𝖞! ❜ 𝖆𝖓 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖊 𝖘𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖗𝖔𝖜𝖉 𝖘𝖊𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗. oh, how remus had missed the girl. many had rolled their eyes when remus had announced this sentiment, stating that you spent half the break with her, anyway but remus knew that wasn’t enough when it came to lily. they’d spent lunch together and tossed each other smiles over dinner, but remus was delighted to now embrace her in an intoxicating hug, enveloped in liquor-based warmth. ❛ how was dinner? ❜ he began, pulling away and offering the girl a drink. ❛ how are you enjoying the party? have you unpacked yet? i bloody well hope that picture i got you for christmas has made it to your dresser already. i will be checking with mary, just so you know. ❜
𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖚𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖗𝖊𝖌𝖚𝖑𝖚𝖘 𝖍𝖆𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖓 𝖆𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖌. they were, after all, immeasurably different. in the six years they might have possibly known each other, they’d hardly spoken --- and remus had by now gotten the idea that was how regulus liked it. it wasn’t that remus himself hated the boy ( remus didn’t hate many people ) so much as he didn’t trust him. after all, it had taken him a while to trust sirius, one of his best friends --- regulus was a whole other ball game. but with a few drinks now in his system and a wide smile on his face after an ill-fated game of beer pong, remus didn’t see what the sure trouble would be if he went over and asked how regulus’ night was going. after all, he was curious. what did the boy who despised fun wish to do at an event like this? sauntering over to the table near which regulus stood with an air of alcohol-related confidence, remus greeted the boy with a hearty slap on the shoulder. ❛ here here, reggie --- nice to see you out and about ! ❜
smiling while your heart is bleeding, muffled laughs in a seemingly empty corridor, setting yourself on fire to keep your friends warm, half-healed scars reopened with another wound, tears bleeding down an angel statue.
if you’re looking for REMUS LUPIN, you’ll probably find HIM in the GRYFFINDOR dorm with the rest of the SEVENTH years. they’re the TWENTY year old HALFBLOOD who looks kind of like FROY GUTIERREZ. they seem LOGICAL, PROTECTIVE & FAIR to me, but apparently they’re also DESTRUCTIVE, FAITHLESS & VOLATILE. maybe that’s why their patronus is A WOLF.
remus was born to lyall ( a pureblood ) and hope ( a muggle ) lupin on january 22nd. lyall worked at the ministry within the department for the regulation and control of magical creatures and hope was a stay-at-home mum, spending all her time looking after little remus.
for the first five years of his life, remus had a relatively calm childhood — his parents loved and doted on him, he was truly the apple of their eye, and to them, he could do no wrong. hope loved to teach him how to cook, especially baked goods, and lyall would often take remus to the ministry where the little boy would stare wide-eyed at all the inner-workings of the magical world. they were a tight-knit, loving family… all until fenrir greyback got involved.
in late 1963, fenrir greyback was brought in for questioning after the death of two muggles at the hands of a werewolf. due to the ministry’s complete incompetence, they had no record of greyback being a werewolf, and therefore fell for his whole ‘i’m a muggle thing’. lyall, of course, wasn’t having it, and after trying to convince the committee in control of the case that he was sure greyback was a werewolf ( to no avail ) lost his temper and called all werewolves ‘soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death’.
fenrir, having been in the room at the time, grew furious, and after escaping from the ministry’s hands decided to exact his revenge. thus on january 17th, 1964, fenrir broke into the lupin household and bit little remus lupin, turning him into a werewolf.
the family immediately started to spiral. lyall threw himself into his work, trying absolutely everything he could to find a cure for lycanthropy. hope grew distant from her son, too afraid to even touch him for fear of what he might do. at only five years of age, remus of course didn’t understand what all the fuss was even about, he couldn’t possibly fathom what had thrown his family into such chaos — that is, of course, until his first transition.
remus will always remember the first time he turned. pain doesn’t even begin to describe it. it was as if every cell in his body had been cut into a million pieces and then set on fire and he was expected to deal with the pain all on his own.
[ CHILD NEGLECT TW with no cure feasibly in sight, lyall and hope had locked remus away in the basement for three days starting from the day of the full moon, unsure how the lycanthropy would present itself. at first, remus protested, scared and alone while he suffered through the worst pain of his life, but as the scratch marks began to show themselves on the wood of the room, he started to think ill of even himself and even encouraged his parents to lock him away. END TW ]
despite lyall and hope insisting that they would always love their little boy and they would always love each other, the curse began to take its toll on everyone.
with lyall spending 20 hours a day at the ministry to try and find a cure, hope grew restless and even more terrified of her own son, insisting that they move any time someone inquired about the noises coming from their basement. as a muggle, she had always found it hard to adjust to a wizarding lifestyle, but having a werewolf for a son proved to be too much and so shortly after remus turned nine, hope ran away without so much as a trace.
[ CHILD NEGLECT, ALCOHOLISM TW although it was clear that lyall had fallen out of love with both his wife and his son during the four years he’d thrown himself into his work, the disappearance of hope was still a massive shock for him. lyall positively hated that he would now have to raise a werewolf all on his own, and now having given up trying to find a cure for lycanthropy, turned his emotions towards the liquor cabinet.
at just nine years of age, remus had no friends, no mother, an alcoholic father and still he had to deal with a transition every single month — i guess you can say that he wasn’t doing too great. END TW ]
[ EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION TW for as long as he can remember, however, remus has never blamed his parents for hating him — especially his father. even when lyall would throw bottles and yell nasty things at his very own son, remus would always just bite his tongue and accept that he deserved it. after all, his parents had never asked for a werewolf son. END TW ] and so he always tried his absolute best to please his father, which is why he worked hard at just eleven years of age with headmaster dumbledore to ensure that he would have a safe space at hogwarts to make his father proud.
honestly, lyall didn’t even care about the education his son was going to get — he just wanted some time alone to not have to deal with a werewolf every four weeks.
first starting at hogwarts, remus found it incredibly difficult to find his place. he’d been sorted into gryffindor in no time, but he couldn’t really understand how it was he could belong with these confident, rambunctious students. he’d always thought himself to be a shy, quiet kid — turns out he just hadn’t met the right people. for as soon as he’d been bunked with james, sirius and peter, the real remus started to show itself.
with no one trying to run away from him or curse him with nasty names, remus found a certain level of confidence within the school walls. he was intelligent, popular, and frankly fun and the fact that he had to disappear for a few days every month ( ‘my father’s sick again’ ) never stopped him from making friends.
the only thing that mattered was that they couldn’t know about that part of him — because if they knew, then they would have to be burdened with it, and there was no possible way remus could handle another person hating him like his father did.
after forming a bond with the boys closer than he had ever felt, it was really just a matter of time before they noticed the pattern in remus’ disappearances and in his behaviour — and when they confronted him in their second year with their correct assumption, remus was positively terrified. he tried to convince them that he would stay away, that he didn’t mean any harm, that he was sorry they knew, but instead of being disgusted, the boys were accepting, and after getting over the initial shock of having someone who still loved him as a werewolf, he grew to be grateful for having someone by his side through it all.
of course, he’s still absolutely terrified to this day that one day they’ll change their minds and leave just as his mother did, and so still every full moon he tries to convince them that they don’t have to come, but they have showed no signs of wavering and just wow he loves his boys.
[ EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION TW after sirius escaped from home in their sixth year, there was a lot of weight put onto remus’ shoulders about whether he would leave his own home, too. his friends knew that it wasn’t a safe environment for him to be in, but after years of lyall twisting with his emotions, remus felt a sick bond to his father and couldn’t possibly see why he should leave. he wanted his father to be proud of him, to be happy, and he tried every summer to make this work — and perhaps it never would. but that didn’t matter to remus. because frankly, he couldn’t see that. END TW ]
PERSONALITY
remus would do literally anything for his friends. they are his family, they are his lifeline, and they are a big part of who he is today. his loyalty and protective nature is unwavering, and he’s often been labelled the Dad of his group for this.
despite the fact that so many people have proven him wrong, remus has little faith in people’s humanity. first, there had to be someone who did this to him. second, there were people in the ministry who treated his father like trash for what his son had been cursed with. third, he sees the mistreatment of muggles and muggleborns every day and he just has to ask why. it takes a lot for one to prove themselves to remus, simply because he is of little faith.
he channels a lot of his self-loathing and destructive thoughts into humour and sarcasm. he loves dry humour and he loves pranks, and you can rest assured that he is the mastermind behind 99% of the marauders shenanigans. he’s seriously the epitome of that when life gives you lemons vine guy, like just that ‘depressed teens’ humour is just… so him.
