The Greatest Fear

This is part 1 of The Greatest Love trilogy Pt 2: The Greatest Pain Pt 3: To Lay Down Your Life

[mschellehitt]

Let's be Friends in Harry Potter: Wizards Unite! My Friend Code is: 3925 3737 1366.

[mschellehitt]

The Legend of the Guardians

In the beginning people lived in harmony with nature. They were essentially good. Then the Deceiver came and enticed people to turn their backs on the Great Spirit. Not all were fooled however. Among those who remained a couple was asked by the Great Spirit to be his advocates among all nations. His Guardians. To honor their service and aid them in their tasks they and their offspring were blessed with long life and many gifts.

Time passed and with its passing the world began to change. There came to be many people who denied the existence of the Great Spirit. The Deceiver lured many to follow in his ways instead. As punishment all those who choose to follow the Deceiver were cursed and banished to the most inhospitable locations and given the mark of a forked tongue. In retaliation they began to strike out at all others. And thus began the centuries long war between Guardians and Serpents.

Taglist: @rissyrapp20 @taylordrunkonwhiskey @idkhaylijah

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Anymore

Author’s Note: so I started “Spring Cleaning” and found a notebook with handwritten stories from Remus’ POV. They were originally written for a sight I no longer use for a songfic category. I liked this one so I decided to publish it here. The song is “Anymore” by Travis Tritt.

Remus caught a glimpse of Tonks staring at him from across the room. As she started moving in his direction, he took it as his cue to leave. He moved toward the door and mixed with various Order members heading outside. Once he cleared the protective charms he apparated to a dark alley.

This was where he came when he wanted to get lost in a crowd. With all of the clubs and pubs in this part of Muggle London he could blend in and become invisible. He wandered aimlessly, paying no attention to where he was going. Eventually, Remus spotted an area of trees close together and wandered inside and sat down leaning against a particularly large tree.

As he sat there memories overwhelmed him. The way Tonks looked at him. The sound of her laugh. Her bright pink spiked hair. The look on her face as she confessed her love for him. Then the hurt he caused her when he rejected her.

The sound of a song from the nearby bar caught his attention. He didn’t know why, but the sound of the lone guitar stirred something deep inside himself. It was like the notes conveyed what he felt better than anything else ever had. He focused his attention on the song, waiting to hear the words.

“I can’t hide the way I feel, about you anymore.

I can’t hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes, anymore...”

How did this guy singing know how he felt? Better yet, how did whoever played this song know when to play it? Remus wiped a tear from his eye just before the next line of the song was sung.

“...My tears no longer waiting...”

His tears began to fall in earnest. The damn holding his emotions burst and he sobbed uncontrollably.

“...my resistance ain’t that strong...”

Her beautiful smile flashed into his mind. His arms ached to hold her again.

“...my mind keeps recreating, a life with you alone...”

He thought of nights sitting in the library of Number 12 when she would lean against him as they read. How many times had they sat at the kitchen table holding hands? Covering her up when she fell asleep on the sofa.

“...and I’m tired of pretending, I don’t love you anymore.”

The irony of an American Muggle song saying precisely how he, a British wizard and werewolf felt, did not escape him. He smiled as he thought, “I guess love knows no such boundaries.”

As he finished that thought, her voice echoed in his mind, “I don’t care that you’re a werewolf... I don’t care that you’re older than me.” He smiles as he thought again, “I guess love knows no such boundaries.”

The singer’s voice caught his attention again.

“Let me make one last appeal, to show you how I feel, about you...”

“Oh God! What if I lose her altogether!?!” Something about the words, “one last appeal” hit home with him.

“Cause there’s no else I swear, holds a candle anywhere, next to you...”

Images of all the things he adored about her flashed before him. Tonks tripping over, well any and everything. Catching her before she hit the floor. The way she said ‘Witcher’. The way her hair and eyes change colors with her mood without her realizing they had changed.

“...my heart can’t take the beating, not having you to hold. A small voice keeps repeating, deep inside my soul. It says I can’t keep pretending, I don’t love you anymore...”

He knew at that point the song was right. He couldn’t keep pushing her away. It simply hurt both of them too much.

“I’ve got to take the chance or let it pass by, if I expect to get on with my life...”

“Ok Remus,” he said out loud. “What’s it gonna be?”

“...my tears no longer waiting. Oh, my resistance ain’t that strong. But my mind keeps recreating a life with you alone...”

He stood suddenly. “I’ve got to find her!”

“...and I’m tired of pretending, I don’t love you anymore...”

He entered the alley beside the pub the song was coming from. As he turned to apparate he heard the last word of the song, “anymore.”

He finally had found someone to love him unconditionally! He just hoped he had not waited too long to figure it out.

[lestrangely]

The very first time I saw you, Harry, I recognized you immediately. Not by your scar, by your eyes. They’re your mother, Lily’s.

[mschellehitt]

Marauders - Start of Third Year (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/1O1vj8UhsQ Stories of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs while in Hogwarts

[mschellehitt]

Marauders - Summer before 3rd year (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/RxEyKnHTrQ Stories of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs while in Hogwarts

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

The Greatest Love: part 1 How it all Began - And so it Begins (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/qxgw8sYGnQ "Greater Love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for his friends." The first time I heard those words they made no sense to me at all, but I was a small child. Later, when I went to school and had real friends, it started to make sense. I would have rather I suffered instead of them. Now as I think about those words, they make perfect sense to me. And it all started with her...

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed3]

Excerpt:

Author’s note: At Saint Mungo’s after the fight in the Department Of Mystery’s.

Dumbledore talking to Andromeda Tonks in her daughter’s hospital room while Remus is “asleep” by her side.

“Andromeda,” Dumbledore began, “the problem is you look at Remus and see the boy that bested you so in school and as a werewolf. When we look at Remus we see a good man who has led a hard life. A man that willingly puts himself in harms way to protect those he cares about. Nymphadora looks at Remus and sees not a werewolf, but rather a man that loves her and respects her. She sees the huge heart Remus has for others. Someone who wil stand by her no matter what. She sees the man.”

“I hear what you’re saying Professor…”

“But you feel that you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Exactly.”

“Well let me ask this of you. Consider how he might be feeling. Yes, you lost your cousin tonight. I am not meaning to minimize your loss in anyway. However, Remus has now lost every friend he has ever had. His entire family has been taken from him. Both biological and adopted families. The only remaining connection to his past is Harry. The only other person in the world who he has let get close to him is Nymphadora and he almost lost both of them as well.

He is hurting Andromeda, in a way few people can comprehend. On top of that is the prejudice he has to deal with. The icing on the proverbial cake tonight has been you trying to separate him From Nymphadora and insulting Sirius.

The others who have been here tonight know all of this and more. Can you honestly blame them for being angry with you? The only person you are thinking about is you.”

[lestrangely]

What if I’m becoming bad?

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Sirius’ POV

Remus had been gone for the better part of the last few days. More new people had showed up and every one of them eyed me when they were at headquarters but no one had said anything to me yet.

I heard the front door so I went to see who was checking in. I headed down to the kitchen but as I was about to go in I met Remus on his way out. It only took a glance at his face to know something wasn’t right. He barely spoke and kept walking till he was in front of the fireplace in the library.

If Prof RJ Lupin is anything it’s stubborn and private. I knew it was pointless to try and get him to talk but I also knew that whatever it was it would affect him more if I left him here by himself so I kept him company.

Eventually Molly came into the library and told us dinner was ready. Remus said he didn’t have much of an appetite so he’d skip. Remus doesn’t skip meals.

“Molly what happened?” I asked. I saw her look at him and the shake of his head and knew she wasn’t going to tell me anything. She did offer to send up food and he thanked her. So it’s not that he isn’t hungry; he doesn’t want to eat in the kitchen with everyone.

“It’s just a rough day Sirius; I’m fine. You can go eat with the others.”

I looked at him standing there staring at the flames and it hit me just how much he has aged in the last 15 years. It’s no wonder Tonks hasn’t recognized him.

I went down to the kitchen for dinner. There were several people here I didn’t know but I didn’t see Tonks. I went and sat near Molly and Arthur.

“Is he ok?” Arthur asked me quietly.

“What happened?” I asked but I got no answer. “He’ll be fine,” I finally said. I sat quietly and ate dinner. I listened intenty as I ate hoping to pick up on what had happened.

Suddenly a conversation at the other end of the table caught my attention. “... I told that filth he wasn’t wanted here and to go back where he came from,” someone was saying. I felt the blood drain from my face and then my face grew hotter and I was clenching my fists so tight that blood was beginning to trickle from my nails. I knew Remus wouldn’t want me to cause a scene so I kept my seat.

“You need to keep your mouth shut you idiot,” I heard someone say. I could feel eyes on me.

“I’m not scared of him even if he is a monster the filthy were...” he never finished that sentence. I didn’t even think. I had left my seat and grabbed him by the front of his robes, hauled him to his feet and slammed him against the wall and had my wand at his throat.

“Go ahead. Finish what you were saying and I’ll send you to your maker right here in front of God and everyone.”

He looked at me and down at my wand and back up to my face. He was scared. He was in real trouble and he knew it. The whole room was holding its collective breath.

“Padfoot. He is not worth it. Let him go,” I heard Remus whisper in my ear.

“You’re damn lucky he got here when he did. This is my house. It is also his home. He is my brother and I will NOT tolerate him being treated that way.”

“Sirius do we have a problem here?” I heard Albus ask.

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Remus’ POV

The confrontation I knew was looming did not take long to occur. It happened the night of the next Order meeting. I had gone back out to follow up on leads for a few days after the last meeting. Most of the time I was at headquarters for breakfast and to sleep but I saw few people. I walked in to the kitchen about an hour before the meeting was supposed to start to try and help in whatever way I could. 

What I walked into however, made me wish I had stayed in the field. Some guy I did not know was having an intense conversation with Arthur and a couple of others. As soon as they noticed me the conversation came to an abrupt end. Arthur looked at me apologetically and went to help Molly with dinner. I was accustomed to such things so I simply followed Arthur to see if Molly needed help.

“Remus dear, you’ve been out so why don’t you have a rest and let us handle things here, eh.”

“I really do not mind helping Molly,” I began.

“She’s too polite to say it so I will. No one wants a filthy werewolf touching there food so why don’t you just go back where you came from.”

That sort of thing is what I have experienced for most of my life. It felt odd to have it happen here in the place I am living but people like me are used to it by now. I looked up at Molly and Arthur as soon as he spoke up and indicated for them to stay quite. 

“I’ll go,” I whispered to Molly and I turned to leave.

“You better go monster,” the new comer continued. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as I walked to the door. As I reached the door to leave the kitchen Sirius was coming in. I did not want any trouble so I just spoke to Sirius and kept going.

“Remus what’s wrong?” Sirius asked.

I just kept walking to distance myself from the kitchen. Sirius followed me up the stairs to the library. I went and stood by the fire with my hands in my pockets and stared at the dancing flames. Sirius stood nearby with his back to the fire. I could feel him searching my face trying to determine what had happened. I did not want to talk about it. Sirius, knowing that I would only talk about whatever was bothering me when I was ready, simply stayed in the room and kept me from being alone. I was very grateful for that. About an hour later Molly stuck her head in the room.

“Here the two of you are. Dinner is almost ready so come on and eat.”

“Molly, if its alright I think I’ll skip. I do not have much of an appetite I’m afraid,” I said trying to smile at her.

At this point Sirius turned to Molly, “What happened Molly?”

She looked at me and I indicated that I would prefer she not tell him so she replied, “I think Remus will need to tell you when he’s ready.” With that she turned to leave, “Remus, dear, if you want I can send you up some food and you can still join the meeting.”

“Thank you Molly.”

I kept my eyes on the flames so I wouldn’t look at Sirius. I just didn’t have it in me to deal with it at the moment. 

“I’m fine Sirius. Just a rough day. You can go ahead and eat with the others.”

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Remus’ POV

“Were you about to call her Nymph or Nymphadora?” Sirius asked. I had to smile at him when he asked.

“Nymph. I almost called her Nymph.” What felt like 4 lifetimes ago that had been my nickname for Tonks.

“She kept staring at you during the meeting. I think she was trying to figure out how she knows you.”

“She was a child. I know I look different than she would remember me. “

“Well say something to her.”

“No. I hope she doesn’t remember me. Hopefully that means she doesn’t remember the nightmares she went through and she can have a sense of peace that I never had.”

I’m a fan of muggle music. One of their songs that comes to mind says “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” I’ve thought about that a lot over the years.

For example, I went from having no friends to having 3 true friends and from there to them being my family. James, Sirius and I were brothers. Lily was my first real friend and she married my brother. And then in a moment I was alone.

“Something clicked in my mind when I heard her behind me saying my name. The last time she did that was right after James and Lily. I had to tell her about James and Lily, and about you, and that I had to leave. “

“That had to have been hard to do.”

“In all honesty I was still in shock from everything. The hardest part of it was walking away with her crying behind me begging me to stay.”

I was sitting there in the garden but I could still hear that child’s voice begging me not to go.

“We gave you so much grief about her,” Sirius said with a laugh.

“I never let it bother me. She was a scared little kid and I knew what it was like. She needed to know someone understood and that she wasn’t alone.”

“I guess we never thought of it like that.”

“I know and I was grateful.”

“Grateful?”

“Yes Padfoot, grateful. You know what I believe, that everything happens for a reason...

I was grateful I could help that scared little girl when she needed me. And, yes, I was grateful that you and James gave me grief about it.”

I could tell by the expression on his face that he had no idea what I was talking about. As I thought about what to say next it occurred to me that I had never told them how much I appreciated the fact that they saw me as their friend and brother instead of as a victim at best and a monster at worst.

“You and James. You treated me like a friend and as a brother...” I began but he interrupted me.

“You are my brother Remus.”

“...like you would have treated each other if it had been one of you instead. You never treated me like I was different.”

We sat there in a companionable silence for a while each busy with our own thoughts. “Don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”

There was definitely a confrontation brewing. I hoped it would be over something that was actually worth it but somehow I doubted it. One confrontation would be about me and one about Sirius. It was inevitable.

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Sirius’ POV

We watched her walk away in silence. 

“Were you about to call her Nymph or Nymphadora?” I asked. He looked at me and smiled the first true smile I had seen out of him tonight.

“Nymph. I almost called her Nymph,” he laughed. “Something clicked in my head when I heard her call my name from behind.” The smile vanished and was replaced by a deep sadness. “The last time she did that was right after Lily and James... I had to tell her about Lily and James and you and that I had to leave.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. He and I had not talked about her at all since we got things straightened out between us.

“I know that had to have been hard.”

“In all honesty I was still in shock from everything. The hardest part of it was walking away with her crying for me to come back.”

“She always did have a soft spot for you,” I said. “She kept looking at you tonight. I think she was trying to figure out how she knows you.”

“That was a long time ago. She was a child. I know I look older and very different than how she would remember me.”

“Well say something to her.”

“No. I hope she doesn’t remember me. Then maybe she doesn’t remember the nightmares she lived through. Maybe she can have the peace I was never able to have.”

I looked at Remus sitting there on the garden bench lost in his own thoughts. In that moment it occurred to me just how much he carries, how much he deals with on a daily basis.

“I remember we used to give you so much grief about her,” I said with a laugh. We had. James and I had picked on him mercilessly about Nymphadora. He always just took it and smiled and went on. He looked up at me and smiled.

“I never let it bother me,” he said. “She was a scared little kid and I knew what it was like. She needed to know someone understood, that she wasn’t alone.”

“I guess we never thought about it like that.”

“I know,” he said with a grin, “and I was grateful.”

“Grateful?”

“Yes Padfoot, grateful. You know what I believe, everything happens for a reason. I was grateful that I was able to help that scared little girl when she needed me. I hated what she went through but I was glad I could understand. And I was grateful that you and James gave me grief about it.”

He paused for a minute. I got the impression he was about to say something he had never voiced to us before.

“You and James treated me like a friend. Even when you found out about my condition. Later you both treated me like a brother....”

“You are my brother, Remus,” I interrupted. “You’ve always been my brother.“

“Like you would have treated each other if it had been one of you instead of me,” he finished. “That’s my point exactly. You never treated me like I was different.”

I had to take time to process that. We sat in a comfortable silence until Remus went inside an hour later.

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Remus’ POV

I remained quiet during the meeting and tried to stay as far away from everyone as I could without it being obvious. Several times I saw Sirius look at me. Arthur finally asked me about my mission. I gave my report on the people I had been following for the past few days. There had really been no surprises so far. I had however seen several different meetings of some sort taking place at the Malfoy place. With my report done I tried to blend in to the wall.

Once the meeting was over and most everyone had left I tried to slip out and up to my room. I knew there were people who were going to ask me questions and I knew there were people here that I didn’t want to have a confrontation in front of. As I was about to open the door to leave the kitchen I heard her behind me, “Remus, where are you going?”

What could I say to her? I wanted out of that room in the worst way but I knew I couldn’t walk away from her. Not again. I heard a slight whistle that I knew had to have come from Sirius. I looked up and saw him standing at the door leading out into the garden. I motioned for her to follow me and we joined Sirius outside.

“You know Remus. I know that you know.”

“Yes I know it’s bound to happen but I don’t want it to be tonight.”

“What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

“Never mind that now, Nymph, I mean Tonks. Tell us about yourself,” I said in an effort to find that place once again where there was peace within myself. She told us she and Kingsley are both aurors but that he was higher ranked than she but that he had also been there longer.

“So who recruited you to the Order?” Sirius asked. She explained that Arthur had heard some not so calm conversations between herself and some fellow aurors who were wanting to join the hunt for Sirius. One thing led to another and now she was here.

She kept staring at me but I wasn’t sure why so I played it off. I mainly let the two of them talk as I sat in relative peace. A little while later Kingsley stuck his head out the door looking for Tonks. When he saw who she was with his dislike of us was clear but she didn’t seem to notice so I ignored it. Tonks got up to leave and hugged Sirius again as she left. 

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

Sirius’ POV

Now that we were in the meeting I could tell Remus was on edge again. He tends to do that around a group of people who might not already know about his condition. He sat as much to himself as he could and I let him. I learned a long time ago that in a situation like this to give him space.

Arthur asked Remus about his mission finally. Remus gave his report which was there wasn’t much to report that we didn’t already know. When he was done he moved a bit farther from everyone and tried to go unnoticed. I had seen some of the newer people eyeing Remus and I both. 

There was definitely going to be a confrontation eventually. If I had to wager I’d say someone, probably Kingsley, would say the wrong thing about me in front of Remus or the wrong thing in front of me period. Although Remus is a top notch duelist and a brilliant and powerful wizard he wasn’t one to flaunt it. He was so accustomed to people putting him down and thinking the worst of him that he never tried to defend himself. He was that way when we were in school as well. It drove James and I crazy! We knew that most of the people who messed with him he could’ve taken in a duel without even trying but he wouldn’t do it. James and I were very protective of him because of this.

That had not changed. Remus would take most of what was thrown at him unless it was a physical attack. Anyone foolish enough to try that deserved what they got. The only confrontations I have ever seen Remus involved in were because he was taking up for someone else. If you came after one of us, he and James and I, you came after all three. We had taken up for Peter as well but he was a coward.

When the meeting was over I saw Remus keep an eye on the door looking for a chance to slip away before someone cornered him. He had made it to the door when she called his name. He stopped cold and waited a tic before turning to face her. I decided to bail him out and signaled for him to come outside. To my surprise she came with him.

The three of us took a seat out in the garden. No one was saying anything. I could almost see the cogs turning in his mind.

“You know Remus. I know you know,” I finally said. We both knew it was going to happen.

“Yes I know but I don’t want it to happen tonight,” he replied.

“What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

“It’s nothing Nymph, I mean Tonks. Tell us about yourself,” he said to her. As she told us about being an auror and that Kingsley was as well I thought to myself  ‘well that answers that question’ as to why he had been staring at me. It didn’t explain the looks he was giving Remus though. A while later he stuck his head out the door looking for Tonks. She got up and came over and hugged me. While her back was to him the looks he shot Remus and I could’ve killed. 

[rainbowwolfpups]

Can we discuss this gif for a moment? It needs just a second of appreciation without the other gifs that usually accompany it. First of all, watch Tonks’ lips. The line she’s saying here is “My husband the joker.” Watch when she says the word “husband.” Watch Lupin when she says “husband.” He does the goofiest little thing. Like, his smile gets bigger and the smile even goes to his eyes. He does this cute thing with his head and it’s like he’s saying, “Husband. That’s me. I’m her husband.” It is adorable.

[remusjohnlupin-obsessed2]

I love this couple!!! I was so disappointed they basically got cut from the movies. Why do they always cut out the best parts? Of course, Their characters individual stories got cut as well. Really 😡 off by that. He is my fav character from the entire HP universe!!

[stuckinreversemode]

Tonks deserves somebody young and whole.  But she wants you.