anger wants a voice; voices wanna sing

[resabeauchamp]

krystalbeauchamp‌:

“Resa, I’m not bein’ dramatic. If you touch me one more time, I will rip your hair out of your head and make extensions with it.” She took a step back, trying to calm her breathing. “I got fifty dollars for it, actually, and it was a very cleansing experience. You wouldn’t understand because you’ve never been in love. Maybe if you got a boyfriend you wouldn’t be so bitter and mean all the time.”

“Unlike you, some of us actually grow their own hair,” Resa said tightly. She was trying not to cry, but the boyfriend comment set her off so badly. Especially this week, with fucking Isaac Cohen back in town. She understood loud and clear! The universe had sent her a very obvious signal that she needed to just understand. There were no Jakes in her future, or any other kinda guy, just a world full of people who just didn’t think she was good enough. Too bitter and too mean and too crazy and from a family that was too much and too little and everything and nothing all at the same time. “God, Krystal,” Resa said slowly, trying to even out her breathing so her voice didn’t crack. It didn’t work. Her lip was quivering. Her eyes were watering, vision blurring. “God. I hate you. I’m not mean and bitter you’re just an idiot and I hate you and you’re just the worst and I just, ugh,” she said, wiping the tears that were starting to fall. Her hands couldn’t wipe the tears as fast as her thoughts could spiral. “You think it’s so easy because you just bat your eyelashes or whatever well fine whatever but it’s not fair. I get it, okay, I’m terrible and unlovable.” 

[aceschuckles-blog]

“Don’t forget to love her. The little girl you used to be. Perhaps She lies within you. Untucked. Sleeping peacefully.”

— “Nurture.” By Kiana Llanos  (via anditwasmonday)

[namtan]

#my two moods

[resabeauchamp]

krystalbeauchamp‌:

She snatched her hand back and held it over her head. One of the many advantages of being taller than Resa came in handy in times like this, although she had enough past experiences with her siblings to know it was a mistake to leave her stomach and chest poorly defended. “It’s none of your goddamn business, but if you really need to know, I took it to the cash for gold place to get the seed money to start my business. It was symbolic.”

Resa still jumped for it, one arm landing on Krystal’s shoulder, her foot just barely missing her sister’s. What did Krystal have to go and be so tall for? They all were, except Misti,  

Either Krystal had somehow started an actual business without Resa knowing ( unlikely, because none of them could keep their mouths shut about anything, not even Lyla, the Beauchamp genes ran so strong ) or Krystal was making a mountain out of a molehill. “Whaddya you get for it? Ten bucks? Where’s the receipt?” 

[resabeauchamp]

dustindustyironside‌:

“You know, I really think the blond is just what my portfolio needed. It shows I can do, like, versatile. Like, I can play European.” Dusty hummed, running a hand through his hair, which had only required one bottle of peroxide to achieve the warm golden color it now was. It had still burned like hell. “Whatta you think a’ these, huh?” Holding out his phone, he flicked through a few photographs of himself standing in the woods (his backyard) trying very hard to look modelesque. But in truth, some combination of the setting, lighting, and composition landed the whole effect somewhere in “rural religious cult” rather than “fashion spread.” Either way, oblivious to this, Dusty cocked his head to one side. “My buddy Chet took ‘em. He got a real good camera last year, and he’s gonna help me send some of these off to some of his connections. He told me someone used one of my pictures on that Catfish TV show once, but they couldn’t air it. His cousin works for the network.” 

@frostfordstart​

He couldn’t have been talking to her, there was no way Dusty had just seen her,  Resa Beauchamp of all people, and decided to start talking about modeling or tv or whatever it was. 

Actually, she doubted he’d seen her at all. He was probably doing what Krystal did all the time, which was listen to the sound of his own voice and just figure eventually someone else, anyone else, would pay attention. Resa had to admit she was curious; she never fully understood how her sister’s mind worked, nor could she wrap her mind around Dusty’s finding a compliment where there probably wasn’t one.

He was so fascinating, in that way where she had to wonder if he even heard what he was saying. “They all kind of look the same to me,” Resa said, shrugging as she took a seat next to him. “Does blonde, like, go with your skin color? I’m just wondering what with your, like, undertones and all.” She hadn’t spent all that time listening to Krystal talk for nothing, though she definitely couldn’t put on her sister’s high-pitched tone of voice. 

[resabeauchamp]

@harishrx

It was totally fine that her boss was one of the most beautiful men she’d ever seen. It really wasn’t a problem, considering Resa wasn’t even in the dating game and he was a lot older than her in a way where he probably had a lot of experience and had traveled a ton of places and had a put together family that wasn’t like... hers. 

Also, he was so smart. He knew everything, everything she wanted to know, and he’d gone to school and worked so hard. Resa hadn’t been working at Dixie Drug for all that long or anything, but she felt like she probably should have said more than the ten words to him that she had said. 

She’d vowed to herself she’d say something normal to him today. She’d practiced. Hi Harish. Hi. Hey Harish. Morning, Harish! When she saw him walk into the store, that was her cue. Hey. She’d settled on hey, morning Harish.

Instead what came out was, “Hi-low Harish.” Resa bit her lip immediately. “Hi. I meant to say hi, and then thought maybe hello... Anyway. Morning. Good morning. I hope it’s a good morning for you.” 

[resabeauchamp]

“Hey moron,” Resa said, sliding his drink over to him. Decaf, she figured it’d be easier. She’d been spending more time with Kelsi lately, which made sense because she loved Kelsi more, but Nash had that soft and prickly spot in her heart that would stay forever. “Lemme see what your smile looks like.” 

@stfucohen​

[resabeauchamp]

danidelgawdo‌:

Dani clinked her plastic cup against Resa’s beer bottle. She recognized her from around town. The Beauchamp family was infamous in Frostford, for their antics and general wrong-side-of-the-tracks behavior. She’d never actually spoken to any of them, but she figured any company now was good company, especially if that company also hated every member of the male species. Resa’s story rang a bell. It wasn’t just Kent Ackerman; it was years of built up disappointments, culminating in never being able to listen to Fleetwood Mac again. “All they do is lie, and not remember your name, and leave wet towels on the floor.” She was babbling now, the beer making her head spin. “Do you want a tequila shot?” she asked. Before Resa could answer, Dani turned to the bartender. “Two please. With trainin’ wheels.”

The cheap cheers made her unreasonably happy, like it was just the perfect way to see just how shitty they were both feeling because of shitty men. Something small. Kelsi would be proud, Resa was trying in a social conversation. Honestly who even was she? She didn’t really know what trainin’ wheels were for tequila shots, but they came down the bar soon enough, and this time she initiated clinking her glass against Dani’s. Clink. She felt grown up. A girl in a bar venting about the shitty guys in her life. “My brothers leave wet towels on the floor, but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about,” Resa said. “I’ve never been in an actual relationship because the guys show themselves to be shitty every single time.” 

[resabeauchamp]

aidanxoconnor‌:

cont from here || @resabeauchamp​

Fair. And yet, anyone that asked for a favor before mentioning what it was? It was guaranteed compensation was needed.

But he humored her, arms still crossed as he watched the store’s only other customer exit the shop. He was about to call out, wish them a good day, maybe a come back soon, but Resa’s words cut off his train of thought. “A date? With your sister?” He glanced back up, waving to the customer. They were gone, of course. He just hoped they didn’t leave a shitty yelp review. Or he would’ve, had he not been racking his brain.

“Wait which one?” There were four– no three Beauchamp girls, right? Resa…um. Shit. He could see their faces but the names were lost. Lucky for him, the youngest rattled off a clue. “Jake? Wait, you mean you want me to go out with Krystal?” Aidan bit his lip to stifle a chuckle as he pushed himself off the counter. “I don’t think I’m Krys’ type,”

“Does she even know you’re playing matchmaker for her?”

“You’re so...cute,” Resa said. Eyes wide, lip almost pouting, hands clasped together. She hoped she looked the picture of earnestness. “Like not in a way that I want, because you’re like, an adult. And Krystal is too! She’s also an adult.” Debatable. “And like, so fun. And you like fun, right?” Resa gestured around. It was a game shop. Someone hot and decent and into some nerdy shit would be a lot better for Krystal than some dude who promised to promise her things and then didn’t even have the courtesy to either die or be completely fine. Jake just had to end up in the middle. 

Honestly, a collarbone injury? What even was that. “And, hey, my sister is a stunner who likes stunners, so— We each do, like, one good dead for each other every year, and this is mine.” Never mind that this was her good deed for Hayes, fuck him, and Bane, double fuck him, and not actually Krystal. “Haven’t you ever just said yes to anything to be, like, spontaneous?” 

[resabeauchamp]

krystalbeauchamp‌:

hayesbeauchamp‌:

Last round of the level, one more double buck and he was on the verge of plastering a new set of initials on the leader board and Bane could go fuck himself for all he cared. The countdown was on, Hayes had his sight gauged knowing damn well that elusive ten point was about to come in from the far right corner and there was no way he’d miss it again.

Until he did. The slam of the door did nothing to tear his attention away because that much he was used to, but the second she raised her voice, his fingers twitched and he missed the shot. And the next shot. And the next shot. “God damn it, Resa,” he spat before slamming the neon orange gun back into its holder and giving up on the whole damn crusade. “Fucking disrespectful as hell.”

Krystal flinched as the heard the door slam, but kept her smile frozen in place as she held up the set of makeup brushes in their pink pleather holder. She was just about to move on to the new set of cream blushes when she heard the voices echoing through the tiny house. Clearing her throat and forcing her smile brighter, she dropped the makeup brushes. “One moment, y’all!” she chirped into her laptop’s webcam. “Technical difficulties!” Quickly, she ended her Facebook Live and slammed the computer closed.

“What the hell is wrong with y’all?!” Krystal pulled her door open and stomped across the hallway and down the stairs. “I’m in the middle of the most important Facebook Live of my career! I had twenty people watchin’ me and you’re screamin’ like animals down here, d’you know how unprofessional that makes me look?!”

Oh of course the circus had to come out to play, God forbid something was more important than Hayes playing a game that he’d won a million times before. “Shut up,” Resa yelled at him, just in time for Krystal to show up, too, hollering something stupid about a career. She wouldn’t know a career if it showed up and punched her in the face 

“Both of you, shut up, I don’t care about your small egos or video games or unwatchable Facebook Lives. Where is Bane?” Resa asked, eyes wide, hands wildly gesturing. “I need to kill him for ruining my LIFE. ALBANIAN.” 

She started to move through the rooms, heading into the kitchen, expecting them to follow her but not caring if they didn’t. They were all nosy, every last one of them, and she was itching for a fight. Because he’d ruined her life. “You can’t hide from me, I’m tiny and I can get into more small spaces than you!” 

@banebeauchamp​ @krystalbeauchamp​ @hayesbeauchamp​

[resabeauchamp]

isaacxcohen‌:

Unlike his prescription, Isaac wasn’t buying it. He let her sit on her words for a moment while he studied her and wracked through his memory files. Maybe binge drinking every night of the week wasn’t a good idea for his working memory or cognitive functions. But part of being an undiagnosed, functioning alcoholic required you not stop drinking to avoid the hangovers…right?

Those eyes. He knew them from somewhere. Isaac froze, remembering Bane Beauchamp’s words, then remembering his own: boys will be boys. Yet, here was a very real girl standing before him, the only part of that infamous quote that felt the consequences but went unspoken and unheard. 

“Oh, fuck.” He said, catching himself off guard. “You’re Resa. Resa Beauchamp. Bane just told me–” he trailed off awkwardly, realizing his mouth and brain were working at the same time when maybe, they shouldn’t be. “Uh, yeah, I ran into your brother not long ago. I guess I should apologize…” He froze again, not expecting this interaction to happen now, in this way, right here. “I mean, or we could grab a coffee. I would pay, you know. And like, try to explain myself?” He paused again.  How was he supposed to make this right? He spent so long thinking the only person he was ever hurting was himself. Okay, not true. He had degraded enough women and his friends, but usually the ones who threw themselves at him shamelessly, people who ‘got stupid’ and acted out of their own selfish desires. People as fucked up as him. But Resa had been totally innocent, and even though Isaac wasn’t a great person, he felt guilty. “And I won’t stand you up again. I’ll wait for you to get off work, how about that?”

Something had changed in this conversation, and Resa didn’t know what it was but she knew she didn’t like it. Suddenly he didn’t seem to be so clueless, she could tell with the way his eyebrows were furrowing, the way his posture changed. 

Oh fuck, he said, and Resa felt that sentiment down to her own toes. Oh fuck. 

Now he was on the same page and she’d have to explain why, after eight whole ass years, she still fucking cared about this. It couldn’t get any worse. 

Except then it did. 

“What?” Resa’s mouth dropped open automatically. Her heart stopped, so at least now when her brothers told her she didn’t have one, she had something to tell them. It fell into her stomach— she could probably poop it out. Or throw up. Get rid of all of her internal organs, honestly, because none of them were doing her any good. There was a whole palace of pills right behind her and none of them would help make her feel any better because the problem here was just men. “Bane who? Bane, my brother, Bane? Why why why, uh,” Resa blinked, willing herself to stop saying that fucking word, “Um, uh, what? Why were you—  Bane?” 

She couldn’t have a coherent thought around this man and he was going to think it was because he still had some kind of effect on her when she really couldn’t stop thinking of the absolute betrayal that Albanian had just committed. Resa paused. Thought about what to say. How to say it. Then began, “I would like nothing more in this entire world,” she said slowly, trying very much to control her voice and use her words. “To do anything else. LIterally anything. That isn’t spending time with you.” 

[resabeauchamp]

krystalbeauchamp‌:

“Ugh, don’t touch me!” Krystal smacked Resa’s hands away, even though they’d already left her back. Leave it to her sister to really make her fragile state even worse. “Okay, first of all, if you knew anything, you’d know that Jake got me a promise ring before we broke up, so it was actually pretty serious. And he can ride a bike, which is why this will devastate his career, thank you very much. God, you’re such a bitch.”

“Ow,” Resa said, shaking her hand. Krystal had hit her knuckle. “What the fuck, I was trying to be helpful, you needed a reality check.” All this talk of promise rings and? The man had still left, hadn’t he! Where was the ring? “Where’s the ring?” Resa asked. She needed to see it. Immediately. She moved closer to her sister, leaning in and trying to grab her hand. “Where is it let me see.” 

[resabeauchamp]

banebeauchamp‌:

Bane pushed his way into the hallway and stopped there. The cheek. The sheer, goddamn cheek of the girl. Here he was, slaving away, cleaning off their driveway while she sat on her ass doing homework, and she wouldn’t even get him a goddamn beer?

“It’s a fine thing when a man has to fetch his own beer,” he hollered through the house at her, “his own beer when he’s been sweeping a driveway so that his precious sisters don’t slip when they wear their tall fuckin’ high heels to go out!”

Grumbling, he stamped his way into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. He yanked a Bud Light out, made a face at the smell coming from one of the shelves, and then slumped back into the hallway and towards Resa’s room, popping the can open as he went.

“I did a great job on the driveway,” he announced, pushing open her door without knocking. “Quit studying and come look.”

God, how annoying could he be? Couldn’t even get his own damn beer and had to start World War III over it. How dare Resa not wait on him hand and foot! She waited a few seconds to see if he’d bother her again, but it sounded like he’d stomped away in another direction and she’d gotten lucky. It was second nature to freeze, her shoulders locking in, ears tipped up as she honed in best she could on an entirely different part of the house. There was no point responding to the high heels thing if he was going to just leave her alone. 

Alas, Resa was not that lucky. She should have known. His footsteps got louder and louder and Resa loosened her shoulders and fell flat onto her bed. “I would,” she said, rolling over and craning her neck so she could look at him. “But I thought about it and realized I don’t want to and I don’t care, so go get someone else to inflate your ego.” 

[resabeauchamp]

isaacxcohen‌:

It may have taken Isaac too long, but eventually he caught on that there might be more layers to this conversation. Maybe it was something about the glint in her eyes or the obvious tension, but did she recognize him or something? Isaac took a moment to study her– not just her looks, but her features. Resa. Something was familiar about her and it was just on the tip of his tongue. Maybe she was from Frostford? Or moved into town just before Isaac had moved out?

He pulled out his license and offered it to her, ignoring her biting comments. Most girls who blew him off like this knew his shenanigans. He was good looking, a charmer with a Range Rover that girls wanted to snap themselves in. The ‘good girls’ were skeptical of him– he’s got these traits and girls flock to him, so he must be a player, right? But a player wasn’t some malicious figure who wanted to chew girls up and spit them out. Isaac was desperate to not be alone, not for a second. He couldn’t even manage picking up his prescription without needing some conversation, a human to pull him out of his own mind. When people weren’t around, there was always the liquor cabinet. Isaac opted for the social high first. If the people around him saw him as a happy, lovable man, then maybe he was? It was nice to pretend to be one. To be the person they saw.

Isaac narrowed his eyes, lowering his voice. “Okay, fine, I’ll cut the crap. But do I know you from somewhere?” He asked, leaning in a little closer over the register. This time he was genuinely curious. “Like, have we met?”

Resa had hated being a teenage girl, mostly. As a kid she’d seen too many movies, thought too much of her life and what it could be, not realizing the realities of what it took to be happy. She couldn’t just have dreams or anything, no, the world was too mean for that. Maybe when she was fourteen and a freshman and high school was new and exciting and fun and she and Kelsi could go to football games and the thought of spirit week and looking cute had been fun, maybe she’d had dreams back then. A handsome boyfriend, funny and witty and ready to save her from the things she didn’t like about her life. She’d get a scholarship to some fantastic school. She’d have her whole life ahead of her. 

Isaac Cohen had very decisively broken a lot of that. She just wanted to punch him in the face, but he was a customer. So she couldn’t.

“Oh, no,” Resa shook her head. “We don’t know each other. Thankfully. Like I said, I just don’t like when guys try to hit on me at work. It’s creepy and gross and screams disrespectful. That;’s all. You might just not be used to this.”

[resabeauchamp]

The door slams behind her, something Resa usually doesn’t like to do. It announces her presence to everyone at home and welcomes questions, often sarcastic, sometimes kind— depending on everyone’s mood. Today, though, instead of sneaking up to her room and getting some work done before people start to ask her about dinner or getting them a beer or complimenting their new hairstyle or talking about another Jake or bad back or something, Resa wants them to ask. 

She has a bone to pick with Bane, who has, yet again, served so well as the actual bane of her existence. Ask ask ask ask. 

She waits thirty seconds and then takes matters into her own hands. 

“AL BANE IAN,” Resa yells out. “What the fuck! Who do you think you are? How dare you! Why would you do this are you trying to ruin my life?”

@banebeauchamp​ @krystalbeauchamp​ @hayesbeauchamp​

[resabeauchamp]

sadielockhart‌:

The voice should have been the first indication that she was going to be having a worst time of it at all. The Beauchamps were like the bane of her existence, though that could be said about a hell of a lot people in town, but semantics, right? “You could use some etiquette lessons in general,” she told her with a huff and grabbed onto one of the shelves holding baby wipes to get herself up. “And customer service lessons, too,” she crossed her arms over her chest and made a sort of harrumph noise. “On what planet do you think it’s okay to say that to a customer.”  Nevermind that she wasn’t actually a customer. She grabbed a box of wipes in order to make her statement true. “Can’t expect much out of of a Beauchamp I reckon. Where in the world is Sheila? I’d rather have her ring me up instead.”

Baby wipes for a baby, Resa thought. How fitting. “Sheila’s probably in the back,” she said, her tone lacking emotion. She could have said that Sheila had evacuated the store, following the protocol to leave at the first sign of danger. It wasn’t unthinkable that Sheila also hated Sadie Lockhart. But she had to care about what her boss would say about this; something would definitely result out of her shooting her mouth off. 

Resa bit her tongue, swallowing the, no shoes no sanity no service retort. “Sheila’s got a line five deep and two of our regular extreme couponers,” Resa said. “You’ll save a half an hour if you just let me ring you out.” 

[resabeauchamp]

ofkelsi‌:

kelsi scrunched her nose as she thought about the question.  “a long time?  probably longer than, like, a normal person might spend on their halloween costume.”  kelsi admitted with a giggle.  she loved halloween and, since it was her birthday, she really loved going all out for the holiday.  which is why she’d spent so much time on the costume she was wearing.  “i can slip out of the cake.  i just need somebody to help me hook it back up when i’m done.”  kelsi explained with a shrug, tapping the suspenders that were holding up the costume.  “i can’t really snap these back into place in the back by myself.”

Who the fuck cared about normal? Normal people had clean houses and knew how to smile and weren’t always a little worried their dad would get caught screwing people over and taking their money by selling them shitty cars. Barely anything in Resa’s life had been normal. At least Kelsi’s cake costume was, like, the good kind of not normal.  “Is this your way of telling me I need to come into the bathroom with you? You know I won’t judge.” She couldn’t, not with the way she’d shared a bathroom with her sisters even in the moments she hadn’t wanted to.