Where do I even begin? I promised myself that I would be better recording my experiences at @tmbgareok shows, but I don’t know if I want to remember this last show. I guess I have forgotten some of the show because I was drinking more than I should have. I don’t remember a lot of the second set or anything after the show (though my my mother told me I was talking to lots of people so that’s worrying).
Anyway, my trip to Detroit was less than ideal to put it lightly. TMBG was amazing and the performance really has nothing to do with my unhappiness. It really was the venue and the people there and probably some other stuff too that I’m upset about. So I’m going to write a bit about it here because I told myself I would and I think it might help me feel better.
The venue kind of scammed me with the whole quick pass thing. Having the quick pass was the same having a regular ticket except I got a small red star stamp in addition to the regular stamp. That was the only difference. Didn’t help me get in early or before people without the quick pass or anything.
Additionally, my mom got into a fight with a stranger in the crowd. She didn’t start it but she definitely stuck to her guns. I ended up having to get between them and apologize to him even though I thought he was wrong. I guess after working in the library so long I’m used to de-escalating the situation when someone starts yelling at you and just apologizing and placating. I was worried he might hit her if I didn’t intervene because he shoved her quite aggressively.
I was so stressed and upset about the fight and worried about my mom who left after the argument. I didn’t know where she was or if she was going to leave the venue completely. Fellow TMBG fanatic, Amber, asked if I was okay and offered me a spot further up but I figured I might cry and didn’t want to be crying in the front row right in front of the band. My mom eventually came back though and then intermission came and I stupidly went to go get a 3rd and 4th drink.
Even though I don’t think I drank any more than I would if going out with friends, I ended up blacking out. I can’t remember a lot of the second half of the show and don’t remember them playing eyeball! So I listened to my audio recording of the show and I was SO OBNOXIOUS. My mom says it was normal crowd behavior but I still feel embarrassed about my behavior and hers. It’s not the type of thing I want my idols to be privy to
The other thing that sucks about not remembering is I apparently had a lot of positive experiences with other fans that I don’t remember. It made me think of a time I met someone who was blackout drunk and they said all this nice stuff to me and that we were destined to be good friends. The next day when I ran into them they didn’t remember meeting me at all and just walked away.
It makes me feel sad to think about it and I don’t want to accidentally do that to other people. I’d be horrified if someone came up to me at another show and knew my name and random stuff about me even though I didn’t remember them at all.
I really wanted to want to go to Detroit night 2 originally and I feel really guilty I didn’t. The plan was always not to go to night 2 but then my mom didn’t have to be at my sister’s to babysit like she had planned to. It’s not like the show was sold out or the hotel was booked up. I had been building up a pitch in my head for my mom to go to the second show spontaneously all week but when it was within reach I pulled back. Told her I wouldn’t want to go even if I had the tickets and hotel already booked and it’s true.
It makes me feel so ashamed to know my fear of some jackass also being at night 2 ruined what was supposed to be a bonus night my favorite thing in the world: TMBG. Yesterday night, I was in my happy place but miserable. I didn’t want that to happen again. I don’t want that to happen again.
I’m proud of myself too, though, because I didn’t completely fall apart like I did a few years ago at Mr. Smalls Theater. Hopefully Chicago will be better than Detroit.