Alive @restingandwriting - Tumblr Blog

It has been so long since I’ve posted! Anyway, the revolution is nigh and life is happening. 2020 has been fucking chaos, but things go on.

I don’t really want to exist anymore

I am mostly tired and quickly withering

I am really scared of falling apart and I am really tired of figuring things out the hard way

It’s still so hard to feel like I’ll ever be enough for anyone but also I’m too much all of the time and when does a balance between those things come into play

weaux-deactivated20170327

me getting my heart ripped out of my chest: okay first off, mood,

And I’m trying not to be pathetic as fuck but here I am

I aaaam fucking tired of being the fat friend and therefore an afterthought all the time

I love my body and myself dearly but this shit is exhausting particularly when someone who you literally just hooked up with hits on your friend right in front of you

I am a fucking wreck

My 23 and me found my father’s family. I might get to talk to a brother and sister i never knew I had. I’ve seen a picture of my father for the first time in my life.

I have given up everything I've ever wanted in the name of meeting stupid fucking expectations and I am still trapped in this fucking town and honestly if I didn't have my cat I wouldn't have made it through the past three months

I desparately need to finish school so I can go somewhere that no one has expectations of me and just live my own fucking life

I am so tired of being strong and I just need like two years to be broken and sad and tired without having to act like I'm not

I haven't had a fucking moment of rest since my mom died almost a decade ago because I've been so focused on repressing the shit that's happened to me in the name of being the human I was convinced I had to be so that I'd be living up to the expectations of my dead fucking parents and I just want to take some time to be damn mediocre