Lately I haven't been myself..I think I'm back at square one again. I suffer from severe depression and I've stopped taking my meds months ago because I was happy and in a good place in life so I threw my meds out. I'm in school now which doesn't make me feel so happy. I have a mom who supports me but we barely talk. I'm thankful don't get me wrong but I'm just not happy, I'm not happy with myself. And you know what..I'm tired. I'm not sleepy tired I'm just tired of everything. I'm tired of trying, of suffocating, of pushing through and brushing shit off like it didn't matter to me or that im not hurt by it, I'm fucking tired of feeling like I'm a terrible person, of letting people down and knowing that people can easily let go or pretend I've never existed. I've busted my ass, I've risked and made sacrifices, I've put other people first before me, I've cared too much to the point it makes me look immature when i cry over something, I've disappointed and let alot of the ones I love down so I'm fucking tired. I've had thoughts of doing stupid shit to myself. Two people have popped up in my mind that made me stop pursuing those thoughts which is Ted and talon. I'm thankful for them and I love them and I appreciate them. But there's times I feel like I'm not worthy of them or any of this. I'm actually a shit person no lie. I've made shit mistakes and I can't change that. I've said shitty things about or to people and I can't take it back. I'm just not good no matter how hard I try to be the best for people. In the end I always manage to mess up something that's very good for me and i know something is gonna crash and burn soon and it's gonna fuck my life over and it will be my fault. Only mine. I've somehow managed to fuck up people's lives and I blame myself. I always blame myself and I'm hard on myself for that reason. I'm very shitty. I know speaking out about how I feel makes me weak, dramatic, and immature. But the truth is I can't go to someone and say all this shit without having someone tell me I'm dramatic or have someone not even understand where the hell I'm coming from. Goodnight, this account will be shut down for a while until further notice. (at T i r e d) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2IEIQmHyB6/?igshid=uu146k9zt10e