After reading your last post, I've kinda given up on the law. In a really weird way.
At first before the law, I was mostly neutral with myself. I wasn't satisfied, but I also didn't allow myself to want more, because It was impossible anyway, I better just live life normally.
Then after discovering the law, slowly over the years I just got really hateful and uncomfortable with myself and imprisoned by my life. Just not satisfied, and the stark contrast between what I could achieve (everything and anything, infinitely) and what I had fueled those feelings. Over the years those feelings became my imprisonment. It felt so hard to change. I hated everything about me. Everything. Just a few hours ago I was deep in that state. Imprisoned by the state I've spent years on.
Right now, I feel better(?). I don't even know what I'll do. I'm exhausted. But I know one thing changed. I'm looking forward to just stop. Stop affirming, persisting, accepting, saturating and all of that. I still kinda believe in the law. I've just given up on blindly following people associated with the law? Neville, Edward art, bloggers, youtubers, even you.
I feel better and I want to change. But now maybe in more neutral and simpler ways. But I still feel a lack of trust. Do I even know enough to do this alone.
I guess I'm writing this for validation. Because I feel so scared, I don't even know what I'm doing. Thank you for writing that post. It helped more than reading a thousand posts. Seriously, you really helped me. Even though technically I didn't do anything.
Feelings of giving up on my fantastical perfect dream life are arising. I feel like I'm begging(?) myself to just rest, to be healthy and safe. The desire arising it's still unrealistic and logically impossible. But rooted in safety and health, not vanity, a perfect life or even my dream life. Just a break. A safe space.
I'm looking forward to better times in my life. And more neutral ways of manifesting. Not rooted on hatred or effort.
That post came to mind as I was watching a post this woman had made about being the source.
She'd gone into this story where someone close to her was going through a tough time. She stood in front of the camera with this air of confidence but I kind of watched with half a mind because a lot of the times the things said on tiktok are recycled from here or another platform. It just wasn't the type of mindset I followed anymore.
However her words stuck to me when she said that we are the source, source of all. It was then I realized, why are we doing all of this then? Actually, if I am source, then there is nothing to worry about?
Sometimes, the reason why we dive in so deep and ruin ourselves to manifest something is because we are looking for another way to abandon ourselves. Some of us are really good at finding ways to do that. I think that's why we often feel the way that you describe, why should u and I worry so much about something that comes from us, whether it happens or not?
I think sometimes we are just confused. One post is super spiritual, believe, believe, believe, or you'll be punished. Just another copy-paste of religious script. Then the next is more scientific, quantum physics says this and says that.
It's tough to believe either because one focuses on the faith of something as if the universe is a diety, and the other is coming from someone who most likely isn't a professional and just repeating what they hear.
There is always something better, something we can change. If the king of the world was given an option to become God, u think he would refuse?
If we are source, and I mean the root of all, where everything comes from, then what are we preparing for? If we are the root of all, then why are we waiting for the universe to "take action"? You are not the button that makes the universe move, If you are the source, then u are the action! The action u take is the action source is taking!
Other than this extra rant, I wish u the best of healing β‘. I completely understand on a deep level what you're describing, and I'm sure others who read it do too. You have been doing this all alone, so nothing would be new to you now. You are not the worker working a shift in building a better future for the version of yourself that doesn't exist yet and always seems out of reach. You are the end result.