A rant about Job Searching
Going to school and getting a degree is easy. Trying to get a job is definitely the hard part. Sadly this is not news. The part they don't tell you about is when you are hit time and time again with denials. No one talks about the wear and tear it has on your psyche. Consistently being told "Thank you for your interest" but you aren't good enough. There could have been a better candidate, but also sometimes, not. I feel like I don't go into an interview with the hopeful possibility of being hired anymore. I have had to "describe" myself so much, that it is no longer a story about me, it's just another answer to a question that I practice in my head countless times. I said it to a friend on Friday: I literally have been in a situation where I don't feel confident in things that I am doing anymore. And that's just in my life. I don't get to share my abilities with others. I have knowledge and skills that I really want to use again, but every time I get the opportunity the door never really seems to open. I feel like I'm always just that "third slot" committees use to make it seem like they have a supposed diverse set of candidates. It's incredibly hard to pick yourself back up after a rejection and especially hard when you interview poorly for a position you REALLY wanted and actually started to see yourself doing. I'm frustrated because I don't want to be stuck in the same spot anymore. I don't feel like my skills are growing. I don't feel personal fulfillment, and I don't feel I'm using my time efficiently. These experiences are pulling me down, and I'm starting to believe that I'm just not good enough for them. I'm losing interest in trying to better myself. I'm losing interest in going for my dreams, however diverse they might be. I don't feel like anything is within reach. At the same time I don't want to remain stagnant. However, that hope is fading more and more often as days go by and I'm left to flounder about trying to pretend I care about putting in yet another application when jobs could be available.
