Anne Carson, from Plainwater: Essays and Poetry
Text ID: Two hundred and ten million years of desire wash through me. Blood-eater.
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Anne Carson, from Plainwater: Essays and Poetry
Text ID: Two hundred and ten million years of desire wash through me. Blood-eater.
John Dugdale, Around Us Lie these Mysteries, ca. 1998.
Stanisław Masłowski - "Moonrise" (1884)
“This is a constant revelation in his novels: that there exists a great background, vital and vivid, which matters more than the people who move upon it.”
Lawrence on Hardy
Erno Vadas - Geese, 1930s
okay, I have done enough looking and collecting, developing my creative thinking capabilities, etc--it is time to learn how to create the things I'm imagining. they're no good to anyone in my head
I actually have to build the life I want to live.
sense of agency is a skill truly........ it takes work convincing yourself that you have to make moves if you dont want life to spontaneously happen to you instead of having some saying in what happens in it and if you have self destructive tendencies on top of that, it takes trust in yourself to almost blindly believe that it actually matters that you have power over your own life
“To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.”
— William Blake
William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
Alone together 2017
www.ralachoi.com
My house will speak for me. My house will tell them I am warm and rich. The house will tell them inside of me there are these rooms of flesh and Chinese lacquer, sea greens to walk through, inside of me there are lighted candles, live fires, shadows, spaces, open doors, shelters, and air currents. Inside of me there is color and warmth.
Anaïs Nin
"I play tennis for a living, even though I hate tennis, hate it with a dark and secret passion, and always have. [...] I slide to my knees and in a whisper I say: Please let this be over.
Then: I’m not ready for it to be over."
— Andre Agassi, via Experimental History on Substack
my sister's desire to punish me at every opportunity is so potent...she is just foaming at the mouth when her suggestions are brushed off by others. this darkness is just festering in her but all she can do is take jabs at me (sometimes in such a forced way that it makes everyone laugh) and tell me to be quiet if I am talking, which while frustrating is actually just really sad
documenting nonsense from the past few days (mid forties woman btw):
my dad asked me what I want for my birthday and I told him I would make a list, and later that night I was with him and her and said to him "dad I don't think you're going to like my birthday list..." (as a joke because it's full of vintage things and he hates buying anything pre-owned) and she piped up "Are you seriously demanding that he buy you something for your birthday??" And my dad had to tell her that he asked me for this.
she was with my dad in the kitchen and I came in to make toast. the oven was right behind her and she refused to move to let me get in there, only leaning forward a little but not enough for me to be able to do more than crack open the oven door, so I had to put my bread in at an angle. i asked her several times to move but she demonstratively pretended that leaning forward was enough
then she demanded that I give her salami from the fridge, as opposed to her getting it herself, and not asking but announcing that she wants salami
seeing me looking at vintage bags on ebay last night and then stirring up a panic, texting my other sister that I might be selling their designer bags (probably because I don't have a job and she generally thinks I am a terrible person who would just sell their precious belongings in secret), and then calling my dad and saying to him "Are you home? Is (me) home? I want to ask you something, but don't tell her." my dad had to come and tell me what she said after the call because it was insane
was talking about me and another family member not having jobs and kept repeating "But (me) is much worse. She doesn't even have (this and this and this). She doesn't do anything!" despite the fact that me and that family member are in the exact same situation
repeatedly told my dad "You should go yell at (me)! You should scold her!" just because I seem too relaxed to her
my sister's desire to punish me at every opportunity is so potent...she is just foaming at the mouth when her suggestions are brushed off by others. this darkness is just festering in her but all she can do is take jabs at me (sometimes in such a forced way that it makes everyone laugh) and tell me to be quiet if I am talking, which while frustrating is actually just really sad