You know, these past few months have been full of turmoil. Mentally, I've been fighting with my stubborn self, from what I love doing, to what I think im suppose to be doing because society says so. I don't care about being a jiu jitsu world champion, i don't care about the UFC, I don't care about glory and greatness or medals. You know what I care about? Training. Just training. Being happy. Having passionate people around me. I love having an infectious, loving attitude that brings up everyone around me, and keeps negativity away from me. I want to show my passion. And I haven't been. I've been thinking about taking the easy way out. Letting my passion go. And it hurts so bad, it feels like I'm slowly dying.
I refuse to die not going for my goals and dreams. I take full responsibility for setting limits on myself. For not being driven. For being all talk. For letting life hold me back. For letting every excuse in the book, keep me down.
I will understand my self worth, and power. And just do it. I will revamp my whole mentality. And do whatever I fucking want to. I will self improve. I will move forward with life. I will do everything with purpose.
I've seen and felt what im capable of. It's amazing. I cant describe it. But, its a very enlightening, and moving feeling. I can steer my life into the direction I want. There have been a shit load of obstacles, a shit load of mistakes, and time wasted. And I dont want that in my life any more. Now I said I dont care about being a champion and all that. I dont. But that's because being a champion, or one of the greats, is a byproduct of being focused, determined, passionate in whatever it is that you want. I just want to honestly, express myself. And I will go down every route in order to do so.
There's something inside me that wants to come alive. And I feel that everytime I train, I feel it's heart and soul beating, and running through my veins. I just want to bring this thing to life. I can't let it die, in the death of this being, I fear it will bring a disease of madness and defeat.
If i can get my ass up early,workout, and run to work, run back home, and run to training. I can do any-the-fuck-thing I want to do. I can run 10+ miles a day all week, and work my ass off just to make training. I have a good attitude, im motivated, and dedicated, I love philosophy, I love helping people, I love teaching people. And its time to make those areas grow exponentially. It's time to capitalize on my best traits. It's time to get the fuck up. Man up, and stop making excuses.
"Excuses are for those people that are broke."
They don't care about dreams, they don't mind letting go of their goals, and what really drives them. Excuses are for people without passion.
Desire,passion, motivation, heart. These things mean nothing without drive, hardwork, dedication. A friend told me one time, "shit in one hand, and wish in the other, see which one fills up first'
I'm tired of being outworked, when I have unlimited energy.
I'm tired of being beaten when I know I could've put in more work.
I'm tired of thinking I have people and things holding me back. When the only things holding me back, is my God damn self.
I'm tired of feeling bad for being obsessed.
I'm tired of walking around eggshells
I'm tired, of living when im willing to die for something.
I'm sick and fucking tired, of letting this go. I dont want that any more.
"if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem"
But I digress, its time to get it.
