Tonightās episode, in my opinion, was so beautifully done in some parts that I couldnāt hold back the tears. It was chilling knowing that Wheeler would be the one dying and how he casually walks to the roof and steps over after engaging with his collegues. He was the one to greet them and he even told Maggie to give him a minute before he sees a patient. Chilling is the only word I have for it because nobody knew about his pain. I expected to hear something, maybe a thud, maybe people screaming, but there was nothing, and thatās something that scares me. Death seems so quiet. It was the subtlety of everything, Jay asking how Nat was doing, Rhodes bringing Reese into the OR to tell her his mistake. The acting of this cast was amazing.
Also, when Dr. Charles acknowledged Will and his expertise is something that completely took my breath away. Itās those 5 seconds that he took out of his day to let Will know that he mattered to others. Itās those 5 seconds that many of us never take to be there for someone. Itās those 5 seconds that could prevent anything.
Letās also talk about Dr. Choi. We already know heās dealt with PTSD and heās seen Dr. Charles about it but it was how he put his head down and worked, the way the military taught him, that managed to get him through the day without breaking down. He looked at Wheelerās dead body, just like he has probably done dozens of times overseas. Death is something familiar to him but it never gets easier.
It was Nat who cried in the break room, the one place doctors went to get some privacy that broke my heart. Some people might disagree with Dr. Charlesā decision to not talk to her since heās a psychiatrist, but in my opinion, letting her be by herself and letting the tension of the day come out is what she needed. No words wouldāve comforted her, no actions wouldāve either. He let her cry and that is beautiful. Because sometimes, all we need to do is cry. And thatās okay.
Above all, I just want to talk about how this show approaches mental illness. It is never shunned. We get to witness how death and how some cases personally affect the characters. It was in the end when Dr. Reese asks her mentor how he is doing. Once again, the subtlety, and how she knows something is wrong. It also shows how at some point, someone canāt take the burden of everything. What if he hadnāt met Emmett outside of the hospital? The story wouldāve taken a complete turn around. As Will had referenced, ā25-30 years, a long time.ā That small act of asking someone how theyāre doing is the bravest thing someone can do because it shows that youāre there to listen. So many of us donāt have a person in their lives that will do that for them, and for many of us, it may be difficult, but we could step up and be that person for someone else. Whether itās a friend, a family member, or a complete stranger. Itās the small acknowledgements that we can give someone that can ultimately lead to their survival. I know I will try my best to be one of these people, because I know how it feels. For the first time in 9 months, someone asked how I was doing. And I broke down. I want to empower others to their potential because I know I have the capability of doing so but you never know about someone elseās demons. So be that person.
Sorry for this big text post taking over your timelines, youāre free and entitled to commenting/reblogging your opinions.
