Spotlight on Sinners

Because we're people too!

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Any tips for surviving University life? I’m starting in a week not to mention moving half way up the country for it :0

SCARECROW: Introduce yourself to your professors. Attend office hours if you have questions or concerns. Communicate with them when you need to-- for the most part, we don't bite. Accept the feedback given to you. For your first semester, take only as many classes as you need to be a full time student, and don't pick up any lectures before nine in the morning. You'll thank yourself.

RIDDLER: Ha!

RIDDLER: I'm sure the granola-crunching liberal arts garbage they'll stuff you with at a so-called "institution of higher learning" will definitely be worth the twenty thousand dollars of student loans, and more than half of your adult life spent working it off. Also be sure to blindly and obediently swallow every so-called fact your "highly educated" professors give you!

SCARECROW: Nigma...

RIDDLER: The real advice you should be looking for is to be a self-starter-- an innovator. In a cutthroat world of brainless idiots, try having half of one.

SCARECROW: ...

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Happy holidays, from our house to yours. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

If Edward is the smartest man in Gotham, or whatever it is he claims to be, why is it that he can't apparently figure out how to use a razor?

RIDDLER: Don’t hurt yourself thinking about it too hard. That’s just the feeling of small-minded jealousy causing your inferior brain to push against your caveman skull. 

SCARECROW: Nigma, what the hell do I keep saying about filming me when I’m eating? 

RIDDLER: ...

I’ll edit it.

SCARECROW: See that you do. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Psst, Scarecrow. So is Riddler as much as a piece of shit in person as he comes through the screen? I'd ask Tetch, but I get the feeling he'd sugar coat things. Let the fans hear about some obnoxious things he does daily.

SCARECROW: I’d die of old age before I could list every single individual shortcoming he has. 

MAD HATTER: Professor Crane! How rude!

SCARECROW: Please. Don’t pretend he’s been a model housemate. 

MAD HATTER: Well--

SCARECROW: My room is adjacent to his. I can hear him listening to the same VHS tape of Jeopardy every night. I can recite it to you, line-by-line, if you like.

MAD HATTER: ... That won’t be necessary. 

SCARECROW: If you didn’t want to listen, then you shouldn’t contribute to the noise, Mr. Tetch. 

MAD HATTER: ...

SCARECROW: To return to the question: Mr. Nigma is a neurotic, obsessive-compulsive narcissist with a Napoleon complex. His smug superiority is not an act, and, if possible, it’s even worse in person. 

MAD HATTER: ... But he does pay for almost everything...

SCARECROW: ... 

Is that tea for me? Delightful. Thank you, Jervis. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Is Riddler ever passive aggressive or does he always jump straight to aggression?

RIDDLER: I am not aggressive. Aggression is for morons with more testosterone than sense.

I have the perfect temperament for every situation. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

I'd imagine living together must cause some issues? I mean, we saw at least one incident, but... Have there been more mundane things that have caused disputes?

RIDDLER: OH MY GOD. YES, YES THERE HAS BEEN!

THESE TWO- THESE TWO- PLAY CHESS ALMOST EVERY DAY BUT THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO! TETCH “””TAUGHT””” CRANE HOW TO PLAY A FEW DAYS AFTER WE FIRST MOVED IN, BUT THE IGNORANT LITTLE BASTARD JUST MADE UP THE RULES and they’ve been PLAYING IT WRONG EVER SINCE!

AND NEITHER OF THEM WILL ADMIT IT!!!!!

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

I’m not sure who it was but... someone uploaded security footage of Dr. Langstrom’s escape. And it was Dr. Fries who did it. From what I recall, all he cares about is is wife Nora. So perhaps it’s worth reaching out to Dr. Langstrom to know what’s going on. After all, this little life you’ve created may very well be turning upside down soon.

SCARECROW: Is it working yet? 

RIDDLER: Yes, it is, we’re waiting for him to pick up. Don’t get temperamental with me-- we all know how that went last time.

SCARECROW: How what went last time, exactly? As I recall, you wore bruises around your throat for a few weeks and only came back when you were baited. Like a stray cat. 

RIDDLER: Well, at least my shirt still has a sleeve.

SCARECROW: I ought to-- 

LANGSTROM: Oh, it’s on--

Hello, er, Mr. Nygma, Professor Crane! I’m sorry, but I’m a little preoccupied at the moment. Me and my new associate-- I’ll tell you about him later-- we’re on a bit of a time crunch Ihaventsleptinfourtythreehours and he wants my focus to stay on our work. 

I’ll get back to you. It’s good to see you boys looking healthy and well, though!

...

...

...

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Dose my eye deceive me? Dose Kirk have pointed ears?

LANGSTROM: I do. It’s an unfortunate side-effect of the... cure I found for the disease that caused my deafness. 

That, and turning into a giant bat every so often. 

But at least I used Pteropodidae instead of Desmodontinae in my research, hmm? Live and learn. Next time I synthesize a cure to something, no one’s going to become a werebat.

...You have my word. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Jervis, do you think your friends trust you?

MAD HATTER: Trust me? Of course they trust me. What kind of question is that? 

... I’m only out here because Langstrom asked for them and not me. It’s not some kind of conspiracy. 

...

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

What’s Mr.Freeze up to? Has anyone been in contact with him recently?

SCARECROW: Mister Freeze? As in, Doctor Fries? 

RIDDLER: ... Was he at Arkham? 

MAD HATTER: ... I don’t remember ever seeing him before...

SCARECROW: He had a cell in the special containment block. Like Dr. Isley or Mr. Jones.

He escaped before the two of you even went to Arkham... December of... ‘01, I think? Nearly seven years ago. I haven’t heard anything about him since. No one has. 

... Funny that you should bring him up.

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

[uploading ArkhamFeed_207-09_23_08]

[upload successful!]

[beginning playback...] 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Yo Crane, Riddler. Doc Langstrom is trying to call you. Pick up yo damn phone/computer/communication device.

RIDDLER: – How!? WHY!? Of all the people to break out of Arkham, him! We were going to–

SCARECROW: Shut up, Nigma. Jervis, please hand me one of those teacups. I can feel a headache coming on. 

MAD HATTER: S-sure, right… 

RIDDLER: Why aren’t you all more angry about this? That was months of planning and he just broke out–

SCARECROW: I said shut up, Nigma. Good God. 

RIDDLER: I mean, what does he even want? 

SCARECROW: I don’t know. But I expect we’ll find out. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Is that Jesus, here to take the wheel?

???: Ha! No, sorry, I’m-- 

Ah! Someone recognizes me. Yes, I’m Doctor Langstrom, and I...

...left Arkham recently with a new friend’s help. I apologize if I’m interrupting anything, but this is the only safe and surefire way I have of contacting Professor Crane and Mr. Nigma-- 

LANGSTROM: ... Even though, at the moment, it doesn’t appear to be working.

...I don’t suppose any of you could get through to them for me? 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

[UNKNOWN BROADCAST SOURCE…]

[VERIFYING INTEGRITY...]

[VERIFICATION FAILED!! PLEASE CONSULT USER GUIDE FOR INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO PROPERLY SET UP YOUR SYSTEM]

…

[UNKNOWN BROADCAST SOURCE…]

[VERIFYING INTEGRITY…]

[VERIFICATION FAILED!! PL#@S0 CONT^#T U&@+ G&*&* #&$(#*&....]

???: --lo? The little red light is on…

???: Is it working? 

… How are you supposed to tell? I wish Edward’s instructions weren’t so… embellished.

There’s a little green button— Maybe if I…?

[click]

[BROADCAST TERMINATED]

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Jervis do you ever want to leave gotham even for just a short while to visit your mother in england

MAD HATTER: I would love to go back to England, or to see my mother, but there’s a complicated story why I can’t. 

I got in… considerable trouble with local law enforcement when I was younger. My father was influential in the area, and managed to hush it up; in order to spare himself a problem son, he sent me to America, and then institutionalized my mother, who broke down after I left. 

He told me that if I stayed in therapy, kept taking medication, and stayed quiet, he’d fund whatever lifestyle I liked. I went to college, got a job at Wayne Enterprises, and…

I’m sorry, that’s off-topic. As I said, I’d like to go back to England, I’d like to see my childhood home, and I’d like to see my mother, but there’s too much trouble waiting for me there.

Letters are enough, anyway. 

[riddles-hats-and-straw]

Eddie? Jervis? Someone please tell us what Crane does for a living, I'm dying to know now.

RIDDLER: Here’s the truth, Gotham: the so-called master of fear is incapable of swallowing his pride and applying for a job that would hire a felon, and also considers himself too good for it, anyway.

(In my personal opinion, he doesn’t have the temperament for anything that involves serving someone else or reporting to a higher-up; I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a welfare leech for the rest of his life.)

And so, if not for my generosity- and Jervis’s too, though really, he’s living off of money from daddy, so the only difference between him and Crane is how wealthy his parents are- he’d be homeless. 

Make a note of that the next time the Gotham Gazette or Batman wants to call me a ‘dangerous sociopath only concerned with his own self-interest’. 

Hmph.