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@ride-an-die
like this for Remi to hit’ya with a Quickie that might be as bad and Sticky as that rhyme was.
---> or, feel free to just hop in the inbox and punch him in the fuckin’ face, you might be doin’ him a favor.
OPEN
Criss-cross, applesauce, at the bus stop; taking up half a bench with pointy elbows and kneecaps aimed this way or that. Surprised he could even fold in like he did, accordian-like, considering the jeans he’s having to tug at to keep up: courtesy of some girl who’s bedroom window he’d had to bolt on out of when Daddy came’a knockin’...
“Ay Baby;” everyone hates that, usually. If he didn’t know so, he should, but what Remi did know was that it had a way of catching attention: be it ire or awe. THE AUDACITY, INDEED! “You come here often?” let’s start this off with a classic, shall we? But before they can shrug him off as they so very much should-- he’s holding out a baggy.
Not of anything good... but a bag of candied floss... snagged from a vendor during his traipsing downtown...
“Crack the code and I’ll give ya’ a taste; in the mood for’a liddle riddle?” DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS | CURRENT CURRENCY: ATTENTION.
sleazygoing
“I’m in a giving mood,” says Kennedy, who is always in a giving mood. He’s been chopping and re-chopping the same lines for a good fifteen minutes now, smearing white residue across a borrowed bathroom mirror balanced on his lap.
And sure, maybe he’s heard this whole shtick a million times before. Maybe he’s pulled that whole shtick a million times before. I’m like, totally good for it. I’ll get you back. Give me a day. Give me a week. But Kennedy’s a glass-half-full guy swigging from the bottle, and he’ll roll with it, hook, line, and sinker, because he’s nice like that. The mirror is handed off to Remi with a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. Vernon’s storky legs splay far enough that their knees practically touch. The ottoman grunts when he shifts on it.
“Buon appetito, amigo. Just ‘cuz it’s you. Have at it.”
He’s all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but that’s because Remi doesn’t know how he ended up here and can’t see the coke-sweat stains masked by the loud print of his shirt, something going on with stalking tigers in marshmallow pink bamboo groves, the rayon sticking to the small of his back. Remi also can’t see his bank balance.
“Forget about it,” he says. It’s almost one of those wiseguy fuhgeddaboudits, but the campy wave that follows kinda throws it off a little. “I don’t care. We’re all friends here.”
Predictably, he wipes his sniffing nose on the back of his hand.
“Speaking of chardonnay, there any booze left up here, cowboy? I gotta re-balance the groove scales before I start playing golf inside again or something.”
“You’re a good fuckin’ man Kennedy, a real good man, stand up shit-- that sorta let ya’ borrow your ladder kinda guy, that--” a pause in the compliments for a sick, thick SNIFF along the tray. Their knees are definitely touching now, Remi’s using Vernon’s thigh to hold up the elbow just doing the best it can to hold him up -- “That sorta’ fuckin’ ; pick ya up from the airport with’a flask, clean out the gutta’ your mind’s in, ya feel? yea. Givin’ Mood, Papa fuckin’ Theresa, you are.”
At least now he has to shut the fuck up, as he hands off the mirror to a peachy-pink nightstand and rather unceremoniously tosses himself back against the couch. Just a moment. Akin to a car getting it’s first solid jump after it’d revved on out-- the boy executes a barrel roll that’s all flinging limbs and possibly a rip of those sorry, hole-y jeans. To the floor he goes before SPRINGING right on up like a top, eyes wide and determined about the room.
“Chardonnay, yee-haw, Sherriff--” it’s somewhere. It’s gotta be. They couldn’t have killed it all. Where’d it go? Remi turns his back to Vernon now, using a foot to shift open the little mini bar they’d efficiently broken the glass front of last night... perhaps they hadn’t needed to bust the lock as well, but here we are, and the lad monkey-handles some little clear bottle of something orange between his toes. HOP! HOP! HOP! on one foot during retrieval, but he underhand’s the schnapps right towards the other in offering.
“Gotta take’a taste ‘fore you scratch the real itch? Keep it groovy, groovy--” There’s only so many places. The motel room’s only so big. This couldn’t be so difficult. Yet, Remi spins about chasing his own damn tail longer than we’d really like to address...
“You have’a bunny in your hat for this’n or are we about to go disappoint a water hole?
A hard man is good to find; & you can bet your bottom dolla’ nothin’ harder than mine.
[ under construction ]
I’m a two time loser and a three time cheat- a no good boozer and a smoked out tweak.
NAME: Remi, cut from Remington; “Hot like’a firearm, shortened like’a shotgun.” AGE: Old enough; and hoping they are, too. [ 28 | v. dependent ] OCCUPATION: Self-Proclaimed Rapper / “Erotic Entrepreneur” / Nuisance / “Prattlin Prodigy”
LIKES: Rhymes. Drugs. Crimes. Babes. Drinks. Anything Free; birds, tricks, fallin’… DISLIKES: Rules. Limitations. Those hipsters who wrote that bad review, who the fuck writes reviews for people at open mic night, fuckin’ loser, last calls, curtain calls, Significant Others.
MOTIVE: Self-Gratification | World Domination | Ego Inflation | Fatal Flirtation
My credit card’s maxed but I still use it to crush that coke to gangster music. My cellphone screen’s so smashed it’s useless- put me in a straight coat…
I’M ‘BOUT TO LOSE IT
Keep reading
!! @ronmanmob clickie’d for a quickie with remi !!
“Well, London bridge is fallin’ down; spill some gasoline an’ burn it down.”
he’s so drunk, it’s an absolute shock the boy is still able to sit on the stool. Truth be told-- he hasn’t the slightest idea quite where he is or how he ended up in this pub, with all the fellows talking in their accents; he’d tried to give imitation a shot earlier, failed miserably, cut it out after a random bloke told him he might get a fist through his teeth if he didn’t.
A point aimed towards Ron, who was unfortunately just near enough to get drug into the impromptu rap battle Remi’s started with himself: “Rub-a-dub-duba, fella, I’m straight out the gutter-- If you're looking for a good time, take my number.”
It’s all right, it’s okay, it’s just that everything’s fucked
Pat the Bunny
patiencetaught
She hadn’t heard him call out to her, and honestly, why should she have? It was a semi-busy street and she had other things on her mind. What she was making for dinner, what activities she had to get Matilda to that evening, reminding herself that she had to schedule a vet appointment for Atticus, and so on. One thing that definitely wasn’t on her mind was listening for the catcalls that men felt entitled to call after her.
So, it wasn’t until Remi had effectively stopped in front of her that she was forced to acknowledge the young man. Brows furrowed in confusion as he began his question, unsure of what exactly was happening. Was this some sort of street performance? Was it a prank? Because her basic understanding of being harassed on the street was that it usually stopped once you’d walked past. And this man certainly wasn’t doing that.
As soon as he’d leapt his way back in front of her, Jenny had begun digging through her purse for her wallet, having made the executive decision to assume this man was a street performer, given his (terrible) moonwalk. Maybe if she just gave him a tip, he’d leave her be. “I hope you don’t mind that I don’t have a lot of money on me,” she apologized, pulling two crumpled dollar bills out of her wallet and pushing them into his hand. “I’d go further downtown if you wanted better tips. Tourists tip well, from what I’ve heard.”
... what the Hell just happened?
Remi’s not so sure, actually pauses, looks down at their hands-- Well, alright, he’ll still take those bills, shoves them haphazardly into his back pocket before taking advantage of being so close to pluck up her hand and press an unwarranted kiss to those knuckles.
“Only tip I’m lookin’ for, baby, is where I can find you later...”
BUT THERE IS NO CASH BACK IN THE WORLD OF REMI, AND AT LEAST NOW HE KNOWS HE CAN MAYBE GET A DRINK LATER. “Are you going downtown?” He’s still waltzing right along beside poor Jenny, stumbled a bit on an untied shoelace before making efforts to match her stride. “I’m more’a guide than’a tourist, Baby- give me a chance, and I can show you a few places you’ve never seen before...”
RULES : repost & fill in with the words you most associate with your character.
ANIMAL : an angler fish. ( he doesn’t think they’re real but they look cool as all Hell and to be honest, he’d be happy to follow a glowing light around too )
COLOUR : neon red ; cross walk orange ; caution tape yellow.
MONTH : ... october....
SONG : baddest motherfucker by Mickey Aval.on
NUMBER : 18 or 69.
DAY OR NIGHT : right around midnight, he likes telling people “i’ll see you tomorrow” then going for a piss or something and coming back at 12:01.
PLANT : *wriggly eyebrows*
SMELL : burnt reynolds. ( makin’ the ladies of the 80s just tremble )
SEASON : fall, not too hot, not much rain, free to hit the concrete.
FOOD : whatever you’re buying.
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN : idk probably an aquarius.
ELEMENT : fire. fuck yea.
DRINK : strong as shit.
tagged by: the legend themselves: @sleazygoing tagging: we’re late to this party, just say i tagged you.
Who does Remi look up to? Who are his idols?
“Me, Myself, and fuckin’ I, SHADES…”
… anyways… *thwaps Remi*… In the true-influential vein of thought: Remi found a lot of inspiration from punk music– big fan of Iggy Pop, loved Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten, etc; but really didn’t get to go to too many shows while growing up with his ‘intellectual’ parents: so his actual understanding of that PUNK ROCK ANARCHY was limited to second-hand accounts, music videos, and records. He actually wanted to be a punk performer for awhile– big fan of that “Devil may care” attitude with a huge ol’ helping of “Let’s make Momma cry and Daddy blush when his friends ask what his kid is up to”– but quickly learned he had absolutely no musical talents… Remi can’t play any instruments… He did write lyrics and played “lead singer” in a garage band when he was younger, but they definitely ditched him for someone a bit more serious about the craft: turns out even punks have standards, which is a real fuckin’ joke if you ask Remi, but the band doesn’t miss him and he’ll swear he doesn’t miss them either.
[ he’s also a big fan of The Beastie Boys but he’d rather die than tell anyone that. ]
The rapping actually started as an attempt at improvised accapella one open-mic-night but… well, it didn’t quite go how he had anticipated… the rhymes never stop reeling in his head, though, and after a shockingly eloquent [ and, lewd ] tyraid at a bar-full of booing patrons: he caught the attention of a couple rappers who actually got paid to do gigs– which dumped him head-first into the rap scene as a skinny lil’ seventeen year old, and he’s never turned back since: so, those performers are his actual idols if anyone were to really count anymore… which probably, honestly, is why he’s doing so poorly everywhere other than in his mind… but you know…
So, now, I suppose he’s sorta’ right… his idols are the scum surrounding him, his inspiration lately can be attributed to the downward spiral of his personal life, and his main motivation is just to outrun himself and his own demons… whatever’s clever and doesn’t leave him toe-tagged and sent home to his momma in a plastic bag is a~okay by him…
maternalmelancholy
Delores has never been the sort of person to go under the impression that she’s the one being spoken to in conventional forms, unless the other party has made it absolutely clear. Therefore, hearing the obnoxious comment of some man ‘in the area’ caused her to raise her gaze away from her books.
Looking to her right, then subtly gazing behind her there was the expectation to see an uncomfortable woman…however, as she re-positioned her sights, visibly confused, she notices the man who looks confident and quite satisfied. First Delores blinks, then squinted her eye the slightest. She’s not offended as much as she is in disbelief:
“young man, are you talking to me?”
Delores only gets a matter-of-fact rattle of the little bit'a brain matter still in his skull: Remi nods, working to swallow that last bite of crust, buys more time by licking at his fingertips and wiping the same across the thigh of his blue jeans.
“You bet’ya, Mama.”
But that flighty attention span got caught pretty quick, setting his spine a little straighter: young man, sent a shiver down his vertebrae. This may be another to chalk up with the BAD IDEAS: but are any of the ones who don’t make that list really worth it?
“See any other foxes ‘round this waterin’ hole?”
... some may acknowledge comparing a mature woman to an animal may not prompt the reaction he’s probably looking for: BUT WHAT DID THOSE GODS OF PROPRIETY KNOW? NOT WHAT HE’S LOOKING FOR, THAT’S FOR SURE.
“What’re you readin’?” He’s actually curious, childishly leaning forward with elbows on the table, trying to steal a peek at her books-- “Good thing I brought my library card,” spoiler alert: he does not have a library card, “‘cause I am totally checking you out.”
@patiencetaught liked for a lil’ lyric starter and oh... oh no...
God, if he got any closer, he’d be worried about getting her dirty.
... which, well, wouldn’t be so bad: what if she was one of those the prophets who went on stage after him spoke of? that illusive lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets? he has no reason to think so, after all, she was just... walking down the street... but so is he! they already have something in common! and honestly-- he’d be happy to be the bubblegum stuck to the bottom of her shoe, that’s for sure...
“Baby doll; ba-ba-baby doll--”
Took him an extra kick of speed to manage to catch up with Jenny, and when he does, there’s a sudden lull: Remi bends at the waist, forcing his face in her line of sight: “Baby girl, you believe in love at first sight?”
A crooked grin comes next, along with a terrible rendition of the moon walk- like a scratched up record, the boy slips behind her, just to practically lunge on back to his spot in front of her again:
“Or should I go and walk by again?”
@sleazygoing liked for a lyric greeter: LA LA LA LA LA LA
“Oh, c’mon, Big Papa: don’t let a baby bear go hungry.”
Will this kid ever shut the fuck up? Maybe. Not right now, as he nose-ily leans over the other man on that cheap ottoman [ which definitely wasn’t made for one person to sit on, let alone two, but they’re FRIENDS now: Remi decided that a couple lines ago ] ...
“I’ll hit you back, you know it, have I ever let you down before?” ... well, he hasn’t had the chance to yet, but, TECHNICALLY !!!!
“Another sniff or two and I’ll hit the hotel bar, there’s always someone with their husband’s wallet: a real lady only needs two or three glasses of chardonnay before they’re ready to make a bad decision...”
HIM!!!! REMI! HE’S THE BAD DECISION! IT’S PERFECT!!!!!!!
“I’ll have the money for ya in’a jiffy: $20 gets ‘em Chachi, $40 gets ‘em Fonzi...” and Remi’s fully convinced he can make a quick sixty if it just so happens to be a GIRL’S NIGHT: “C’mon, Kennedy, two more lines on Honor, Scout it up--” and he holds two fingers up in some, sick, pseudo-salute: “What’ch’ya say?”
MORE JUNK IN THE TRUNK THAN’A HONDA, I KNOW YOU WANNA DO THE JANE FONDA.
One, two, three, four: get your booty on the dance floor. Work it out, shake it little momma, let me see you do the Jane Fonda. Five, six, seven now: If you don't know, let me show you how! To work it out... work it little momma... I know you wanna do the Jane Fonda.