drag about woke community culture
Since I'm kinda trapped in the sick DISGUSTING reality of whats considered normal but doesnt feel like that to me which everyone knows sometimes.. +full of hate from the insecure men hanging out behind above me seeking even more extreme forms of desire and their personal darkness god complex turn into everyones burdened reality or just make people sick sam and wessel and also the ugly parts of it getting summer kinda like a full train that has you considering places to throw up and want to go outside and get lost for 80 years in nature like the weak not less sick nature losers because until then it might be that people understand where youre coming from (maybe caused by said men as well) i might as well write another text🙄
Closest to the life portrayed in the music video to intentions by justin bieber or any where some english book cover looking group of people hang out and play sports on some place covered in empty bottles and used needles where teenagers/adults meet hang out dance have fun are up to irrelevant to personally relevant ...stuff... was when I lived in Leipzig. (easily the city i hate most in the world after new york where ive never been) I shared my space with a few roommates there was no real isolation happening and it absolutely destroyed me. I swore myself I would never give the city or people in my surrounding the power to control my time and energy ever again. Everytime i found myself around others id say this was the last time. When i drove back even berlin was a relief despite having similiar situations there. A home closer made a small difference. While community is important this one wasn't self choosen. I was completely thrown into all kinds of individuals functioning together and it was an absolute nightmare. From a distance i could appreciate them/humans but being personally kinda forced to explain everything you do like I'm making this food now or go there and there and having to find reasons not to is not happening anymore. While I always resented those isolated individuals that end up a little bitter as well. For they have the power to destroy all healthy community with their comments. Or push young people into unneccessary sometimes necessary existential dread. Always remember not everyone comes from or has similar support systems.
So now when I see younger adults hanging out I think oh what a shit life. With their unhealthy snacks and dry ass drinks having to explain basic human behaviors interests comfort. Pretending to like art they understand later.
That's what my personal german darkness is about that happens everywhere though. see post on what german darkness is actually about.
By then I was ca 18 and had seen much more I thought.. but sometimes that's attitude escaping these situations way too early seeking multiple influences from everywhere instead of one place. I'm free(dom) because I understand there's rules to it.
I still love my generation and appreciate others for their qualities as me rising above everyday situations allows me a (to me) clearer perspective. While I don't refuse human interaction at all I'm very curious about others and overcome myself enough. I understand which situations can wrong people's personality when it's necessary and when not. I don't hate physical interaction only the city dirt. I don't consider myself special while I do stand apart in some way. For a reason. With every right. And look basic and weird at the same time. 🤷🏼♀️
Some benefit from such mess and some don't.
And sometimes those communities are spaces where people are accepted with mistakes they've made but when those funny little mistakes turn out to be children animals or a history of crime it's worth having that community question itself. Similar to individuals refusing to be part of communities for refusing said acceptance for similar mistakes. Like hey rieke not so prudish haha yeah but they eat their animals in some berlin backyards because its their culture and your child can't take kebab and McDonald's to kindergarten and be fine.
Until I went to school we lived in the childrens home my mom worked at in close community. holidays together with 12 kids etc. I don't have profund negative memories BECAUSE I was protected or never really unattended.. some of the kids choose to play with us (they never had to) but situations would have become dangerous if I didn't have that shield which I only understood later on. Like kids think prisoners are good people that were made bad by circumstances. That naive thinking isn't always right while confrontation with evil breaks spirits like it did with people in these situations. That's tragedy.
There were relatively early and later on disturbances regardless of it being relatively normal and the disturbances being normalized. Or worse made the norm these days under the name of acceptance and community. Family doesn't have to stand too far away from community but is separately also I think parents need to get a license beforehand that allows them to create life and care for it and control outside of family but also not by random community or abusive forms of power.
