loving-spn-too-much-but-thats-okay

19 | clique and spn fandom

[scoobydoodean]

Sometimes Dean saying Purgatory felt "pure" is used to invalidate that experience as traumatic, which clearly isn't supposed to be the message here. We see Dean's hypervigilence after he returns and how Sam notices it while not wanting to. We see Dean say Purgatory changed him (implying not for the better to Sam and to Benny). We can see that he's rough around the edges—having trouble comforting Kevin despite being the only person who cared enough to find and check up on him because he's spent the last year fighting for his life and having to let everything happen to him wash over him and just survive. Dean thinks Cas died in Purgatory. He reports he was perpetually trapped in 360 degree combat and we see that he can't relax. When he shows back up topside, he can't sleep or eat at first. He zones out. He and Benny both celebrate that they made it out.

Dean saying Purgatory felt "pure" isn't to say it wasn't traumatic or that he isn't overtly experiencing PTSD. It's that the weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders anymore. Dean spent all of season 7 suicidally depressed, drinking to the point Sam "joked" that alcohol was basically a vitamin to Dean at this point. The season started with Death blaming Dean for what Cas did—telling Dean it was his fault because he failed to figure out Death's incredibly unhelpful hints and stop his best friend from going nuclear. That one conversation (and then everything that piled on top) cut Dean so badly that he never fully recovered. Dean spent the season losing faith and trust, feeling hopeless and helpless, but like the whole world was his responsibility anyway... and there was nothing he could do to save it. He couldn't even save his own best friend. His brother was dying because of what his best friend did. His adoptive dad was killed. Every single time Dean indicated that he needed help he was brushed off or told to suck it up and he wanted to die. So yeah—when Dick was dead and Dean landed in Purgatory, despite the fact that Dean was actively living more trauma, he appreciated the simplicity. All he had to worry about was himself, Benny, and Cas. He didn't have to worry about cosmic beings blaming him for the state of the world. He didn't have to worry about Sam or some apocalypse looking on the horizon. All he had to worry about was living—and what a rush it must have been to realize that despite everything—he wanted to live—that he would fight and kill to survive—to keep being alive. So yeah—Purgatory felt pure. And that is SO sad when you think about it.

[reallyunluckyrunaway]

dean is me.

[lichanicksstuff]

No because Dean and Cas were both raised to centre their identities around their families. To choose what was best for a bigger cause. In Dean's case hunting and saving people and in Cas' - heaven. Their whole lives spent on something that was imposed on them. And they saw it in each other. They saw this pain, this lack of something that was theirs. This is why Dean turned to trust something he was supposed to hunt and Cas rebelled for an ant. While it's widely known that Dean was Cas' first choice, it isn't talked about that it was the same for Dean. He trusted a monster, even after the apocalypse when he supposedly didn't need him anymore. Dean's purpose was to save people from supernatural entities, to technically he should've expelled Cas from Jimmy's body as soon as possible. But he made a selfish choice in needing the angel. Just as Cas selfishly chose a human over God's will. They were each other's first choice, first proof of identity beyond what they known their while lives.

[seriously-dude-what-the-hell]

DEAN WINCHESTER in one random episode per day ▸ 028 /364 10.03 SOUL SURVIVOR

[twilights-stuff]

Canon Logan, chilling in heaven, watching as Deadpool not only desecrated his grave, but also fucked an alternate version of himself inside a shitty Honda Odyssey, dated the said alternate version of himself and subsequently adopted his daughter:

[poolverinetruther]

[tiffycat]

I mean if you’re taking requests and feel like throwing a cyclops out that’d be kinda cool. If you wanna

Movie cyke for the road <3

[ghostsand-bagels]

I am one full episode into season 8 and I'm already 100% convinced that Benny and Dean fucked in purgatory. There is absolutely no way they didn't I'm sorry

[castielscaplan]

Dead Daisies Don't Talk

Summary: Dean sits at Benny's grave for a moment.

WC: 437

Warnings: angst?

Read on Ao3!

A/N: written for my Title Writing Challenge because I'm bored and needed inspiration.

--

It’s a nothing town in the middle of nowhere, Louisiana. The kind of place that pretends it’s dead so death won’t bother coming. Cracked roads, half-empty bars, air thick with swamp rot and something older, heavier.

Dean steps out of the Impala and breathes in the rot like it's penance.

The graveyard isn’t marked. Not on maps. Not even with real names. Just a crooked wooden sign that says Whisper Hollow like it’s a joke only the dead would get.

There’s no headstone. Just a patch of dirt and a mess of wild daisies, half-dead, tangled like fingers clawing their way up from below.

Dean kneels down slow. Bones aching. Soul heavier than it’s been in months.

“This is stupid,” he mutters. “You’re not even here.”

But he still comes. Every year. Like it’ll fix something.

Like it'll bring him back.

Benny never asked for flowers. Never cared for sentiment. Said he didn’t believe in graves.

"Ashes to ashes, brother. After all I been through, I ain’t afraid of where I end up."

Dean used to laugh when he said that. Now it just makes him want to scream and cry and punch metallic thins until his knuckles bleed heavy in scarlet liquid.

Purgatory still clings to him in dreams. The echo of blades, the press of breath against his back. Benny at his shoulder, always steady. Always watching. Always just an arms length away.

There weren’t words for what they were down there. There didn’t have to be.

Trust. Blood. Loyalty that wasn’t asked for, just earned—every damn day.

Dean remembers the way Benny looked at him after a fight—blood splattered, hands shaking—and how Dean sometimes couldn’t breathe under the weight of it. Like Benny saw everything, even the parts Dean tried to bury six feet deep.The ones not even Sam asked about.

He sets a single daisy down in the dirt. Crushed petals. Bent stem. Something about it feels appropriate.

“You still got your hooks in me, you son of a bitch,” Dean says, voice rough. The wind stirs. Silent. Mocking.And for a second, just a second, he swears he hears Benny’s voice behind him.

"Ain’t about hooks, brother. It’s about hearts. And yours ain’t never stopped bleeding."

But when Dean turns, there’s nothing but shadows and crows.

He leaves the grave with dirt under his nails and silence in his throat. Dead daisies don’t talk. But that doesn’t stop him from listening, silently begging to God himself to bring Benny back to life, just for him, whether human or vampire, Dean didn’t care. He just wanted his creature back..

[thepizzaangel]

I don't consider myself a multi shipper, if I see a character who has romantic tension with another, I'll only ship them with each other.

That being said, I do think that Dean fucked Benny and Crowley, my guy's too gay not to have sexual tension with the strong male figures in his life

[chansgender]

happy pride month to dean winchester and his angel boyfriend and his vampire boyfriend and his demon king of hell boyfriend and his nazi zombie hunter boyfriend and his wrestler boyfriend and his karaoke boyfriend only

[cowboybandages]

Hot take: Dean and Benny were gayer than Cas and Dean

this scene where Dean cuts his neck open and Benny has to physically hold himself back from sucking his neck was extremely erotic and they should’ve fucked nasty

[sicksicksixx]

the insane thing with dean/benny and dean/crowley is like— oh yeah they’re gay. they’re gayyyyy and they’re fucking. in a way destiel is not!!! and there’s even feelings there!! (esp with benny). but dean still loves cas more. chooses cas over both of them. risks their lives and betrays them etc etc

reminds me of this

[shitpost-it-tristan]

Sam and Cas being Jack's "responsible" dads. Sam making Jack eat his vegetables and go outside to get some fresh air. Cas being there when Jack needs to talk about stuff, and healing his injuries.

And Dean is the fun dad who just lets Jack do whatever but also makes sure he does "whatever" CORRECTLY. Like, "Oh, Jack wants to shoot a gun. Okay, kid can shoot." But it has to be proper shooting, none of that 'holding the gun sideways' action movie shit.

Cas is like "??? YOU GAVE HIM A GUN? HE'S 7 MONTHS OLD, DEAN!"

Dean is proud as fuck because "I was 7 YEARS old when I fired a gun. Kid's a natural."

[dogboysam]

team free will as fob songs from abap 🐾

[lichanicksstuff]

Supernatural: Yeah, so, Dean really longs to settle down and live a peaceful, free life. Perhaps with a loving partner.

Also supernatural: And there's this angel who wants nothing more than to live beside Dean and love him freely.

Also supernatural: And Dean really likes this angel. He's the closest person to him, besides his brother (and we will make him put that in the bestiary and say it multiple times).

The fans: Oh, so they'll be together?

Supernatural: Are you fucking crazy *shoots them both*

[aliveboydean]

ok wait also. the famous bobby chasing john off the property with a shotgun line IS explained in the Supernatural: Bobby Singer’s Guide to Hunting book. Somewhere around the mid 90’s john drops Sam and Dean off with Bobby to go on a hunt in Montana and then essentially drops off the face of the earth. he’s gone for so long that Bobby eventually decides to tell Sam and Dean that he must have died. sam apparently takes awhile to process this and goes very quiet and dean gets really angry. bobby says this is the biggest fight he and dean ever had. then dean disappears into the night and returns hours later with john in tow. dean’d tried to hitchhike to montana on his own to find john and accidentally caught his dad, totally unharmed and completely fine (capable of answering bobby’s phone calls, bobby takes care to mention john did own a cellphone at this point), on the way back. john packs the boys into the impala and tells them they’re going to stay with somebody who “actually cares about them” and bobby becomes so enraged that he pulls out the shotgun and starts firing.

[fr3sh-c0rn-2]

Average Dean and cas subplot: we are doing a Thing together

Average sam subplot: i am being Stabbed with Knives. send help. I am dying.