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@rienic
i'm tired from feeling like a purposeless puppy and i hate feeling abandoned and the main thing is abandonment IS the thing that keeps me going and it's such a wicked-vicious-self-inflicted tomfuckery of a living. holy shit the time i spent on bupropion was actually manageable just because the sheer amount of heartache was decently controlled by a mishap of a mind in my skull. gosh i want to finish this album and just stop feeling this crap thank you
wow i love bullshitting through life like with job interviews and album covers because i told my bestie that i have an idea for it and then just forgot my thoughts and went on to draw still???? and it was pretty FIRE???? like in a conceptual way. jeez bless this mess
i do get personal on main that's just what kind of a person I am.....................
my fancy little blown-out-of-proportions summer crush blew over and is in flames so it means more thoughts to digest and regurgitate yay. wish i could spew bile tho
newsflash but i've got a job now and i'm still angry and energetic most of the time. it does never end
i've cut my hair dyed it ginger wrote a few more progressions that i enjoy and got absolutely BLASTED by summer rain so hard my garfield socks turned into a waterbed of sorts i need to vent and i need to vent so hard that everything goes up in fucking flames methinks
none to wish a good night's sleep one to hold myself in bed i'm confined to what is said it is never a blank slate
is it so severe with me or am I just seeing black hack and slash my parts away cut necrosis where it's bad
so I'll liquify what's left carve new senses in my shell to reform, I'll have to weep only myriads of tears
only few more left to spill not for privvy eyes, but see how my wings are made of gears why could I be more than this?
a pathetic, moody mess an obsessed, coercive fool how I seldom escape pain that is turning me so dull
but confronting all that is bones and rust and rot and pus is exhausting, so I slumber like a clockwork butterfly
i miss living at home and not paying rent. gosh being unemployed is like fucking hell for autistic people....... so is being employed actually but at least i would have a routine
everything grows letters get removed stood across the street like deer in headlights brood
nowhere I stay mellows it'll come to bear berries of tomorrow rot and waste away
parks will turn to alleys stations become stops trolley tracks get cramped posts shred letters lost
grief wavers in hues shone by traffic lights passing crossroads through down lit city's avenue
nothing I move changes garbage spills through bags concrete bickers asphalt notions shift with plaques
present blends in with the scenery past and future reach their stalemate herd of stags stay lifeless on the sidewalk to remind me home is but few meters away
i've actually always wanted to name my first.. something? be it poetry compilation or music album, doesn't matter, wanted to name it helium it's like.. the second most abundant element in the universe, it's second in the periodic table, it's a noble gas that makes your voice squeaky. and i guess the sun will turn into a red giant because of helium, the lack thereof. and i love that it's atomic mass starts at 4, which is probably one of my favourite numbers.. so hooray trivia
never the first
and btw off remake comes out in a month and listening to the remade tracks made me emotional and a bit sad because YES. yes new soft breeze is still kinda the same, structure-wise, and fourteen residents is still an ambient somewhat mystical menu track but i miss the original ones.. anyway the ost is only partially released so sbeve.... AND I HAVE TO ADD THAT new flesh maze tango is kinda.. fine? but the thing will the previous ost was that it had that choir-sounding sample that was frequently used across.. well at least a few melodies. i miss it.........
mildly fun but while playing in stars and time i was smoking some burnt vapes that a guest left in my room. and they tasted like.. umm.... BURNT SUGAR? and smoke. mostly gross and after a few times of getting my throat scorched i stopped but now the taste is soooo reminiscent of it.. what a great game gee
again it feels hard to think of myself seriously with all those whoopboop melodies but guess nobody ever will if i won't the be the first one
i guess i'll post the last melody of the album and compile it all into one.. so i will have my first album? gee gotta design a cover art for it....
investigative perhaps
never write more than one song for a guy they don't know the fucknig toll that building the melody takes