Warnings: Major Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss, The Dark Side Of The Force, Force Ghosts, Force Ghost Baylan Skoll, Jedi Funerals, Minor Injury, Shin Hati Needs a Hug, Shin Hati Gets a Hug, Protective Sabine Wren, Supportive Sabine Wren, Protective Ahsoka Tano, Supportive Ahsoka Tano, Huyang is Just There, Baylan Skoll Is A Good Dad, Shin Hati Centric
Notes: I... cried a lot writing this. anyways the idea was sabine undoing the padawan braid for Shin after Baylan.. . .
Summary: âChase your moon, Shin. Donât let her go,â. Their feet moved of their own accord, startling herself and Sabine as she moved forward. Each stride was long, painful, really. âWhat happens when we find Thrawn?â She had asked so foolishly, as if the answer has not revealed itself in many different ways. âPower.â Where was the power in this, Master? Who am I when Iâm not at your side?
Word Count: 1,996
AO3 Links: Fic & Collection
Shinâs lips were pressed into a thin line as she watched the body on the pyre. He looked peaceful, at the very least; calmer than theyâd seen him in the last weeks of his life.
Their body leaned forward, Sabineâs hand on their wrist the only thing that stopped her from getting too close to the fire with her Master. Ahsoka stood on her other side, the Togruta staring at the Jedi Knight in front of them as the fires took him.
They should be feeling something, right? Baylan had raised her, had taught her everything she knew- and yet, there was nothing. No guidance from the force, nothing but a vast emptiness they did not have the word to describe.
Shin moved before she could catch up with her mind, reaching into the fires to grab the hot lightsaber from the stone. The fires burned her hands, but the force thrummed for the first time since sheâd felt the killing blow go through him.
âShin!â Sabine shouted, reaching to tug them back from the table, the saber fell into the dirt, despite the heat, it seemed practically untouched by the fires, unlike their hand, where her glove had caught fire. The Mandalorian tugged it off as Ahsoka approached. âDiâkut! You could have hurt yourself!â There was an unnatural worry in her tone, one that Shin brushed off easily as their hand was turned in Sabineâs, skin red and disturbed from the heat.
Shin did not move until the embers had gone cold, fingers chilly where they were wrapped in Sabineâs hands. She had to give props to the other woman, she stayed quiet and only moved enough to stop Shin from moving for the pyre again when their body would start to dip.
Ahsokaâs hand on her shoulder was enough to have Shin jumping and calling her Masterâs saber from the ground, back to her hands. She killed him, they should strike her down for everything she took from them. âDonât lose yourself to this feeling, Padawan. No one is ever truly gone,â
âShin,â Sabine was calling her, fingers pulling at their white knuckled grip around his saber, the crystal inside thrummed with the calming energy he always had about him.
Ahsoka reached out once more, palm towards the sky, keeping eye contact with the⊠Padawan? Until they were placing the hilt in her hand. âThe other one, too, please,â Her own saber joined her Masterâs in the womanâs hand with less hesitance. âSabine, yours as well.â
With furrowed brows, Sabine nodded and removed Ezraâs saber from her hip, joining with Baylan and Shinâs. âHuyang?â The droid approached with a tilted head, servos clicking as as the hilts were handed off. âKeep these safe for us, it is unwise for any of us to have them right now,â After the three sabers were stored neatly in the droid, the Togruta unclipped her own and passed them off.
Getting Shin to leave the tables side was hard work, their feet were firmly planted and they stubbornly refused to budge as Sabine attempted to coax them away.
âThese are your first steps, Hati.â
Sabine was giving up on getting Shin back onto the T-6. âIâll be out in a few, see if you change your mind-â
âChase your moon, Shin. Donât let her go,â
Their feet moved of their own accord, startling herself and Sabine as she moved forward. Each stride was long, painful, really. âWhat happens when we find Thrawn?â She had asked so foolishly, as if the answer has not revealed itself in many different ways. âPower.â
Where was the power in this, Master? Who am I when Iâm not at your side?
Their weight dropped heavily into the bench the moment they were past the door, eyes fixing on a point in the table, a small scratch that caught the light at her angle.
Was there a power strong enough to bring him back? The force⊠the force said there was, somewhere. Ahsoka knew, didnât she? The ghost of Mortis, that is what her Master had said. The Padawan that fell to the closest thing to the physical embodiment of the force, and was revived. If she could get her to show them the source of that power-
âWhatâs done is done. It has already been written, it cannot be changed,â
Their fingers found the braid Baylan had so caringly rebraided for her just days before, the small green gems held in place with hair that he had helped bleach and- Shin wasnât a padawan anymore. Who was she?
Sabineâs weight settled onto the tough cushion beside her. Her fingers were gentle as they removed Shinâs fingers from the braid sheâd been tugging on. Their eyes met, a hesitant understanding passing between them.
Sabineâs eyes didnât leave theirs as her fingers smoothed over the braid. The bands snapped quietly as they were twisted. There was a gentle clack of the gems being set on the table, and the reassuring feeling of the braid in her hair was slowly unwound.
âWhat do you need?â Sabineâs voice was gentle as her fingers brushed through the loose strands, longer than the rest of their hair, slightly frayed from the years spent growing it out.
Biting back the anger that threatened to pass their lips, Shin Kept her gaze on the beauty mark near the Mandalorianâs nose. âTell meâŠâ A pause, a deep breath. âTell me what to do,â They blinked, lips pressing into a thin line, daring a glance at warm brown eyes full of too much understanding.
âLetâs go get ready for bed, and we can figure out where to go from there.â
She would have preferred to know the plan further than the night, but Sabine was giving her something, and that was more than the nothingness inside.
Going through the motions was familiar enough, survival. They could do that, they could do that no problem. How long has it been since sheâd been left with the only option of just trying to Survive? Surely not since Baylan, he taught her how to live⊠the irony.
There must have been a point in the shower when sheâd zoned a little too far, when the overwhelming grief slipped past crumbling barriers- Sabine was in the âfresher with them, didnât they lock the door? Still, Shin appreciated the arms that wrapped around her more than they knew how to articulate. Standing on her own felt⊠impossible, without him.
âNer dal Kursâkaded,â Sabine muttered into soaked blonde hair, helping her clean up before the water was shut off. There were more words spoken softly, in languages sheâd only had a base knowledge on, though she could assume they were repetitive of the too kind, too sympathetic words in Mandoâa.
The shirt pulled over their head was warm, it smelled⊠not like home, never like home; home died with a white saber through his chest, home was set aflame on the pyre. But something close, close enough that they sank into the smell of leather, warm bark, and something like a berry, though she could never place the origin.
The Mandalorianâs hand on their back was comforting as they were guided to the bunk room. It was dark, though Shin could immediately pick up on the unnatural blue glow of the Togrutaâs eyes as they slipped in. No one spoke as Shin slipped into their spot, letting Sabine curl around them in the familiarity they needed more than anything.
Morning came with more confusion, a lingering weight of not real, didnât happen sitting over them like a cloud, the fog deep in her bones in the silence of the sleeping shuttle.
The grass outside was cold and wet with morning dew, though they didnât have much energy to change or to care about the damp socks and pants of Sabineâs pants. They knelt beside the pyre that had long gone cold, eyes sliding closed as they tried to find the peace to meditate.
âLady Hati-â The droid startled her, the force was playing tricks on her, nothing was going right! Staring blankly at the droid, she watched as Baylan and their own saber were removed from the compartments and extended towards her. âThese may help,â
She snatched them from his metal grip, offering her best glare at Huyangâs retreat until she was sure she was alone.
Their own crystal was quiet when she reached out for it, as if the kyber inside was mourning the loss of its mentor as well, Kyber of the same vein, loyal to the people who wielded itâŠ
Baylanâs crystal still felt like him, though that was wrong, because the kyber was alive. Calm, serene, love, and acceptance rolled out in waves into her shaking hands. The sabers were pressed into the stone as she resumed her wannabe meditative position. Forehead against the stone, fingers curling around the hilts, and eyes sliding shut, she could almost feel his arms around her. âWho am I without you, Master?â Her voice was soft, a whisper to the void; she never expected the void to answer back, of course.
A weight settled against Shinâs shoulder, âDonât look, Shin,â He called, and she listened, always listened. âWho do you want to be?â
âWe never got that far,â
âWe did, Shin. Remember,â
âStormtroopers, Inquisitors, Rebels. How many of them choose their own path, Padawan?â
âNone of them.â
âThey are destined to these paths, to what the galaxy has in store for them. But you, Shin⊠You can see these paths, see how they shaped each of them, how they shaped our galaxy. Look at these pirates-â The memory of Baylan moved to the pirate Shin had just ended. âThey prey on those they believe are lesser, weaker, less deserving, than themselves, because they have not seen the paths. There is no glory in causing harm, but if we mustâŠâ There had been children on the ship. Shin couldnât remember what Baylan had done with them, but this wasnât her memory. Coordinates had been given away, someone he could trust, a hidden path. They were safe, from the pirates, from the empire, from it all-
âWho do you want to be, Shin?â
âI want to do whatâs right, Master.â I want to do what you raised me to do. I want to make you proud-
âYou already have, Shin,â
The force bristled through the remains of her braid, she caught the blue tinged tint of a comforting hand. âFollow your moon, follow your feelings, but be mindful, look to the paths often, so long as you are alive, you have a choice.â
Silence was thick in their dry throat, her fingernails dug into the soft grip around his saber. âThe Mandalorianâs blade?â
Of course, he knew about the vibroblade they had swiped from Sabineâs armor before coming outside, even without being part of the cosmic force, he would have known.
There was a warm, comforting presence on her hands, her eyes stayed shut as the blade was guided to her hair. The remains of the braid sliced easily when the blade pressed against them. White-blonde strands fell onto the pyre, and the blade was set between the sabers.
âI never knew myself, how this would go. We are no Jedi.â
Ahsokaâs footsteps grew louder, drawing the attention of the wolves. âYou donât rise as a Jedi Knight,â Her voice was calm, eyes stuck on the ghostly form of her master as she stepped into the bubble. Her attention left Baylan, to the wide eyed blonde against the stone. Her hand rested on their shoulder, the other reaching for their hand. âYou rise as yourself. Are you ready?â
Shin did not notice the warm smile or the fading form of her Master as she took Ahsokaâs hand, accepting her help in standing. It was still hard, the weight still pressed down on her, but it was easier, manageable. Maybe⊠maybe she could do with just being âShin, chaser of the moon.â
I know we all love the âthere was only one bedâ trope, but consider: âthere are many rooms and many beds, but Iâm staying here in this one with you anyways (for completely legitimate reasons and not because I like you)â
amandla
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
baratheonpilled
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
2087
