My favourite Metal Archives review quotes, part 2 of ?
"You’re not listening to Megadeth right if you don’t occasionally want to tell Dave to shut the fuck up" -Big_Robot_Monster on Megadeth's "Dystopia"
"Repulsion were really making their own path -- I mean Reign in Blood came out the same year and this sounds like two Reigns in Blood fistfighting each other" -GasGiant on Repulsion's "Horrified" "Want to get your ass kicked 25 years ago?" -Pyrus on Judas Priest's "Stained Class" (in 2003) "There is so much going on in each song that it's practically impossible to do anything else other than sit in your chair and experience multiple aural orgasms over and over" -tylr322 on Coroner's "R.I.P."
"Ihsahn's vocals here mostly just feel like a beetle attempting to narrate an epic journey, except you can't trust what he has to say about it because he's a fucking beetle, what is he supposed to know?" -MutantClannfear on Emperor's "In the Nightside Eclipse"
"If you ignore the 3 way vocal gimp festival going on and just focus on the guitars, what you have are verse sections that literally sound like an extended fart sample" -hells_unicorn on Sepultura's "Roots"
"If the first lyric of an album is "Would you like some sweeties little girl?" you had sure as hell better follow that up with a fucking amazing experience that justifies that particular decision" -gasmask_colostomy on Ozzy Osbourne's "No More Tears"
"This is alien colonisation music" -Vortic on Demilich's "Nespithe"
“I'd need a team of excavators in order to find the bassist beneath the seven hundred billion solos being played" -PorcupineOfDoom on The Great Kat's "Worship Me Or Die!"
"The band is so intimidating that they could drop their instruments and pose like a tattoo laden Mr. Universe contest" -Blyrgan on Blasphemy's "Fallen Angel of Doom...." "like taking Black Sabbath and putting an elephant on top" -violentrestitution on Grief's "Dismal"
"the only reason this song is 8 minutes long is because it is quite literally a four minute song repeated front to back twice" -BastardHead on Iron Maiden's "A Matter of Life and Death" "Your grandma thinks all metal sounds like this" -Empyreal on Anaal Nathrakh's "In the Constellation of the Black Widow"
"the worst moment on this album is the unintentionally hilarious section in the overtly sexual ‘Sucking My Love’ in which Sean Harris, obviously mimicking Robert Plant’s mock orgasms in ‘Whole Lotta Love’, makes some orgasmic moans, but oddly enough he double tracks himself, giving the audio soundtrack to sodomy" -Acrobat on Diamond Head's "Lightning to the Nations"
"on Crazy Train, it sounds as if there's a roomful of lambs bleating out constantly" -Face_your_fear_79 on Ozzy Osbourne's "Blizzard of Oz" "descends into multi-tracked vocal chaos at the end. It sounds like dozens of Craig Pillard’s growling at each other across a vast chasm" -Lvondas on Incantation's "Onward to Golgotha"
"...But then I remembered that Lars is wrong about literally everything" -Tanuki on Metallica's "Hardwired...to Self-Destruct!"
