❝ i do believe in you, Riku! It’s just— ❞
It’s just that Riku is holding his hands, just as he always does in his dreams, and Sora doesn’t remember how to breathe / how to think / who he is without Riku. ( He doesn’t understand why he can’t stomach a world devoid of anyone, tries so hard to save everyone! but, a world without Riku is the only one that haunts him behind his eyes at night. )
It’s just that he feels so sorry for Riku, because he knows that Riku was made for this, and he thinks that no one should ever have been “made” for Darkness. ( He misses the happy Riku from their childhood, the Riku that smiled and laughed with him, the Riku that so easily beat him in footraces and tormented him with scary stories just so he could have an excuse to comfort him afterward ——— or, at least that’s what Kairi says. )
You never noticed?
Not really. I thought he was just being nice.
I think there’s more to it than that.
Whatever you say, Kairi. Why’re you so hung up on me an’ Riku, anyway?
I—I dunno. I just … think you guys have a special connection. It’s funny that you don’t see it.
‘course we have a special connection! He’s my best friend! You’re my best friend, too, Kairi! Is — Is everything okay?
Yeah, of course! I’m just … worried about Riku. I think the Darkness is getting to him.
Yeah, me too. That’s why I stopped letting him “eat my dreams”.
You what?!
H—Hey! Why are you yelling at me?! It helps him, doesn’t it?
No! Your dreams are different, Sora! They help him!
That doesn’t make any sense! Did Riku put you up to this? He was really mad when he found out I figured out how to block him. Well, I don’t care what you or Riku have to say about it! I’m not gonna make him feel worse!
He stormed away from that conversation a couple of weeks ago, and his nightmares have been worse and worse, and he’s been angrier and angrier with no end in sight! ( Is this how everyone would feel without Riku? Is this how Riku feels right now, and always, because of what he does? Sora doesn’t know which one is worse, but he does know that he’s being followed by shadows, and his eyes are slowly changing color, and he wants to hurt anyone or anything that would hurt Riku and the shadows tell him that they can help him do that! that they can make him stronger! )
and, why should that be a bad thing?
He would do anything to protect Riku, to protect everyone — even hurt.
You’ve already helped so many people. The world doesn’t rest on just your shoulders. You’ve done more than enough, Sora. It’s my turn, now.
He squeezes Riku’s hands, whines frustration, presses himself into Riku’s chest without thinking about it because beneath the shadows that wisp around his arms, his chest, his yellow eyes, he’s still just a boy afraid of ghost stories / a boy who still trusts Riku more than anyone else and still depends on him to keep him safe.
❝ It isn’t just on your shoulders, either, Riku! Y—You can’t just — keep eating people’s dreams and thinking that nothing bad’s gonna happen! I—I don’t care what you say! Nobody was “made” for Darkness! It’s changing you, making you sad all the time! I—I don’t want— ❞
He sniffs, releases one of Riku’s hands to make a fist to scrub stubborn tears from his eyes, angles his head to pillow it atop Riku’s chest and circles his arm around Riku’s waist ( — because, subconsciously, he’s exhausted! just wants to sleep in Riku’s arms for the rest of his life! can’t understand why that means anything different, or that it’s the only thing that Riku wants, too. )
❝ I don’t want you to be sad anymore, so I’m not gonna let you eat my dreams! e—even if it means that … I have to be sad, and even if Kairi says that my dreams don’t make you sad. I think she’s wrong. ❞ @rikudevium!
SORA BELIEVES IN HIM, IT’S JUST ------------ just that nobody believes in the darkness ( not without good reason ), nobody believes that any good could ever come of it. but riku thinks it has the potential to do good, if wielded by someone with the will to possess it. so many have tried to harness the power of darkness by force, and those are the people that have corrupted it --- but riku was born with it, riku never asked for it.
riku has two of the brightest lights he’s ever seen in his own life, and he knows he couldn’t possibly be half as strong without them. and he knows that sora is the other half of his own heart, and he absolutely can’t strong without him. they make his own heart brighter, a warm ray of sunlight that clears away the darkness in all dreams, brings him back to reality when he changes his own form.
the nightmares exhaust him, feed darksider in ways no ordinary person could handle. every night he consumes loneliness and despair and agony, tears and blood and sweat, bright flames and the chilling cold. riku has spent too much of his own life understanding sadness and loneliness ------ but he knows now how to parse through those feelings, separate them from himself. because he has kairi and he has sora and they make each other stronger and he can’t possibly ever, truly, be alone.
but riku had grown too used to consuming sora’s nightmares, replacing them with good dreams and watching them unfold, watching dream - sora realize his love for dream - riku in a way that sora still cannot seem to grasp. weeks have passed since the last time riku has been able to consume one of sora’s nightmares. sora figured out how to block him out entirely and it’s both frustrating and admirable how sora can figure things out when he puts his mind to it, how stubbornly he’ll maintain his resolve.
he’s tried to talk him down, gently, more than once ------ with no success. and all the while, he feels sora’s anger, he feels sadness and fear and he feels darksider gravitating toward him more and more, feeding off of it, lending sora its power, because without sora’s nightmares it cannot sustain itself, needs sora’s heart just as much as it needs riku himself.
normal nightmares are like caffeine. darksider needs sora’s nightmares like they’re an entire meal, like they’re water and air and the most necessary components of survival. ( or maybe they’re a drug, darksider whispers to him in the depths of his mind, and you’re in withdrawal. ) riku has tried desperately to explain it to him --- but he doesn’t know how much more clearly he can express the connection between their hearts, the fact that their bond is so much more powerful than their connection with absolutely anybody else, even with kairi.
i don’t care what you say ! nobody was made for darkness ! it’s changing you, making you sad all the time !
if it’s done anything, it’s just made him worse at hiding it. or, maybe that’s sora’s doing, melting the cold exterior he worked so hard to craft around him, filled with contrived arrogance and detachment. but riku gets the feeling that if he tries to explain that to sora, the thought of riku having always been sad will only upset him more.
and as it stands now, riku can’t bear to see him any more upset --- as sora wraps his arms around his waist, settles his head upon riku’s chest ; almost as if his body were begging for riku to help him, even if sora and his brain would never acknowledge it, own up to his exhaustion. and riku wants to collapse against sora in turn, overwhelmed by other nightmares and lacking the strength to handle them.
if he can’t get through to sora, they will surely undo each other.
“ c’mon, sora --- not all darkness has to be bad. even if it is easy for it to become bad. ”
he’s not about to say that his darkness, that darksider is wholly good ------ but riku has to believe that he won’t succumb to it one day, that he can do good with the gift he’s been given ------ that it is a gift, and not a curse. how can he live with himself if he can’t ?
i don’t want you to be sad anymore, so i’m not gonna let you eat my dreams ! e - even if it means that … i have to be sad, and even if kairi says that my dreams don’t make you sad. i think she’s wrong.
were riku not currently holding sora in his arms, he’d most assuredly be retiring to his room for the next year. if he can’t get through to sora in this moment, perhaps he really will.
“ kairi’s right, silly. your dreams work differently than everyone else’s. the link between our hearts is stronger than any other connection we have. ” he’s careful as he lifts sora’s head off his chest, settles one hand on his shoulder and the other cupping his chin. riku just wishes sora will understand what this means.
“ taking your nightmares, turning them into good dreams ------ that’s what makes me strongest. there’s no way i can be sad when you’re dreaming peacefully. but i need you to trust me, sora. ” the hand upon sora’s shoulder grips just a bit more firmly, involuntarily, pleading.
