i've never been good at it anyway
i was doomed from the start
all my feelings for you are complicated
i'm what you made to feel was what ruined your life when i didn't ask for any of this. why would i want such a painful existence? even if i wasn't here, you wouldn't have done the things you said you'd accomplish. when i brought up that you should;ve just aborted me after one of those comments, you never said it again.
is that supposed to be some kind of proof you care?
why did i go through everything i did
why is it all a little too late
why do you still behave the same way
like we're not allowed to be angry and hurt at what you made us into.
that somehow you're the victim but you're only reaping what you sowed. what else could you expect from us after your criticism, your dismissals of our emotions, the way you don't hesitate to talk shit about what we love. how could you call yourself our mother?
look at us. we dance with death at every chance you give us. you hand us to her without a second thought when you treat us like we don't matter. i can't help but be so extreme. it's how you shaped me.
the manipulative words and lies fall so smoothly out of my mouth. should you have taught me this is how to get my way? I look at myself and think I'm disgusting now. Sometimes, I can't help myself. Because that's how I get love and attention, right? Mom? Right?
That's how we play this game called life?
We look out for ourselves only. Lie, cheat, and make them give you what you want. Pity me if it means you'll love me and shower me in attention until I "feel better", because it's all a lie after all.
because of you, i'm so starved for all i never had. i keep repeating what i've seen even though i want to be nothing like you. i want to pull away but you guilt me into coming back. verbal abuse with a sprinkle of emotional.
i don't want to be like you. you're fucked up. generational trauma. but i can't forgive you for what you've done to us. and i wish i would stop wanting for you to love me. to finally be a mom. i have always wanted one. my soul cries out for one. can we please just be normal? can i stop being your tool? we only have a transactional relationship. i don't like that i love you. that it hurts to do so. you make me feel awful these days. like i should say the most minimal things. I can't ask for the most minimal thing. you're greedy with what you have. you'll throw it back in my face. why the fuck can't we be a normal family why can't you be a real mother why
why do you keep hurting us
even if i was dying, i would never ask for your help
