“seonah. why do you still care about me?” he asks suddenly, feeling as though more than moments, minutes had passed by. he bites at his bottom lip, trying to calm his breathing. joohyuk knows that seonah in fact, does NOT care about him, or for him. while she isn’t a selfish person, she has her limits. he laughs to himself, his hand slipping from his face to his stomach and he stares at the white ceiling. “you’re so— adamant about pursuing me, even after everything happened.” joohyuk for one, as she knew, was all about brutal honesty, he wasn’t one to hide behind things or people, and playing along with her wasn’t right, it never was. joohyuk sits up, running a hand through his hair, his bangs settling as he looks across to her. “i’m not mad, i just wanna know— why me?” i’m tired of being your toy, a target for your affections. his head spins, maybe a headache is oncoming. he knows it was a mistake to let her in. he should of just closed the door.
she knows him to be honest, but can’t help but wonder for a split second —which shows all in her eyes as he declares his change of mind— if she’s suddenly the one getting played around with here.
she’d like to think he has no reason to lie to her, or that he isn’t this good of an actor. but she doesn’t know. she really doesn’t. not anymore. she goes limp, which is good because he shifts away, and she stays put. legs positioned awkwardly from letting go so abruptly until she sits up. her head spins for a second or so, low blood pressure or whatever, but she doesn’t have to look at him to know what he’s doing.
but she does, and it’s disorienting at best. feels like a bad joke, and she laughs, drily, maybe more at herself for looking so dumbfounded than at him for cutting the tension clean through the center just as it strung itself up tight. stuttering into a response that is way too automatic to deserve any further emphasis, “okay.. okay, okay. okay.” she looks away for the first time in a while, and way sooner than she’d have expected to need to.
seonah doesn’t need the shirt anymore. she never wanted to keep it, even as he suggests she does; just wanted to see where it could get her. only this far. she doesn’t claim to be an expert at folding things neatly, but for working with the fabric atop her lap, doing a sloppy job by effect of sudden discomfort, she feels a lot more content putting it down by the side of his bed. the rest must seem old and rehearsed; she inhales, and begins anew.
and out of her comfort zone she keeps herself, because even if it’d be easy for her to start over and try and sway him out of the conversation he wants, she knowss it won’t work. and maybe joohyuk deserves this from her anyway. it takes a lot of restraint though, to just walk on all fours over towards him knowing that she’ll have to stop when she gets there. now, she doesn’t make it that far, because he suddenly sits up and stops in place.
he’s been asking questions and she’s been convienently silent this whole time. moving to sit down instead, more comfortably so with her legs crossed in front of her, careful not to touch him, she figures she’ll stay where she is for a while. there’s some talking to be done, even if she doesn’t want to. even if she absolutely hates it.
“i care about you.” she deadpans, looking straight at him. there’s utter gentleness in her gaze, too soft to be labeled a gaze, but her voice lacks any sign of emotion, for better or worse. “i like you. that hasn’t- changed.” there’s a way between them, some tricks she knows to get through to him, because they’ve been down routes similar to this one before, although not quite the same. a gentle tease in her laughter, she runs her hands through her hair, almost laughing through the smile. her politeness is sullen at best. this is taking a lot. “i’m just trying to.. be natural, around you, i guess? as i’ve always been.. and you know me, right?”
elbows now resting against her legs, hands rubbing slowly back and forth against each other, she falls quiet for a little while. sleepy recollection. she’s trying for something, still, as always.
“do you want me to leave?”