Surviving Beaver Nation

Welcome! I'm a freshman in the College of Liberal Arts at Oregon State University who enjoys life and seeks adventure. I hope you'll enjoy being a part of my collegiate journey.

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Apologies!

My sincerest apologies for having gone MIA for about a month.

So much has gone on in the time I've been away from this blog, but here's a listy recap (because lists, as a certain high school counselor once told me, makes the world go 'round):

- still getting over the passing of my papa 

- studying > social life (but I'm working on trying to find a good balance)

- joined OSU's Filipino Club!

- started the application process for ASOSU (basically the student gov of college), I'm hoping to serve on one of their committees next fall

- found an internship for the summer (paid!)

- I've come to enjoy my professors' officer hours; you just learn so much

- finally completed my FAFSA (like that's gonna change anything..)

- found an apartment for next year! Signing the lease in a couple weeks (:

- I am officially a SOPHOMORE, in terms of credits...

Promises: I will stick to my weekly/biweekly postings from now on. I'm not quite sure how many people actually follow my blog, but for those that do, I don't want to keep you all hanging again!

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A college student's very best friend

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Me, when applying for scholarships

Gov: Sorry, we can't give you any grants or scholarships Me: Why not? Gov: Your parents make too much money Me: But you do know they have to provide for 2 other kids and elderly relatives living with them, right? As well as sending money to support our family members still overseas. Gov: Yeah, but they still make too much money Me: But I'm also a minority, doesn't that count? Gov: Sure, but you're still in the middle class, soo.. Me: But I've worked my butt off for years, not just to build up my resume, I enjoyed all the work I did, but even with all these causes I fought for and work I've done, just because I'm in the middle class you think I don't deserve scholarships more than another student? Gov: Make us cry. Me: What? Gov: Tell us a sob story, and maybe we'll consider giving you some aid. Me: You're kidding. No. Gov: How about some loans? Me: That I'll have to pay back? I'd rather not Gov: Look, if you're going to complain, at least go get a job and support yourself. Lots of people do it already Me: Easier said than done, jobs that hundreds of students are fighting for because they need to support themselves too. Gov: I don't think you understand, if college was really affordable that just means anyone could go. And we don't just want anyone, or everyone for that matter, getting a college education. We want to see you work for it, compete for it, and I mean suffer. That's the American dream. Me: You are horrible people Gov: Tell us something we don't know...

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Grieving

Sorry for not posting in a while. It's been a rough week.

With the most recent loss of my uncle back in November, losing my grandpa (Papa Bill, rest in peace) has been another emotional strike. This loss, however is the toughest loss I've dealt with since the passing of my uncle. My papa was in my life, every step of the way. From the day I was born to the day I graduated high school, and every moment in between. He was just like a second father to me. And just like my uncle, it kills me inside to not have been with my papa at the time he took his last breath.

I shed tears as I type this. Being in college, away from your family and having to deal with such a loss as this is extremely difficult. I would advise anyone considering attending a school far from home to take this into account. Can you really handle being away from your loved ones during such tragic times? These are questions I never asked myself, because I just didn't believe any of this would happen.

Thankfully, I have a lot of support from my friends here at OSU, in my dorm hall, and I know I have support from my buddies back at home. Sometimes it's just the simple act of a hug that helps get through tough times. 

This is a really tough time...

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My grandpa always dreamed big, even though I'm sure he knew that at his age and state of health many of those dreamed wouldn't be fulfilled. But he never let anyone else tell him he was wrong.

R.I.P. Papa Bill, I miss you and your love and wisdom.. 8/11/1940 - 1/14/2015

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Winter Term

The week is almost over, I still have a couple classes tomorrow, but I believe enough days has gone by in my second term of college to write about it.

What can I say? This term is definitely much more challenging than the first. I have classes every day of the week this time around, my earliest being at 8 AM (it's a killer), but thankfully I get out at 3 PM everyday (except Fridays, where I get out at noon). The schedule is a bit of getting used to, but I've got it down. It's the courses that are both mentally stimulating yet piled high in rigorous material (the profs for all my classes are AMAZING, though).

Intro to Sociology, Interpersonal Communication, Japanese 112, and Race, Power, and Discrimination in Education (I will probably be writing about that one a lot) is what my winter term consists of. Extremely interesting subjects, I may add, and don't get me wrong I'm super excited about getting to dive deeper into these topics. It's just the workload I don't feel too prepared for. 

On top of all that, I was recently voted in as my dorm hall's secretary/archivist. So yeah....my schedule is pretty booked. In fact, as I write this, I have just spent 3 hours in our library studying.

It doesn't get any better than this, folks.

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Greetings to the New Year

Things that happened to me in 2014:

- I was Student Body President, my 3rd year on Student Government - I was co-alternate for the student rep on the PPS schoolboard - I spent another year on SuperSAC - I got my driver's license! - I went to Washington D.C., for the SECOND time, once again representing my school and city - I totally grilled Secretary of Education Arne Duncan (best. exerience. ever.) - I became an Honor Thespian & Thespian Scholar - I was featured in news articles - I received scholarships to go to college - I celebrated 3 straight years of love, laughs, and adventures with my wonderful boyfriend

- I turned EIGHTEEN; hollaaaa!

- I graduated from high school, with several honors

- I started college! - I learned a lot about overcoming failure, and seeing the good in my imperfections

...and I am so thankful for each and every moment. Cheers to a rather extravagant year, and greetings to a new!

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Well now, I don't usually post too many pictures of my face, but Merry Christmas and happy holidays from me and this absolutely fancy tree!

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First College Term: Complete

The only thing I've really looked forward to about college: the 3-week-long winter break. And the fact that since a new term is about to start, there's no homework! Makes for a stress-free, kickback time with friends and family.... or so I thought.

My final grades were posted, and I'm happy to say that my first term ended with a solid 3.2 GPA. But then I was reminded that I had to average that GPA with the one I received from taking courses at PSU; this is where it all went horribly wrong. I received a C in the class (something I don't believe I deserved so I may go and have a talk with my past instructors on the course to see if there is anything I can do to fix that) which caused my overall transfer GPA to be a 2.00 - average that out with my 3.24, I get a not-so-attractive 2.55.

I LITERALLY WANT TO CRY.

I feel....like a failure. And on top of that, I've remembered that just because I've started college doesn't mean the applications for scholarships have ended. If I want to continue being financially set, I need to keep applying and applying, and winter "break" is just the time I need to punch out a few scholarship apps. So much for a break, right?

But that is to be expected, and I guess there all still some good that will comes out of this. I'm still on track to early sophomore standing, and at least I passed all my classes (considering they were all upper-division courses). My only concern is that 2.00 GPA, because no matter how hard I work now, no matter how many A's I get, that 2.00 will still be on my record, will still need to be averaged out, and now I'm luck enough If I get over a 3.00 GPA. It's a really terrible feeling.

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The Loneliness Stage

Some time in your college career, you're going to get to a point where all you want to do is break down in a corner and cry. But even though I was aware of this, I didn't think I would encounter this stage so early into the college experience.

I posted a similar story a few weeks ago, about how I felt my friend group falling a part. But I'm here to develop that story, because since then not much has gotten any better. I find myself studying so often that I don't really have a social life anymore. If I'm not in class, I'm at the library or in my dorm studying. When I'm not studying, I'm either sleeping or eating. My friends from high school seem to be doing their own things, with new people, and that's totally okay....but why can't I do the same?

When it comes to making friends/meeting new people, I NEVER had a problem with that. But now even my own roommate has made friends, friends who share love and inside jokes and go out to have fun. I don't have much of that. My friend circle went from 10 to just about 3 people I can truly enjoy my time with.

I know what you're thinking: "Abby, get out of the library and spend some time socializing! College isn't all about studying and textbooks!" and you're right. But I want to succeed so much, I can't let my work ethic slip. And when I do try to mingle and chat or get involved, for once I feel intimidated and insecure; its as if everyone knows each other and I'm the new kid who just transferred to a new class in the middle of the year.

This is the loneliness stage.

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Finalsssssssss

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Stressing Out...again

You really don't understand the term "Dead Week" until you've been in college for 10 weeks.

Literally, I feel like I want to die. This is nothing compared to high school - as expected - and I feel like I need to crouch in a corner and cry. I was never really good at managing my stress levels, and now that's really starting to bite me in the butt.

Within a week, I will be finishing up my first term at college. I am terrified, because I'm already failing a class which is really hurting my self-esteem right now. I feel like I shouldn't be failing, I feel so behind while the rest of my friends moves forward. All i've done was study, I lacked a social life because I spent so much time on studying, but now look at me! I'm an anxious wreck.

So far freshman year has been a learning experience. I'm trying not to freak out too much over this one class, trying to remind myself that I need to learn from failure and work harder next time around, but that doesn't really help when I know that scholarships and the approval of my peers are on the line. And now we're back to the whole anxious wreck thing.

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this post, once again, I'm just kind of have a nervous breakdown here so my mind is literally all over the place. I just want this term to be over, I want to go home and take my well-deserved winter break, and start the new term refreshed and ready to do better than before.

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Turkey Day

In the light of recent events, it almost seems unfitting to write about how much good my life as seen. As if, since others are mourning and angry, I should be, too. However for me, even at the peak of destruction, it's always important to be reminded of all the positives in your life. So here is a brief list of things I am thankful for this holiday:

- I am thankful for my family, who, even though they are hard on me, have always been my rock and guidance. - I am thankful for my close friends, the amazing individuals who make my life what it is. - I am thankful to have a boyfriend who has been so supportive and loving for these last almost 4 years, who truly makes me a better person. - I am so thankful for the opportunity to further my education, and the aid I have been awarded to help me push through. - I am thankful for my accomplishments, which have open up so many doors for me and have built the foundation for where I am now. - I am thankful for all the adults, the educators, and peers in my life that have believed in me, inspired me, and given me strength.

And I am so thankful and blessed to be alive today, so fortunate to spend my day with people that I care about; for this roof over my head and food on the table; to laugh and love and be merry. Even in the midst of darkness, and there has been plenty of that lately, there are still plenty of reasons to be thankful.

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Standing with Ferguson

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NO JUSTICE, NO REST

Everyone is aware of the situation going on Ferguson, so I'm not even going to sum that up. What I am going to talk about, however, is how the issue is affecting students on campus.

Students have been in an uproar here at OSU since the news broke regarding the Michael Brown case. It seems to have been the conversation of the day, and it seems as if almost everyone is on the same page: this is nothing new. 

It's frustrating and unfortunate, but the reality of this American system. Not to say that things can't change, yet things are not changing. And the sad part is, in a week or so, this will be nothing but old news and people will return to their everyday lives. This is how the cycle goes - but this cycle can be disrupted (for the better!) and it all starts with us. 

Look passed the riots, the looting, the vandalism...the core is a group of people broken, suppressed voices finally breaking the surface. You can call them monsters, but I call this a movement. I say "Stand with Ferguson" because sitting still changes NOTHING. Whether that is writing about it, blogging about it, just talking about it and getting the word out. Educating others, stating facts and watching opinions. 

People oftentimes avoid all the political talk because they assume it's just simply "not our place" - but it is. If we don't step up, we will get stepped on.

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Brrrrrr!!

So this post is going to be somewhat less educational-related as my other ones. But in order to give the full story of a college experience, I need to explore every angle...right?

It's nearing the end of November, Turkey Day is just around the corner, only 2 more weeks left of this term, AND the coldest winter ever.

According to science, November-December is going to be the coldest in Oregon this year. And let me just tell you, it REALLY does suck to walk in 30 degrees of freezing rain and/or wind for 35 minutes all around campus to get to class. Even after I have already invested in winter apparel, it is still somewhat of a drag (probably because I'm really sensitive to the cold - I'll probably be sniffling until May).

But there is some comicality to all this: watching the out-of-state folk stock up for a seemingly impending, winter doom (seriously - they stock up on food like they'll never eat again and are caught in online store frenzies searching for winter "gear"). I know, I must sound HORRIBLE for saying that! But it's funny, and to me funny is something to take full advantage of when you get it...college is just that stressful.

I oftentimes question in my head just why some people (and note, I'm specifically referring to those from down south who are poorly prepared for this type weather) chose to come to the Pacific Northwest? And more importantly, weren't they fully aware of what they were getting themselves into?

(P.S. I totally love my out-of-state buds <3 I'm just poking a little fun at them)

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THIS IS HOW WE STAY MOTIVATED #RyanGosling