Changes
What happens when my internal bars show,
And you see the truth.
Deep inside I’m not that chill kick it flow,
I’m actually pretty blue.
Staying strong is who you saw,
Someone adapting to changes.
Now that I let you in, you see my flaws,
And how true my moods are in for ranges.
I let you in because of trust,
Now your unhappy with the woman you saw.
A sneak woman of lust,
And blood shattering cries for help are raw.
Never looking back is how I stood tall,
And now well…… I’m back.
“Never look back for the fall.”
And now the stress and anxiety have over-stacked.
A young spirit that was once young, wild and free,
Is back to the hell she came from.
If only I was even stronger, you would see,
That my past is infectious like cancer attacking a lung.
I know the person I am close to home,
That’s why I visit 3 times a year.
I found myself better off alone,
Now losing you is my only fear.
Adaptation to yet again, more changes,
And now I’ve fallen in love.
I never counted on love for ages,
Even said fuck the man above.
For my tormented soul,
Of being half shown of what is love.
My family is fowl,
And why am I even here in the now?
Running from my past,
All the way from my mom to my military father,
Moving forward so fast,
Never looking back, “Why should I bother?”
Then I met a beautiful soul,
Followed by some pierce gazing eyes.
My heart took a toll,
I knew I was in for a surprise.
You know how sometimes you can see things,
And your life flashes before your eyes.
Following what life brings,
Next thing you know it times flies.
I didn’t plan to fall in love,
Actually I never planned to come home.
Even if that meant staying higher than above,
I was willing to die alone.
Even if that meant peace and quiet,
No screaming or manipulation of my feelings.
Two families that riot,
Can take a toll on someone’s healing.
Torn this way, torn to blood,
Bitch! My father is blood.
Each family name thrown in mud,
Causes my tears to flood.
I’ve always tried to balance my family,
Because I am loyal.
We’ll see soon if they alienate me,
Because now I have a queen that’s royal.
If I could compare her to my past life,
She’s like what Blue Dream was to me.
Now she is my high,
And I don’t need drugs to see.
Psyeah, it’s a painful process,
Of accepting what the fuck I been through.
And that is going to be a vertical cross list,
Of losing people in my past that were in my crew.
It hurts being trampled on,
And just accepting this monotonous behavior.
Next thing you know it no one notices and I’m gone,
I swear moving to Richmond was my savior.
Adaptation of the past with the now,
Rather than changes I swear this should be Rita P’s story 2.
But I’ma leave it how it sounds,
And every title is unique after a dramatic pouring.
Life is again changing,
And I’m learning to be a wife.
I’m still trying to figure out who I should be thanking,
This is just another part of my life.
-Rita P
Changes (Chapter 2)
Royal? Me? That’s hardly true
I’m weak, I’m broken, and inside I’m blue
I’m no Queen, just a jester with a past
Finding joy in others smiles is the only way I last
My family is horrid, and my adoptive family is worse
From what I saw bringing you home was a gift, not a curse
But now I see reality, the bitter truth of it all.
For all the pains in your life, you had no one to call
So you ran away and hid, believe me I get it
But you can’t keep letting people dim the light of your spirit
It’s true, you let me in. And now I’m lost
I guess I thought I was doing what was right. But at what cost?
Now the woman I fell for is a stranger to me.
Weak, child like, and no longer free.
I got you into this. I have no doubts, it’s my fault
You had ran away and made progress, now it’s at a halt
See family is a tricky subject. Delicate at best.
It’s a blessing, it’s a burden, it’s a weight on your chest.
Sometimes things are good. By god they’re great.
But when they’re bad, hold onto your seat, because there is no escape
You never think your spouses family will rise up against you
One day I’m there, the next I’m not. Our world will be an abyss soon
I never want them to alienate you because of me.
I’m fucked up, an ass of sorts, and never filled with glee
See I just met you. They’ve known you for a while
And making someone choose has never been my style
So when the time comes they tell you it’s either them or me
I honestly hope that you choose your family
This was never supposed to happen. The marriage of you and I
But I guess you never see it coming because love knows no time
It’s ok for you to let me go, I promise I’ll understand
And if that’s the choice you make, I only ask on demand
Don’t do it because you feel you owe them
If you’re gonna do it, do it to show them,
I know family is important to you. I see it in your eyes.
Show them that family is love and no one gets left behind.
Signing the paper won’t be easy but I’ll find a way to smile
Knowing you chose what’s best for you will heal me after a while
Because that’s what love is. Sacrifice and truth
But always know that to me you have nothing to prove.
I love you for who you were and everything you are
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t always see your scars
I don’t hate you, despise you, or dislike you in any way
You are my heart, my soul, and you are loved everyday
Your family is a hard pill to swallow. I know why you left
I’m honestly proud after all they’ve taken, you have so much you’ve kept
So don’t worry about how I feel, you do what makes you strong
Even if that’s leaving me and your family behind and carry on
I’ll love you for as long as life but I won’t make you choose
That’s a power for your heart no one should abuse
Don’t beat yourself up babe, you live and you learn.
Sometimes life flourishes, sometimes it burns
Some chapters have to close, for new ones to begin.
Every now and again you lose but sometimes you win.
What you have to hold on to
Is the power that’s within you
I’ve already made my choice, to fight as long as you do
You’re not alone in this big cruel world, I’m right here with you.
Both from broken backgrounds, abuse, manipulation, hate
But our happiness doesn’t belong to our family. It’s our to dictate.
Sometimes it’s about remembering, we’re right on the cusp
It’s not the story of Rita P or Lexxi D. But the story of us
But if our story has to end for you to find peace
Then I will bow out gracefully and with east
But I will always love you
-Alexandra Chantal Palomata













