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Changes

What happens when my internal bars show,

And you see the truth.

Deep inside I’m not that chill kick it flow,

I’m actually pretty blue.

Staying strong is who you saw,

Someone adapting to changes.

Now that I let you in, you see my flaws,

And how true my moods are in for ranges.

I let you in because of trust,

Now your unhappy with the woman you saw.

A sneak woman of lust,

And blood shattering cries for help are raw.

Never looking back is how I stood tall,

And now well…… I’m back.

“Never look back for the fall.”

And now the stress and anxiety have over-stacked.

A young spirit that was once young, wild and free,

Is back to the hell she came from.

If only I was even stronger, you would see,

That my past is infectious like cancer attacking a lung.

I know the person I am close to home,

That’s why I visit 3 times a year.

I found myself better off alone,

Now losing you is my only fear.

Adaptation to yet again, more changes,

And now I’ve fallen in love.

I never counted on love for ages,

Even said fuck the man above.

For my tormented soul,

Of being half shown of what is love.

My family is fowl,

And why am I even here in the now?

Running from my past,

All the way from my mom to my military father,

Moving forward so fast,

Never looking back, “Why should I bother?”

Then I met a beautiful soul,

Followed by some pierce gazing eyes.

My heart took a toll,

I knew I was in for a surprise.

You know how sometimes you can see things,

And your life flashes before your eyes.

Following what life brings,

Next thing you know it times flies.

I didn’t plan to fall in love,

Actually I never planned to come home.

Even if that meant staying higher than above,

I was willing to die alone.

Even if that meant peace and quiet,

No screaming or manipulation of my feelings.

Two families that riot,

Can take a toll on someone’s healing.

Torn this way, torn to blood,

Bitch! My father is blood.

Each family name thrown in mud,

Causes my tears to flood.

I’ve always tried to balance my family,

Because I am loyal.

We’ll see soon if they alienate me,

Because now I have a queen that’s royal.

If I could compare her to my past life,

She’s like what Blue Dream was to me.

Now she is my high,

And I don’t need drugs to see.

Psyeah, it’s a painful process,

Of accepting what the fuck I been through.

And that is going to be a vertical cross list,

Of losing people in my past that were in my crew.

It hurts being trampled on,

And just accepting this monotonous behavior.

Next thing you know it no one notices and I’m gone,

I swear moving to Richmond was my savior.

Adaptation of the past with the now,

Rather than changes I swear this should be Rita P’s story 2.

But I’ma leave it how it sounds,

And every title is unique after a dramatic pouring.

Life is again changing,

And I’m learning to be a wife.

I’m still trying to figure out who I should be thanking,

This is just another part of my life.

-Rita P

Changes (Chapter 2)

Royal? Me? That’s hardly true

I’m weak, I’m broken, and inside I’m blue

I’m no Queen, just a jester with a past

Finding joy in others smiles is the only way I last

My family is horrid, and my adoptive family is worse

From what I saw bringing you home was a gift, not a curse

But now I see reality, the bitter truth of it all.

For all the pains in your life, you had no one to call

So you ran away and hid, believe me I get it

But you can’t keep letting people dim the light of your spirit

It’s true, you let me in. And now I’m lost

I guess I thought I was doing what was right. But at what cost?

Now the woman I fell for is a stranger to me.

Weak, child like, and no longer free.

I got you into this. I have no doubts, it’s my fault

You had ran away and made progress, now it’s at a halt

See family is a tricky subject. Delicate at best.

It’s a blessing, it’s a burden, it’s a weight on your chest.

Sometimes things are good. By god they’re great.

But when they’re bad, hold onto your seat, because there is no escape

You never think your spouses family will rise up against you

One day I’m there, the next I’m not. Our world will be an abyss soon

I never want them to alienate you because of me.

I’m fucked up, an ass of sorts, and never filled with glee

See I just met you. They’ve known you for a while

And making someone choose has never been my style

So when the time comes they tell you it’s either them or me

I honestly hope that you choose your family

This was never supposed to happen. The marriage of you and I

But I guess you never see it coming because love knows no time

It’s ok for you to let me go, I promise I’ll understand

And if that’s the choice you make, I only ask on demand

Don’t do it because you feel you owe them

If you’re gonna do it, do it to show them,

I know family is important to you. I see it in your eyes.

Show them that family is love and no one gets left behind.

Signing the paper won’t be easy but I’ll find a way to smile

Knowing you chose what’s best for you will heal me after a while

Because that’s what love is. Sacrifice and truth

But always know that to me you have nothing to prove.

I love you for who you were and everything you are

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t always see your scars

I don’t hate you, despise you, or dislike you in any way

You are my heart, my soul, and you are loved everyday

Your family is a hard pill to swallow. I know why you left

I’m honestly proud after all they’ve taken, you have so much you’ve kept

So don’t worry about how I feel, you do what makes you strong

Even if that’s leaving me and your family behind and carry on

I’ll love you for as long as life but I won’t make you choose

That’s a power for your heart no one should abuse

Don’t beat yourself up babe, you live and you learn.

Sometimes life flourishes, sometimes it burns

Some chapters have to close, for new ones to begin.

Every now and again you lose but sometimes you win.

What you have to hold on to

Is the power that’s within you

I’ve already made my choice, to fight as long as you do

You’re not alone in this big cruel world, I’m right here with you.

Both from broken backgrounds, abuse, manipulation, hate

But our happiness doesn’t belong to our family. It’s our to dictate.

Sometimes it’s about remembering, we’re right on the cusp

It’s not the story of Rita P or Lexxi D. But the story of us

But if our story has to end for you to find peace

Then I will bow out gracefully and with east

But I will always love you

-Alexandra Chantal Palomata

#poetry #ritapstory #ritap #pain #love

Life Starts at the Sky

Is it really that hard to let go,

Of course it is.

If it was that easy you’d easily see people grow,

And you’d see the entire population in bliss.

What do you see when you look into the world?

A bunch of hurt people hurting people.

Got you feeling like the only girl,

Failing to realize that, that girl also has a sequel.

Just because you hurt someone,

You have the ability to change.

You have the ability to hold onto a loved one,

But if you don’t let go it may feel strange.

Spirits ability to give us what we desire is on us,

All we need to do is let go.

We can turn negatives into a plus,

We just need to elevate from our lows.

This means take a walk, ground yourself,

Clean your body so you can think clearly.

When you’re in pain ask for help,

Please don’t wait; take care of that shit early.

Trust me, I lost myself by not dealing,

In that process I lost my wife and almost my life.

If you don’t deal with all your feelings,

Trust me it will hurt, you’ll want to jump off any height.

Not dealing with my past of abandonment,

I projected that shit onto my wife.

I let my darkness swallow us whole like a catalyst,

I let my anger control my life.

I focused to heavily on the effects,

My ass forgot what was the cause to it all.

It’s easy to lose yourself without taking these steps,

Sometimes it’s too late and you only realize it after the fall.

Crossroads literally came to my front door,

Honestly in my head I was like this is a joke,

Now I have ugly cries as I hit the floor,

My chest feels like it’s having a stroke.

Something that happened before her I am dealing with now,

Please do not wait as long as I did.

I went in with my trauma as I took vows,

Just to realize looking back I acted like a kid.

At 29 I punched my bathroom wall,

Also tried to get lost in this sex game.

Throwing ass back and shots, having a ball,

Because your running from something is not the same.

People think they know what you need,

But in reality baby the key is you.

Sometimes you need your wounds to bleed,

Just so your internal bars aren’t always blue.

Just a reflection in the mirror you have to face,

Does she scare you?

I went for the cocaine; I didn’t care if my weed was laced,

Was my pain really not showing to any of you?

Take a step back and re-evaluate,

What are you allowing into your life?

Just a time bomb waiting to detonate,

Are holding onto toxic traits really worth the fight?

Ladies I know it hurts,

I humbly ask you to surrender.

Beautiful women if you all know your self-worth,

Why do we throw our bodies through the blender?

Chopping that shit up, no one can sit with humility?

Ascension really has me questioning everyone around me.

Noticed my changes have many people questioning me,

Guess my face is showing the tranquility.

Like Jesus this shit was already prophesized to me,

Can’t say I didn’t see this coming.

At the time I thought it was a joke, I wanted that shit hypothesized to me,

Yet the people around me think it’s funny.

We’re not all perfect, but the ego,

We need to let it go.

Popping pills, they’re probably placebos,

We all really just need to grow.

The cosmos are calling us,

Yet some of us disrespect her.

Literally life starts at the Sky,

And we treat everything above that as a blur.

The sky is NOT the limit,

It’s only the beginning.

Chapters Ascended

Living in Houston Texas I’ve changed a lot,

Once upon a time I was drowning in the Midwest.

Previously I was going stay in Columbus to let my heart rot,

Now I’m grateful your ass I left.

I’m not mad at you; I just knew it wasn’t meant to be,

Now I sit in Houston alone with my thoughts.

During my separation I thought you were heaven sent to me,

When in reality it was myself yet again, I almost lost.

Well, thank spirit that chapter was short lived,

Now I sit here still healing from a love much deeper.

My past and feelings from you I hid,

After deciphering my poetry, damn your were a keeper.

But I have to let that love go,

I’ve love and I’ve lost.

Got so high out here I was digging the blow,

But there I go losing myself again at what cost.

To hidden truths I kept myself,

I can barley look at myself in the mirror.

This healing process is the worst I ever felt,

However my head does feel somewhat clearer.

Back to eating healthy again,

And letting myself cry until I’m dry.

I’m supposed to trust the process and accept spirit is giving a lend,

Everyday I wish I could fly.

While in Houston I got to see where I am from cosmically,

Not many people out here can relate with me.

Many people out here are 3 dimensional honestly,

On some real shit that worries me.

I was intoxication at its finest,

You could’ve called me the ring leader.

Somehow though I was still the kindest,

While filling heads with toxic truths I was the feeder.

In order to find yourself I believe in getting lost,

But shit don’t stay there!

Many people’s hearts honestly go frost,

With the inability to tear.

Now I find myself starting to set up boundaries,

People be feeding off my energy.

Keep playing I’ll set up foundries,

If I need metal barriers to help give off the synergy.

After one of my first awakenings,

I drove and got lost on Richmond and Westheimer.

Little did I know spirit was awaiting

Frustrated with my stubbornness; probably thinking I’m a waste of time.

I see the spiritual realm,

I walk into dreams I can’t explain.

Talk about the wildest shit I’ve ever felt,

I’ve change my ways and now somehow I’m lame.

I remember I did want to understand my past lives,

Not gonna lie I still do,

So now that requires me to live right,

Sobriety over intoxication is what I choose.

The process has not been easy at all,

I still have days at work when I cry.

On some real shit I am tired of this fall,

I’m not gonna look in your faces and lie.

I’ve gained knowledge about Kai out here,

And not many will know what that means.

The matrix is real and people still live in fear,

Talk about them NPC beings.

I used to be caught with them,

Thinking life was about money, sex and drugs.

Sleeping with hijacked men and bloodsucking fems,

I realize I was sweeping dirt under the rug.

Literally death came for my ass,

Yet people are still out here playing games.

People chugging their problems by the masses,

Thinking that will bring you to fame.

And a long lived love I am finally giving myself.

This chapter I am working towards everlasting wealth,

Wanna talk about the realest shit I’ve ever felt,

There’s more to fame, what about your health?

What about when you feel that ominous presence at witching hour?

Y’all think that’s a coincidence?

Not realizing we are the true keys to our power,

Yet people chip themselves away with persistence.

I refuse to give up anymore of me

I rebuke the tears unless it’s necessary; more laughter.

Even if I have to roll solo, I know I got a spiritual team,

This is Rita P’s newly ascended chapter.

No title yet…..

Pained eyes, it’s okay,

I’m not here to hurt you.

I think I’ve fallen in love anyways.

Hurting you is my last virtue.

Cryptic meanings and emotions with each other,

Yet we speak but we’re not talking.

A connection to our souls screaming lovers,

Yet we ain’t doing much walking.

I’m not putting this all on you either,

I know we’ve been bitten by spiders.

Not tryna be racist, but my walls like the Great Wall of China,

When I’m around your soul I just wanna be by ya.

I still try to put my walls up,

But I don’t see a vengeful soul.

We’ve both been hurt by lust and love,

Yet I see two pieces to a whole.

What’s wild is I have yet to sleep with you,

I am truly in love with the person in front of me.

I keep saying to myself this ain’t true,

But here you are, always making me feel seen.

Your soul is a little torn right now

And honestly I get it.

Let me know what can I do to fix it, tell me how,

Or just tell me you want my presence.

From Ohio to Texas,

First of all I didn’t think it would be like this.

Compared to all my exes,

Your soul is literally bliss.

-Rita P (Maybe finished)

07-24-22

"Contemplation of animations of an old character I can no longer find, just to realize that character was someone of my past, while they shall be remembered, moving forward is more elevating to my spirit as it flies." -Rita P

When that ship sails,

Are you going to take that chance?

When life gets crazy and derails,

Are you ready for the tango dance?

This world is a crazy place,

Just trying to find the meaning of it all.

At first I thought it was something about the chase,

Falling in love I swear was my only downfall.

So, if that ship sails again,

I am going to grab that bitch.

ritapsworld

https://www.stalliastyle.com/

For some hot new threads from Stalliainc check this link out. However SN shout out to my brothers for the new threads. I’m about to slayyyy.

No Title Yet

Carefree and well connected,

That's how I feel.

These good vibes injected,

Waiting for my wounds to finally heal.

Seal

This feeling of free, can it be?

I am unsure how to feel,

but I'm fine it seems,

My free will has broke the seal.

I am massively confused,

it's like a jolt of lightening through my body.

Mistreated, unloved, abused,

I got punches, I ain't scared of nobody.

I'm back and I'm healing,

but once I'm back I'ma start fighting,

By the way perfect timing.

If I was still with you,

I wouldn't have took that deal.

But this is the life I choose,

And like I said I broke the seal.

Rita P

Fuck.... Here we go again

Your hair is pretty and so is your skin,

You have a vibe that isn't just sexually,

You actually made me grin,

Taking our time to get there eventually.

I actually don't mind the wait,

I feel like it's too fast for me to be writing,

Foreal I thought I was just bait,

Now I feel like I'm flying.

Fuck........ Here we go again.

poems-and-word

curiano-life-quotes

Curiano Quotes Life - #LifeQuote, Love Quotes, Life #Quotes, Live #Life #Quote, and Letting Go Quotes. Visit this blog now Curiano.com

quotemadness

Perhaps it’s good for one to suffer. Can an artist do anything if he’s happy? Would he ever want to do anything? What is art, after all, but a protest against the horrible inclemency of life?

Aldous Huxley (via quotemadness)

sleepyclover-blog

people are allowed to leave you. people are allowed to break up with you. people are allowed to love you but not want to be with you. people are allowed to not want to talk to you. people are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you. people are allowed to move on from you. people are allowed to fall in love with someone else. people are allowed to not want you in their life. people are allowed to do whatever they want to better themselves and become the version of themselves they are trying so hard to love. don’t be bitter towards someone who is only trying to be happy.