Yeah, this is a good time to stop news-scrolling and go read some fanfic
Nectome will preserve your brain, but you have to be euthanized first.
And what a giveaway line: “Product-market fit is people believing that it works.” ...Jeez, guys, showing your hands much??
Your customer inevitably dies and has no legal recourse. And you get to keep their money. It's perfect! Not least because the whole thing rests on the idea that sometime in the far future, scientists (or even more greedy venture capitalists?) will wake your perfectly-preserved brain up.
...And if they don't? What, are your relatives going to sue them from the past? Bwahahaha.
And are you sure that your mind's definitely associated with that organ? People in some venues are still arguing about that.
And who owns the contents of your brain? Can't wait for the first court case... a couple hundred thousand years from now, maybe. If ever.
There are, like, about a hundred possible SF/horror novels flowing from this concept. If not more. ...It's a good thing I'm busy this week. 😏
This is based off of a dream that I literally had last night (I am ngl, I am feeling pretty impressed with myself that I banged out a whole fic today based off a dream I JUST had.) Anyway, thank God I finally had a dream about Hoshina after a literal year of simping over him. Love of my life fr. Hope yall enjoy!!
The day Hoshina finally took notice of you was the day that everyone’s jaws dropped.
He had been overseeing a team exercise and had instructed the soldiers to pick anyone to partner up with for the entirety of the training. For this exercise, one person would have to carry the other person through an obstacle course and the person being carried would be armed with a gun to shoot at targets they came across in the field. The pair who finished the course with both the fastest time and the highest shot accuracy would win an extra day off of work. If there was no such pair, no one would win the prize.
Suits were, of course, not allowed. While they certainly made physical feats easier, Hoshina didn’t want his soldiers to rely on the enhancement provided by the suits. If a Kaiju happened to attack on their day off, would they waste valuable time scrambling to find a suit? The suits they used merely served as amplifiers for their raw potential and he wanted that potential honed before they’d even donned their armor. He thought to himself that this was both a clever and entertaining method of honing such talent.
Not only did it require a proper assessment of your own strengths and limitations, but it also required an assessment of your fellow soldiers. Did you pick someone who was easier to carry or did you pick someone who was a better shot? And how was your strength in comparison to your accuracy? You might not have been the best shot but if your strength was lacking, it would do you no good to be the one carrying. And while, on the surface, this exercise appeared to mainly be a test of physical capabilities -speed, strength, and endurance being among those factors- it was also a test of intelligence. Did you spend more time carefully weaving through the obstacle course to allow your partner a better shot for the sake of accuracy or did you sacrifice some semblance of accuracy for the sake of speed? He was intrigued to see how the test would play out.
He watched with crossed arms and quirked lips as the officers bickered amongst each other about who would partner up with who. All this deliberating and it was all because he’d had the idea for this training exercise after watching Ichikawa carry Kafka through their entrance exam. He smiled to himself when he remembered how Okonogi had been by the Captain’s side when he’d pitched the idea and how she had face-palmed when he’d admitted the source of his inspiration. He’d have to thank Kafka later for inadvertently being the reason he’d been able to witness her making such a face.
Now, Hoshina expected it would take some time for the partnerships to be assembled. He expected he’d need to give his soldiers a time limit on their decision so they didn’t take all day. He expected they’d need proper incentive to unlock their full potential which was why he’d already had his prize in mind before he’d even put his plan into action. He expected all this and more, having prepared for every possible situation. Every situation except one.
He never expected that you’d march right up to him unfazed and ask to be his partner.
“I’m overseeing this exercise.” He tried to explain.
”And? You said that we could pick anyone to be our partner, did you not? So be mine.”
A slow grin spread across his face as he examined the resolve in your eyes. You were more clever than he’d given you credit for. You’d managed to twist his words to your advantage. Not only had you chosen someone strong, you’d chosen someone fast. He was your easy ticket to the finish line. While he didn’t necessarily approve of your underhanded tactic, he was so impressed with your cunning that he decided he’d humor you. He figured you must’ve wanted that day off badly if you had the audacity to demand he be your partner, and honestly? He was happy to give it to you. Sometimes strength wasn’t enough to save the day in a fight. Sometimes a split second decision, a moment of intelligence, was all it took to turn the tide. And you’d certainly turned this whole situation in your favor with nothing more than careful thinking and the power of your words. He couldn’t have been more proud.
“I did say that, didn’t I? S’pose I have no choice but to comply.”
Suddenly the bickering crowd went silent. He’d agreed. The Vice Captain had actually agreed to be your partner. They watched in stunned silence, jaws hung wide open, eyes bulging from their skulls, as he began to stretch in preparation.
Ohhh, they were all fucked.
They all quickly scrambled to form their partnerships, but what partnership would be better than one with the Vice Captain? They would have no such luck convincing the Captain to join. They’d have to test their luck and pray to the gods that luck was enough.
Hoshina was practically skipping as he warmed up. He hadn’t had this much fun in ages. He never would’ve guessed that you’d be the one to instill this excitement in him.
He’d never noticed you much before. Sure you were exemplary, but almost every one of this year’s rookies were. It took something like today to win his attention and now that you had it, he didn’t intend on ever letting it stray from you again.
Just as Hoshina was about to hand you your gun and hoist you onto his back, you turned away from him.
His brows furrowed. “Thought you wanted to be partners?”
“I do. Get on.” You gestured to your back.
His eyes widened. He’d assumed that you’d wanted him to carry you the whole way. After all, he had the speed and the endurance needed for a test such as this. He was sure that was all you’d wanted him for. “Soldier. Are you sure you want…to carry me? Didn’t you ask me to be your partner so I could carry you?”
”This is an exercise, isn’t it? How would I be exercising if I let you carry me?”
Well damn. You were just getting more and more interesting with each passing second.
“And what about my shooting capabilities? Did you take that into account when you made the decision to carry me? It’s well known that I have low combat power with a gun.” He challenged, eager to hear how you’d respond.
“With all due respect, sir, your combat power has nothing to do with your accuracy. If you didn’t have eyes like an eagle, you wouldn’t be able to hit your mark with your swords so perfectly, especially with the level of speed you’re fighting at. We’re using oculars to pinpoint our targets. You’re using your bare eyes. So I think I took your skills into consideration plenty when I picked you as my partner.”
He smirked. God, he was getting fired up just talking to you. “Fair enough. Alright, you’re on. I’ll shoot for you.”
The Third Division had been through all sorts of ordeals. They’d seen Kaiju come back from the dead. They’d seen Kaiju that spoke their language. They’d even seen Kaiju band together to form a self-destruct bomb. But the strangest thing they’d ever seen was their Vice Captain at the starting line of a race he’d devised himself, mounting some rookie he barely knew, all because you’d had a mouth on you and he’d liked it.
And then the bugle went off, and they saw nothing else but your dust.
As you ran, Hoshina wondered to himself if you’d carried him before, maybe in some fever dream, or some alternate universe. How you’d adjusted to his weight already like you’d spent days training for just this situation, he wasn’t sure. But he knew damn well he had to keep up his end of the bargain. He obliterated bull’s eye after bull’s eye, and after a certain point, a small part of him had even started to hope that you weren’t so busy dodging obstacles that you didn’t notice just how well he’d kept to your image of him.
But you had absolutely noticed. And you decided, while you were already being audacious enough, to risk your victory and give him a challenge.
Hoshina cleared his throat. “So, not to discredit the great run we’ve had so far, but you do realize that you jumped out of the way of that last target, right?”
“And? It’s still in range, isn’t it?”
“But…I’m facing the opposite direction. It’s a terrible angle.”
“So climb around me and face it.”
“What- climb around you?? While you’re running?? And then what??”
“And then shoot it, silly.”
He scoffed at the simplicity of your words. As though you weren’t asking him to do literal gymnastics in the middle of a freaking obstacle course that he purposely built to be difficult. The friggin balls on you. As if he wasn’t your Vice Captain. As if he was just another soldier to you.
He loved it more than he cared to admit.
“You had better be properly impressed then.”
Without so much as another word of complaint, he hoisted himself up on your shoulders, lifted his legs, spun himself around above you, and then readjusted himself so he was facing you, legs coming to coil back around your waist. He rested his arm on your shoulder to steady himself and then fired a shot. Bull’s eye.
“Knew you could do it.”
Hoshina snorted. “You don’t sound nearly as impressed as you should be.”
And then you smiled at him. Amidst ducking and dodging obstacles, amidst the chaos from other competitors, you found the time to meet his gaze and smile at him. And his heart thundered in his chest.
“I’m immensely impressed, Vice Captain.”
Heat burst across his cheeks. He coughed. “H-Hoshina. You can call me Hoshina."
Your grip tightened on him. “Is this the part where I fall for your trap and you tell me to drop and give you fifty push-ups for improper conduct?”
He burst into laughter. “No, no, I’m serious. You’ve earned it after today. You can call me Hoshina. Just Hoshina. No Vice Captain.”
“Well then, Hoshina-” You smiled at him again and then, with one final burst of energy, blew past the finish line long before anyone else could even glimpse it, “-I look forward to our continued partnership.”
The two of you collapsed on the ground shortly after.
Hoshina glanced over at you and took note of your sweat soaked body and wheezing breaths. He gave another lighthearted laugh. “So it looks like your day off will be used to recover from this event, huh?” His eyes sparkled with mirth as he nudged an elbow into your side.
You rolled over to face him. “Absolutely not. I’m not wasting my extra day off like that.”
Hoshina stared at you dumbfounded. “What, so you’re just going to come in to work tomorrow looking like this?” He gestured to your trembling limbs.
“You never said tomorrow had to be my day off.”
He blinked. He hadn’t??
“So that means I can pick any day off as my extra day.” You continued.
His jaw dropped. There you went again, plucking loopholes out of thin air.
Stifling a laugh, you cupped his chin in your hands and gently closed his jaw for him. “Got your tongue, huh?” You teased.
He shook his head at you, astounded. “So, just out of curiosity, what day did you want off then?”
“Well, let’s see. You don’t have any plans this Saturday, right?”
Hoshina blinked. “Me? Why?”
“Well, because we both get a day off, silly. The partnership that wins gets a day off. That’s what you said, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So spend your day off with me. C’mon, Hoshina.” You purred his name and he almost combusted into fire and ash. Your method of persuasion was very…um…persuasive.
“A day off together, huh?” He cleared his throat, trying to sound more put-together than he felt. “I have a feeling you’ll keep me on my toes every second of it.”
“And would that be so bad?”
He shook his head, a smile starting to spill across his face. You were going to be the death of him one day. But he’d allow it. For you, for whatever crazy you had locked up inside you, for whatever thrill and adventure you’d bring him, he’d allow it.
“I honestly think you might make my day.”
Support JustWingingLife
Author’s note: I speed read the manga and I didn’t finish the last several chapters, so idk if it specifically says somewhere in there that Hoshina can’t shoot for shit, but until it says so, I’m taking Hoshina’s low combat power with a gun only to mean he just doesn’t pack a powerful punch with a gun. Because I headcanon that he probably tried his damndest to be useful with a gun and just couldn’t muster up the power for it due to low compatibility. He’s just better with a sword; he gets into that flow state with swords. But as stated in the fic above, he’s gotta have insane accuracy to be hitting such tiny cores with precision and speed especially without the help of oculars on guns, and besides that, Hoshina has high determination and perseverance. I truly do think he probably practiced with guns over and over before finally deciding it wasn’t worth using anymore energy on when he was clearly a swordsman. All this to say, I’m betting he’s actually pretty decent with a gun; he just happens to be better with a sword.
Special defense officer of third division a.k.a personal assist for Ashiro and Hoshina.
RIN AMAMIYA at your service!!
Provide assistance in office and field work. Usually the one to go abroad for diplomatic mission acting as a negotiator.
Personalized weapon: A sword and A blade that can turn into a retractable whip. (*Inspired by 3d maneuver gear, shinobi genshin weapon, and ahsoka tano light saber)
*this character was designed and drew by ME as my original characters in KN8
➢Summary: You weren't one to stick to tradition. Never were you, and never will you be. And if it meant following Hoshina Soshiro even to the pits of hell, you wouldn't hesitate on breaking any custom or practice. Too bad he never bothered to look back, where you always were.
➢Content: romance, angst, friendship, humour, violence (cw: mentions of death, fighting, blood, injuries, alcohol, cursing, possible mental distress from the characters, some gender stereotypes). will expand with the story.
➢ Pairing: Vice-captain! Hoshina x Platoon Leader! Fem! Reader
➢Genre: childhood best friends to lovers
➢Wc: 4075
➢notes: ooff- almost two months later, i'm back. i'm sorry y'all, but i've been very busy. i work two jobs while studying two degrees (not that you asked) so i lose track of time. i've had this chapter on my drafts for a long time, and finally i can upload it. sorry once again for the patient wait, and thank you for the immense love you have given to this series. it motivates me to continue developing the story.
if you wish to be added to the series masterlist, don't be afraid to comment or message me <3
Your little legs ached from kneeling on the ground for so long. After many months of insistence, it was your first time accompanying your father to the Hoshina estate. You had sat next to him for hours, watching several of the Hoshina clan members duel each other on the art of the sword. The clank of wood and metal meeting was the most fascinating sound your five-year-old ears had heard until then. Your innocent eyes were equally captivated by the swift moves of men, who held their weapons with divine reverence.
This time, you weren’t there to learn. No, a child, especially a girl, like you wasn’t meant to learn the art of the sword, so you had to content yourself with just watching. Apparently, that day, the eldest of the Hoshina sons was about to perform a test to obtain a higher rank of some sort, or at least that was what your father communicated. You would have the honor to watch the family’s latest prodigy rise one step further. Although, as flattering as that privilege would be to anyone else, it was hard to contain the energy of a small child for such a long period, and your legs did really hurt.
Your father allowed you to roam around the dojo for a while, not before sending you a stern look, so now you found yourself admiring the huge gardens that surrounded the Hoshina manor. Maids and footmen move around the patios, mostly ignoring you or shooting you with strange looks. Not every day did they host a young girl dressed in a keikogi and hakama. As you got tired of the pretty flowers, you saw a strange butterfly land on one of them. Holding your breath, you stood firmly as you observed the beautiful animal flutter its wings before resuming its flight. Something in you felt compelled to follow it, and so you did, leaving behind the dojo.
It wasn’t long until you had lost the way and found yourself on a more deserted part of the manor, with no maids or footmen in sight. Everything was too big and scary for your little self. Just as tears started to form in the corners of your eyes, you heard faint noises coming from behind a corner. Tiptoeing around the building, you were met with an extraordinary vision. A boy, not older than you, with the cutest bowl cut and small eyes, dressed in a similar fashion to you, was holding up a sword almost bigger than himself. He swung the wooden stick around with a precision uncharacteristic of a child his age. He seemed too focused on practicing his movements to notice you.
Up and down. Left to right. Back and forth.
Your little eyes were glued to his form with childish admiration. Never had you met such a fascinating sight. Even as you had just spent hours watching the same movements being performed by more skilled men, you couldn’t tear your gaze away from the boy. Little by little, you approached the unidentified child, inexplicably drawn by him. He remained unaware of your presence until the sound of a twig snapping broke his concentration.
The boy’s head whipped around towards the origin of the sound, only to find you looking down at the snapped piece of wood. Wary of the unknown presence, he held up his sword in his small fists. Nevertheless, you didn’t look like you wanted to hurt him. Quite the contrary. Your eyes were fixed on the wooden sword, a twinkle of amazement in them combined with a sweet smile. Looking back and forth between you and the sword, the boy felt a fuzzy feeling on his tummy.
“Hi,” he said, lowering the weapon.
You jumped a little. “Hi!”
A couple seconds of silence ensued until the boy spoke again. “What is your name?”.
You hid a little more behind the building. “(Y/N)...”
The boy offered you a big smile. He was missing a front tooth. “I am Soshiro!”. Out of nowhere, he offered you the wooden sword. “Do ya wanna try?”
You gasped. Your father had forbidden you from coming near weapons, so it was the first time anyone had offered you to try. It was an unparalleled opportunity for you.
Slowly, you left your corner to approach Soshiro. He watched you intensely, that toothy grin still plastered on his face. You grabbed the weapon by the wooden handle. Its warmth probably came from Soshiro’s hold but, for you, it signified something deeper like the start of something new.
The beginning of your love for combat and for Hoshina Soshiro.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
The door was almost flying from the hinges from the force of the knocking.
“Oh my god, I’m coming!” you shouted, not before letting out a groan.
You finished wrapping a towel around your hair. Stomping your way through your apartment, you approached the place where an elephant seemed to be trying to gain entry to your home. One breath. Two breaths. The door opened.
“Ya, next time try to keep the door intact,” you puffed. “Yer noisy”.
Hoshina’s jovial expression never abandoned him. “Yes, yes, good to see ya too. Now, would ya let me in? I’ve been waiting in this hall for ten minutes, have mercy on me”.
You glanced down to the plastic bag he carried on one hand. With a huff, you grabbed it away from him. “Fine, but only because I don’t want the beer to go cold”.
Hoshina inside your apartment was a very familiar sight to you. After decades of friendship, it was an unspoken agreement to try to spend almost every waking hour from the day together. Once you both reached adulthood, moved to the Third Division and got your own places, it became the norm to spend those free days in the company of the other, no matter how much you teased Hoshina about not wanting to hang out with him.
“Oh,” you let out after checking the bag, “you bought taiyakis too?”
“Yup,” he answered, laying on the couch, “in case ya had the idea of kicking me out for some reason”.
You glared at him. “Don’t believe yer safe yet. Chocolate or custard?”
“Chocolate and custard, of course”.
You beamed at him. “Nice”.
Hoshina knew you so well. Every crook and nanny. Well…almost.
You finished setting the snacks into plates and brought out the first bottles of beer from the fridge. Hoshina had already settled comfortably in your living room, arms crossed behind his head and feet against the armrest. Wearing a white shirt, black joggers with sneakers he had left on the doorstep, he looked as casual and divine as a human being could look. You debated between looking away and staring in awe, so you chose a more violent strategy.
“Get yer feet off my couch,” you kicked his ankle with your feet while balancing two plates of snacks on your hands. “I don’t want it smelling later”.
Hoshina whined. “I don’t wanna. Make me”.
With a sigh, you settled the last plates on the coffee table. After making sure nothing was at risk of falling off, you turned to your best friend of years, grabbed his feet by the ankles, and dragged them to the floor with enough force to almost push him off the couch completely.
With an indignant huff, he sat like a decent human being. “Geez woman, keep treating yer superiors like that and ya’ll see”.
You crossed your arms over your chest in defiance. “In this house, you ain’t no superior, Hoshina”.
The use of his name seemed to content him. “Fine, I’ll let it slide. Now, get yer butt in here so we can choose a movie”.
Rolling your eyes, you complied. At first, you kept your distance from Hoshina, opting to sit on the other side of the couch, but this didn’t seem to be the appropriate arrangement for him. In one swift movement, he grabbed you by the shoulders and dragged you to his side, almost snuggling against you. Your breath hitched for the shortest moment and your body tensed at the feeling of his side against yours. His smell was sweet and intoxicating.
Hoshina pulled a blanket over the both of you, trapping you even further into him. “So, what do ya want to watch, dear”.
That pet name again. You wanted to hide under the blanket. “I don’t care, you choose…”
He reached down to take a gulp from the open bottle of beer on the table. The elegant curve of his neck looked appetizing as he threw his head back to drink. You blinked away, afraid of being caught staring.
“Fine,” he put down the nearly empty bottle, “but I don’t want to hear you complaining if the movie is bad”.
Moments later, you both were watching one of the crappiest comedy movies humanity could have created. The writing was bad, the acting was bad, and the plot was nonexistent. Nevertheless, it was fun because Soshiro made it fun. He managed to crack jokes at every ridiculous scene, and with every bottle of beer that accumulated on your table, the laughter came easier to the both of you.
Things were always cheerful with Hoshina. It was impossible to stay quiet when it was just the both of you. No titles, no duties. No kaiju to fight, no civilians to protect. Plain old (Y/N) and Hoshina. You never regretted joining the Defense Force, but you always wondered about the what ifs. At the end, none of it mattered since you were still you and Hoshina was still Hoshina. It didn’t matter since you were still allowed to be at his side no matter what, and that was enough for you.
By the end of the movie, Hoshina sported a pretty flush on his face all the way down to his neck. You had lost count of how much you both had drank, but you were certain that Hoshina had pulled most of the weight, which was reflected on his sleepy figure.
Even in your tipsy state, you tried to be the responsible adult in the situation. You shook Hoshina by the shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. “Oi, Hoshina. Ya have to get up. Tomorrow we are on duty again!”.
He grumbled, still asleep. “Mm, (Y/N), just five more minutes”.
You tried a little harder. “No! We aren’t getting reprimanded because of you!”
You tried to nudge him a few more times to no luck. In defeat, you plopped yourself on the couch beside him. The alcohol was making your head fuzzy. Just as you were about to succumb to sleep, you felt something rest on your lap. When you opened your eyes, they were met with the sight of Soshiro’s head resting on you, soundly sleeping. No matter how many years you had spent at this man’s side, it was very rare to see him in such a vulnerable state.
Without giving yourself too much time to think, you placed a hand on the back of his head. His hair was so silky you almost felt jealous. Little by little, you started petting him with great care, feeling every strand of hair. His eyelids fluttered in his sleep, but his expression looked more relaxed than usual. From every strand of hair to the tiniest scar on his body, there wasn’t a single thing you didn’t love about Soshiro. You wanted to stay in the moment forever.
You pushed his bangs back to see more of his face. He felt like a cat cuddling in his owner’s lap.
He looks so cute, you thought. I should take a picture.
You looked for your phone, but it was out of reach and you didn’t want to disturb Hoshina in his sleep. It also felt too intimate, too loving. Something that should only live in your memory.
Maybe it was the alcohol getting to your head, or maybe it was the love for your best friend that had you feeling so warm. So warm that it loosened your tongue in the silence of your living room.
You sighted in defeat, looking at his face one more time. “How could I not fall for you when you are everything I want?”.
Your hand fell back to the couch, breaking the spell of intimacy. With great care as to not wake him up, you lifted Hoshina’s head from your lap and rested it on the couch. Resigned to your fate of getting scolded in the morning from bringing a hungover Vice-captain to base, you draped the blanket over him and started picking up the mess from drinking and eating.
Back to the regular schedule.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
You had indeed been reprimanded by Captain Ashiro for being late (Hoshina’s fault for not bringing a change of clothes if he had planned to stay over and your fault for enabling his actions), which was more embarrassing given your positions as second and third in command in the base. Nevertheless, Captain Ashiro’s anger didn’t last long. It only took a few seconds after delivering your punishment to break into a smile.
In her words, “at least you both still know how to have fun”. Embarrassing.
It had been one week since the incident and it had been almost forgotten. Once again, you found yourself standing in front of Hoshina’s office, waiting to be let in. For some reason, he had summoned you to speak, failing to notify you of the purpose for the meeting.
“Platoon Leader (L/N) here, permission to enter, sir!” you announced yourself in front of the closed wooden doors of Hoshina’s office.
“C’mon in!” was the faint answer that filtered through.
You entered the familiar room. He was sitting down in his chair, reviewing some papers on his desk. You saluted your Vice-captain, and he dismissed you with a gesture of his hand.
“Gimme a couple of minutes, dear,” he didn’t lift his eyes from the paper while addressing you. “I called ya here, but this is an important matter. Please sit down while you wait”.
At his insistence, you sat on the chair across from him. While he continued reading, you tried to distract yourself with any knick knack or piece of stationery, but there was none. Hoshina was way too simplistic for that. You avoided staring at him, not wanting to distract him from his official duties, but you couldn’t help but stare at him once in a while for your own enjoyment.
You loved to see Hoshina concentrated. Given his relaxed and jovial nature, it was rare to see him focused on more mundane things (or that didn't involve combat). Even if he looked like the type of person who could never take his work seriously, you knew that there would never be anyone more dedicated to serving the country than Hoshina. With his natural sense of duty, he poured himself into everything he did, even when there was no one to watch his efforts. And with his history of disappointments due to his combat aptitudes, he was grateful to even have the chance to prove himself right.
After what felt like an eternity, Hoshina set down the stack of papers he had been reading. Leaning back into his chair, he didn’t look like his usual self. Still as handsome and as energetic as ever, but something felt amiss; like he had been reflecting long and hard about a difficult matter.
“Thank you for your hard work, sir” you bowed your head. “I hope our meeting won’t take too much of your time, sir”.
“Nonsense,” Hoshina waved his hand in front of both of your faces. “I’m the one who called ya here to discuss a private matter, (Y/N)”.
Now, that’s odd, you thought. What could possibly be so private that it required a personal conversation?
“Private, sir?” you repeated. “Private as in what aspect, if I may?”.
Red peeked under his eyelashes. “Private, as in concerning ya”.
That made you tense. You? Did something happen? Were you in trouble?
“I’m not sure if I’m following you, sir” you said, letting out a nervous laugh.
He pushed back from his chair to stand up. For a moment, he turned his back towards you to stare out from the window behind his desk. It appeared as if he was gathering confidence for something.
“(Y/N),” he called out, turning back to you, “please address me as a friend. I’m speaking to ya as that”.
This made you even more nervous. “Yes…Hoshina. What is the matter?”
“(Y/N), I have somethin’ to confess to ya”.
For some reason, those words hit you like a bucket of ice. Hoshina hadn’t said anything bad yet, but you didn’t like the somber expression on his face.
“Yes?” your voice barely above a whisper.
“I’ll say it as directly as I can, in the name of our friendship,” his red wine eyes never left yours. “On our day off…I heard what ya said”.
Your stomach dropped. “What…what do you mean, Hoshina?”
Hoshina kept his cool, but he let out a sigh. “(Y/N), I think we both know what I mean. When I was falling asleep on the couch, I heard what you said. I heard you say that you are in love with me”.
The truth is, in all the years you had been in love with Hoshina, you had imagined about a hundred times the moment he would find out about your feelings. In the best case scenario, you would carry on with your life without him ever knowing about your fondness for him and, hopefully, it would go away at one point. But now? Reality seemed worse than any worst case scenario you had conceived.
After a lifetime of leaning into your fighting instincts, you found yourself frozen for the first time. Silence covered the room like a fog. It was no use to feign ignorance, Hoshina was too smart for that.
“It’s okay, take your time, dear,” he placed one hand on his desk, leaning towards you. “It must be unexpected. We don’t have to talk about it…”.
“I’m so sorry,” you cut him. Your voice betrayed you by sounding too shaky and too watery. The truth was that you were shaking like a leaf. “I’m so sorry Hoshina, I…I…”
Hoshina couldn’t give you more than a sympathetic smile. “I told ya, it’s okay. If ya need time, we can table this conversation. Save it for another time”.
Even if you dreaded any conversation about this topic, you know your heart wouldn’t handle going through this one more time. “No, it’s okay. We can talk about it right now”.
Hoshina nodded and sat back on his chair, facing you completely. You had never felt so vulnerable before, even with him. “Okay, then. Let’s talk about it”.
You took a shaky breath and fixed your posture on the chair. “It is true. What I…said on that day is true. I didn’t mean for you to ever hear it. I thought you were asleep and…and I guess the booze…It was a long week, you know…”
You were stammering and tripping on your words. Whatever came out of your mouth sounded small and pathetic. This wasn’t you. You didn’t recognize yourself. The spiral under your feet was sucking you whole.
Even Hoshina must have felt embarrassment from your pitiful attitude. “(Y/N),” he interrupted and you shut up at once, “whether ya meant for me to hear it or not, what is done is done. Ya spilled yer secret and know we are here”.
You stared at him in silence while continued. “We have known each other all our lives. There’s barely any memory I have that yer not there with me. Even now as adults, you are still here with me, no matter how shitty it gets. That is something I appreciate more than anything, (Y/N), and I want ya to know it”.
You gulped. “But?”.
“But there’s a reason I always tell the rookies to never get attached to comrades,” he answered. “We live a life with too many risks to get sentimental over every loss. Ya bein’ my best friend above anyone else is already an exception to my own principle, and I don’t think we can afford more than that”.
If your world had been spinning at a dizzying pace until that moment, it stopped cold on its tracks. Something inside you started to simmer and boil, replacing the dread and embarrassment from earlier. You were angry. Enraged. Exceptions? Principles? What the hell was this dude talking about?
“Even with that into account,” Hoshina continued. His tone was still full of pity for you. “there is the matter about my own feelings. Still bein’ honest with you, I find it impossible in me to see you more as anything than my best friend since childhood, and there’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout that. I only hope that this incident won’t affect your performance around me, and much less our friendship”.
You had expected the rejection. It was natural to do so. But you didn’t expect the mental slap across the face. Every word hit you like a brick to the head, wounding you on more than a sentimental level. It was personal, and it did not feel good.
Hoshina continued looking at you softly. “That’s all I have to say, (Y/N). Do you have somethin’ ya wanna tell me?”.
You blinked twice and confusion took over your expression. “Yeah, one thing. What the fuck is wrong with you?!”.
Hoshina was taken aback. Hell, even you were taken aback. You didn’t consider yourself the timid type, but confrontation wasn’t something you looked forward to. You believed there was a time and place for everything, including anger and aggressiveness. How could anyone reach an agreement with others if not with patience and diplomacy? But right now? Right now nothing of that mattered.
“Huh?” was all that Hoshina could let out in shock.
You let out a humourless laugh. “It’s me who should be confused. Are you rejecting me or downright insulting me? Because you definitely are succeeding at both”.
Hoshina continued to sit in astonishment, opening and closing with mouth like a fish. “I don’t understand…”
You scoffed. “Let me put it simple for you, Hoshina. You are being a complete asshole. I’m obviously hurt as hell that you had to find out about my feelings this way, and even more that I’m being rejected by the person I love the most in this world. But being asked to not let this affect my performance like I’m some goddamned newbie or an idiot. I won’t tolerate being insulted to my face by being called a goddamned ‘exception’ to some goddamned ‘principle’ you decided to uphold. Our years of friendship and professional relationship are not deserving of that treatment”.
“I can see why ya might be upset,” apparently, Hoshina seemed to be catching up to your reasoning, “but I’m stating an objective truth”.
Fuck it. He understood nothing.
“Ya understand nothing,” you said with force. “The fact that you just said what you said tells me ya understand nothing, so let me make it clear: when you trust someone and believe in them, you don’t have to make exceptions to your principles for them”.
With that being said, you stood up with anger, causing your chair to scrape down the floor. The tension in the room was too much for you to handle. You had to get out, fast. Hoshina said nothing as you strode to the door of his office, not caring to look back at him. As you put your hand on the doorknob and opened it, you turned around. Hoshina now stood, still looking at you, with a dark expression. Bitterly, and almost sarcastically, you spoke again.
“One last thing, sir,” you tasted unspitted venom in your tongue. “You have requested of me to not let this incident affect my performance. I’m afraid that for the first time in all my years of service, I won’t be able to carry out your request, sir. After all, I am a woman who had her heart broken and a soldier who had her pride wounded. Good afternoon, Vice-captain Hoshina”.
You saluted your superior, and slammed the door shut.
First and foremost, Karolina Żebrowska made a video about this quite some time ago explaing everything in detail, but I just wanted to make my own little checklist and mention some things that I’ve noticed for myself. Of course, this list won’t be foolproof as I’m only going to talk about the most popular styles at the time and people technically could have made a regency gown in 1900, but... that’s not the point. For the sake of being able to show everything with pictures, I’m going to leave the Regency period out as I’ve already made a separate post about it.
The Victorian era is commonly packed into the visual of a brown bustle dress and/or the typical wide dresses of the Civil War, but the Victorian era actually spans over 64 years and many, many different styles.
Queen Victoria was crowned in 1837, so let’s start in the 1830s.
The 30s were wild, and that’s one word to describe it, but that mostly goes for the first half of the decade. Huge sleeves and full skirts were the thing, often in patterns inspired by wallpaper. That’s right - stripes, florals and anything that stood out was the hit. The off-the-shoulder look is just as important though, that’s what creates the round shoulder shape, together with the puff sleeves. The waistline sat a little higher than the natural waistline and was usually adorned with a belt. In the second half of the decade the sleeves started to "travel downwards", as in they started smocking or gathering the top part of the sleeve and just leave the pouf at the bottom.
The 40s left the puff sleeves and bright patterns behind, leaving high necklines, tighter sleeves and lowered the waistline to its natural position. Something very popular was the gathered front of a bodice and that trend even lasted into the early 50s. Skirts grew a little wider, requiring more support from layers upon layers of petticoats.
With the 50s here, ruffles came into fashion. If you see a wide, ruffled skirt, it’s probably from the 1850s. Some bodices extended over the hips now and almost looked like coats. Another important aspect: the pagoda sleeve. And obviously it’s important to note that the crinoline was finally patented in 1856. No more layers upon layers of corded petticoats! But this meant that dresses could be even wider than before. However, keep in mind that in the 50s, the crinoline had a round shape whereas in the 60s it started to become oval and extended further towards the back.
With the 60s, ruffles went out of fashion and synthetic dyes were invented, this meant brighter colors for a wider population! Actually, synthetic dyes were already invented in 56, but just like everything it took a while to make all the colors and really catch on so I’m counting it towards the 60s, because that’s when brightly colored dresses really took off. I find that especially evening dresses look very similar to 50s evening dresses so for me the best way to tell them apart is to look at the shape of the crinoline. Not to mention that a lot of people certainly continued to wear or slighly altered their 50s dresses but with a new crinoline.
Now we’re in the bustle era - the shape of the crinoline became slimmer but extended further towards the back, creating the bustle. I still find myself struggling telling mid 70s styles apart from the 80s, but there are some things I look at.
Firstly, the shape of the bustle. Early 70s style bustles are still pretty wide compared to the later silhouettes. Generally, you can say that in the 1870s, the profile of the bustle has a more gentle curve, the curve is not as steep. Also, a lot of 70s day dresses have trains. Many people actually started recycling old 18th century gowns into 1870s dresses so you can see a lot of inspiration and similarity in the shapes and how the dress is put together. The collars often mimick those of 18th century gowns and the back is draped like it was on a Robe à la Polonaise. Towards the very end of the 70s, bustles went out of style and people wore their dresses without a bustle.
Now on to the 1880s. Like I mentioned, the style was very similar but the bustle came back into fashion and became steeper. The necklines on day dresses were high and the collars weren’t square anymore. The draping of the overskirt still stuck, but the skirts became overall a little less wide. Very popular in the mid 1880s was draping the overskirt asymmetrically. That is the best giveaway if you’re unsure. Trains on day dresses still existed but weren’t as common as in the 70s. And once again, towards the very end of the decade the bustle went out of fashion, this time for good.
The 90s - certainly my favorite decade in the 19th century. Big sleeves were back! But no off-shoulder day dresses and the waistline was at its natural position. Pretty much all skirts were now straight in the front and gathered in the back - a very popular look. The size of the sleeves and the width of the dress reached its peak in 1895 and after that it all decreased in size again until the puff sleeve went out of fashion in 1898-99. Bodices had a slightly looser fit than in the decade before but were still tight-ish.
Now, the Victorian era only lasted up until 1901, but I’ve decided to add the 1900s to this list just because I really like that decade as well and think the clothes are really pretty.
So, in the 1900s the silhouette changed once again. Now, loose lace blouses were all the rage and the so-called pigeon breast silhouette was created with the help of an s-bend corset and a lot of stategical padding, a frilly corset cover and a loose gathered bodice. At the waist, you’d usually find a silk belt called a sash that matched the dress. The straight front skirts stayed but changed their shape slightly to be bell-shaped and flare out at the bottom. A lot of lace was used for gowns as well as frills and dainty details. But on the other side, a working woman would usually just wear a light colored blouse with a usually dark skirt and wear a belt to tie the outfit together.
So this was my way to tell the decades apart! I specifically love 19th century fashion because every decade is so different from the one before and it’s so fascinating how quickly styles changed back then.
Historical Accuracy of Costumes in Period Films - Enola Holmes
Disclaimer: I will put no spoilers so you can still read if you haven’t seen the movie yet! This post is just me assessing the costumes and their historical accuracy.
First of all, since the movie came out I had already heard a lot about it in just those two days that I was very curious to see if it lived up to the hype and it truly did! It’s well-made with round characters and a gripping story line. But enough about the movie, let’s get on to the costumes.
The movie is set in 1884, and at first I thought she was born in 84 (because of the intro) so I did like a third of the movie thinking the costumes were outdated until I looked at a closeup of a newspaper and realized that it is set in 84, so yay for me. But anyways, here are the facts.
Enola is 16 years old, therefore considered a child/young woman in society and would be wearing children’s clothing but we’ll get to that later
There aren’t many examples of children’s clothing from that time so I’ll have to refer to the few fashion plates that I can find.
This blue dress from the beginning of the film has basically everything one would expect from the very end of the 19th century, but not necessarily the 1880s. The loose front is a very end-of-the-century, more so even Edwardian thing, and from the fashion plates and magazines I could find it seems that children’s clothing was heavily inspired by adult fashion. It has a very low waistline and is overall very straight. Enola’s dress looks more 1900 except for the fitted sleeves which are accurate for the period. And the collar looks completely out of place. But, of course there’s always a but, this is just taking mainstream fashion into account. The Aesthetic Dress movement took place in the 1880s and the dresses would have looked somewhat similar to this one, with a loosely fitted front but they also had puffier sleeves, so it’s like they took some details from different movements and also took some inspiration from the Edwardians and put them all together in a dress.
Another thing I would like to add, (hence the advert - I had to make collages to fit 10 pictures in this post) I am not sure as it doesn’t fit her character at all but she looks corseted in those pictures (I added the first one specifically because I think you’re able to see the outline of a corset? Faintly?). Depending on your age and status and your parents’ plans for you (aka if they wanted you to get married at 16), teens of that age would either wear a corset or not. But taking Enola’s upbringing into account and it was rather uncommon for a 16 year old to be wearing a corset, not unseen but uncommon, I’d say that if the costume department decided to put Millie in a corset in that particular scene is historically inaccurate. There were corsets for young women/teens, but they didn’t give you that extreme hourglass shape, they were straighter and didn’t give you a tiny waist, like the bottom right one in this corset advert. Unfortunately, I could not find out when it’s from but it should be somewhat close to the 1880s.
Next up, I would like to say that the length of the skirt they chose for Millie to wear is appropriate for a 16 year old! Unlike what we saw on Anne with an E…
At one point we get a look at her undergarments and they’re looking fine for the time! The chemise and the drawers, she’s obviously not wearing any petticoats as she’s being measured but we saw a glimpse of a petticoat when she was riding a bike in an earlier scene so yes, this part is accurate.
Next up, I’d like to talk about this lady and her dress is just amazing, fashion plate worthy and absolutely accurate, I have nothing bad to say about this.
What I noticed overall in the movie was that the bustles weren’t as extreme as I would have expected them to be, but it all had to do with personal preference so it’s not necessarily historically inaccurate to see more lowkey bustles. But I didn’t see one bustle that was just crazy in today’s eyes so maybe they could have improved on that but I’m just nitpicking at this point. Or maybe I’ve just gotten so used to seeing old clothes that nothing shocks me anymore.
Here we can see some crinolines being sold and judging from their width they are somewhat outdated.
They could pass as maybe early 1870s if not even 1860s.
Now Enola wants to become a lady, so she has to wear adult clothes! Here, she goes into a shop and puts on her clothing. We can see here how poorly fitted the corset is; the lacing gap should be parallel but you can see in the mirror how it gets smaller towards the bottom. Maybe it was done unintentionally but maybe it’s just supposed to show that ready-to-wear corsets just weren’t made for the person buying them. But in that same scene, we finally get a proper bustle! That’s historical accuracy right there!
Next up is her iconic red gown.
Now… I had a little bit of trouble with that one. The skirt is a little wide in my eyes, but the overall shape and cut is fine, with that layer draping over her underskirt. However, her neckline is something you wouldn’t typically see. You see other characters wear high necklines, so I don’t know why they chose to give this dress almost an evening wear look. V-necks did exist in evening wear, but then again they would be paired with frilly short sleeves and not tight fitting day wear sleeves. So all in all, yes, the dress is accurate but the neckline is uncommon.
Next, we have what is probably the most accurate one of her costumes – the mourning gown.
It’s slimmer than the red one and there are so many examples of extant garments on google pictures that look so similar to hers that I’m just gonna say, excellent job!
Next is my favorite despite the neckline problem. She just looks so pretty in it!
The neckline isn’t as low as on the red one but still quite uncommon. Another detail you can see in the second picture is that she seems to be wearing a bum pad instead of a bustle, which I think is acceptable. It’s slim, it has a layer that drapes over the underskirt in the front, and even the sleeves are a little bit gathered at the top which was very common.
And lastly, we have this white dress where she goes back to the style she wore at the beginning of the movie.
And once again, just like I said in the beginning, this is not something you’d really see being worn in that time unless we’re talking about the Aesthetic Dress and now the sleeves aren’t as fitted so it makes sense for the movement, plus it’s kept very simple.
Overall you can say they did a fairly good job at making everything historically accurate but took some artistic liberties here and there, just like you would expect from a movie.
A story of almosts, maybes, and finallys. You and Sebastian Sallow have loved each other for years, just never at the right time.
Words: ~3,500
Series Tags: Modern AU, Post-Hogwarts, Auror!Sebastian Sallow, Cursebreaker!MC, Modern Magical AU, Female Reader Insert, Mid-Size / Plus-Size Female Protagonist, Friends to Lovers, Long-Term Mutual Pining, Slow Burn Romance, Missed Timing, Second Chances, Grief and Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Body Image Issues, Fluff, Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending
Content Warnings: Sexual Assault, Trauma, Abortion (Non-Descriptive), Strong Emotional Themes
Chapter Track: Linger, The Cranberries
Special thanks to @sunnyrealist for beta-ing the plot of this story and @dreamy-gal-30 for beta-ing the chapter drafts! I could not do this without you!
You, Age 18
You almost chose the other dress.
The blue one, soft and floaty. Poppy said it made you look like a fairy. But Sebastian had once said he liked you in green, and that was enough to settle it.
You didn’t know, then, that you wouldn’t wear it at all. That the dance would go on without you. That you’d spend the night writing a letter you’d never send.
It had all felt so certain, just a few days earlier. There was a rhythm to your friendship with Sebastian: study nights in the Undercroft, your shoulders bumping as you laughed over Honeydukes sweets; long walks around the Black Lake with the wind in your hair and his voice in your ear, telling stories about your imagined future. He spoke like it was inevitable: you and him, and Ominis too, getting a flat in London. You’d join Auror training together. Be partners in the field, just like you were now. He said it with ease, like it had never occurred to him that your path might take you anywhere else.
You'd let yourself believe it.
Your flat would be an organized mess, books stacked on every surface, coffee mugs half-forgotten on window sills, his boots always left by the door no matter how many times you tripped over them. Ominis would grumble about it, but he'd never make any effort to change anything.
You and Sebastian would train together, duel together, walk home side by side with scraped knuckles and stupid inside jokes. He’d cook exactly once a week—terribly—but you and Ominis would let him if for no other reason than to not wound his pride.
There’d be nights spent sprawled across the living room floor, parchment and case files scattered like fallen leaves, Sebastian ranting about a Ministry supervisor while you rolled your eyes and stole half his crisps. Mornings where he’d burn the coffee but you’d drink it anyway.
You’d be... something.
Maybe not quite what you wanted to be with him, but not so far from it either.
Your feelings for Sebastian were an an open secret. Everybody in the friend group knew you loved him... except, apparently, Sebastian.
Poppy once gave you a look after a Hogsmeade trip, the kind of look that said oh, sweetheart, and gently suggested you should just tell him already. Garreth made constant, terrible jokes about your “married couple bickering.” Even Imelda, who had the emotional range of a flobberworm, once muttered something about how she didn’t get why you two weren’t already shagging and getting it over with.
But you never said anything.
Because half the time, he was off snogging someone else. That Gryffindor girl from Ancient Runes. That Hufflepuff with the flirty laugh. And in between them all, Samantha Dale.
It was a revolving door, and you’d long since stopped trying to keep track.
So you kept your mouth shut.
Because why would you say anything when it was already so clear what he wanted?
And when the ache got too loud, you told yourself it was enough just to have him near. To be his favorite person. To know he always saved you the last biscuit and always made space for you beside him without thinking. It was enough to be his constant, even if he didn’t know you wanted more. Even if he didn’t know you’d once spent your entire month’s budget on a shirt he said he liked.
But one morning, over breakfast, it happened.
You hadn’t seen him the night before. He’d missed your usual Undercroft meeting without so much as a note, and you, lovesick fool that you were, had waited up for him anyway. Far too late. Long your legs had gone numb against the cold stone floor.
You’d tried not to take it personally.
But now he was across from you at breakfast, hair still sleep-mussed, buttering a roll as he said, “Me and Samantha are done."
You blinked, caught off guard. “What?”
He shrugged. “For good this time.” Then, as if it was nothing: “Wasn’t working. She wants something serious. And I guess I… don’t.”
The words lodged in your throat. You nodded, too fast. “Oh.”
He glanced at you, and for a moment, just a moment, there was something in his eyes. Something open. Curious. Testing.
“Anyway,” he continued on, "if you’re not going with anyone yet… thought maybe we could go together. To the dance.”
It took every ounce of control you had not to let your fork clatter to the table.
The graduation dance was in three days, and multiple classmates had asked you to be their date by now, but you’d turned them all down. Not because you were waiting. Not exactly. But maybe… kind of.
None of them had been him.
You’d told yourself it was silly to hold out hope. That Sebastian would never ask. That if he wanted you that way, you’d have known by now. But in the quiet hours of the night, some stubborn part of you still wondered.
And now here he was. Sitting across from you with jam on his thumb, asking like it was nothing. Like it hadn’t already set your heart hammering.
You forced a casual shrug. “Yeah. Alright.”
His eyes lit up. That easy, lopsided grin took over his face. “Brilliant.”
You smiled back, somehow keeping it from cracking wide open.
He’d asked. He’d asked.
You spent the rest of the day floating. Maybe this was the beginning. Maybe he finally saw it, saw you, not just as the best friend he leaned on, but as someone he could want.
The minute classes ended that afternoon, you practically dragged Poppy and Anne by the sleeves out of the castle gates. You barely gave them time to gather their cloaks before you were marching them down the path toward Hogsmeade, half-explaining and half-hyperventilating.
“He asked me,” you blurted as soon as the village rooftops came into view. “Over breakfast. He said him and Samantha were done and then he just... he asked me to the dance.”
Poppy gasped. “Sebastian? Sebastian Sebastian?”
“Do you know any others?” you snapped, but your face was already flushing. “He said it like it wasn’t even a big deal. Like it was just… casual. But it didn’t feel casual.”
Anne gave you a knowing look, tugging her cloak tighter as a breeze kicked up through the budding trees. “It’s never casual with him. Not when it’s you.”
That only made your heart beat faster. You tried to play it off, to laugh, but part of you was clinging to those words like they were a lifeline.
“I mean, we’ve always been close,” you said, kicking at a stray pebble in the road. “Maybe this is just… a friend thing.”
Anne snorted. “He broke up with his on-again, off-again girlfriend of two years then asked you to go to the dance with him."
Poppy linked arms with you, practically bouncing beside you. “You’re not just ‘close'. You’re Sebastian and you. Everyone sees it."
You tried to suppress the smile creeping onto your face, but it was no use. It was there, glowing and impossible to hide.
The three of you wandered past Zonko’s and into the soft bustle of Hogsmeade. Your steps slowed as you approached Gladrags, heart starting to pound again.
You reminded yourself you were in good hands. That Anne and Poppy were your two most fashionable friends, and they weren’t going to let you look anything less than breathtaking.
The bell above Gladrags chimed as you stepped inside, the warm scent of cedarwood and pressed fabric filling the air. Racks of robes and dresses shimmered under the soft lighting.
You trailed your fingers over the nearest display, nerves fluttering in your chest. You’d been to dances before. You’d dressed up, worn heels, even styled your hair. But this felt different. This felt like a fork in the road.
Poppy was already rifling through hangers like she was on a mission from the gods. Anne stood with her arms crossed, scanning the room like a military strategist.
You didn’t dare interrupt them.
You hovered awkwardly by a mannequin draped in sequined velvet, watching as they flagged down the shopkeeper with sharp, decisive questions about bodice structure and fabric weight. Poppy asked about draping. Anne pressed for enchanted fabric that wouldn’t stain if someone spilled punch.
"Something flowy, but not frilly,” Anne was saying. “She needs elegance, not fluff.”
Poppy added, “And if it doesn’t sparkle at least a little, what’s the point?”
You didn’t contribute much. You just stood there, blushing, as the two most capable girls you knew made it their personal quest to make you look like a goddess.
Eventually, they each turned up at your side, triumph in their eyes and dresses draped dramatically over their arms.
Poppy held up her find first: a soft, floaty gown in dusky periwinkle blue, the skirt swirling like mist. “This one,” she said firmly, “is so fairycore. It'll make your waist look like a bloody dream.”
Then Anne stepped forward with her pick. It was deeper. Rich emerald green with a structured bodice and dark, intricate lace along the neckline. It was bolder, dramatic. The kind of dress a queen might wear to war... if queens wore off-the-shoulder ballgowns on the battlefield.
“This,” Anne said, “makes a statement.”
You stared at them both. One looked like something out of a fairytale. The other like revenge wrapped in silk.
“I—” you started, voice small. “I don’t know which…”
“You’re trying them both,” Poppy said, already steering you toward the fitting rooms.
Anne arched a brow. “Obviously.”
You didn’t argue. You couldn’t. You were too stunned, too touched, too… hopeful.
When you stepped out of the dressing room in Poppy's pick, the room seemed to hush. Poppy’s hands flew to her mouth.
“Oh,” she breathed. “Oh, you look like, like a painting."
Anne tilted her head, thoughtful. “We could take in the waist. Maybe shorten the hem just a little?”
They murmured together, strategizing like generals in a war room. You understood maybe half of it. You just stood there, trying to see yourself through their eyes.
Then you tried the green.
It was heavier. Bolder. The corset hugged tight, the off-shoulder neckline framing your collarbones like something regal.
You looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, just for a second, that you looked powerful. That maybe Sebastian wouldn’t just glance your way when he saw you in it. Maybe he’d stare.
But it wasn’t the mirror that decided it. It was a memory.
Late autumn. Last year. You'd borrowed Sebastian’s spare Quidditch jumper to support him at a match. It had been enormous on you, threadbare at the cuffs and stretched from years of wear, but he’d looked at you and smiled that slow, sideways smile that made your stomach do ridiculous things. And then, he’d said, “You should wear green more often. Suits you.”
Anne and Poppy were still murmuring about hem lengths and heel height, debating whether you should wear your hair up or down, but the choice had been made.
"This is the one."
Anne blinked, cutting herself off mid-sentence. “The green?”
You nodded. “The green.”
Poppy squealed, triumphant, and Anne gave an approving smirk that said, good choice.
The plan started forming in your mind on the walk back to the castle.
Maybe this would be it. Maybe the dance would be the night you told him.
You imagined the two of you slow dancing to something moody. Something just slightly out of place in the grandeur of the Great Hall. Maybe you’d even request one of the Muggle songs he loved, like Love is a Laserquest. And you’d say it. You’d lay it out for him, piece by piece. That you’d loved him for longer than you wanted to admit. That it had never been about whether he deserved to know, it had always been about whether you were brave enough to tell him.
You daydreamed about it for the next two days. Giddy and nervous in the way you can only be when you're eighteen and foolish and full of feelings too big for your chest.
You imagined his hands on your waist. The way he might tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. The way he’d say your name, soft and amazed, like he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized it before.
You imagined him kissing you.
You wrote half a dozen drafts in your head of what you might say. And then rewrote them all again when they sounded too corny, or too much, or not enough.
You barely slept.
And then it was the night before the dance.
You’d gone to the kitchens after hours and asked the house-elves for one of the cinnamon pastries Sebastian liked best. The ones with the sticky sugar glaze that always got on your fingers and made him grin like a kid.
You didn’t tell them what the pastry was for, of course. You didn’t tell them you were planning to surprise him. That you were going to the Undercroft in the hopes that maybe he was there, and maybe you could talk and spend the evening together.
You carried that silly little pastry down through the castle with your heart in your throat and a thousand what-ifs buzzing in your head.
The Undercroft was just ahead. You adjusted the napkin in your hands. Still warm. You could almost picture the look on his face when he saw it, that lazy, pleased smile of his.
Until you heard the murmuring, low and breathless, coming from inside the familiar, cavernous room.
His voice. You’d know it anywhere. Low and familiar. Threaded with something you’d never heard from him before.
You didn’t mean to move closer. You weren’t trying to sneak, weren’t trying to spy. It was instinct. Gut-deep and helpless.
You took two silent steps toward the door and leaned, just barely, to glance around the corner, and your heart stopped.
There they were.
Sebastian. Samantha.
The air in your lungs vanished.
Clothes on the floor. Too many. Her skirt half-hitched around her thighs. His shirt discarded over the arm of the couch. He was leaning over her, mouth pressed to her neck, freckles scattered across his bare back like constellations.
The same back you’d seen a hundred times walking beside you down to the Black Lake. The same shoulders you’d leaned against during late-night study sessions. The same boy who’d asked you to the dance like it meant something.
And there he was, with her, in the Undercroft, on the couch you’d napped against him more times than you could count. The couch where he would read aloud to you from his study notes.
You didn’t make a sound. You just turned, slowly, and walked away.
Your body was still catching up to what your heart already knew—that whatever had been growing between you, whatever little future you'd let yourself imagine, it wasn’t real.
The pastry felt stupid in your hand, now. You thought about dropping it, hurling it down the stairs or smashing it against the stone. But even now, even after that, you couldn’t bring yourself to waste something meant for him.
So you just kept walking.
Through the corridors, past sleeping portraits and flickering sconces, past the suits of armor.
You slipped out the side entrance, the one behind the greenhouse. The door groaned softly when it shut behind you.
Outside, the air was damp and cool, soft with mist. You wandered down to the Black Lake without thinking, your feet finding the path on muscle memory alone. It was quiet this late. The water stretched dark and endless, a mirror for the moonlit clouds.
You sat down in the grass, legs pulled tight to your chest. You placed the pastry beside you and stared out across the lake.
It should have hurt more. It would. It would, soon. But right now, you were still inside the numbness. That awful, floating stillness that came before the break.
You sat there, blinking slowly, until the sun began to tease the horizon and the birds began to stir.
Dew clung to the hem of your robes. Your hands were stiff from the cold. And the pastry beside you, once warm and sweet, was now nothing more than a symbol of your own foolishness; soggy and smashed slightly where you'd leaned against it without realizing.
You rose slowly, the way people do after funerals. Everything inside you felt hollow. Scraped out.
By the time you returned to your dormitory, the castle had fully woken. You passed classmates who smiled at you in the hallway, some whispered about the dance, some asked if you were ready. You smiled back. You nodded. You lied.
Inside your room, the green dress hung waiting by your wardrobe. It shimmered slightly in the sunlight, and you had the ridiculous thought that it looked eager. Expectant. Like it didn’t know that everything had changed.
You sat at your desk, and for a long time, you just stared at it.
Then, finally, you cried.
Your shoulders shook. Your throat ached from trying to keep the sounds in. And all the hopes you’d dared to have—the dance, the green dress, the maybe of it all—curled in on themselves and withered.
You cried for the version of you who thought this time might be different. Who believed, if only for a moment, that Sebastian Sallow might love you back. You cried for the space he took up in your life that now felt like a splinter buried deep beneath the skin.
And you cried because you knew you’d still love him anyway.
But you couldn't go to the dance like this. Couldn’t face the music, the decorations, the glances from your friends when you walked in on his arm like nothing had happened. Couldn’t stand the thought of pretending, of smiling, of making small talk, and dancing with him while your heart bled beneath your ribs.
You didn’t know if it made you a coward, maybe it did, but when you sat at your desk, blotting parchment with tears and ink, you didn’t care. You scribbled out a note for him. Just a few lines.
Woke up ill. Don’t wait for me. Have fun tonight.
You signed it, folded it, and tied it to the leg of a sleepy barn owl at the window. You watched it take off with the kind of hollow relief that only comes from avoidance.
Then you slipped your wand from your sleeve, murmured the familiar syllables of a disillusionment charm, and crept from your dormitory like a ghost.
The green gown fluttered as you passed by, still waiting for a debut that would never come.
You spent the evening holed up in the Room of Requirement, wrapped up in a blanket on the shore of your seaside vivarium. You'd long run out of tears, but the ache sat heavy in your chest, a dull, constant pressure like you’d swallowed a stone.
You stayed there until your bones ached from sitting still. Until the sky turned from lavender dusk to inky night. Until your mind stopped replaying the image of his back, bare and freckled, bent over someone else. Over her.
It wasn’t just that he was fucking her again. It wasn’t even the fact he'd shown her the Undercroft, though that hurt enough on its own.
It was everything that came after.
You knew yourself well enough to know what would happen. You’d go to London. You’d take the flat with him and Ominis. You’d wake up every morning pretending not to care when he stumbled in smelling like someone else’s perfume. You’d go through training beside him, spar with him, laugh with him. And then, one day, he’d fall in love with someone else and you’d break in a way you couldn’t come back from.
So when you pulled the folded parchment from your bag, the one with the offer for a Cursebreaker apprenticeship over seas, you didn’t hesitate. You scribbled a note accepting the position and another one declining your Auror placement. You sealed them both before you could second-guess yourself.
Then you wrote one last letter.
You didn’t know what you meant to do with it. Maybe burn it. Maybe lock it away. But the words poured out of you like blood from a wound.
You told Sebastian everything.
How much he meant to you. How long you’d been in love with him. How much it hurt to see him with her again. In the Undercroft. In your place. And you told him you were leaving. That you had to. Because you’d always thought the worst pain would come from losing him, but the truth was that the worst pain was from staying.
You signed your name. Folded it. Tucked it away. And grieved the life you thought you’d have. You let it die there in the stillness as the waves of your conjured shoreline lapped gently at the sand.
Summary: Sebastian helps Y/N with an interesting request
Warnings: Potential spoilers for HL. All characters 18+ and in seventh year. I’m not an expert at flirting please don’t take any of this advice on board
Y/N found Sebastian in the Slytherin common room, tucked into a quiet corner next to the large windows with a book in hand. She smoothed her skirt down as she made her way over to him, thankful that the common room was almost deserted. It was a rare, sunny day and it looked like most of their house mates had taken the opportunity to sit outside, leaving only one or two stragglers to sit indoors.
“Hey, you,” Y/N smiled sweetly at him as she neared and took a seat next to him on the couch, leaving a considerable gap between them.
“Hey, yourself.” Sebastian offered Y/N a charming grin and sat up straighter, his book held loosely in his hands. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I need a favour.”
“Are you about to ask me to go out and battle trolls with you again for potions ingredients?”
“No,” Y/N shook her head with a quiet laugh. “Nothing like that, I promise.”
“Good,” Sebastian set his book to the side and crossed one leg over the other. “How can I help then?”
“It…it’s a bit of an unusual request.”
“Oh?”
“I was wondering if you could teach me how to flirt.” Y/N shuffled in her seat nervously, tucking her legs beneath her so she had an excuse to avoid Sebastian’s surprised expression. She was eternally grateful that he liked being secluded and the other people in the room were too far away to hear her embarrassing request.
“You want me to teach you to flirt?” he repeated. He wasn’t quite sure what he thought she was going to ask him, but it certainly wasn’t that. “Why?”
“Why else?” Y/N feigned a laugh to mask her anxiety and fiddled with her hair. “There’s this guy. He’s quite charming, but every time he flirts with me I freeze up. I want to be able to flirt back and show him I like him.” She could feel her heart in her throat as she said the words and prayed that Sebastian would mistake her red cheeks for the sheer awkwardness of the request.
“So you’ve come to the expert.”
“Don’t start.” Y/N rolled her eyes at him. “If you’re going to make me regret coming to you for help I’ll go to Ominis instead.”
“Ominis?” Sebastian gave her an incredulous look. “Ominis can’t flirt.”
“He’s quite poetic when he wants to be,” Y/N shrugged one shoulder. “Some people like that.”
“I refuse to let you go to Ominis for this,” Sebastian sat up a little straighter and turned his body to face her. “Let me help you.”
“Do you promise to not be a pain?” she asked, one eyebrow raised. Sebastian sighed wearily and nodded his head, acting as if it pained him, when in reality he was trying his hardest not to grin.
“I promise.” He raised one hand and a rare serious expression crossed his face before he was smiling again. “Do I get to know who it is?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because I won’t have you teasing me for it.”
“Well, do I at least get to ask if I know him?”
“You can ask, it doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” Y/N couldn’t help but to laugh at his mock affronted expression.
“So I’m meant to help and give you all my secrets without anything in return?”
“I did offer to go to Ominis instead.”
“Not a chance.” Sebastian rolled his eyes at her. “Can I know if he’s a student here?”
“He is.”
“Well, if that’s all you’re going to give me,” Sebastian muttered. He didn’t need to worry about upsetting her with his grumpy behaviour - he knew she could see through his act and that he was just curious as to who this mystery man was. “The key to flirting is to be subtle. You need to be able to get across to him that you’re interested, but you don’t want him to think you’re needy or desperate. Can you tell me a little about him? I can give you some tips based on what he’s like, but just know it’s down to you to make all the pieces fall into place. Not everyone can be a natural charmer like me.” Y/N rolled her eyes and flicked the back of Sebastian’s hand (which was stretched out across the back of the couch in her direction) and thought about how to describe the man in question without actually saying too much about him.
“He’s good looking - unfairly so - and charming, and smart, and funny and flawed but deep down he’s got this heart of gold that he keeps hidden from everyone who isn’t close to him.”
“But you’re close to him?” Sebastian asked, watching as Y/N nodded. “Do you think he likes you back?”
“I don’t know,” Y/N sighed as she admitted it out loud, a pale flush coming to her cheeks. “Poppy and Imelda both reckon he does, but I’m not sure. I told you he’s a charmer, he’s nice to everyone but sometimes he looks at me and it’s…it feels different.”
“You sound like you have it bad.”
“I do,” Y/N groaned and covered her face so Sebastian couldn’t see her burning cheeks. “That’s why I need your help. Please, Seb?”
“I already agreed to help you,” he chuckled. “It just so happens I know the type of person you mean and I can help. You need to start with subtle hints to gauge his reaction - a wink here, a cheeky comment there. If he catches on and looks like he’s enjoying the attention he should do the same back.” Sebastian watched as Y/N nodded thoughtfully, her head tilted to one side slightly as she took the information in. “I know that look. That means trouble.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she laughed and shook her head. “I just…can you help me practise? Pretty please?”
“Trouble.” Sebastian pointed at the expression on her face, but still smiled and patted the space next to him on the couch. “Come here. You need to get used to the proximity that comes with flirting and you can’t do that from all the way over there.” Y/N pretended to grumble, but slid over so that she was sat right next to Sebastian, their legs not quite touching. “What do you think you need help with the most?”
“I think I need help with my confidence.” She twisted her fingers as she spoke and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile softly at the endearing action. “He could literally just tell me my hair looks nice that day and I struggle to reply.”
“So you need to get used to him complimenting you?”
“Yes - but when you say it with that grin I have a feeling I’m not going to like where this is going.”
“Have a little faith, Y/L/N,” Sebastian chuckled quietly as he nudged her, silently asking her if she was ready. She nodded hesitantly and he cleared his throat before a sly smile slowly graced his features. “You know, I heard from a few people that you were beautiful, but I didn’t realise you would be Aphrodite incarnate.” He gauged Y/N’s reaction to his words and was delighted to see a pretty pink blush cross her cheeks. “Oh, you’re adorable.”
“Stop teasing me.” Y/N covered her face and looked away from Sebastian.
“How can I when you’re so endearing?” He grasped her wrists gently and pulled them away from her face. “If you blush with him like you are now then I’m sure you’ve already won him over.”
“Well then why won’t he say anything?”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move,” Sebastian shrugged casually and leant back in his seat again. “Would you like me to try again so you can respond?”
“No, because I’m going to blush again and you’re going to make fun of me.”
“Tease, Y/N. I would never make fun of you. You said you wanted to work on your confidence.”
“How am I ever going to be able to flirt back when I can’t even take a simple compliment?”
“I mean, you don’t necessarily have to. Some guys love leaving a woman speechless.”
“I’m always flustered and speechless with him when he flirts, I just want to be able to do it back and leave him blushing for once.”
“Catch him off guard then. All those things you want him to do - the compliments, the actions, the looks - you do them.” Sebastian was giving away most of his tricks at this point, but he found he didn’t particularly care as he taught Y/N what to do.
“So if I wished he would touch my hand I should just…?” Y/N casually brushed the back of Sebastian’s hand with hers, making it look completely natural as she shifted in her seat.
“Exactly. Just like that.” Sebastian nodded with a large smile on his face. “You can’t let him have too much control, you need to keep him on his toes. Tell him how good he looks before he can tell you how pretty you are.”
“You think I’m pretty?”
“Shut up, you’re gorgeous and you know it,” Sebastian rolled his eyes at her and ran his hand through his hair. “Some men don’t tend to get too many compliments, so when they get one from someone special like you it’ll stick. And you don’t just have to tell him he looks handsome that day - you can focus on his talents too. Don’t force it, a genuine compliment will earn you his favour far faster.”
“Why are you complimenting me?” Y/N narrowed her eyes at him.
“Isn’t that the point?” Sebastian asked, “to get you used to him complimenting you.”
“Oh, so you just called me gorgeous and special because you’re trying to build my confidence, not because you mean it,” Y/N gave him a teasing smile and raised an eyebrow. Sebastian couldn’t help but chuckle (but not unkindly) as her obvious flirting and shot her a disarming wink.
“I mean, the fact that you are gorgeous helps. What talents does your guy have? Do you know if he’s good at anything? Does he care about his grades?”
“He’s incredible at duelling. He’s really smart as well, but doesn’t really focus on school work too much. He could easily be at the top of the class if he wanted to.”
“Is he in Crossed Wands?” The words slipped out of Sebastian’s mouth before he could process them, followed by a quiet chuckle when Y/N shot him a playful glare. “Compliment his duelling then, make sure he knows he’s good at what he’s doing. He’s not the top of the class but that doesn’t mean you can’t comment on his potential or intelligence. The goal is to let him know he impresses you.”
“So if I were to…” Y/N took a moment to think before a coy smile fell on her lips. “You were brilliant at the Crossed Wands tournament the other day, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone duel as well as you or look so good while doing so.”
“So he is in Crossed Wands. Wait, please tell me it’s not Prewett.”
“Prewett? No!” Y/N grimaced. “In what world is Leander Prewett charming?”
“Good. I was starting to question your taste,” Sebastian wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Your admiration for his duelling skills was good, and you told him you find him attractive. That’s two birds with one stone.” Sebastian looked at her from the corner of his eye and a mischievous grin appeared as he turned his head to face her properly. “On that note, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you look absolutely stunning tonight.”
“Not at all.” Y/N managed to tamper down the blush this time, and eyed Sebastian appreciatively with a soft smile. “You look pretty handsome yourself. Green is a good colour on you.”
“Why, thank you. I do my best to dress well, although no one can look better than you do.” Sebastian winked at her, feeling slightly proud that she hadn’t gotten flustered at his words and had even managed to flirt back. “You’re getting better at this.”
“Practice helps. I can’t thank you enough for this.”
“Yes, well, I’m sure you remember how much I like having friends in my debt.” He gave her a smirk before looking out of the window they were next to and out into the lake. “Do you have anything else you want to ask me? Anything I haven’t mentioned or you think I’ve missed?”
“What haven’t you mentioned?”
“A lot,” Sebastian chuckled. “Mostly simple things. You’ve already got down how to respond if he flatters you without me even mentioning it. Give him that smile of yours when you say something nice to him and you should get him all worked up and right where you want him.”
“What smile?”
“That one.” Sebastian pointed at her lips. “Merlin, you really don’t know what effect you have on people, do you?” Sebastian didn’t give her the time to respond before he continued giving her advice. “You should make him work for it if he asks you something more personal - but know your limits.”
“What do you mean?”
“How well does he know you? Does he know your favourite colour, favourite flower, favourite animal? If he doesn’t then make him work for the answer and ask him to guess. Just don’t do it for every question or it’ll get annoying fast.”
“Do people still ask things like that? Do you even know my favourite animal?”
“It could be literally anything but for the sake of it…a horse?”
“Not quite.”
“You’re going to make me guess, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Sebastian groaned as she toyed with him but couldn’t help but grin with pride at how fast she was picking all of this up. “Give me a hint.”
“It’s small and cute.”
“Is it magical or normal?”
“Magical.”
“A puffskein?”
“Almost,” Y/N laughed quietly and readjusted in her seat, her arm brushing Sebastian’s as she did so. “It has a penchant for shiny objects.”
“If it’s a niffler I might revolt.” He looked at Y/N from the corner of his eye and watched as she grinned widely and nodded. “A bloody niffler?”
“They’re adorable!”
“Nifflers are greedy little shits that dig through the trash of the wizarding world. Why am I not surprised you like the one creature that was never intended to be appreciated.”
“Alright, what’s your favourite magical creature then?”
“Probably a hippogriff. Or a phoenix.”
“Phoenix’s are probably my second favourite. There’s something poetic about them rising and being reborn from their ashes.”
“Hm,” Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. “I think that’s why they might be my favourite. The idea of death resulting in a cycle of rebirth is strangely comforting when compared to the alternative. It’s nice to be reminded sometimes that life moves on without you, even if it means your own passing.”
“That was…really insightful, Seb. I’ve never thought about it like that before.” Y/N tilted her head at him with a soft smile before looking away with a sudden blush.
“I do try.” He couldn’t help but be intrigued by the flush to her cheeks and wondered why it had appeared so abruptly. “It’s important to remain genuine even when it’s difficult or may not benefit you.”
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re about to ask me something that I’m not going to like.” Sebastian laughed quietly at this and his arm that was still stretched out along the back of the couch brushed Y/N’s shoulder gently.
“Well, in the spirit of being authentic…why are you blushing?” She pulled a face at the question and the flush on her cheeks deepened.
“The light from the lake was on your face when you were talking and I realised how handsome you look.”
“Oh.” Sebastian blinked once and felt his cheeks start to burn. The compliment had caught him off guard and now that she wasn’t simply responding to one of his own advances he realised how much he liked it.
“Do you want me to spare you the teasing?”
“Please.”
“Only because I’m a bigger person than you.” She watched the smirk appear on his face and gently flicked his arm. “Not one comment about my height.” Sebastian raised his hands in surrender and mimed zipping his lips.
“You said it, not me.”
“Alright you.” Y/N gently hit him with one of the throw pillows on the couch and let him grab it from her hands. “I have more questions.”
“Of course you do.”
“How do I know if he’s flirting with me because he likes me and not because he’s a flirt?”
“Ah, that old conundrum.” Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck while he thought about his answer. “To be fully honest with you, it depends on the guy. You can usually tell by how he acts around you. Is he quick to offer to help you with something? Does he smile and laugh a lot around you? You need to look at the whole picture to find the answer. Does he flirt with a lot of girls or just you?”
“He’s kind of charming with everyone. I don’t think it’s malicious or that he’s a player, he’s just naturally a charming person.”
“From the sounds of it I’d say he’s interested at the very least. Do you like spending time with him?”
“I could sit and talk to him all day.”
“That’s definitely a good sign, especially if he feels the same. Being able to stand a person’s company for hours without getting bored is something to note.” Sebastian placed his arms behind his head and turned to look at Y/N. “What kind of things does he talk to you about?”
“When he’s not flirting, you mean?” she asked. “Just normal things; life, family, school.”
“He doesn’t sound like a player, but you would know better than I do about his motives considering you won’t tell me who he is.”
“Maybe later.”
“Really?”
“I said maybe. I need to be sure of a few other things first.”
“Well, if it’s whether or not he likes you it sounds like he likes you plenty.”
“How do you know that without knowing who he is?”
“I don’t know many guys - let alone players - who would sit and talk about their family with a girl they had ulterior motives for. I can’t guarantee anything, obviously, but make sure he makes you happy before anything else.” Sebastian paused and raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you happy with him? Despite being a flustered mess, do you find yourself wanting to tell him everything?”
“Yes.”
“And he does the same back? Does he share his life and hobbies?”
“Yes,” Y/N smiles and crosses her legs, her knee brushing Sebastian’s thigh gently. "He’s told me a lot about his family. He adores his sister and would do anything for her.”
“Hm.” Sebastian has a small smirk on his face, but didn’t voice his thoughts out loud, instead he turned to her with another question. “Are you always nervous around him, or is that just when he flirts? It sounds like you’re pretty comfortable most of the time.”
“It’s just when he flirts. When we’re just talking I’m fine.”
“That’s completely natural. I’ll let you in on a secret; men get nervous around women we like, too.” He saw the query in her eyes and continued on before she could ask. “Again, this changes from person to person, but if he’s the charming type he’ll probably maintain eye-contact up until you flirt back. If you catch him off guard he’ll more than likely blush and look away. He might become fidgety and scratch the back of his head or rub his neck. Everyone has different tells, but most people tend to have these. Have you noticed any of them?”
“A few.”
“I think you should take the plunge and ask him what he likes about you - you can always play that question off as being platonic. I think he’s flirting with you because he likes you.” There was a look in Sebastian’s eye that Y/N couldn’t quite read, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared as he turned to stretch his arms and legs out.
“Am I bothering you with all these questions? Do you have somewhere you need to be?”
“No, nowhere I need to be - nowhere I’d rather be, either. Asking questions has never bothered me - how else are you meant to learn without them? Besides, I’m enjoying your company.”
“Well I’m glad, because I’m enjoying talking to you too.” Y/N brushed the arm that was resting on the back of the couch more confidently this time, and even Sebastian couldn’t play it off as an accident. He felt his mouth go dry and felt his face heat up slowly and tried to turn his head so that Y/N wouldn’t catch his blush, but of course, he wasn’t that lucky.
“Are you blushing again?”
“Shut up.” The words came out slightly harsher than he expected, but luckily for him, Y/N only laughed in response and tucked her legs back underneath her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…is it obvious?”
“Not really, it’s only because I’m sitting so close. It’s kind of sweet, you’re cute when you blush.”
“Alright, enough of that. I have a reputation to maintain - I can’t have people thinking I’m a blusher.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” Y/N mimed zipping her lips shut and winked at him.
“Give me a secret in exchange instead. What’s your biggest fear?”
“Spiders.” She wrinkled her nose in distaste. “I know you’re probably looking for an answer like ‘being alone’, but spiders creep me out.”
“I was looking for an honest answer and you gave it to me. I don’t blame you, to be honest. Remember all the spiders we fought in that cave in fifth year?”
“Don’t remind me,” Y/N shuddered. “Worst day of my life. What’s your biggest fear?”
“Being forgotten.”
“I don’t think anyone who’s met you could ever forget you, Sebastian. I certainly won’t.”
“I’m not that impressive,” he disagreed with a shake of his head. “You, on the other hand, are. You aren’t afraid to show who you really are, or step out of your comfort zone and be challenged. Don’t ever stop being you, Y/N, you’re one of a kind.”
“As sweet as that is of you to say, I’m not all that great at stepping out of my comfort zone. Battling trolls and Ashwinders is one thing but I can’t even tell the guy I like that I like him.”
“You’ve already made it past the first hurdle - admitting to yourself you like him. Sometimes that can be the scariest step. Now you just need a leap of faith and tell him how you feel.”
“I don’t know if I’m brave enough for that, yet.”
“That’s fine.” Sebastian’s fingers brushed her shoulder again as he shrugged. “Start slow and work your way up. Talk to him about something he’s passionate about and listen to him. He might be a guy but he’s still human at the end of the day.” Y/N’s knee bounced nervously as he spoke and tried to push out the words that were on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she was entirely distracted by the light from the lake shifting again to land on Sebastian’s face and lighting up his eyes. She couldn’t say what she really wanted to, but she could always express her admiration in other ways.
“You have lovely eyes, Seb. They’re really pretty.” Sebastian swallowed heavily and silently cursed himself as he felt his cheeks start to burn again. This woman will be the death of me, he thought to himself as he stared down at the floor with a small smile on his face. He felt something shift between them and knew he couldn’t miss the opportunity to return the compliment - it felt too important to pass by.
“You’re one to talk, Y/N. You have incredibly beautiful eyes. I love how they light up when you smile.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. Your eyes are a kaleidoscope of golds and browns. I’ve never seen such a nice colour.” She leaned forward slightly as she spoke, her body shifting closer to him. Sebastian couldn’t help but to sit up so that he could be closer to her, their shoulders brushing gently with every breath. Her breathing had stilled and he could feel the energy radiating from her. Y/N blushed and looked away as his hand skimmed her knee gently.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked her, his voice low. “What do you think about me? Not as a friend, or a classmate just…me.” That look was back in Sebastian’s eye - the one she couldn’t quite put her finger on - and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was flirting with her. Of course, they had been this whole time while she ‘practised’, but something about his low tone made this seem different. It made it seem real.
“You are the kindest soul I have ever met, Seb. You’re funny, charming, ridiculously handsome…” she trailed off as she realised what she had said, her face flushing once more. Meanwhile, Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his face a matching shade of pink as he thought over her answer.
“You’re the most wonderful person I have ever met in my life.”
“Look who’s talking,” she pointed at him briefly, “you’re one of the best people I know.”
“Well now I know you’re lying to me,” he narrowed his eyes playfully.
“I would never.”
“Never, hm?”
“Nope.”
“Tell me this then, are you flirting with me?” There was a knowing smile on his face, but he wanted to watch her squirm just a little bit. He was enjoying her flirting immensely but a part of him wanted the girl back who got flustered when he so much as winked at her.
“I’ve been trying to for the past hour, but thanks for finally noticing,” Y/N laughed quietly and nudged his shoulder gently.
“As part of your ‘practise’ or…?”
“What do you think?” She gave him a levelled look and Sebastian placed a hand on his sternum dramatically.
“I knew it, this whole time you were only using me for my knowledge. Shame on you for toying with me like this.” Y/N laughed again and shook her head at his theatrics, her hand coming to rest on his knee. She didn’t pull away this time, didn’t pretend she was only brushing past and so Sebastian covered her hand with his and laced their fingers together. His stomach flipped pleasantly at the contact, and he was absolutely enthralled by the colour that was blooming on her face.
“How ever will I make it up to you?” Y/N asked, hoping he didn’t notice how breathless she had gotten.
“I guess I can forgive you if you try your best to win me over.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Well, I’d say you’ve made some decent progress by holding my hand.” He gave her a mischievous smile as he gently squeezed her fingers and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I’ll leave you to decide what to do for the second half, lest I make a suggestion you hit me for.” He didn’t think Y/N could blush any deeper, but he was delighted to be proven wrong as her face turned the most enticing shade of red as she looked down at his lips briefly. Sebastian felt his eyes slip close in anticipation as she began to close the gap between them, only for them to fly open again as she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.
“I’ll take the final step to win you over on one condition.” She still hadn’t pulled away from him, her face was so close Sebastian could count the different colours in her eyes.
“Is the condition more questions?”
“A couple.”
“Make them good ones.” He gave her a lazy grin and reached up to brush some hair away from her face.
“How do I know if he wants to kiss me? Not to say that he did, but because he wants to?”
“He’ll probably be holding your hand,” Sebastian squeezed her fingers again, “look into your eyes, look down at your lips.” His gaze drifted lower to watch as that maddeningly gorgeous smile slowly appeared on her lips. “You’ll feel it in the air too - the energy between your bodies.”
“Should I let him make the first move or do you think he’ll like it if I do it?”
“He would be thrilled if you made the first move.”
“Sebastian?”
“Yes?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“I would love nothing more,” he said, a knowing smile on his face. He looked into her eyes as Y/N traced his jawline gently before slowly leaning in and giving him a feather-light kiss.
“I have a confession before I do that again.”
“Darling, you have to give me more credit than that - I worked it out a while ago.”
“Would you just let me tell you I have feelings for you?”
“Well, if it helps, I’m a little fond of you myself.”
“Only a little fond?” Y/N asked, a teasing smile on her face. She covered it well, but Sebastian could see the insecurity in her eyes. He could see how unsure she was about how he felt after she had all but put her heart on the line.
“Fine, you caught me, I’m completely fond of you.” Y/N rolled her eyes and tried to pull away, but Sebastian slid both arms around her waist and held on to her. “You are gorgeous beyond belief, and I’m utterly smitten with you, Y/N. Do you believe me, or do I need to prove it to you?”
“Prove it,” her answering grin was nothing short of wicked and Sebastian adored it.
“How would you like me to prove it to you?” He was playing into her game now, but he didn’t care. He watched as she faltered slightly, the same beautiful blush coming to her cheeks. He loved leaving her flustered and speechless. He never thought she would have the guts to approach him today and attempt to play him like a violin (because, of course he knew as soon as she mentioned him being the best duellist in the school) but he was ecstatic she had because he was crazy about her. “Well?” After all the progress they had made today he wasn’t about to let her struggle to find the words, but he was patient.
“I…” She swallowed hard and he could feel her hands shaking very slightly. “I don’t just want pretty words and some kisses. I want you to prove it to me by giving me all of you. I want your heart Sebastian.” He paused, taking in her words - Y/N had just put everything on the table. What she wanted was exactly what he did - a bond that went beyond mere interest and was grounded in both physical and emotional commitment.
