who you gonna call?

you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need. 🥪🍴🥪🍴 harrison river jackson. owner of the big cheese food truck.

[stellaschue]

DO NOT HARSH MY VIBE. Beef stew with red wine gravy, and you know it's fancy because step #2 is 'pour in half a bottle of red wine'. And literally no one wants me using a pan or... skillet or whatever unattended, there's a reason Matt stashed three fire extinguishers under my kitchen sink.

[riverjacksonx]

Alright, alright — I’ll ease up on you 😂That’s actually a solid first attempt. I’m impressed you went straight for flavor instead of just throwing in chicken and calling it a day. So how’d it turn out?

[riverjacksonx]

Lemons - what’s your favorite type of dessert?

This is tough... I like a lot of desserts, alright. Cookies, brownies, cakes... I'm here for it all. Can I cheat and say if it's made by Daria, it's my favorite? Because that's probably the closest to the truth as I can get.

If you're twisting my arm... brownies. The gooier the better.

[riverjacksonx]

Warning - what would your warning label say?

“Warning: Will feed you whether you’re hungry or not. Occasional dad jokes included.”

[stellaschue]

You guys.

YOU GUYS.

I have discovered. The most wonderful invention. Seriously life changing. It's called...

The slow cooker.

(Crock Pot, w/e, brand that bitches).

You dump food in. And turn it on. And then forget about it. For like ten hours. And it doesn't burn or set off the smoke detector.

This is REVOLUTIONARY. I'm basically Gordon Ramsay now.

[riverjacksonx]

Just don't let the power go to your head. "Basically Gordon Ramsay" is a bold claim for someone who just discovered the magic of a heating element and a ceramic bowl. What was the inaugural dish? Something classic like a pot roast? Please tell me you remembered to sear the meat first?

[dariarutherford]

Ooh, okay, now I have to ask if you ever watched Pretty Little Liars. Sure, it's kind of a teen girl drama/mystery, but I promise you'll be hooked if you're into that kind of set up. And great, I'll be sure to have some popcorn on hand whenever you can set some time aside to come over and hang. Unless you'd rather be at your place. Either way, I'll supply the snacks!

[riverjacksonx]

I’ve only caught bits and pieces of Pretty Little Liars, but yeah… those girls really can’t catch a break, huh? If you’re saying it’s that addictive though, I’m down to dive in with you. Might need someone to explain all the plot twists to me, so you’ve been officially volunteered. Your place works for me—but damn, you really beat me to the snacks? I was over here planning to make you some late-night grilled cheeses and use you as my official taste tester. Guess I’ll have to bring the drinks instead.

[dariarutherford]

Please let me know what you think once you've finished it! Or if you wanna check it out with a friend so I can get your reactions in-person, let me know. And honestly, there's actually more of a twist like the latter around halfway through? And the last episode cliff hanger is more about the fate of a character. Hopefully that's not too spoiler-y. And we won't have to worry about being left hanging though, because I just checked and they literally announced yesterday that they renewed for season 2! 🙌🏽

[riverjacksonx]

Okay, well, you’ve definitely piqued my interest with the "everything is a lie" thing. Those are the best kinds of shows because you end up screaming at the TV when you realize you missed all the clues. I’d actually be down to watch it with you—mostly so I have someone to yell with when that halfway twist hits.

[dariarutherford]

Okay so has anyone watched that new series on Peacock called The 'Burbs? I've never seen the original movie from the 80s, so I went in with no basis for judgement at all, and I really enjoyed it. Like for one, my girl Keke Palmer is in it and I'll watch anything with her, but also it was both funny and a little mysterious, totally kept me guessing on what was gonna happen next. But my beef with it currently is that it ended with a cliffhanger and there is STILL no news of it being picked up for a second season! Like, y'all cannot just leave me hanging like that.

[riverjacksonx]

Nah, I haven’t seen The 'Burbs yet, but you just sold me on it. But man, streaming services really love yanking the rug out from under us, don’t they? Dangle a good mystery in front of your face, get you hooked, then hit you with the cliffhanger and ghost you for months. It’s just rude. What kinda cliffhanger we talking about though? Like “oh shit, one of them is the killer” vibes, or the “everything you thought was real is a lie” kind of twist?

[mackfabray]

To be fair, grape jelly goes really well with a lot of spices, so the jelly and cinnamon sandwiches could definitely work. It was glorious and you definitely should. They probably would and it tasting good would definitely keep them coming back.

[riverjacksonx]

That’s not a bad spot to be—I'd love to have people come in expecting a gimmick and then actually leave thinking about what they just ate for the next three days. Now I’m genuinely tempted to build a secret menu with rotating specials that are basically questionable kid-food era, but elevated.

[zacsylvester]

My dude, chaos is like my middle name, so of course I had to pull out all the stops. And hell yeah, I'm all on board for this Hot Mess Express! Would it be too close to copyright infringement if we took it a little further and went with Hot Mess Pineapple Express? You know, like that stoner movie with Seth Rogen and the creeper Franco brother.

[riverjacksonx]

Hot Mess Pineapple Express it is! That combo actually sounds insane enough to work—I’m honestly kind of into it. Sourdough would probably handle everything best, hold up all that melty cheese and fruit without falling apart. Honestly, I might even experiment with a little chipotle mayo in there to tie the heat together… man, now I’m getting hungry just talking about it.

[mackfabray]

So, the first thing is a sandwich I had as a kid and still eat for the nostalgia. Mayo and banana sandwich, simple but hits in a way other food does not, some people put peanut butter on it as well, but I don't like that one. The rest are primarily things I've had while high, including a deep friend banana fluffernutter with added Nutella and extra chocolate syrup. Which... I reckon you could sell that one, if you wanted to put the energy into deep frying ridiculous sandwiches.

[riverjacksonx]

Alright, now we’re talking. I love a good “why does this work?” food moment. I had a similar weird sandwich phase as a kid - my mom used to make jelly and cinnamon for me. The deep-fried fluffernutter actually sounds amazing and I might have to try it out. Honestly, I feel like people would absolutely line up for something that ridiculous just for the Instagram photos.

[mackfabray]

I don't feel like I have any weird combinations that I haven't already tried, honestly. And of the ones I actually liked, they're not really food you could sell.

[riverjacksonx]

Okay, but wait. Now I gotta know what the ones you liked were. You can't just leave me hanging, Mack. No judgment even if it is super weird, promise. I've eaten some pretty questionable stuff.

[stellaschue]

At last. This is my calling. Weird is my middle name. (Not really, but it'd be a lot more interesting than Rose.) And I can't make stuff at home, because I like my home, and would prefer it not burned to the ground.

*cracks knuckles*

Granny Smith apples and bacon. Cheese tbd, but I trust your judgment -- more than my own, at least.

[riverjacksonx]

Granny Smith and bacon is like the unsung hero of sweet-salty combos—tart, crisp apple cuts through the smoky richness perfectly. And since you’re trusting my cheese judgment… let’s go sharp. Like really sharp cheddar, maybe a little smoked gouda mixed in for extra depth. Keeps that apple from getting lost and makes the whole thing melty and addictive. You know, I could honestly take that and turn it into a bite-sized snack for the truck. Like a grilled slice of apple with cheese on top and wrapped in bacon?

[zacsylvester]

Are we talking still something grilled cheese-related or just any kind of food combo we can think of? I mean, I could probably come up with some off-the-wall idea for a grilled cheese... how about something incorporating fruit but isn't dessert? So like, pepper jack with some pineapple and maybe throw some strawberries in there, toss in some bacon and I don't know... something else to add spice, maybe chopped jalapenos. How's that sound?

[riverjacksonx]

You went straight for the chaos and I respect it. Pepper jack with pineapple, strawberries, bacon and jalapeños? That’s not a grilled cheese anymore—that’s a full-on identity crisis in sandwich form. I’m actually kinda into it though. The pineapple would bring that sweet-acidic punch that plays nice with the heat from the jalapeños, strawberries would add a softer fruit note (might get a little jammy when they melt, which could be weird or brilliant), bacon’s smokiness would ground it, and pepper jack gives just enough creamy spice to tie the madness together. Only thing I’d probably tweak is maybe swap the strawberries for something with a little more structure—like green apple or pear—to keep the texture from going too mushy. Or keep ‘em and call it “The Hot Mess Express.” ...I might have to actually make this now.

[riverjacksonx]

One of the best parts about running a small truck is that I can basically do whatever I want with the menu, so I’m curious—is there a weird combo you’ve always wanted to try but were too afraid to make at home? Tell me your best (or worst) ideas.

[dariarutherford]

You've got it! And no worries, I know nothing of any potential missing treats. My lips are sealed. Um, well the cookies are always the sugar cookies with fun designs, I think I've started to have a bit too much fun with designing using the royal icing and all that. Everything else, I figure the usual chocolate of course. Also have been toying with getting dark chocolate flavored cakes just right. You know, so you can tell that it's not just a regular plain chocolate taste. Cherry chocolate, lots of chocolate really, lol. I mean, even red velvet is technically a chocolate. And now I'm realizing that I may need to really look into what other flavors can market well for Valentine's Day.

[riverjacksonx]

Okay, first of all, that all sounds incredible — and mildly dangerous for my self-control. If you're looking to branch out a bit though, maybe something with raspberry or strawberry? Not that I'm much of a baker, but something fruity might be a good match for all the chocolate you got going on. Plus, I feel like people see fruit and immediately convince themselves it’s “romantic.”

[owenchang]

You make a great point, my friend. I may be trying a little too hard to get all the information down first before I just try it out and see how Antonio takes to it. And, of course, there will be many, many snacks on hand so I can make sure the little guy gets properly rewarded for his efforts. I would never leave him without!

[riverjacksonx]

I love that you’re including Antonio in the ceremony—pets make everything better, seriously. Honestly, I’d be thrilled to help with training or even just being there for moral support… or snack duty. Whatever you need, I’m your guy. How's the training been going?

[marleyxroses]

Feel free to steal it, but it's officially been trademarked so I demand royalties if you do. And okay, but by those standards then custard is a breakfast food. And mashed potatoes. And ice cream. Clearly the old co-worker of yours has absolutely no idea what they're talking about, so I would just disregard what they say. And I've never really counted calories or followed those kind of regimens, so I'd never pay attention to nutritional contents. Not for breakfast at least, ha.

You should open a breakfast bar and call it 'Crunch Therapy'.

[riverjacksonx]

See, exactly! By that logic, soup is only allowed when it’s raining and smoothies are banned after 10 a.m. Absolute chaos. And honestly? I would not be mad at custard for breakfast—sounds kind of luxurious, actually. If dairy really has working hours, I’d love to see the schedule, because milk clearly didn’t get the memo about my midnight cravings. And I’m not even arguing cereal is a health choice at that hour, it’s a comfort choice, which feels way more important. So now I’ve gotta ask—what’s your go-to “I forgot to eat like a functional adult” cereal? I feel like that’s very telling.