This wasn’t on the festive prompts list but I haven’t stopped thinking about this: “The Elf on the Shelf are a fucking menace and all of them should be eradicated from this earth.”
Sharon likes babysitting her niece Morgan.
But then she finds out that Tony bought the fucking Elf on a Shelf. That creepy little guy who has the little-shit-smile and deceptive eyes. She hates it and made all of her family throw them out because if you want to use reinforcement with your children, then don’t lose a creepy fucking elf.
“It’s not that bad,” Tony says, setting Morgan down in her crib. She immediately stands up and lifts a leg to try and lift herself back out. Tony turns to Sharon. “You teach her that?”
“No, that’s not my technique that’s Maria’s,” Sharon says.
“You would know, wouldn’t you?”
“I’m not discussing who I go to bed with in front of your daughter. I’m here because I want to burn that thing.”
“You’re not going to,” Tony says. “It’s just a little Christmas tradition thing.”
“Then I think we should make a new tradition and burn it,” Sharon adds.
Tony shushes her, puts Morgan to bed.
“Final time, miss. You have to get your proper amount of sleep so we can attack mommy later after dinner.”
Morgan smacks a kiss onto her dad’s cheek and he grins as he kisses back and waves. Sharon kisses her forehead and they leave the room.
Sharon then immediately decides to launch herself onto the fireplace mantel, grab the elf, and then is met with Tony and the gauntlet.
“He’s a fucking menace and I’m going to eradicate him from this earth.”
“No you’re not! Morgan’s taking a nap and if you wake her up I swear to fucking shit I’m going to kill you.”
“Then don’t try to stop me!” Sharon says, gripping the elf.
(Peter was texted to babysit Morgan, don’t worry!)
Pepper is going to kill them.
But on the bright side, Sharon did get to destroy the elf.
On the downside, Pepper was sincerely debating if she got to give her niece a gift.
“It’s biphobia if you don’t let me,” Sharon pouts.
“You destroying my child’s elf was transphobic,” Pepper deadpans right back.
“If this is our family argument I’m going to lose my head,” Tony groans. “Please let Sharon come to Christmas you know she’s the only one who will make sure that our family gets along and that Bruce won’t steal all of the brie this year.”
“Were we really that mad about that?” Pepper asks.
“I would be upset if I did not get to come to Christmas but it was worth it,” Sharon says solemnly. “Email me if I am able to come.”
“I have your number?” Pepper questions, confused.
“More official that way. What’s the dress code this year?”
“Given that Thor ignored it and wore board shorts, I’m going to go with whatever you feel is comfortable,” Pepper says. “And Morgan will most likely be in her Santa jammies.”
Sharon smiles, pulling Pepper into a hug.
“Sorry that your husband and I caused a PR scandal. I would do it again.”
“The fact that I know you would troubles me,” Pepper says, sighing. “But I’ll see you at Christmas.”
“I’ll bring the peppermint bark.”
gummygunk
2087
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
stormborns
theartofmadeline
