clever girl

riza shea, 19, new yorker for life and very, very cute. beware of grump.

[lochthekee-blog]

“Ah would be absolutely delighted ta ‘ave another. Ah suppose t’at means, ‘f yer jus’ old enough ta buy here, yer not quite t’legal age ‘n t’States? Ah remember when ah was t’at young. All brigh’ eyed an’ bushy-tailed.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Pfft, gosh, you want some cherries to go with that condescending attitude?”

“Only kidding, of course. I suppose when I’m your age, things wont be that fun anymore.”

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“What can I say? Us rich folk have strange taste. I’m familiar with drinking them for protein, but I prefer the Whey shakes. They taste like chocolate. My childhood was alright, I suppose. Do I really have room to complain otherwise? Oh yes – very posh.”

[rizashea-blog]

“So whey shakes. That mean you work out too?”

“Because that’s the total package. Rich, handsome and fit. How are you single, exactly?”

[lochthekee-blog]

“Ah prefer t’term eccentric. ‘t covers all o’ t’bases at once.” The double went back entirely in the second go, no grimace of her own to mark its trail, just a sign of familiarity with the beverage. “Caoimhe. But ah prefer Kee, ‘f ‘s all jus’ t’same.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Aw, Caoimhe sounds pretty, though.”

“Alright, Kee it is. Riza is short for Marisa, so I suppose we all prefer our nicknames. You want another one of those?”

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“Dish of rare steak seasoned with onions, capers, other particularly delicious seasonings and served with rye toast or a raw egg. It’s very flavorful. Pets required attention and care, nobody was ever home to give that. Sheltered I was not, I traveled often and had really … no time to enjoy something like that.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Raw eggs? You eat raw eggs and enjoy them?”

“Alright, that’s tough. My brother used to drink raw eggs for protein. He was the athletic type. So, you’d say you enjoyed your childhood, then? Nice and,” she leaned in to fake an accent, “posh and comfortable?”

[lochthekee-blog]

“T’at’s cause Cork ‘s more like t’country. Not a clue abou’ t’goings on ‘n Belfast, love? Jus’ t’same. Maybe you’ll find ou’ ‘f we head back over t’lake. ‘Til t’at time …” Kee narrowed her eyes, a sick little smirk tilting the corners of her lips as if she knew the secret to the world with it. Nodding her head in the toast and offering a soft aye, the Irish woman drank.

[rizashea-blog]

“You’re a weird one, aren’t you?” Riza commented heartily before shooting her whiskey. She grimaced, cleared her throat and shook her head.

“But you know what? I like you! I’m Riza. Nice to meet you.”

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“Fair enough, fair point. Steak tartar, cobalt blue, tiger, no I wasn’t allowed, no I’ve never been married.”

[rizashea-blog]

“What the hell is steak tartar?”

“Jeez, no family pet, though? Kinda rough. Did you have one of those really sad, sheltered childhoods? Yunno, I was dirt poor, but at least I had a cat named Fluffers to pet sometimes.”

[lochthekee-blog]

“Y’ave ta forgive me, love. Ah can only go by wha’ t’telly shows, an’ t’at’s white America. Also, t’at’s not quite righ’, ‘s ‘t? Y’can try again when ya ‘ave a few drinks in yer system, ‘f t’at’s wha tickles ya. Love, ah may ‘ave been born in Cork, but most o’ me life ‘as been spent in an’ around Belfast, if y’get me drift. Pretty sure ah could last anywhere t’at t’States t’ink ‘s tough enough wit’ out worries.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Belfast, huh? I haven’t got a clue anything about Belfast--shit I don’t know anything besides New York. I got a friend from Dublin, though, but he still talks a lot less like he’s got marbles in his mouth.”

“Here’s your whiskey, here’s mine, here’s to free traveling around the world, right?” She raised her shot in toast, grinning.

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“I hope I’m still handsome at thirty. I told myself I’d never inject that collagen botox shite into my face, and I won’t break that promise to myself. I went to University of California - Berkeley. While my family is original from here, the business rooted itself in Seattle when I was eight so we moved out that way, so it was the logical college. How is the leeching going?”

[rizashea-blog]

“Hey, I’m here, aren’t I? Professional leech, professional leeching.”

“Alright then, rapid fire questions. Favorite meal, favorite color, favorite animal, did you have a pet as a kid, and are you married?”

[strictlysanders-deactivated2017]

By Aris Jerome

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“I try to keep myself healthy, we’ll see how it goes in another two years when I hit the big three-oh. I’m deadly serious, yes. Name and details aren’t that important, save that my surname is half of the company’s name. Either way, yeah it has something to do with my father being the CEO but I still had to work my ass off for it. Graduated Valedictorian of my college class when I got my bachelors in business and did it with pizzazz, too. I don’t mind the questions, actually.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Pizzazz!” Riza laughed, covering her nose and mouth with the back of her hand.

“Oh, man, I think I’m going to like you Jack. For what it’s worth, I bet you’re still handsome at dun dun dun--thirty. Where did you go to college then? I couldn’t--too poor and not enough good grades. Wasn’t going to take out loans just to land myself in debt. I’m surviving off nest egg money I got from my grandfather and well, leeching off people with my cuteness.”

[lochthekee-blog]

“Are y’really gonna jus’ nod an’ agree wit’ everythin’ t’at ah say? S’not t’at hard ta figure ‘t out, lass. Lemme try me hand at a good ol’ American drawl fer ya.” Kee cleared her throat and wet her lips with the tip of her tongue, face concentrating into some skewed expression, “Hello. I am from America. I sound like every person on a newscast overseas. I have no discernible accent and I enjoy pumpkin lattes at Starbucks every afternoon in my furry boots. How’s t’at?”

[rizashea-blog]

“Oh, no, baby, you’re thinking of White America with that description. Do I look like White America?”

Riza tried her own attempt, “Ah don’ think ‘lil Miss Ireland would las’ much ahround where m’from.” It came out sounding more Kentucky than Irish, but she didn’t have much to work off. “Don’t be sensitive, I can’t understand half of London either. I don’t get out my house much.”

[lochthekee-blog]

“Ah could go on an’ on abou’ how ‘s rude t’at y’said t’at but why would ah get into ‘t when ah could jus’ use ‘t ta me advantage at a date later ta be determined? Excellent. Hope y’don’ mind ‘f ah have ah whiskey double, neat.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Uhhh...huh, right.”

“Bartender, you heard the lady. So where are you from? Ireland? I recognize the accent, but yours is just crazy fucking thick and I can’t...decipher any of it.”

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“Fashion week in Milan, the past three years. I made time to go – that was admittedly more for pleasure than business. I’m the Chief Operations Officer of MayFAIR Industrial: we manufacture textiles and metals for various businesses around the world including but not limited clothing and weapons, for example. My father is the CEO. And I’m twenty-eight.”

[rizashea-blog]

“Twenty eights not too old, I guess.” Only what, nine years older than her? Same age as Charles. Not too bad.

“You’re being serious, though. You’re a chief operator officer of an industrial uh...all that. Shit, I can’t even land a job at Taco Bell. I’ll say this in the least offensive way possible, did your dad being the CEO have anything to do with that? Remember, you totally approved of me asking all these questions!”

[laykenmilestone-blog]

“True that, I met most of my friends when I was drunk. It must be easier to meet people that way.”

“Twins for the night? Seriously? Of course, why not.”

[rizashea-blog]

“And here I’ve almost lost half my friends because of being drunk.”

“What little friends I had, I mean. So, where are you from?”

[lochthekee-blog]

“Ah can safely say t’at ‘ve never experienced someone so … excited ta purchase liquor before. Ah suppose ah got a wee bit giddy when ah was around yer age but – t’at was so many moons ago. Ah forgot t’feelin’. So sure, lass … buy away.”

[rizashea-blog]

“I haven’t got a single clue what the hell you just said to me, but I’m gonna assume it’s not an insult. So, then, order your drink and I’ll pay!”

[heavengoodbye-blog]

“You’re actually not the first person to tell me something along those lines. Though I will say that a year or so ago a girl at a party tried to tell me it was the most abhorrently fake sounding accent she had ever heard. Apparently I spoke too proper for her tastes. I’ll thank you for the compliment nonetheless. Where do I want to go the most – well I’ve traveled a lot, if I’m truthful. I just never got a chance to explore, work keeps a very strict schedule. I suppose I’d be interested in seeing Italy again … but really seeing it. Jack … nice to meet you. Drill away.”

[rizashea-blog]

“You’ve already been to Italy?”

“Alright, Jack you say drill away, I can do that. Never understatement my ability to talk to hours. Then, then what’s your job? And also, how old are you?”

[lucy-mcalister-deactivated20160]

“One drink it is then!”

[rizashea-blog]

“Atta girl. What are you having then? Tell the bartender, it’s on me.”

“You’re the weird girl yelling about two-dicked goats, aren’t you?”