Mistake, mistake, mistake. That’s all I can seemingly do. No matter how hard I try to please anybody it will mostly comes to disaster. For fuck’s sake. I’m just too tired of giving smiley face to everyone. I’m not like them, who can easily fake their action and automatically switch their face-mode so that no one hates them. Nooo.. They also did the same, in crueler way, stabbing one’s back.
So the problem is simple: a gate pass. a fucking gate pass. How simple is that? They said if it’s small package, then there is no need to use gate pass. How could they suddenly make fuss of that small package? And, why did it have to be me? For fuck’s sake, again. I know that the head of the damn security kinda hates me. So he will always find what is wrong with me. Then it blew away. I said that words, but I will never regret it. “Yes, because I’m always wrong for you.“ Then he hated it when I said that, and he made a helluva cheap drama that I THREW that package to his helluva face. Oh my God. I didn’t threw anything at all. I just put a wrong gate pass on to the package and the package was only in front of me and.. the WALL. THE BLOODY WALL.
Okay then he told our phony HRD head all the drama he created in his head. What did he want? My saying apology? Probably I would give it, if he didn’t make up the story. Then the HRD head made it worse by making unrelated confession that planning head made a complaint about me being less respectful to her (planning dept head). From this point you could see that this fucktory was ruled by phonies. From the illogical argument, leaping ideas, and made-up story. I’m so tired. I have to get away from here soon. No compromise anymore.
So if the planning dept head had a complaint about me why didn’t she say it right in front of my face? I think it’s okay for her to do so. She’s a manager. She can do anything she wants to proletarian like me. She can say to me..
Okay, it’s bloody useless to defend myself and make excuses. So it’s my fault not understanding other people’s feeling. It’s my fault that I don’t have enough skill to be double faced and apple-polishing. It’s my fault that I’m lack of ability to pretending. It’s all my fault, my mistake, and everything finally falls into places. Okay so they all probably pretend to like me, they probably dislike me for.. anything.
Okay from now on I won’t smile unless it’s really necessary to do so. Okay, I won’t talk to security guards unless I bloody need them. Okay. I will quit when the time comes.
So what’s wrong with me? I think I’m sweet enough to everybody. I think I didn’t do anything harmful like, putting cyanide into their tea. I never spit to their face. What’s wrong? I just.. don’t know how to deal with people. They’re all confusing as hell.Â
