vamp pirate fucker

she/her

[starlitsequins]

i dont mean to victim blame but why do these vampires keep talking to daniel molloy when they know he's daniel molloy

[my-platonic-chemical-romance]

They think they can outsmart him just because he’s a baby

[minnow-doodle-doo]

'Jason Todd is magic too.'

[guabiju]

Tumblr sexy man of the year if you people weren't cowards

[cloudabserk]

i’m just so sick of it… is jalen brunson fat is hudson williams fat is alysa liu fat? is everyone fat? should we all kill ourselves? my coworkers tell me nonstop they hate their arms their legs their faces. they desperately want to get that lettuce parasite because maybe they will lose weight.

my boss asks me regularly if i’ve ever been fat is my mother fat how do i eat so much how do i eat so little. my boss is 61 years old and looks like a model but she keeps telling me she just needs to lose a few more pounds. she wishes she could eat pretzels she wishes she could have sugar but she just needs to lose a few more. aren’t you tiredddddd. aren’t you bored. are you going to be doing this until the day you die.

[karvina]

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

[karvina]

not really sure how to get her out though

[karvina]

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

[papayafromtv]

the idea that the batkids can hear/speak to each other through a shared comm link for hours on end every single night while on patrol definitely has its ups and downs. on one hand, it's great for communication and keeps everybody safe and in-the-know regardless of where in the city they are. on the other, they're all siblings, and at least once a month there will be an occasion where two bats will run into each other on patrol and for no reason whatsoever, snicker at the sight of each other. this then inevitably causes another batkid to demand to know what the joke is, and the fact that there isn't a joke in the first place simply makes the first two kids laugh harder. this then furthers the demands for clarity, and the increased indignance gradually raises the amusement for the other two, and it goes round and round in circles until Bruce joins the line to screaming and crying as Damian shouts angrily at Jason and Stephanie to 'explain what's so fucking funny' while Steph and Jason are genuinely struggling to breathe from how hard they're laughing at Damian's yells.

the joke was that Steph passed Jason in the street and they stared at each other in calm silence for eight seconds straight. They've been fighting for twenty-nine minutes and Bruce is this >< close to abandoning Gotham for Bludhaven like Dick did.

[possumtion]

Oop

[ignoretendernesses]

eric telling assad to control it is so fucking funny my grandfather in christ do you Know that your instagram likes are public

[snepital]

The idea of him just going straight back to law cracks me up

[tb-png]

mommy favoritism makes it hard for dick to babysit babian, but’s got some work arounds

[morningsaidthemoon]

I LOVE SUPERGIRL!!

[possumtion]

Beach day

[teaboot]

I just want everyone to eat well and get old

[teaboot]

every single one of us should have the chance to get old and bald and wrinkly and fat. I mean that sincerely

[smallpwbbles]

I just thought about the old group playing card games and Jax being the sorest of losers about it

[ashrayus]

absolutely lost it over this fic by @neuro-psyche so. have this comic o(- (

go read it rn if u also love some Good identity reveal fic!!!!

[mikeluciraphgabe]

The Batkids have the same twenty dollar bill that has been going around for like 16 years straight or something - beginning with Jason and Dick

The story goes:

Jason, 12: I bet you $20 that I can make Bruce cry without saying a word

Dick: Deal.

Jason: *walks up to Bruce and hugs with love in his eyes*

Bruce: *violently sobbing and picking Jason up*

Dick: *angrily walks by and slyly hands Jason a 20*

—

A few weeks later it’s

Dick, on a skyscraper looking down at a different one: I bet $20 that I can make this landing

(Info: this genuinely should not be possible for Plot Reasons)

Jason: okay but if you die I get to keep it

Dick: *jumps and lands it*

Jason: *sadly climbs back down to the street and hands a proud Dick the SAME $20 he earned not too long ago*

—-

This goes on between them for years - up until you know what

—-

Dick, out of habit: I bet you $20 you can’t do six front flips in a row

Tim, new and eager to please: watch me bitch

Tim: *does it perfectly - maybe with a tad bit of a waver but still*

Dick:

Dick, crying hysterically for many reasons: *hands the faithful $20 over*

—-

(For plot reasons Tim never spends it for X reason)

Steph: I bet you $20 I can make that guy over there ask for my number

Tim: okay

Steph: *comes back over after successfully getting him to ask*

Tim: *handing over the 20*

—

Cass:

Steph: oh you’re fucking on

Cass:

Steph: DAMNIT *hands $20 over*

—-

Cass:

Damian: -tt- yes obviously I can. I shall take on the bet

Damian: *wins*

Cass: >:(

—-

Damian: Thomas, I will give you a 20 dollar if you can scare Father

Duke: Hell yeah

Duke: *goes on a quest for a few days before he genuinely scares the crap out of Bruce*

Duke: GIVE ME THE $20 HOE

—

By now, it’s a very big inside joke between the bats

—

It’s Dicks turn with the $20 when it happens like the first day

Jason: hey I bet I can make Bruce cry

Dick: oh please he hasn’t since 2013

Jason: Watch me

Jason: *walks up to Bruce, says a few words, hugs him tightly, walks back over to Dick*

Jason: Wait for it…

Bruce: *wonders off and a few moments later - you hear crying*

Dick: *passes a very wrinkly and used $20*

Jason: what the hell is this? The routing number has been out of rotation for years

Dick: oh it’s the same one that we used back when we made stupid bets - it’s been around the family

Jason:

Jason: *definitely not crying*

—-

Anyway; the reason I made this post was cuz of this headcanon

The bat siblings might have a $20 bill but there’s a 75% chance they won’t give it to you because “oh it’s not spending money”

“(Bat) YOU’RE A MULTIBILLIONAIRE”

“I know but this one is special-“

[three-semicolons]

The pipeline of “is this guy Dick?”

-> Dick making some lame ass quip with the joke being that Bruce isn’t expressive and doesn’t thank him enough

-> “oh okay that’s Dick”

It’s sending me.

Even in an alternate world, the dynamics of Dick and Bruce as silly helpful guy and guy who refuses to be outwardly affectionate or affected by said silliness (but would kill himself if anything happened to silly helpful guy) is eternal.