Stupidity At It's Best

Mostly dumb shit said by myself, my kid or my sister. Giant Kpop fan though.

[rnr-guitarist]

*tennis court lights go out*

Me: Oh no. A serial killer is gonna get me.

Sera: Billy Loomis is coming for your butt.

Me: He could absolutely touch my butt.

[rnr-guitarist]

Nibling: Will you kill a spider for me?

Me: Sure.

Spider: *runs away*

Me: You must die, I alone am best.

That's a line from a song from the 90s by The Bloodhound Gang called I Hope You Die.

[rnr-guitarist]

Jill: *talking about her color change nail polish* I'm cold. You know how I know??

Me: Your nipples are hard.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: I'm gonna put you in the microwave.

@onlyslightlysmallerthanwooz-blog: That's fine. Maybe I'll finally be warm. *aggressively put on sweater*

[rnr-guitarist]

Random guy on the bus: *looks at @onlyslightlysmallerthanwooz-blog * I think I like you. Are you a lizard??

Them: No.

[rnr-guitarist]

'No one wants a lap dance in a place that smells like hotdogs.'

The strange things my sister hears at work.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: No sprechen sie Deutsch.

Ash (@dancingwithinsanityssoul ) : Fuck you. I don't speak French either.

Me: What?

Ash: Omg. @goodwriterwithbadhabits is gonna kill me.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: Do you always sniff your meat before putting it in your mouth?

My brother: Oh always. I have to know what it smells like first.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: Why are you toes out in my lab?

Ash: Pink Panther

Me: What?

That line is from Black Panther not Pink Panther. She's dumb. @dancingwithinsanityssoul

[rnr-guitarist]

That moment when a song mentions memories of the first love and all that pops into your head is an image of your friend's bedroom where that one person kissed you........

[rnr-guitarist]

Things that you're supposed to like but find highly annoying

Me (as a white person): White people.

This is not meant to be offensive. It is my honest opinion as a white female in America.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: I don't know what you're talking about. I am a perfect fucking angel.

Ash: *gags*

Me: I know. That tasted bad coming out of my mouth too.

[rnr-guitarist]

Kayden: Stiles reminds me of Jae.

Me: Jae isn't smart enough to be Stiles.

Ash: Jae is smart.

Me: Jae could be smart if he would use his head for something other than a fucking hatrack.

@dancingwithinsanityssoul @goodwriterwithbadhabits

[rnr-guitarist]

I just watched my younger sister (@onlyslightlysmallerthanwoozi) peck my wife (@flower-child-84) like a damn chicken and now I can't breathe. @dancingwithinsanityssoul

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: *farts* extoose me.

Me: I was trying to say excuse me and I tooted at the same time.

Sera: Are you drunk?

Me: No I'm just stupid.

[rnr-guitarist]

Me: *rereading a story I'm writing* Damn this is funny.

Also me: *gets teary eyed at a sad part* my own story betrayed me. Wtf

[rnr-guitarist]

Amber: *cutting a squash* this would be a lot easier if I had somewhere stable.

Me: *not looking away from zoom* life would easier if I was stable...

*silence*