🍒 @rockleeswife - Tumblr Blog

is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of?

i cannot believe im this fucking stupid

heraldofultimateness

Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10

four of course because it’s my lucky number

heraldofultimateness

Good cause that’s your IQ

itzbatz-deactivated20240722

happy anniversary to the post that ruined my life

Daniel Radcliffe on set of Guns Akimbo

spoookiepie

We live in such a strange reality that my honest to God first thought was that this was just Daniel Radcliffe on a saturday night

#and maybe it is #funny

twilightrenaissance

it’s so nice of them to lay out a carrot for edward even though they know he’s not coming

bisexualemmettcullen

can we just talk about how they put all their food DIRECTLY on the table??

yeehawnati

fuck it whole banana on the table

ye awaken with a minty butthole

how do ye proceed

Look butthole

ye spread ye cheeks to the nearest mirror. inside ye butthole is a bottle of DR. BRONNER'S PEPPERMINT SOAP

Take soap

ye attempteth to take ye soap out of ye butthole but ye buttholds fast

Look room

ye look around ye room. this is where ye sleep on a stinky matress without a bedframe or sheet to be found. on ye wall ye sees ye HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR (2015), ye chest o'drawers has a record player with FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS on the spindle, ye night stand has a small bottle of DR. BRONNER'S BUTTHOLE RELEASE cream. doors to ye bathroom and ye kitchen are both on ye north wall.

Use record player use record player

ye listen to the entirety of FLEETWOOD MAC - RUMOURS, playing THE CHAIN four times in a row, forgetting about ye minty butthole problems.

Look calendar

Ye narrator tires of using pseudo old timey speech and she suddenly abandons it. The HUNKY FIRECHUNKS CALENDAR is flipped to JULY 2015, on it there is a HUNKY FIRELAD, insanely toned wearing nothing but a fire helmet and a jock strap, he is partially submerged in a giant bowl of chili. Between his legs he straddles a large firehose, clearly a penis metaphor. His eyes look seductive but somehow, impatient. Like he has an important meeting to get to, a meeting with your genitals, perhaps? Oh also I guess you circled JULY, 17TH, 2015 for some reason but whatever.

Go kitchen

It's your kitchen. On your refrigerator sits a goblin. On the walls are two sexy calendars - both from 2015, one is SPICY FIREFIGHTIN' LASSES and the other is AGENDER ARSONISTS, maybe you wished to give the firefighters a purpose by giving them fires to fight? After all, what's a sexy hero without a sexy sexy villain? You don't have a stove, stop asking about the stove.

Hug goblin