In My Own Little World

🪩You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you✨

[rogue13245]

🪴Navigation🪴

~ Hi, my name is River. 19 (they/them) Welcome to my account. Hope you like it here.

To be honest I write for my own pleasure. Its a hobby of mine. I will write for just about anyone. I'm in so many fandoms so if you have any requests just let me know.

Interact with my work in any kind of way just don't steal my works and take credit for them! ~ River

🫧Masterlist 🫧

[rogue13245]

House in Nebraska

(Author Note: This fic is inspired by House in Nebraska by Ethel Cain. Also might make this a series. Or keep it like this. who knows)

Warnings: Not a happy story, no comfort, Hurt/Angst. Joel being an asshole.

Waking up in the bed that you shared with Joel miller, used to bring you joy. You used to wake up to the smell of him still lingering on the pillows. The warmth from where his body rested was still there which always made you gravitate towards that spot once he left. The smell of coffee would linger through your home.

However now it was a constant reminder of how distant your lover had become. Joel does not come home at night anymore, he used to always make sure he was back sometime throughout the night so he could sleep next to you. Now he takes night shifts to protect the town. Then in the morning he would come home and sleep while you are out living your life.

The home the two of you used to share now felt like your own. The life you two shared now was separate, no longer love shared between the both of you. Now it was you giving him your love when it was no longer reciprocated and maybe...maybe a part of you knew this but you just didn't want to admit it.

Which is why you were cleaning up your home now, thinking about the memories. While Joel was asleep in the bed peacefully, or as peacefully as he could get.

~~ When you and Joel met it was like everything fell into place. You had graduated college a few years ago and was working as a nurse now. In fact you met him because he was one of your patients. He came in because he had cut his hand pretty badly at one of his construction sites. His brother had forced him to come here.

The two of you hit it off but you were always a rule follower and knew better than to try anything while he was your patient. Plus you were too shy to make the first move. So when he left you did not think you'd ever see him again.

So it came as a surprise that the both of you bumped into each other at a party that a mutual friend of yours was hosting. Joel was five years older than you but that did not matter to you. Nor did it matter to him, both of you were adults and could make your own decisions.

Your friends both pushed you towards each other but what everyone didn't know was the fact that they did not have too. You both gravitated to each other on your own.

Joel had asked you on a date and the rest was history. ~~

-----

"I swear he liked me before" you mutter to yourself as you put the last of the laundry into your washer. Tears forming in your eyes as you continue to think as you shut the washer lid and start it.

"what did I do wrong?" you ask out loud to no one.

You then head to the living room and lay down onto the couch. Since Joel was asleep in the bed that you two no longer shared. Tears fall down your face as you stare at the ceiling.

-----

Joel Miller had always been a man of mystery. You never knew what was going on in his mind but that was the fun of it. He used to open up to you and his mind was beautiful. If only he would tell you what's wrong now.

When the outbreak happened the two of you had been together for about a year at the time. Everything was still going well, you had moved in and Sarah was your girl. She was everything to you.

So when Sarah ended up not surviving you were there for him. He closed himself off but throughout time he opened himself back up and let you in again.

You remember the first time since the outbreak that the both of you were able to have sex again. It was about 5 months into the outbreak, the both of you had found a empty apartment that seemed untouched. So there was a mattress on the second floor. No headboard but that wasn't an issue.

As soon as you entered the room you both looked at each other. There was nothing romantic about it, it was driven by need and the fact the two of you missed each other like that. "Joel" you whispered out and that was enough for him to be pulling you in and capturing your mouth with his.

It was not gentle, it hardly ever was with Joel. If he wanted it he knew he would get it. He could be soft after sex, but you were much more emotional than he was. So after the two of you were done you were laying on his chest and just started crying.

Joel lifted your head up to look up at him. "what's wrong?" he asked and you told him honest "I am afraid that one of us is going to end up losing the other. I don't know how I would be able to live without you. I am also afraid of dying. Dying with no purpose...I haven't done anything that I want to do with my life"

Silence is what you were met with for a few moments as he gathered his thoughts before he says the most romantic thing he had ever said to you at the time. "If we died tonight. You would die being mine, just as I am yours" ~~

-----

Tears could not seem to stop falling down your face no matter how many breathing techniques you used. It all seemed useless, so you turn facing the couch and just curl up in a ball. Trying to rid yourself of these thoughts for just a moment.

You thought you might have managed to finally push past these emotions. Untill footsteps are heard coming down the stairs. Then you heard his voice and your heart aches.

"Hey Tommy invited us to this family get together. It starts in about an hour or so" he looks at you while you sit down on the couch now. You don't speak for a moment not trusting your voice.

when you feel like you might be able to talk without your voice cracking. He turns and walks into the bathroom without saying much else. A sigh escapes from your lips before getting up to walk into the bedroom.

The closet was opened which meant that he was getting ready in the bathroom. So you took this time to get ready in the bedroom. You got changed into a nice dress, this would be the first time in about two months that you would be dressed up.

Joel used to watch you get ready and would always pretend he wouldn't be admiring you. Which would make you tease him a bit and he would subtly compliment you. You were always so in love with him that sometimes you did not realize how he had been treating you poorly for a while.

Eventually Joel comes into the room and sees that you were finishing up your hair. "You ready?" he asks and you nod "yep I am" The both of you go to the door and he opens it for you. You smiled brightly up at him and placed your hand on his arm. He stiffened as if uncomfortable and so you just walked to the truck and hopped into the passenger side and waited for him to get in

------

Tommy had a beautiful home and his wife was gorgeous too. Watching the both of them love each other was so admirable. The problem was that you were jealous, it was eating at you because you wanted that. Hell you used to have that.

After a moment Tommy calls your name and it snaps you out of whatever trance you were in. "what?" you ask politely and he chuckles "I asked about that new book of yours you found is it good?"

That was all it took before you started to finally talk for the first time tonight. Talking about the plot and the romance between two characters that seems like it would be a slow burn. The angst. Everything. Tommy seems to be fully interested along with Maria but Joel is pinching the bridge of his nose.

A sigh from him is what makes you turn your face to look at him. You place your hand on his shoulder "hey honey is everything okay?"

This seems to make him flip because he is pulling away from you and grumbling. "you just talk too damn much. You're just too much and I cant fucking take it anymore"

Your whole body seems to shrink into itself and you cant seem to swallow down the feelings rising up within you. "I-I apologize. I didn't realize I was bothering you so much"

Tommy and Maria look at each other before Joel. Ellie is looking at you and you cant meet anyone's gaze. "I-I should probably go actually. You all have a good night. Im sorry" you grab your keys from Joel's jacket and you get a scent of how he smells and your knees almost give out.

Before you could do anything more to ruin their night you open the door and rush out. The sun is setting by now and the stars were out. Tears falling down your face and you probably looked a mess.

In fact you knew that you were a mess because you hear hurried footsteps behind you. Your name being called and its like everything was so far away. So you turn and see one of the teachers that you had become friends with heading your way.

Your bottom lip quivered and he is quick to wrap his arms around you. Keeping his hands on the middle of your back or on the back of your head. "what happened. What's wrong. Fuck what's got you crying like this?" it was clear he was panicked because he had never seen you like this.

"he doesn't like me anymore. Not who I am. I am too much for him. I'm always too much. Elliot why am I always too much. I love him" you practically yell but it doesn't come out right because yout voice is so hoarse.

Elliot pulls you up into his arms. Carrying you while you cried against his shoulder. He was two years younger than Joel, also a country man but he was more gentle. Gentle with your feelings always and more stable with his life.

He was always a breath of fresh air because he wasn't always grumpy. He was fun to be around and let you talk for hours. Which is why he has become your friend over time.

Elliot carries you all the way to your home and when he places you down onto your bed. You smell Joel and you start crying again. "Darling, what can I do to help" he asks

You shake your head "I..I don't know. just...don't leave me alone. Not tonight" He nods and he covers you up. Brushing some hair out of your face. "I will sleep on the couch, if you need anything come get me"

He squeezes your shoulder three times before going to sleep on the couch.

That night you did not get any sleep. Instead you cried and looked up at the ceiling chanting a prayer..to a god you no longer believed in. "please..please don't make me feel this way forever. Please make sure that Joel stays safe."

You repeat that over and over for who knows how long before sleep finally takes you.

Elliot stays awake the whole night just to make sure you got some sleep and did not need anything throughout the night.

[rogue13245]

Let The Light In

Warnings: Toxic relationship, Lots of Angst, Alcohol, Spencer being emotionally unavailable. No happy ending

Authors note: I don't know what possessed me to make an angsty fic. But here we are and I'm not mad at it. Maybe there will be a part 2. Maybe not. I might leave it like this.

-----

Your relationship with Spencer wasn't exactly an ordinary one. In fact it wasn't even something you could call a "relationship." If someone where to as him what you were, he would say "just friends" even when you both knew it was so much more than that. However he was so closed off he wouldn't ever allow that to be.

Spencer Reid would never admit he wanted you. He would have sex with you and touch you, but never do any of the romantic stuff. The closest you ever got to anything romantic was one night the both of you were listening to the Beatles and he lit some candles. But the moment you started doing anything that could be considered domestic he pulled away.

The relationship you had with him was very transactional. He would contact you when he wanted you. Rarely would you ever be the one to contact him, only on really rough days did you and he would always come. However it would never be just because he wanted to see you. He always came with a purpose.

Then one time you had been super vulnerable and asked him for something more. It was burned into your mind just like it was yesterday.

-----

It was late one night and the two of you had just got done hurting each other the best way you knew how too. Sex. Not the kind of hurt that was physical, never that but in a way that it hurt both of you emotionally. Sex with him was satisfying, he never left you hanging and always made sure you came before him every time. Never finished inside of you and would always clean you up afterwards. However after cleaning you up he would rarely ever hold you. Most times he would leave.

Despite you knowing what's going to happen. Your heart would ache when he would get out of bed and watch him pull on his clothes and tell you goodbye. There would be no extra care or anything just a quick goodbye as if he couldn't look at you or he would stay.

Everyone has their weaknesses and he just so happened to be yours. The both of you had been going like this for 6 months at the time and you were getting tired. Maybe it wasn't the most perfect time to bring it up because he had just pulled his fingers out of you and cleaned you up.

He had just tossed the washcloth in the hamper when you whispered out his name "Spencer" His head turns to look at you as he pulls on his jeans but doesn't say anything. "can we talk about what this is between us. What do you want from me?"

The way his body stiffens up as he pulls on his sweater makes you sit up in bed. When he speaks he avoids eye contact "I don't want anything from you. This is what I want and you are giving it to me. This is all I can give you"

Your eyes don't leave him "what if I want more?" His eyes widen slightly and he puts on his shoes before looking back at you. "Then you need to get over it. This cant happen, not after Maeve"

His response was what you expected. Of course you knew about Maeve, the both of you had talked about her before. Her death had happened 6 years ago and you knew healing was a process that took time. Maybe he would never get fully over it but that doesn't mean you cant love again.

So when he goes to head to the front door you had put your robe on quickly and followed. "Spencer" you grab his hand and he looks at you "You're allowed to move on. It's been 6 years, you are allowed to love again. Let someone in"

The look he gives you is bone chilling "What. I'm guessing you want that person to be you. I'm sorry but it's never going to be you, it's always going to be Maeve. You could never replace her"

Words seem to leave your vocabulary but you quickly regain your composure. "I'm not saying it has to be me, and I never wanted to replace her. I know no one could replace her but you have to let someone in eventually. Or you are going to end up alone and I think. That. Would scare you even more"

Spencer doesn't say anything, he just walks past you and walks out.

----

After that night you never brought it up again. In fact that conversation is what made the both of you not talk to each other for two months. But of course he always comes back one night and it begins all over again.

Of course you still wanted more than he was giving you. He knew how you felt and still kept coming back. The worst part was that you always let him because you would take anything he would give you. But after a year of this you don't know how much more of this you could take.

It's not a Saturday night and Spencer texted you which was odd because he usually calls you. He must have had a rough day and didn't want to speak.

Reid: hey I'm coming over. You busy?"

you: " Its 2:45 in the afternoon. No I'm not busy"

There was no response but you knew he was heading this way so you made your bed. Even when you know that it would just get messed up later you did it for a sense of normalcy. Then you head to the living room and start cleaning up a bit just to pass the time until you hear a knock on the door.

Its the same pattern, his signature knock and even though you knew it was him. You made sure to check before opening the door because you remember there was a time you had just opened the door and he scolded you about always checking to be safe.

When you see him he was wearing one of his sweaters and a pair of sweatpants. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and so you quickly open the door and when he sees you he lets out a breath as his shoulders drop.

Your arms are quick to pull him inside and pull him close to you. This was new territory for you, usually it was him holding you like this. He never lets you see him vulnerable. Today he must really need it and so you hold him while he drops his head against your shoulder. "Hey what's going on?"

He doesn't say anything, instead just gripped onto the shirt you were wearing. while you ran your hand through his hair and placed a kiss to the top of his head. Almost too afraid to do anything because you didn't want to scare him off

Eventually he pulls away and grabs your face to pull you into a kiss. The kiss was sloppy and wet from his tears and you have to pull away from him. You knew he wasn't in a good head space and you knew about his past and so you always wanted to make sure he was in the right head space for anything physical.

Spencer frowns when you pull away but you place your hand on his chest to keep him back. "How about we go for a drive. Get you calmed down and then we can come back here. Then do whatever it is you want to do"

His arms drop to his sides but he nods "that's probably best." So you grab your wallet and keys as he opens the door for you and then follows you to your car. When you start it the radio starts to play Spencer's Cd that he had gifted you. A small smile forms on the corner of his lips and you take it as a win.

The drive is quiet which is fine, it gives you time to breathe and think. There's no real destination but after 20 minutes of driving you pull up to his favorite fast food restaurant and get him his usual order before pulling into an empty parking spot.

As the both of you eat he seems to relax more and for a moment you imagine what it would be like to be like this with him. Having these moments with him as a couple. He didn't always need to speak or be doing something, sometimes he just needed someone to be with him. You wanted to be the person he goes to. every time.

It's not often you have moments like this with him. Usually you both would already have your clothes off and be all over each other at this point so this is really nice.

When you both finish your food you now head back to your place and his hand has found its way to your knee. Just resting it there not asking for anything, its as if he just wanted to have some contact with you and it makes an ache run through you. an ache only one can feel if there's something you want that you cant have.

You were glad when you pulled up to your home because now you could break the contact that felt like a branding. When you both get out you head inside and go straight to the kitchen while he goes to sit down on the couch. He turns on the TV while you make his favorite alcoholic drink and your own before going over and handing it to him before sitting on the other end of the couch.

That is how you spend most of the night, just drinking and talking. The more the both of you drank, the more comfortable you got. It was almost normal, as if this is what you were meant to be doing together.

What you didn't know was the fact that while you were thinking about how this was nice. Maybe even the best night you two had together and you wanted more of it. He was thinking about how he had felt that pull, the gravitational pull that part of him wanted to give in to but he couldn't. Not after what happened to Maeve because if you were to get hurt he wouldn't be able to live with it if he lost you too.

Its as if the world stopped spinning when the both of you made eye contact. You were no longer thinking logically and neither was he, something in the air had changed and both of you felt it. "Spencer" you say quietly. He looks at you but doesn't say anything as if trying to regain his composure while you speak again "Do you still want me to take care of you?"

A deep inhale is heard from him "Yes" that's all he had to say before you were getting up from the couch and onto your knees in front of him. He was vulnerable and this was the first time he was letting you take care of him and you were not letting the moment pass. You pull down his sweatpants and boxers and when his cock is now free you place a kiss against the tip of it. He lets out a small groan and you then you lick the bottom of his cock from base to tip before taking him into your mouth finally.

Soft breathy moans were heard from Spencer and you were feeling powerful. When you take him into your mouth you hollow out your cheeks and you start at a slow comfortable pace. Not speeding up or slowing down just wanting to please him for as long as you could. Each movement makes him groan and he eventually moves his hand to your hair and pulls it into a ponytail to keep it out of your face.

His hips involuntarily buck up as he moans out "Jesus fuck" and so you place your hands on his thighs and hold him down. Wanting to see how long you could go at this pace before he begs you to go faster.

Turns out the answer to your question was not very long. He turned needy as if a flip was switched inside of him and he tilted his head back against the couch cushions. "Please..please. I need you to go faster" He sounded so sweet and so how could you deny him. Now you speed up your movements and give him what he needs and his cock twitches as you moan around him.

When he comes into your mouth you take all of it and swallow every drop of it. His body tenses before relaxing as he catches his breath. after you both catch your breath he pulls you into a kiss and you wrap your arms around him as you sit down on his lap.

He doesn't seem to care that you taste like him because he groans into your mouth as he stands up with you in his arms. You giggle as you wrap your legs around him and he walks into your bedroom. He doesn't even have to look where he is going because he is here all the time.

Then when you both are into your room he lays you down onto the edge of your bed and takes off your clothes one by one. Looking at you as if you are a sight to behold and it sets your skin on fire. This felt different than all the other times.

Once your clothes are off he spreads your legs and gets on his knees. Looking at you as if he was a man starved as he asks "is this okay...please tell me this is okay tonight" You are too eager to nod "yes..yes it is, but Spencer wh-" you are interrupted by your own moan.

As soon as you gave him the go ahead he was already in between your legs. His tongue presses against your clit before trailing down your folds. "Spencer!" you moan out his name and it only urges him on.

Its not a surprised that he was good with his tongue. He would have to be from how fast he spoke and how articulate he was with his words even in times like that. You were glad that you were the one that gets to experience it.

When he shoves his tongue into you, your back arches. The growing need is becoming almost unbearable and he knows that too which is why he bends your legs so that your feet were pressing into the bed and he could reach into you further.

This causes your whole body to tense up and speak in between moans "fuck, don't stop please Spencer". He grips onto you and makes eye contact and it's like he was fueled by desire and need "come on baby, I've got you"

Without warning you cum all over his tongue and mouth. Your walls squeeze around nothing as he laps his tongue over you to taste every drop that you give him. He groans in pleasure as he tastes you, lapping it up as if it was the only thing that could sustain him.

your body relaxes against the bed while he helps clean you up before he helps you move and get comfortable. With your head on your pillow and covered up. With his history of leaving right after you assume that's what he's going to do. So when he climbs in bed beside you and lets out a long breath relaxing, you are shocked.

Part of you wanted to place your head on his chest but you were terrified it would make him run off. It's not until he himself pulls you close that you place your head on his chest and close your eyes. He falls asleep first and you take your time just admiring him like this.

A stupid and naive part of you thinks that this means something. That something about tonight with all the looks and him acting this way towards you. It means something, right? Maybe this was him letting you in and so that's what you think about with a smile on your lips as you fall asleep.

Which is why when you wake up to see an empty spot that was still warm next to you. Your chest tightens and you pick up the note was left behind "I cant keep doing this with you. Last night shouldn't have happened" ~ S

Anger rushes through you which is not what you expected. Being sad isn't even a thought right now as you rush to put on your shoes and a jacket and head to his place. Knowing he was still awake because it hadn't been that long ago he left.

---

Spencer had woken up that morning and felt a weight against him. He looks over to see you asleep with a smile on your lips and he knew. The memories of the night coming back to him and realizes that the alcohol had made him more vulnerable. Made it hard for him to hide how much he wanted you.

He panicked because this is not what he wanted. In his mind he had too keep you safe and this was the only way to do that. So he gets out of the bed and leaves a note before grabbing his things and leaving.

Before he exits he stands by the front door and lets himself think about in another life. One where he is a doctor or something that wouldn't put you in danger. He would make you breakfast in bed and would have went out to get you coffee cause he couldn't make it very well.

His chest tightens as he thinks about you waking up in the morning alone. He doesn't want to leave but its best for you, doesn't matter what he wants. So before he can talk himself out of it he leaves quietly.

----

You had arrived to Spencers home and its just as you remembered it. It was a quiet neighborhood and his home was small which means that the inside of it was stacked with books and all his hobbies. You had only stepped inside his home one time and it was only because the both of you had been drunk off your ass and his place was closer.

Taking a deep breath you walk up the steps and go to his door and knock. It takes a few moments but you hear shuffling on the other side of the door. When it opens you see him. His hair is all a mess as if he had been pacing and running his hands through his hair. He freezes and looks at you, for once he seems to be at a loss for words.

"what. What are you doing here?" he manages to get out and you scoff. He sounded as if you have inconvenienced him and you shove his jacket that he left on the back of your couch right to his chest. "You left this at home"

At home. It slips out before you can stop it and he crumbles just a little as he folds the jacket and drapes it over his arm. "This. Is my home. I told you from the very beginning what this was between us" This was the most tense you have ever heard him and all it did was make you more angry and hurt. "yeah. I know what it was supposed to be. Friends with benefits, that's what it was in the beginning for me too. But" You trail off almost afraid to tell him.

He seems to know what you are going to say and he shakes his head "don't say it." Your heart breaks and a sob leaves you unexpectedly but you aren't crying yet. "why because you don't love me back? Even after all this time. After last night."

The look he gives you its like he's having to force himself to say it. He has never been a very good lier which is why this hurts worse. "No. I don't love you" his voice cracks just very slightly but you catch it. Of course you do. "Last night was a mistake. The drinks made me more vulnerable. I didn't mean to make you think there was anything more between us"

Tears now fall down your cheeks as you yell at him "for FUCKS sake Spencer! I know you love me. This couldn't have meant nothing to you. The way you were looking at me last night and you saying you needed me. There has to be some truth to that"

Silence is what you are met with and you sob. "Fuck you Spencer. I know why you feel like you cant let me in. I'm not Maeve! what happened to her was tragic, but that doesn't mean you cant allow yourself to love again. You cant be afraid forever!"

For once he has no words instead he just looks at you. He is fighting his own inner turmoil but he can't say anything yet. This hurts you worse than him yelling at you, so you finally give up and take a deep breath before speaking calmly and that is what makes him terrified.

The way your voice was so calm even with tears falling down your face. It looked as if you were broken and he was the one that did it to you. "All I've ever wanted was to be let in. That's all I've ever wanted and you used that to your advantage. You knew that what I felt was real and you still came and fucked me anyways. We listened to the Beatles and you would light candles." there's a pause before you speak again. "There were moments where I knew you felt the same. I cant keep waiting around for you to love me Spencer. There will be a time when you want to call me and text me, because there always is. You only want me..on your own terms. I cant do it anymore, my body isn't built for this. I'm not going to answer anymore, I deserve more than this."

Now when you look back at him you notice tears falling down his face now too. "y/n" he says softly and you shake your head "I love you. Everything about me was yours. I gave you every part of myself and now its time for me to take it back. I hate that I love you but I loved loving you. Even if I knew I could never have you"

Spencer steps forward closer to you and now you are the one that takes a step back. "Stay safe Reid" you use his last name and you haven't referred to him as that since your very first week of seeing each other and he reaches out for you. So you have to turn away to walk back into your car. Leaving him behind.

Leaving him standing at the door watching your car leave for the last time. He doesn't know why he couldn't speak when you were right there. So as stupid as it seems as he watches as your car drives off he whispers out "I love you"

[rogue13245]

time spent away

Warnings: Smut, Riding like a cowgirl, Using a toy to please yourself cause you miss your man. Alcohol consumption, Ellie and Maria being your friends.

authors note: I will never apologize for the things I feel for cowboys. Especially when I picture Joel miller/Pedro Pascal as a cowboy. I GO FERAL. I need a man to make me wear his cowboy hat while riding him.

---

When you had said goodbye to your partner it was only supposed to be for a week. That's what Tommy had promised you, his smooth voice a stark difference from his brothers "I promise I'll have my brother back home in a week tops."

You should have known better than to believe him he always has a way to change up plans last minute. However all argument escapes you as Joel pulls you into a kiss and then smirks when he pulls away "Ill make it up to you when I get home" he says as he grabs his cowboy hat and places it on his head

"You better, Cowboy"

Tommy places a kiss to the top of your head and says his goodbyes before the both of them walk out. Leaving you home as if you were a stay at home wife. You could last a week it's not that bad, could use this time to do whatever you wanted to do.

However a week turned into almost 2 weeks and you were missing your lover. More and more

------

The first week hadn't been to bad or so you told yourself. Sure it was more quiet in the house since it was just you now. Ellie had moved out to live in a home with Dina and to raise JJ. Maybe it was also a little pathetic to go to bed at night alone. Joel always made sure to come home. He knew you had a hard time sleeping alone especially in a house that was too quiet. So when you wake up every morning and reach for him just for him to not be there. Well your heart sank a bit more each day.

However despite all the changes in your routine, you also found yourself enjoying yourself. You were able to wake up in the morning and rot in bed for a little while longer before getting up. When Joel was here it was hard to do this because he was an early riser and would already be out of bed. That man didn't know how to just relax, always needed to be productive.

You were also able to listen to any kind of music that you wished for. Even turning it up louder than necessary, just because you wanted it to drown out the quiet while you sang and danced around the house. It allows you to get out of your head and enjoy yourself.

Then late at night when you wanted to chill out. You watched your guilty pleasure movies that were romantic comedies. That Joel always complained about but always seemed to be entranced in every time you watched them.

-----

Things started changing around day 10 of him being gone. The first thing that changed was the fact that there was no sign of him living here. You had cleaned the home from top to bottom and now his dirty coffee mug that usually lingered on the counter was gone. Along with his flannel that he would put on the back of the chair. Just in case you wanted to wear it at any point in time. Even his dirty laundry was gone and put up in the closet you both shared.

He wasn't a messy man but he was a bit organized and by now everything was organized. Because you cleaned when you had nothing better to do, and you've been left alone for too long.

The last thing that changed that made your whole mood change. Was when you laid down onto the bed both of you shared and you could not smell him on the sheets anymore. Not even when you laid your head on his pillow. Now it all smelled like you, vanilla with a hint of a sweet flowery scent. It was driving you insane.

So that's why you find yourself getting out of bed and walking over to the closet. When you look through all your clothes to change into something comfortable nothing is standing out to you. A smile forms on your lips as you think about the times Joel would watch as you struggled to pick out an outfit "honey, you have so many clothes, I use a quarter of that space"

Your eyes end up landing on one Joel's flannels. It was your favorite one, in fact it was the one he wore when he finally got the courage to ask you to be his partner. How it makes his arms look so nice you just want to sink your teeth into them.

A small laugh escapes you as you grab it and take it off the hanger before putting it on. It falls just to the middle of your thighs and its perfect. When you get back onto your bed and you lay down you bring the collar up to your nose and you find exactly what you have been missing.

Joel.

His woodsy, smokey scent that's almost earthy reaches your nose and fills your senses. Its consuming and it causes an ache to form in your core. Your thighs pressing together as a need starts building inside of you.

You bring one of your hands to run down your body slowly, fingers lightly brushing against your thighs. While you breathe in and close your eyes. Then when your finger brushes against your clit a small whine leaves from you. "Jesus" you say quietly into the empty room at how wet you were.

As your eyes close you think that may be you could trick your brain into imagining it was Joel who was here pleasuring you. That it was his fingers slowly pushing themselves into you. His fingers that were stretching you out just a bit, pushing against the same walls that he always seemed to stretch you out. No matter how many times he's been inside of you.

It quickly became known to you, that you couldn't trick your brain. Because even when you curl your fingers just like he did, its not the same. Yours weren't as thick as his or as rough as his. Rough that comes from years of working and using them.

So you pull them out and wipe your hand on his flannel as you let out a sigh. You go to sit up and when your gaze lands on your drawer on your beside table. That's when you got an idea, you lean forward and open the drawer and see the vibrator. The same one that Joel had bought you months ago. Saying "Just in case you miss me too much and need something to keep you sated. Until I get back"

You open the package and when you read the box it says it should be on full battery. Thank god because you did not feel like charging it and resuming this later. When you lay back down on the bed you spread your legs slowly. Pressing the button so that the toy turns onto its lowest setting, perfect to start off with. Then you bring the vibrator to brush against your thighs.

A shiver runs through you at the feeling and then you bring the tip of the vibrator against your clit. which sends a jolt through you "fuck"you were already so wet and you knew that the toy would have already been coated. Then when you were ready you pressed the button again and it sped up. The vibration going right against your clit and a loud moan leaves your parted lips "oh my God"

Your body had such a reaction to the stimulation. Of course it was no where close to what you would feel if Joel was here to take care of you, but this would do for now. The cool temperature of the toy sends a shiver through your body and you make sure to give your body much needed love

Keeping your eyes closed you can practically hear Joel's voice. What he would say if he caught you like this all spread out on the bed pleasing yourself. "is my baby so needy she couldn't wait till I got home", "fuck what a beautiful sight to come home too," He would sit down and watch you.

He would sit on the chair by your desk and he would walk you through it. "come on baby bring it to your clit and circle it, just the way I do. Just the way you like it...there ya go, now let go baby and I'll give you the real thing" His voice echoes in your mind and that's all it took for your body to shake and finally reach that tipping point.

You catch your breath and close your eyes for just a moment as you feel your body relax. Your release drips down your thighs and possibly on his flannel. Then when you feel like you have settled down enough you get up to clean yourself up and the toy before laying back down and falling asleep fast. Dreaming of him.

-----

Its been about three days since that night you wore Joel's flannel and used your toy. The toy had worked for the time being but you knew you wanted and needed the real thing. In fact you were getting impatient but you had to keep reminding yourself that only a few more days till he will be here.

In the meantime however Ellie and Maria had called to ask you to go out with them to the bar tonight. They didn't really ask more so they told you that you were coming and so that's why you were dressed in a red dress and heels

when you arrive Ellie and Maria were already sitting at the bar. You go and sit down right in between them since they had left a seat open. A few people's eyes turned to look at you but the whole town knew better than to try anything because they all know you were Joel's girl. He has made it perfectly clear and so have you on a few occasions.

The bartender comes over to the three of you and Ellie orders two rounds of shots for each of you. You laugh a little "are you trying to get me drunk tonight?"

She smirks "no not drunk but definitely tipsy enough to let loose and enjoy yourself"

As time passes by you have drank enough to be a little past tipsy now. Feeling light on your feet and giggly as you danced with the two girls. Ellie had spun you around a few times before you did the same thing to Maria. You were starting to feel better about Joel not being home.

In fact you were enjoying yourself so much that you didn't notice the other people in the bar were looking at someone that entered. All you noticed was the fact that Ellie and Maria had a smile on their faces and you felt good.

Its not until you hear a familiar voice from behind you "Well darlin, don't you look pretty" A gasp escapes you as you turn around to see him. "Joel"

You run to him and wrap your arms around him. Joel wasn't much of a PDA person. Don't get me wrong he is the kind of man that will kiss you in front of others but usually he keeps his touches light. Like his hand on your thigh or hand on your lower back. Its only if he is in a really good mood or feeling possessive that he really doesn't hold back.

He places a kiss to the top of your head. "Hey you ready to go home. I did promise to make it up to you before we left" You look up at him and nodded "take me home"

After saying goodbye to everyone Tommy makes sure to apologize by bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing your knuckles "I'm very sorry for keeping him much longer than planned."

You grabbed his hand and pulled him down closer to you so you could make sure he heard you. "apology excepted but don't let it happen again. You hear?" He just chuckled and looked over at Joel before nodding. "yes ma'am"

-----

The ride home is quiet but not in an awkward way, but you also wouldn't call it comfortable. Its the kind of quiet where you swear you can hear your heartbeat, feel the anticipation through your whole body. When you know exactly what's about to happen when you walk into your home.

Joel doesn't even touch you, he usually would tease you with his hand on your thigh. Tonight wasn't that night, he wanted you to wait for it. Wanted to see how long you could wait until you crumbled. Part of you was annoyed but the other part of you knew that you just needed to wait.

When you finally got home you were done waiting. You have waited damn near 2 weeks. So as soon as the door shut behind you he barely gets his jacket off before you are pulling him over to the couch. He chuckles "someone is impatient" that earns him a glare as you push him back onto the couch. "Maybe if you didn't stay gone longer than planned, I wouldn't be"

Once he is sitting down on the couch he instantly grabs your hips and pulls you onto his lap. So that now you are straddling him with your hands on his shoulders. You look at him and speak "You told me you would be home days ago." His hands run along your thighs and slowly pushes your dress up. "I know honey but Tommy caused some trouble and you would have been pissed if I just left him there"

Something inside of you shifted at his words. He always acted as if he didn't care about too many things, but you knew better. You lean down and place a kiss on his lips "My sweet man"

He scoffs and avoids eye contact but you make him look at you before kissing him again "I need you Joel...please its been too long"

A knowing smile forms on his lips as he moves your body so you grind against his bulge through his jeans. "Oh darling. Did you miss me." he pauses while you whine softly "Did touching yourself in my flannel not do it for you?"

Your eyes widen and your face turns bright red "what are you talking about?" He lifts his hips just a bit as he makes you grind against him, making more sounds come from you. "I came home before going to the bar. I saw my flannel on top of the hamper, one I haven't worn in a years and to my surprise it smelled just like you"

No words could be said in order to defend yourself. He knew and there was no getting out of this. "so I'll ask again, pretty girl. Did you touch yourself in my flannel" You nod and speak as you grind against him again "I missed you...used that toy you got me a while ago"

He hums and kisses your lips before trailing kisses down to your neck. Sucking on that sweet spot that he knows you like "good. I'm glad you had something to keep you sated. But now I'm here and you are going to ride me"

Your hands instantly go to unbutton his jeans and he lifts his hips so you could pull both his jeans and boxers down. When you see his cock you let out a moan "fuck you are already so hard."

He grips your thighs and chuckles "Baby I've been hard since I saw you dancing in this dress"

A giggle leaves you as he lifts up your dress and pulls your underwear off and tosses it somewhere in the room. Then you take matters into your own hands and you hover on top of him before slowly sinking down onto him. Him sliding into you so easily from how wet you were.

Joel groans under you as he feels how your pussy wraps around him "fuck baby." when he gathers himself he reaches over and grabs his cowboy hat and he places it onto your head. Then brings his hand to cup the side of your face, thumb tracing along your jaw and against your lips. "Now show me how good you can ride. Cowgirl"

As if his words controlled your every move, your hips begin to lift up and then fall right back down onto him. His hands grip onto your hips to guide you. Not that you needed the guiding but you know him enough by now to know that he needed to be in control. He was gripping you so hard that you knew his fingertips would leave bruises and you loved it.

Your moans filled the room, his echoing yours "Joel..fuck you feel so good" you manage to say in between moans. He leans forward and kisses your neck and shoulder. Making sure to leave a few marks behind "feel me stretching you out baby. Fuck, been thinking about you since I left"

A smile forms on your lips from pure bliss as he admits to thinking about you too. Your hands grip onto his hair and pull as you ride him even faster. When you do he starts reaching that sweet spot inside of you that drives you crazy. He seems to notice too because he smiles against your lips and grips onto you as he completely controls your movements now.

He moans as his cock twitches inside of you. His lips on yours and when he brings his thumb to rub against your clit that's when you crumble. You cum all over his cock as he thrusts a few more times before painting you insides white. Feeling him fill you up. When he pulls out of you the both of you catch your breaths.

His big calloused hands rest on your ass squeezing gently "Im not leaving for that long again. Promise only short trips from now on" You look at him and smile "good, because I missed this"

The look in his eyes when he looks back up at you makes your heart race "Good because were no where close to being done tonight" He is quick to carry you to the bedroom and lay you down onto the bed.

Joel hovers on top of you and reaches into the bedside table drawer and pulls out the vibrator you had used days ago. "this what you used while I was gone?" Your eyes widen because he had never used a toy on you before. "ye-yes that's what I used"

A devilish look crosses his face before he climbs back on top of you and looks down at you. "good now you are going to tell me exactly what you did and then were going to do that a couple more times. You got this baby"

The look in his eyes let you know that you were in for a long night.

[rogue13245]

Mend

Chapter 8

Word count: 2.8K

Warnings: first time doing Joel Millers POV, Drinking, Smoking, Panic attack 

(this ones a bit rough bear with me)

-----

Lying to your mother was something that you had rarely done before. When you were younger and started sneaking out she had caught you one time and she didn't even yell. She just sat you down and had a talk about being safe. That you could come through the door as long as you were quiet and didn't wake your father up. 

So yes you are feeling guilty for lying but there was too much stuff going on in your head right now for you to feel bad. When you stepped out of your home it wasn't super hot outside, Winter wast too far away and so the weather was in the process of changing seasons. You knew you probably looked not super put together but you couldn't even try to pretend tonight. You were in your sweatpants and the baggy tshirt that Joel had lent you months ago to wear home after getting caught in the rain one day. 

When you get to the bar you had come a few times before its the same bouncer as the time you came with friends. He remembers you and when he sees that you are down in the dumps he just lets you in without checking your ID but he stops you by clearing his throat "Hey, take care of  yourself alright" you only nod before walking into the building. 

As you entered you were quickly surrounded by people dancing and talking loudly over the music. God you wish you didn't have a headache because these noises were not helping the cause. You quickly and quietly make your way over to the bar. The bartender walks over to you almost instantly and says "No friends this time?" you shake your head. "Not a night to talk. I gotcha, what would you like?" 

Thinking for a moment as you lean against the table and rest your head on your hand "give me the strongest thing you have. Try to make it fruity tasting though" She nods and goes to make you your drink. When she comes back after a moment she hands you a iced drink in a glass, along with a shot with a lime "I would suggest taking a sip of your drink first, then the shot and last squeeze the lime in your mouth. It should hit you pretty fast so be prepared" 

A smile forms on your lips, the first one probably all night "thank you." She nods before going back to her job leaving you at your stool. You take a big sip of your drink and it tasted very good which is why it was such a shock when you down the shot and it was absolutely disgusting. It burned going down but when you bring the lime between your lips and you squeeze it onto your tongue the burning sensation dissipates a bit. 

Throughout the first hour you had finished your glass and even ordered one more. Once again the shot burned but it felt good after a while. It gave you something to think about other than your crumbling life around you. So you drank two of those things back to back before ordering one more shot and then heading to a corner to smoke. You put your hand in your hoodie pocket and there it was. Your Lord and savior. The joint. Taking it out you light it and bring it to your lips and inhaling. 

The whole night you had not danced, all you did was stay at the bar or in the corner smoking. No one came over to flirt with you thankfully. It was probably because you looked like death but you stayed drinking. You were high off your ass and honestly drunk as hell. For the past 2 hours you had felt better. No long were you thinking about anything negative or thought about what the fuck your life will be like now that your father was not coming back. 

However you should have known those good vibes and feelings were not going to last forever. Eventually you felt like you needed to go somewhere more quiet and have a moment to yourself. So you go to the bathroom that was a private one. Locked the door and went to sit in the corner and ran a hand through your hair. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your breathing was starting to become short and labored. So what do you do, you light the rest of your joint. Bringing it to your lips and trying to use weed as a way to calm yourself down. It doesn't help and all you are doing is crying and tasting the salty tears that fall on your lips. "god damnit" you toss the rest of the joint into the trash and put your hands in your hands. 

It was hard but you try to remember everything people had told you over the years. Breathe as deeply as you can, hold it, then slowly let it out. Doing this for a few minutes only made you feel like you were suffocating and so you tries the list of things you can touch, smell, see.  Looking around you list off dirty toilet, dirty floor, flashing lights. You feel the cold tile, brick wall, heartbeat. Things you could smell was weed, alcohol both were coming from your own breath, then last smell was Joel Miller. After all this was his shirt you were wearing, it smelled so nice. Woodsy, hint of cigarette smoke but not overwhelming it was just a hint. You bring the collar of the shirt up to your nose and breathe it in and that's when it all hits you. 

Sobs came deep in your chest and you couldn't take it anymore. Despite wanting to be alone you knew you shouldn't. So you dialed the one person who you would want to see right now. Putting it on speaker because it took too much work to keep it up to your ear right now. He answers after the first ring and when he picks up he sounds a little out of breath as if he ran to get his phone. "Hey whats-" the sounds of your heavy breathing and sobs were heard and he is already grabbing his keys. "send me your location. Don't hang up I'll be there as soon as I can." 

He did not wait for you to tell him anything. All he needed to hear were your sobs and he was already on alert You manage to choke out the name of the  bar that you were at and he sighs. "alright Darlin. Just stay exactly where you are at" All you could do was nod and not press the end call button. 

It's not long until there's a knock on the bathroom door and you jump out of your skin "Honey it's me. Come on you have got to unlock the door, Or i'm going to come through it" A small smile forms on your lips and you stand up on your shaky legs and open the door. When he sees you his heart drops and he wraps you in his arms. His hand on the back of your head while the other lays against your lower back. 

All you said was "i'm so sorry" he shakes his head and places a kiss against the top of your head.

 "how about we take you home okay?" 

You instantly shake your head "I cant go home. Its a mess, dads gone, moms fine" 

He wasn't even thinking of taking you there "wrong home Darling." You look at him and he has the urge to close the distance but he doesn't. Now is not the right time and he would be an ass if he took advantage of you like this. Fuck the way you looked at him drove him crazy. "Come on" is all he says as he leads you out of the bar. 

When you get into his truck he grabs a water bottle from the center console and he hands it to you "drink some water, you need it." You don't even hesitate before grabbing it, opening it and then almost chugging the water. Not realizing how dehydrated you were from all the alcohol and Weed. Once you were done you place the water in between your legs and look out of the window as you pass by everything. 

Eventually you make it to his home and he takes your hand as you both walk into the building. Instantly you are wrapped in warmth and the smell of coffee "mmm were you drinking coffee this late?" He nods as you sit down onto the couch "Yes. Your mom called me to ask if I had seen you. So I was staying up late in case you called or showed up" 

A smile forms on your face. "Oh my God you like me! I knew it" He rolls his eyes but there's a small hint of a amused smile on his lips "Sure yeah. I like you more than I planned." You giggle, actually giggle which is not something he heard from you before. Of course you have laughed but this girly sound no. You must be severely drunk. 

Joel goes into the kitchen to make you a quick sandwich and get you some tea. He always has tea stocked now because he knows its your favorite. When he comes back he has everything for you and hands you the plate. "Here eat and then drink this tea. Ill give you some meds for the headache you are going to have"

Your eyes widen and you shake your head "No meds, Im tired of taking medication. Swear I've been popping them left and right for the past few weeks. I'm okay" 

He nods and squeezes your leg gently "Alright. Well I am going to call your mother because she needs to know you are safe" You give him a thumbs up and he goes to the other room and handles everything while you eat. Joel wasn't a big cook, in fact its usually take out or something quick like chili or sandwiches. Which is exactly why on the nights you were here, you make sure to cook something up so Joel and Sarah could have a home cooked meal. 

When he comes back he has a change of clothes and it looks like they were his. Its a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that has a drawstring on them so they could fit you. "go get changed. Your moms on her way" you nod and walk to the downstairs bathroom and you get changed. You catch your reflection in the mirror and you looked awful. Making a mental note to shower in the morning. There was also a new toothbrush on a clean washcloth that he had left out for you and so you brush your teeth also. 

Once you are done the shirt comes down to your thighs and the sweatpants were baggy but they held up well. When you step into the living room again you see your mother there and she sees you. A small smile on her lips and you walk up to her "hey mom" 

"hey honey. We're gonna get you to bed alright?" she says and you nod. 

You head to the couch but Joel stops you "where you goin?" Looking back at him you point to the couch "sleeping" He shakes his head and points to his bedroom "Take the bed, Ill sleep on the couch tonight" 

There was no point in debating this because you knew he would win anyways. So you nod "thank you Joel" 

Heading up to his room you look around and take it all in. It wasn't messy by any means but it was lived in. When you got into his bed it smelled like him, the woodsy scent wrapped you up in it. 

When your mom walks in she sees you and laughs "You look so small in this bed"  You laugh and nod "Well it is a huge bed. It could fit four of me" She nods and comes to lay down beside you for a little bit "I'm going to lay with you for a few hours. I have to go home, the stains are just about out and the window was fixed earlier today after you left" 

She wraps her arms around you, your head on her chest and you nod. "Okay I'll come home tomorrow. What are we going to do without dad there?"

A smile is on your mothers face when she speaks "we are going to finally start living. Living the life we want too and not one where we have to think about everything that we do so much" 

The feeling of hopefulness washes over you and you smile "Awesome." 

Your mom runs her hands through your hair and after a few minutes of quiet she speaks "so I figured I'd ask. Is there something going on between you and Joel?" This causes your eyes to widen as a blush forms on your cheeks "no nothing's happened. I was loyal to Logan despite everything." She nods "All I'm going to say is that I think he wants there to be something, and if I'm not wrong...you want something too" 

Being too tired to try to lie your way out of this one you nod "maybe I do..but its not going to happen. You know I'm no good with expressing those feelings, I don't even know how to navigate those types of things" 

She laughs "trust me I know. Just be yourself and if he can't see how worth it you are. Its his loss" 

There wasn't much talking after that because you felt your eyelids grow heavy and you fell asleep. 

----

Joel Millers POV 

After bringing Natalia home I didn't really know how to take care of her. Sure I knew to make sure she ate, drink something like water or tea. But for some reason my mind was blank as I looked at her and saw how small she looked. 

I called her mother because as much as I could take care of her, she needed her mother. No matter how old you are there are only certain things a mother could do. So I handed her some clothes to change into and I waited for her mother to arrive. 

When she got here we talked for a moment about everything tonight. Shortly after we talked Natalia came out in my clothes and I swear my heart stopped. I was not expecting her to look so good in my clothes. It's not until Elizabeth nudges me with a knowing look that I clear my throat and she talks to her daughter. 

Elizabeth brings up getting some sleep and I watch as Natalia heads to the couch. I instantly went to stop her "what are you doin?" She points to the couch and tells me shes going to sleep there. As if she thought I would make her sleep on a couch. Absolutely not. "Take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch tonight?" She thanks me and heads up to my room. 

As soon as both of them exit the room I sit on the couch and lean back my face in my hands for a moment. I couldn't help but think if my bed will smell like her when I lay in it again. Her floral scent all over my pillows and sheets. Jesus fuck. I have got to stop thinking about her like this. She is Sarah's babysitter and younger than me. 15 years younger than me to be exact. Why did I want her like this, I haven't wanted anyone like this...ever. Not even Sarah's mother. 

Eventually I decided to distract myself and so I walk to the closet in the hallway just past my bedroom. I was grabbing a blanket when I heard talking and I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop but I heard my name. 

It was Natalia speaking with her mother and when I hear their conversation and her say that she doesn't think anything's going to happen because she doesn't know how to pursue something like this. My grip on the blanket in my hands tighten "Fuck" I mutter and I walk back to the couch and lay down. At least I know her mom wouldn't kill me for pursuing anything with her...if I wanted too. Which I don't because it's wrong. Morally wrong. Right? 

I fell asleep with her soft red hair flowing in the wind while my window in my truck was rolled down. Her looking happy and healthy, laughing under the sun. 

[rogue13245]

Mend

Chapter 7

Warning: Parental issues, Slapping. Yelling. 

He gets to the hospital and when he comes in with blood on him the workers all think he is hurt but he shakes his head and tells them who he is here for and they are quick to take him to the room. When he sees you aren't there he gets worried and he is quick to ask "where is she?"

they tell him that you were in surgery and would be out shortly but for him to have a seat and so he does. Sure maybe he could have washed off your blood but he really didn't have time. He needed to make sure you weren't alone. 

he is a nervous wreck but eventually you were brought into the room. Still unconscious and the doctor says "we dont really know when she will wake up. Could be when the meds wear off or hours. You should clean yourself up" they leave and he stays with you. His hand in yours and he waits for about an hour before going to the bathroom attached to your room and washing off your blood from his hands and arms. Grabbing a paper towel and washing it off his chest. 

once he was done he comes straight back out to you and stays by your side the entire time. When the drugs wear off the only reason he knows is because your heart rate picks up as if you were in pain. the doctor comes back and gives you something to calm down the pain and he looks at Joel. "I called her parents. They said they were on their way" he nods and is left alone with you again

It takes your parents 3 hours to arrive and your mother is the one that walks in. Your father stays in the doorway. Your mother looks heartbroken while your father looks upset. Joel thought it meant he was mad at Logan but he couldn't be more wrong. Your mother goes up to you and kisses your face and she doesn't cry yet. She is a strong woman, its your father that speaks up "Joel you should leave" 

Joel tenses up and your mother notices before looking at your father "Let him stay. You go stay in a hotel for the night okay. Ill call if she wakes up" he nods and walks out leaving you all there. Your mother looks down at you and pushes your hair from out of your face "oh my sweet girl." tears were forming in her eyes and she looks at Joel. "I need you to tell me what happened?" he opens his mouth to speak but he doesn't know if he is the right person to say anything. "I think you should wait till she wakes up. I don't know all that happened just what I seen ma'am"

She speaks and this time it was as if she was afraid to ask it "It was Logan wasnt it?" he nods and then begins to tell her All he seen and what all happened. She nods and she goes up to hug him "thank you for taking care of my daughter. I know how close she was to your daughter and to you. You can stay with her for as long as you would like" 

"thank you"

they don't do much talking but she makes sure he eats. Joel is quiet unless its to rest his head against the hospital bed as he holds onto your hand. Sometimes when he things your mother isn't looking he will place his hand onto your chest just to feel your heartbeat. Making sure you were still alive and if the hospital machine was working properly. 

he also would talk to you when he thought your mother was sleeping but she heard it all. In fact it was hard for her to not smile as she heard him say things like "please wake up" "come on darlin, you ain't going out like that" then it turned into "Please wake up. Sarah needs you..fuck it. I need you" then it turned into "I swear if you don't wake up I will kill him. In fact Ill probably do it either way."

Eventually after 6 hours you start to wake up. Joel was asleep with your hand in his you felt him before you could even look at him. You'd know those calloused hands anywhere. Your mom had been awake and when you croak out a quiet mom. She instantly heard you and stood next to you and placed her hand on your cheek. "hey honey" she says and you force a smile. then you look at Joel and she speaks "he has been here the entire time. not once has he left your side. Do you want me to wake him?" you shake your head

You honestly fall back to sleep in a matter of minutes but it doesn't last long because you wake up after like 10 minutes because you cant sleep and this time you feel like you could move your fingers and so you do. The subtle movement wakes Joel up quickly as if his body was on alert. When he sees your eyes open he looks at you. "Hey how are you feeling?" he asks and you shake your head "Just great" he scoffs and he helps you drink some water after helping you sit up. 

Once you take your drink his hand hovers just in case you needed his help but you manage before handing him the water. "thank you" is all you say and then your mom walks in with food. "well its a good thing I got extras. How are you feeling?" she asks and you force a smile "Im okay guys seriously. I don't know what pain meds they gave me but they better keep giving me them" your mom glares at you and you roll your eyes "that was a joke mom. Im hurting obviously but Im fine" 

You were getting a bit snappy but they couldn't exactly blame you for being that way. It was the middle of the night and you were going to be discharged in the morning. The rest of your time was spend awake or sleeping. When you were awake your mom was attentive as a mother should be. She fluffs your pillows and makes sure you aren't cold. Always making sure there's food for when you were hungry or woke up. Joel keeps a hold of your hand, it was soothing and there had been a few times where you would slowly trace your thumb against his palm and you swear his face brightened up. Joel also liked to always have something on the TV but then not watch it. He was into old westerns and so one time when you were awake you asked for the remote and turned one on. He watched for a few minutes but you could tell he was still too worried to pay attention. 

When you were asleep they talked to the doctors who came to check in on you. Eveything was running fine. The sounds of the beeping on the machines making it clear everything was working as it was supposed to. 

There was a moment where you had been stiring awake and you felt a hand on your chest. Not on your breasts or you would have probably freaked out, but it was just above where you could easily feel your heartbeat. The hand you knew wasn't your mothers because it was calloused and fingers were much thicker than a woman's. "Joel?" you ask without opening your eyes and he removes his hand. A soft smile on your lips as you breathe out a laugh. "what were you doing" you ask as you open your eyes and he rolls his eyes. "I was making sure your heart was still beating. I did that ya know when..." he says not knowing if bringing it up so soon would affect you. 

You reach out for his hand again and place it against your heartbeat again. This man was not shy but he was overly conscious of not wanting to make you uncomfortable so he was hesitant in a way. "I know. Uhm I remember being in your arms and you begging me to stay awake. Telling me you would let me move in with you guys even if I wanted too. I just couldn't open my eyes or speak. I let you down...again" 

He was quick to stand up and place his other hand against the side of your face gently. "what are you talkin bout.?" You shake your head "I let you down that day we were in my room." your mouth started to get dry and he holds the drink up to you and then places it down when you are done. "The day that you told me I wasn't good for you guys. That you didn't want me around" 

Joel runs his hand through your hair gently avoiding your wound that had been stitched up. "god I'm a fuckin asshole." you laugh a little and shrug "well I wasn't going to say it. Not yet anyways" He scoffs out a laugh and he looks at you for a moment before you speak "you should get some sleep. Sarah is going to need you in the morning" he furrows his brows "Is this you telling me you want me to leave" 

A soft smile is on your lips as you nod "yes but only because your daughter needs you home. Plus I'm sure Tommy needs to get home too." He cant argue with that and so he nods and squeezes your hand once before sitting back down in the chair and you stay awake since you have slept for so long you couldn't even think about closing your eyes again. 

Eventually the morning comes and the doctor comes in. Joel was asleep in the chair. His head leaned back a little bit. Your mother was awake and so the doctor comes in to check up on you and then unplug you from the machines. Then takes off your wraps and puts new ones on after cleaning everything. The doctor tells you and your mother how to do everything because you would need to clean and do this at your your home. Then the last thing he does is tell you what to expect and to take it easy for a couple of months until they heal. So no heavy lifting or excersize. Your mother nods and tells the doctor thanks. 

Once he leaves you are quick to stand up and you walk very slowly to Joel and place your hand on his shoulder "Joel" you whisper. It takes a couple times but he slowly wakes up and when the first thing he sees is you standing his hands go to your hips gently. "what are you doing out of bed?" you laugh and wince a little at the shake of your body "Ive been given the go ahead to leave. Go home to Sarah. Tell her I am okay and I'll see her soon" 

Joel's hands don't leave your hips as he looks up at you for a moment. The closeness has you a little nervous but you knew he didn't mean anything by it. Hell you don't even know why you always get this feeling everytime he touched you. It was ridiculous and you needed it to stop. 

He finally lets you go and your mom has grabbed your bag and cleaned everything up. "ready?" she asks and you nod. The three of you walking out of the hospital and Joel walks you all the way to the car and helps you inside. You thank him before he heads to his car and you pull out of the hospital parking lot heading home. 

When your mom pulls up at the house she looks at you with a look. One you couldn't quite understand "what?" you ask and she shakes her head "Nothing honey. Its just...Joel was really worried about you. I was told that they had to pry his hands from off you when they came and got you" You felt guilty and she seems to know that and she places her hand on your knee. "I was just saying that because well...is there something going on between you two?"

You shake your head "no. I wouldn't have done that to Logan even if he was doing terrible things to me. He is just Sarahs dad and we have become friends" She nods but doesn't believe that but she decides to let it go for now. "aright come on lets go inside and I will text your dad to come home". 

The both of you head inside and when you do its the first time you see the mess you made. The broken lampshade, the blood on the carpet and there was even blood on the counter from where you hit your head and you swallow. Eyes wide as you take this all in and the memories come rushing back to you in an instant. Your mom is holding you close to her just to let you know you werent alone.  She had already sent a text to your dad and he was on his way. 

Turning to look at the window you see it broken and you already knew your father would be upset about the mess but even more so at the window. You were dreading him being here and so you go to the freezer and go to bend down to get one of the ice cream cones but you wince "shit" you say and your mom comes over and grabs it for you and opens it "here. Why dont you go sit down in the living room. You can turn on anything you would like" a nod comes from you as you go sit down.

Your father eventually comes through the door and he sees the mess and he's about to say something about it but your mom gives him a look. She was already cleaning everything and he instantly closes his mouth and when he sees you on the couch and just heads into the room where he stays for the past week while you were healing. Or he was at work. 

While you had been healing your mom was the one who took care of you. She made you food and helped bathe you since you couldn't reach your arms up to wash your hair or bend down to grab things. It honestly was so embarrassing but she always reassured you because she knows you struggle with people helping you with anything. 

About two weeks ago by and you are able to walk normally again without a limp. There would only be paid if you leaned down or tried to fast walk. As long as your stomach wasn't moving too much you were good. Your head was good too in fact you couldn't really feel it anymore by this point. You stopped taking pain medication about five days ago and so you were cleared to stop taking them. 

Despite you being better there was only a few things that stayed the same. There was still a hole in the window and still the stubborn blood stains that just wouldn't get out of the carpet. Which those things combined did not make your father an easier man to deal with. In fact today it seemed like all he did was huff and puff and so finally you gathered the balls to ask him what was wrong. 

At your question he slams his hand on the table which makes you flinch a bit. "What is wrong is the fact that this place is still a mess! The window isn't fixed yet because the people have come. Then not only that but your damn blood wont come out of the carpet. We have to replace so many things" 

You cross your arms and get angry yourself now. "Well I am sorry that me getting beat by my boyfriend. Who you set me up with, is such an inconvenience to you!" He glares at you and in his anger doesn't know how to control himself "Don't speak to me like that. You ruined my work trip and now I have to fly back out tonight or else I could lose my job" He pauses then continues as if he cant stop yelling now. "If you would have just listened to him and not done anything stupid. I'm sure he wouldn't have had a reason to hurt you" 

Your eyes widen and your mom had just walked back into the room and stiffens. "Are you saying that he had a good reason to hurt and treat me like that" 

He looks dead at you "I know how mouthy you are. How argumentitive you are so yes. If you would have listened and not made a fuss. It wouldn't have happened" 

Walking closer to him you see your father and you hated him in this moment. However there's a stupid part of you that wants him to hold you and be a father. "I cant believe you would defend him. Did you know that he was like this? that this isn't his first time hurting me?" 

The silence from him spoke volumes and you gasp before lashing out. "My whole life you treated me like shit. I let you do it because some stupid part of me loved you. You were supposed to take care of me and you never did. Fuck you! You are and have always been a terrible father...and a terrible husband" as soon as you said that he was a bad husband his whole face changed to hurt but he slapped you across your face. 

Your mother who had seen the whole thing runs up to him and shoves him. "don't you lay a hand on my daughter you dick! I told you that if you ever laid a hand on her again I would make you leave. I meant that" 

For once your father actually looked apologetic, you had never seen him like this. "Elizabeth. come on you know I didn't mean to do that. She just struck a nerve and it just happened" He looked panicked and your mom held strong "I have tolerated you for years because I love you. This is not something I will tolerate. You have somehow made me believe that I needed you in order to be able to live and not struggle. However I think you've forgotten that I'm the reason you got your job, I'm the reason you are so successful. I was and am the one with the money, my family is the wealthy one. You are done. We are done. Pack your shit and leave, Divorce papers will be mailed to you" 

As she speaks you see your father actually fall into himself. It was painful but so satisfying to watch. Your mother was beautiful and she's finally standing up for not only you but for herself too and it was amazing. 

He went and packed as much as he could and left without a word and your mom actually looked so much more happy now that he was gone. She hugged you and you wrapped your arms around her. "I love you honey, I wont let anyone hurt you like this again" you nodded and you closed your eyes. "I love you too mom"

When the two of you pull away she goes to pack up the rest of his things and you go to your bedroom to try to process everything. However It didn't help and you could feel your panic attack rising and you didn't want that. So what you did is what you do best..you ignore it. You walk out and tell your mother that you would be with Samantha and she nods and you go straight to the bar. Not even bothering to change out of your clothes you already had on. 

[spidey-webz]

it’s him i fear

[rogue13245]

ahhhh

[rogue13245]

Mend

chapter 6

-----

Warnings: Domestic abuse, fighting, blood, hospitals. 

The days following the party was actually pretty decent. You had some time to yourself and your dad wasn't on your ass about doing every little thing in the house. This was because he was too busy packing and working. It was probably the best experience of your life because finally your father was leaving but not only that he wasn't yelling at you to do something constantly. 

You used your extra free time to pick up on your drawing. Drawing was something you always used to help you escape reality. It was something you liked to do but stopped doing a few years back because you hadn't had the time. Your drawings were just of things outside and things you saw throughout the day. Loving to draw landscaping and sometimes you would draw a house in the woods with a farm. Picturing you and your partner would take care of together and live out your days there. 

Logan had not texted you since that night after the party. It didn't hurt your feelings even though it probably should. If you were a normal person you would be upset that your boyfriend who you had sex with just days ago hadn't reached out. The thing was you weren't, you hadn't reached out either. In fact after you both were done with your intimacy that night he left. He seemed off but he didn't say anything just left you there. Unsatisfied as always and so you took care of yourself when you heard his car drive off. 

It was honestly quite lonely to be alone with your thoughts these past few days. Your nights consisted of you calling Samantha and Case for a few hours, but that was the most social interaction you had. In fact the only time you felt fully relaxed was when you had snuck out of your window to go on your roof to get high. There were a few times when you would pick up your phone and look through your contacts and click on Joel or Sarah's name. Rereading your texts until you start feeling sorry for yourself then you turn off your phone and head inside. 

Which brings you to now and its your first night being completely alone. Your parents had left a few hours ago and Logan would be coming to stay for a bit at the end of this week. So for now you were alone and so you had chose to go to your roof to smoke. You only ever smoked at night or if you were partying. The sun was going down which casted a purple hue across the galaxy, the stars were out and it was very peaceful. There was enough light outside so you could see around you and even across the street if you wanted. 

The rolled joint between your thumb and pointer finger had been burning for a few moments now. Bringing it to your lips and inhaling deeply to give it time to really run through your system before blowing it out. Instantly you feel your body relaxing and a sigh escapes you. This is what life is about, being so relaxed that you couldn't even feel your muscles being tense anymore. Smoking is the only way that gets you to this state. 

People tell you that smoking this much is bad for your health. That you should find healthier ways to relax. To that you say, whenever you find something else that makes you feel safe and finally not be on edge all the time. You would stop doing it so much. In fact there was a short time there when you were seeing Joel and Sarah that you didn't smoke as much. Not just because you were busy but because you didn't think about it much. 

Now that you don't have that in your life. What else were you to do. 

You sit up now and bring your knees to your chest, resting your chin on them. Its quite outside too you realize. There are no cars driving by, no music being played or even the sound of crickets. It's so quiet that you can't even be surprised when you hear a door open and shut from across the street. Instinctively you look at where the noise came from and there he is. Joel fucking Miller. You scoff and try to avert your gaze because why can he just live his life and not think about you once. 

Not that you wanted him to think about you. It was just the principle of why didn't he. Did you not leave a good enough impression, did he not care as much as you thought he did. You had to start telling yourself that you were there for Sarah and that's the only reason he kept you around. It was all for his benefit, because you did something for him. Every time he needed someone to stay with Sarah because he worked. Or wanted to go out to the bar with his brother. You were there every time and the person he texted because he knew you would answer. You were too available for everyone. 

Fuck him and every man on this god damn planet. Why do they only want something when it benefits them. Why does everyone only want you when you can do something for them. They never wanted you just because they wanted you around. It drove you insane and you hated that your thoughts were spiraling out of control because now you had been looking at him for too long and he notices you. 

Joel had felt eyes on him and when he looks around he sees you on your roof. He doesn't look long but he does take notice that you are smoking. Honestly he was surprised because you didn't seem like the kind of person to be smoking. Guess he didn't know you as well as he thought. He walks into his home and you finish the rest of your joint before standing up. Brushing off your pants before climbing through your bedroom window and shutting it behind you. 

Despite knowing it was a bad idea because you already knew what you were to see. You go over to your phone that had been charging and pick it up. No notifications. Just as you expected and so you shut your phone off and get changed into pajamas and fall asleep. 

Sometimes throughout the week you decided to start going out for runs in the morning. Get some exercise and some fresh air before any plans of the day really started. It was the last morning you would have before Logan came. He would be here tonight and stay for two weeks before leaving again. You could handle two weeks with him, hell you lasted 3 months in another country with him. 

You were in some shorts and a tight tank top that held everything tight. Because lets be honest running with breasts hurt at times. So you made sure they wouldn't move much. You had decided to go on your normal path which was go around the block then go through the trail through the park and around the block once more before going home. If you walked the path it would be an hour and a half but jogging it would take 45 min to an hour. 

Today something happened though and while you were on your way home a dog had appeared out of nowhere. You were turning on the sidewalk that lead to your house as it tackled you. Landing flat on your ass as the dog comes up and licks your face. You were laughing and turning your head to the side to avoid the dogs affection and eventually is stops and sits next to you. 

Sitting up on your knees you look at the dog and pet it. "hi there buddy. Who do you belong to?" you ask as you grab its collar and see a number on one of the tags and it's a number you knew. "oh you've got to be kidding me" you mutter but smile at the dog and pet it a few more times before picking it up in your arms. It was a puppy, sure it wasn't super tiny because it did trip you and knock you off your feet. But the dog wasn't super heavy. 

You walk across the street and walk up the familiar steps and knock on the door. The same special knock you did and so when Joel opens the door and sees you first he doesn't look thrilled. "what are you-" he doesn't get to finish what he was saying because you wanted out of here and fast. "Thought you would like your dog back" the dog is panting from the hot air and the excitement and Joel's eyes widen. "shit.  thanks. Sarah wanted a dog so I got her one and its just been-" you shake your head and hand him the dog. "Look I just came to give you the dog. Bye Joel" 

He goes to open his mouth but you turn around and start walking off the porch. As the door shuts you hear Sarah's voice "Wait was that Natalia?" she sounded happy but you just rushed off. Joel had told you to not see her and had shown you exactly where you stood in their life. No calls, texts. Hell not even a pigeon flew to your window with a letter. It was honestly disgusting at how easy it was to just not see you. 

When you get home you walk in and make yourself some food. Deciding to eat some with a lot of protein for breakfast. Not really wanting to lose weight because you liked the weight you were at but you wanted to be more healthy and so that's what you were doing. 

The rest of the day was spent with you listening to music or even watching a few movies to pass the time. Eventually the time comes and you hear a car pull into the driveway at 7:30 pm. You walk to the door and open it to see Logan grabbing two bags from his car. When he comes up to you he doesn't even say anything, just walks right on in heading to your bedroom. 

This was going to be a long two weeks and you were already dreading it. He goes into your bedroom and puts his bags beside your wall before coming back down to you and finally speaking. "so is dinner ready?" You glare at him and bite down on your cheek. "No because I already ate. You didn't text me to tell me you were going to be eating dinner here." he runs a hand through his hair as he shakes his head "I didn't think I had too. You should have dinner ready. That's part of your job" 

His words were only making you more upset and you cross your arms "why because i'm a woman?" Logan visibly tenses "You know exactly why" is all he says and you start to talk back to him "Oh wait, its because you want me to make you food, not text or call unless you text first. In fact if i'm not mistaken you want me to do your laundry and clean up after you while you are here right?" 

Today was not the day for him to be starting this because this was the day you would get yourself into trouble just because of the shit day you had. but the words he says next make you step closer to him. "Actually yes. Didn't your father teach you how to treat your partner?" you shove his chest and he moves back an inch. "Yes he did. However my mom also told me to never act as someones mother. Which is exactly what you are wanting me to act like. If you want a mommy you've come to the wrong place. Your mom is sitting at home alone i'm assuming." 

This seemed to strike a nerve in him because next thing you know he slaps you hard across the face. Your head is turned to the side and you take a few deep breaths trying to calm yourself as he speaks "I am feeling generous so I'll let it slide. But don't ever talk to me like that. Learn your place before I have to make you." there's a pause "I don't know what the hell is your problem today that's made you decide to be a bitch. But figure it out before things get worse" 

He goes to sit down on the couch and you stand there trying to calm yourself down. Hand pressed against your chest as you take a few deep breaths before letting it out. A few minutes go by and Logan pats the spot next to him. Mood completely changed and it gave you whiplash. "come sit with me babe" you slowly make your way to the spot and sit down and he places his arm on the back of the couch behind you. There was no touching because he didn't do that, he never touched you unless he wanted something or to teach you a lesson. Both of you had never cuddled together, it's something he doesn't do. 

There were no words spoken either as the two of you watched TV. It was weird to not speak, you liked to talk and have conversations but couldn't. Not around Logan, usually when the both of you would watch a movie. He would start to touch you and want something but thankfully that didn't happen tonight. 

The reason it hadn't happened was because about halfway through the movie he had randomly put on. He gets up and leaves the room. Stepping outside to take a call and it was about an hour and a half until he comes back. You knew he talked to other women, its not a secret. There's girls texting him left and right. Sneaking off and going to meet up with them. Its the main reason why you make him wear protection whenever you are intimate with each other. He hates it and tries to not use one but you hold your ground. 

Eventually you head to bed and sometime throughout the night he must have came to bed. Because you wake up at 7 in the morning because that's the time that you have started to get up. So you could have time for a run and have breakfast. However as soon as you start to get up a hand wraps around your wrist tightly."ow!" you say aloud and he pulls you so you are leaning back onto the bed "where are you going?" he demands and you roll your eyes. "I'm going for a run. That's all" he nods after a moment and lets you go and you can feel your wrist throbbing "come straight back" you nod and get ready before heading out. 

This was only a glimpse of what it was like being with him for two weeks. It was like you were living the same day over again. You would wake up and go on your run, make yourself breakfast and then make him lunch at exactly 12. Any later and he would argue with you about it, sometimes hit you. He would not even say a thank you or even a good morning as he ate the food you made. Just go out and enjoy it alone. 

Then you cleaned until around 6:00 pm when dinner was supposed to be done. He would then sit with you but it would be in complete silence. Then once he was done he would hand you his plate and then go outside and call or text someone on his phone. In the meantime you would put leftovers in the fridge. You didn't have much time to eat and so you would snack on leftovers throughout the day but never a full meal unless it was breakfast because then you were alone. 

Sometimes when he would be super mean to you that day, late at night you would offer to have sex with him. Some nights he would accept and the others he would not. You did it so that he would be nicer to you the next day and it worked sometimes for the most part. 

Despite not having a lot of time to yourself there were nights when he would go out, leaving you home. So you would take this time to go onto your roof and smoke, doesn't matter if it was a joint, or even your cart you just needed an escape. 

One night you had been smoking and you seen Joel again. This time he had been with Sarah and you instantly went to get up to head inside. You had been doing good with not thinking about them but of course it doesn't last long. Not thinking you were super high you get up fast and forget there's a peace on the roof that's loose and it causes you to almost fall from the roof. When you regain your stance again you notice you dropped your joint. "God damnit. Fucking stupid roof" you say as you think about the quickest way to get it and so you hop down to a lower part of the roof and then jump down to your table that was outside. Then step onto the ground and grab the unfinished joint. 

You had snuck out so many times and that routine was something you did so many times as a teenager. Even as a kid you snuck out because you hated being home. Not much has changed. The only thing that had changed was there was Joel looking at you, not in a creepy way but as if he was making sure you weren't going to get hurt. You look at him for a moment and when he looks away you walk inside and shut the door. 

Putting your phone on the charger on your bedside table you go straight to bed. When Logan gets back he gets into the bed and is the furthest from you as he can possibly get. So its a shocker when you wake up in the morning and see he was already awake. "what time is it?" you ask and he responds "7 am" the time wasn't a shocker because it's around this time you wake up but him being awake this early is a shocker. "What are you doing awake so early?" he shrugs and was unusually calm as he speaks "well I was woken up by the phone going off" 

You nod and get up from the bed to get changed for your run. "Oh okay?" you say thinking it was his phone but then you turn to grab your phone and see its missing. Looking at Logan you see your phone in his hand. He was scrolling through it and you are confused "why do you have my phone?" he doesn't even look at you "who is Joel?"

Why would he be asking you that and why would he be looking through your contacts. "He's just a guy that hired me to watch his kid a few times. why?" you ask as you put on your baggy over sized T shirt that you wear when running. His tone not changing at all which was the scariest part "really? then why is he texting you at 2  and 6:45 in the morning?"  

What was he talking about you hadn't talked to Joel in weeks. "I haven't talked to him in weeks. Maybe he just needs me to babysit or something" you were trying to stay calm but a part of you couldn't help but be a little happy that he texted you. 

Logan looks at you and starts getting out of bed and you gulp "so lying is something were doing now?" you shake your head "I don't know what's going on?" He shakes his head and presses you against the door "Well after waking up to the sound. I decided to see what it was about" he turns the phone so you could see the texts 

Joel: "You should be more careful on the roof. Don't need you to fall." at 2:15 am

Joel: "look I shouldn't have texted but Sarah misses you and honestly so do I" at 2:30 am

You shake your head and Logan scrolls a bit 

Joel: "Fuck I had a few to too much to drink last night" at 6:45 am 

Logan then shuts off your phone and tosses it behind him. "I told you that you don't need to be talking to any other man. Hell i gave you permission to continue talking to Case but only because he is gay" He wraps his hand around your throat and cuts off all your air. "now be honest. What's going on with Joel" you try to speak but it comes out gasp "nothing. swear"

He doesn't believe you and so he brings his other hand and slaps you across your face. In this moment you bring your hand down to his elbow and when his grip loosens you get out of his hold and run down the stairs and into the living room. The windows had been open since last night. You honestly forgot they were open but you would have to thank your forgetfulness at a later time. 

As soon as you step into the living room he catches up to you and grabs you by the shirt. His lips go to your shoulder. "babe. I'm trying to better our relationship. Have to make you learn and this is the only way" You struggle but eventually get out of his hold by kicking your leg backwards and kicking him in the balls. 

He lets go of you and you try to put distance between you. Explaining yourself but nothing was working. "tell me you love me. Make me believe and maybe I wont be so hard on you" You freeze up. Love was not something you said to anyone besides your mother. You stopped telling it to your father at the age of 7. "SAY IT!" he yells and you shake your head and he throws an object at you and you manage to dodge at the last second. "I'm sorry....I love you. Please" The words sound so forced and he shakes his head. "No you don't. That was pathetic" you start to move away again bolting but he throws a lamp at you. One that didn't have a shade on it and the bulb hits you and you feel pain in your stomach. A whine escapes you and you trip over the book he had thrown at you previously and you hit your head now on the side of the kitchen counter. 

Logan stalks over to you like you were his prey and you throw the book at him. It barely misses him and goes straight out of the window. A loud crashing noise is heard and its then that Joel from across the street hears it. He had been outside drinking coffee. He thinks he's hearing things but then he hears you scream and then he drops his coffee cup and runs over to your home. 

Logan is now on top of you and he kicks you a few times which makes you cry out and gasp for air. "please I swear." He grabs your shirt and pulls you up and you can hardly move, in fact everything was hurting.  Joel comes crashing through your door and the only thing he sees is you in Logan's grasp and bleeding. He grabs Logan by the shoulder and punches him so hard that he falls on his ass. "Don't you ever touch her again." 

You were full on sobbing and this is the first time he has seen you cry "Joel" you grip onto his arm. Feeling your eyes become heavy and when he looks at you in his arms he places his hand on the side of your cheek. "No honey eyes on me okay. Don't you dare close those pretty eyes of yours" he was being so sweet to you at this moment and you cant help but cry more. 

Logan's voice is heard "So you are Joel? The man that she cant seem to not think about" he knew that you had someone else on your mind. Either when you were sad and checking your phone, or that night that you were angry and took it out on him with sex. He knew it wasn't him you were seeing. 

Joel looks at him and you are shaking in his arms. "Joel...you need to get out of here. Leave I'll be okay?" He shakes his head and tears his shirt so he could wrap it around your torso and cover up the long gash on your stomach. Then he gently places you down on a pillow nearby before walking over to Logan. He drags him where you cant see and beats the shit out of him. When he is done Logan is barely holding onto consciousness but alive. He passed out and then Joel goes straight back to you. 

He pulls out his phone and dials 911 instantly and is on the phone with him. You were a bit delirious right now and so you press your hand to your head and then see you were bleeding. "Oh I'm bleeding" he nods and runs his thumb against your cheek "I know honey. Keep talking to me okay. Fuck I never want to hear you stop speaking. Come on" even with all the pain you keep telling him you are okay but of course your eyes get to heavy and you pass out. He places his hand on your chest to make sure that you were still alive and when he felt your heartbeat it was fast but beating. It was as if you were asleep but still feeling every part of your aching body

His head against yours as he holds you to his chest. "I'm so sorry. If you woke up right now I swear you can see Sarah. Hell if you really wanted to you could move in" you he joking about the moving in part but when he sees there's no change with you he sighs and just holds you close. Wrapping his arms around you to keep you as warm as he possibly could . 

When the ambulance gets here he had heard it from around the corner and was already walking out and the workers had to pry his hands off you. "we got her sir" one of the women say and when they start to drive off with you in the back he sees Sarah. She is across the street just staring and when she sees her father her eyes widen. "Is that Natalia's?" he nods and she drags him to his car. "go to her now! I'll call Tommy to come take care of me" he jokes a little knowing she doesn't exactly need him. 

He nods and kisses the top of her head. "I love you" she says it back before handing him his keys. "now go!" 

That's exactly what he did. 

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

[rainletty21]

What Dina says, goes. The end.

[whoisniss]

Ellie's thumb in Dina's moUTH AND HER UNBELTING THE PANTS I'M FUCKING DYING

[corrya]

We're getting married, shimmer's officiating the wedding trust mee

[rogue13245]

Miscellaneous

Joey Tribbiani

Adults for a weekend (male reader)

Kili Durin

Braids and Courting (gn elf reader)

Argyle

Orange Peel Theory (gn reader)

Star Trek strange new worlds

Dysphoric (trans reader)

[rogue13245]

Mend

Warnings: Arguing between you and Joel Miller

Word Count: 3.2K

Chapter 5

-----

It had been a few weeks since your breakdown in front of everyone. Over the past weeks you had only grown more embarrassed. Not even just about the way you acted but about how the first few days you had tried to get Joel to talk to you. No response but he read it and you knew he had because the read receipt was still there. But after a while he stopped reading them, or if he had he turned read receipts off. You don't know what's worse is leaving them on read or not reading them at all. Either way you stopped reaching out. 

This doesn't mean that you hadn't talked to Sarah though. She is the one who reaches out first every couple of days. Telling you her dad is just a grump but he doesn't hate you. Her texts are one of the few things that you always looked forward too. In fact sometimes you would look over at their home across the street and think about all the memories you had made over there at such a short time. 

When you weren't moping around the house you would get high in your room with the window open. No one had spotted you yet so, so far so good. You hadn't gone a day without being high and honestly it helped but not permanently. In fact some days you didn't know what you were smoking for. Was it because of the Joel situation, your father, Logan, your own emotions. Honestly probably all of the above and what bothers you the most is that you don't even know why you care so badly. You have known those two for just a couple of months now, it shouldn't matter that much to you. Or so you tell yourself. But then when you are laying in bed at night and everything is quiet you have to remember that they had invited you into their home and its where you felt at peace. 

You never had a younger sister or even were around kids much growing up. You had always been alone. Never having an older brother to stand up for you or take you away from all of this. All you had was yourself and that was never enough. Your not saying that you think of Sarah as a sibling in fact its the opposite. Sometimes you picture yourself being a mom and her being your kid because she is the best kid a person could have. You'd be honored to have a child that's just a bit like her. She put a smile on your face and when she knew you were sad she would let you be sad for a moment before making you dance it out or sing it out. 

Then there is Joel who at first wasn't there when you came over. It was strictly just for watching over Sarah. But then Sarah started to want you to come over for movie night or just for an hour to hang out. Joel would be there and he would make sure you are. You didn't know if it was because he knew you were hungry or just because he needed to make sure you were eating something. He would also look at you and when you would catch him he would look away, or send a wink your way. He would joke around with you and make you feel at peace as if he was mending some parts of you that you didn't know needed it. Then sooner or later you missed his presence when it was just Sarah and you. 

Now that you don't have that and its been you alone with yourself. You didn't even know what to do. There had been times when Sarah had told you to come sneak over and you tried so many times but your father would always yell and tell you that he didn't want you going anywhere. So you would have to let Sarah down and tell her that you couldn't. She would brush it off but you knew she missed you, but you couldn't go out. 

Your father over the past few weeks had been a constant negative force in your life. If you thought he was bad before he's worse now. Every time he opened his mouth it was to yell at you or tell you to do something. There had been multiple times when you had opened your mouth to start arguing with him but your mom would shake her head. So you shut up and she would make some lame excuse about him being stressed about his job. quite frankly you did not give a damn about his job or him. 

This beings you to now and it was the day of the party. Your father had invited your moms side of the family because you never seen his side. Which you thought was a blessing in itself. The only downside was that you remember Logan would be attending. That's what caused you to dread the day along with so many other things. 

Since the ass crack of dawn you woke up to your father yelling at you to come help clean. So you cleaned and once everything was done there was no break. That would be too easy, instead he made you get everything set up. So you set out the grill, tables, chairs and set out the alcohol and food onto the tables. Along with plates and utensils. It was time consuming cause it felt like things kept coming. And by the time you were done you only had an hour to get ready and so you had to rush with even that. 

Running into your room you quickly look through your clothes and find a white dress that is loose except for the top parts. Then you put on  cowgirl boots deciding to go for a more country girl aesthetic today. Next you put some water in your hair and some of your curly hair products so your natural curls would stay nice and in shape. Your bruises were finally healed so you put on just a little bit of makeup to bring out your natural features. 

Once you were done you walk downstairs and there were already a few people here. Your grandfather was the first one to notice you and he rests his cane against the door and opens his arms out for you. The biggest smile forms on your lips as you run up to him and into his arms. He had lost your grandmother two years ago and you both had taken it hard. You both helped each other through it. The both of you were so close even as you grew up and he loved you more than anything he always told you. "Hi Nat" 

You smile and look up at him "Hi grandpa" he kisses the top of your head before putting his hands on your shoulders and then you both get caught up into a conversation. Even walking with him outside and getting him a chair to sit on. Eventually you have to go and get your phone that was on the table and when you walk inside you hear a knock on the front mahogany door. 

A breath catches in your throat as you expect to open this and find Logan waiting on the other side. You walk over to the door and open it but it's not who you expected it to be. "What in the hell are you doing here" 

Joel looks down at you and he takes quick notice of how your bruises were gone since last time you saw each other. He doesn't even show any emotion on his face to see you even though you knew your emotions were all over your face. Maybe if you weren't mad at him you would ask him to teach you how to do that. "I was invited by your father. Nice to see you too" he says and all you can do is glare. "come on in" you say as you try to be kind since you were still in your fathers house and you can't be caught being rude. 

He passes by you and his arm brushes against your shoulder and you let out a quiet breath. Once he has passed you head outside also going the opposite way as him because you wanted as much distance as possible from the man. As you stand by a table you feel eyes on you and you know exactly who was looking at you. Because as soon as you looked up you saw him look away quickly. 

You go to get some food and pile it on a plate. When you get anxious you felt the need to eat, its probably how you've gained a few pounds since your trip to Italy. In fact you need to start working out whenever you get the time. Hopefully soon you can start back up or at least go for runs. 

As you begin to eat your father comes back outside with someone with him. You look up to see Logan looking at you. He smiles at you and walks over to you and places a kiss to your lips. This causes your whole body to tense up because he never kisses you in private let alone out in public. However you know why he was doing it, it's because your family is here and he has to act like the best boyfriend ever. Your hands weren't even resting on him they were hovering. 

Over Logan's shoulder you look around and your family are all looking at you with smiles. All except your grandfather and Joel Miller. Joel is gripping onto his drink tighter and you avoid eye contact and so does he. You pull away from Logan and he smiles at you. "Hi babe, I'm happy to see you" 

His words send a child through you because you knew exactly what he meant by that. Remembering what he said to you that night...that you would have to make up to him. For him wasting his time coming to get you at the bar. You remember when there was a time when you were so excited to finally be able to experience what all your friends had experienced before. But it wasn't ever as great as they all said it was. Now it was just like a chore for you but it's a chore that you have to do. "yeah I'm excited to see you too" you try to say convincingly and he takes the bait. 

The rest of the time he is spending all his time with you. Even when your father comes out and starts telling everyone he has an announcement to make. Your father steps in the middle of the gathering so he could have everyone's attention. "At my job I've got a promotion!" everyone claps except for Joel and your grandfather. Your grandfather had never liked him and it makes you smile. "So this means I am going to be going on a trip to Washington for 5 months" 

Your eyes widen and you practically leap for joy because that means it would just be you and your mother. But alas he has to ruin it by saying "My lovely wife, Elizabeth will be coming with me. This will be our first trip since our honeymoon" The people clap again and your shoulders drop now as your mood quickly deflates. 

However its not long till you are tense again because Logan brings his lips close to your ear and his hands grip onto your sides. Not even on your hips where there's more to grip but on your sides. You knew he held you there so he could control you easier and hurt you easier because there's not a lot of fat there so he could easily sink his fingers into you. Right now he isn't being rough to you so you just close your eyes. "So I talked to your father and it looks like I will be staying with you while they are gone. I wont stay the whole time cause ya know I've got things to do. But ill be here tonight then come back when your parents leave" 

A forced smile is on your lips and you nod "great i'm looking forward to it" he squeezes your sides before loosening his grip but keeping them in the same spot. They were in the same spot as your bruises were and you were just glad they weren't there anymore. You look around and you catch Joel talking to your father and he was already looking at you. Well more accurately he was looking at Logan. His eyes then trail down to your sides and when he finally meets your eyes you can feel the tension from here. He knew. You knew he wasn't stupid in fact he was the most observant person you knew. 

You slightly shake your head its almost unreadable but he catches it "Don't" you mouth to him and his jaw clenches and his tongue runs along his inner cheek to try to stay calm. You needed to get out of here and so you were so glad when your grandfather comes up to you. "hey would you go inside and grab me my jacket. Think I left it in your room earlier, and this will give me time to talk to this boyfriend of yours" 

"of course. I will be right back" you tell him and then quickly head inside. Going straight into your room and you knew someone was following you. Joel's heavy footsteps were heard behind you, the familiar sound of his keys in his pocket and cowboy boots. You were too anxious to say anything to him yet. He knew you knew he was right behind you. 

When you finally make it to your room you try to run inside and close the door behind you before he could come in. However his boot comes in between the door and the frame. A grumble escapes you "oh you have got to be kidding me!" you say slightly louder as you let him come in and close the door. Locking it behind him. 

Joel had never seen your room before and it was small. With both of you here it felt even smaller but he said nothing about it. "Are you going to admit it. Or are you going to pretend that I don't know" you cross your arms and look at him trying to act like you didn't know. "What are you talking about!?" you ask and this causes him to walk closer to you which makes you take a few steps back. "I think you know exactly what i'm talking about" 

He was now right in front of you looking down at you. The height difference made you have to tilt your head back to look at him. "Look I know what you are thinking and it's not true." Joel chuckles and the sound is dangerous "I don't think you have any idea what i'm thinking." You nod and shove at his chest just for him to not budge. 

One fucking time he sees you and Logan together and thinks he knows everything. He doesn't and even if he did you would lie to him. You were terrified because that means you weren't good at hiding it and if people start talking you were screwed. "You think you know everything but you don't!" He leans down to make direct eye contact with you and says "so his hands are the same size and at the same spots as your bruises were just a coincidence?" you nod and he scoffs. "you are such a fuckin liar. What are you so worried about? Someone finding out and doin something about it?" 

This is when you get mean and you shove him and now he moves back just an inch. "YES! don't you fucking understand. Because if someone finds out and does something about it there are people who will be pissed. I will be in deep shit and i'm tired of not being on good terms with people!" He nods and finally says nothing for a few moments. 

Joel looks at you as you have your arms wrapped around yourself and he was angry. What were you so afraid of. He wants to tell you that he would protect you and not let anyone hurt you. That you could tell him anything and be safe with him. That's what he wanted to say but its not what comes out of his mouth. Because he wasn't good with emotions and saying what he wants. What he is good at is pushing people away and it seems like that's what you were trying to do. You want him to not care and so that's what he will give you. 

When he speaks it causes you to stop breathing for a moment. "I don't want you to talk to Sarah anymore. You always cancel on her and it upsets her and i'm the one that has to console her. Its best if we stop seeing each other" You look up at him and don't respond for a good minute or so before nodding. "Okay. If that's whats best for you both then you wont see me" Tears begin to form in your eyes and he cant look at you anymore because he knows he will take it all back. You want to tell him everything but you know you cant. This was best for both of you no matter how much you dislike it. 

Joel doesn't say anything and just walks out. He knew that if he said anything it would be to apologize and take everything back. Once he is gone you take a few deep breaths, straighten yourself back up and walk out to the living room with your grandfathers jacket. As you head out to the backyard your mom comes over to you. "hey why did Joel leave in a hurry?" You shrug "I think he said something about needing to get back to Sarah" she nods and places her hand on your shoulder knowing something was wrong but not wanting to question it. 

The rest of the function seems to go by smoothly. Logan gets along with everyone but you aren't sure your grandfather likes him which you honestly couldn't care less. Your grandfather always had good judge of character. Everyone eventually leaves and your parents go to sleep. Your mom had helped you clean everything up and now it's just you and Logan heading into your bedroom. 

As soon as the door shuts he grabs your sides and pulls you close. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and do what you do best. Act like a loving girlfriend. Choosing to use him tonight to take some of your anger and hurt out instead of the other way around. So you pull him close and smash your lips onto his and let him take you to bed. 

Do you end up satisfied at the end of the night. No. But did it help get your mind off of Joel. Also no. You end up thinking about Joel as you fall asleep. 

[rogue13245]

Celebrities Masterlist

Do all you can and do it the best you can. It's the only way you ever get that feeling of accomplishing something. ⭐️

Welcome readers! my requests are open! Check out my list for all the Celebrities I will write for. I will not write smut for real people. I can hint at it but I won't write it because I want to be respectful.

-----

Caseoh

Found Out (Female reader)

[rogue13245]

📚Masterlist📚

Welcome to Rogue-13245's Main Masterlist

My requests are open! So feel free to send any ones that you have!.

Your support means the absolute world to me. Writing is like an escape for me so it’s the reason that I do it. So to have people read my work too that is crazy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celebrities

Criminal Minds

Marvel

NCIS

SPN

The Last of Us

Doctor Who

TWD

Miscellaneous

[rogue13245]

Mend

Chapter 4

Word count 3.1K

Warnings: Bruises and panic attack

-----

waking up to a call on your phone, you roll over and groan while answering, voice a bit groggy with sleep. It's Joel and he knew you were asleep so he says gently. "hey I'm beginning to make breakfast. No rush just come when you are ready" you smile softly "okay I'll get ready now. Be there in 30 minutes" 

The both of you hang up and you start getting ready for the day. You had been in the bathroom brushing your teeth when you look up into the mirror and see the bruises on your face. Then your eyes travel down and see the one that's on your neck. Not wanting to see anymore you pull your shirt up. You could feel the ones on your sides but chose to ignore them. 

For the ones that were on your face you decided to do your makeup. Actually wearing foundation even though you never wore foundation because you liked the natural look of your freckles that dotted your face. In face Sarah nor Joel had seen you in this amount of makeup before so this will come off a bit of a surprise but maybe you could play it cool. 

The only other problem you had to deal with before you left was your throbbing headache. It was nothing that some meds wouldn't help ad so you find yourself grabbing some ibuprofen and then grabbing your phone. You head downstairs and see your mom was still asleep so you wrote her a note on the fridge 

Left to go eat breakfast with Sarah's~ Nat

When you arrive you had just started walking up the porch steps when you hear the doorknob turn. Sarah must have been looking for you and so she knew you were here. "Hi!" you say cheery as you see her. She looks at you and instantly could tell something was off "you have makeup on?" she says after a moment and you nod "well sometimes I like wearing makeup. Do you like it?" you ask and she shrugs "You are pretty either way. Just weird seeing you in a lot" 

It was awkward for a moment, so you were so glad when Joel walks up with a dishtowel on his shoulder and looks at Sarah. "Go get ready and make the table so Natalia can sit with us" she nods and sprints to her bedroom upstairs. You look at him and he shakes his head "sorry about her. I don't think she is used to having another girl around I think" you laugh slightly "its okay. I get it. It is weird to be wearing this much but just felt like it today" 

Joel looks at you for a second before walking with you into the kitchen and he starts finishing up breakfast. "Makeup is fun, I understand that but why hide all those pretty freckles of yours?" he says as if its not supposed to be said out loud. A blush forms on your cheeks and you weakly speak "just felt like it today. Needed a bit of a change" He is not convinced but he doesn't say anything else. 

When he begins to continue to make breakfast you help him and eventually Sara comes down. She sets out the utensils and napkins for everyone before sitting down at the table. Joel and you had been moving I harmony in the kitchen as if you have done this many times before. He places his hand on your back gently to move past you and when you flinch he doesn't take it personally. He just removes his hand and you turn to look at him for a moment before plating the food. 

Everyone sits down and Sarah begins to ask you what you have been doing the past few days and you tell her. Telling her about how you have been home cleaning, and how you went out with friends last night and didn't come home till late. Joel had glanced over at you for a moment because he remembers seeing you with someone last night, but he looks back at Sarah as both of you continue talking. 

Its not until you lean forward to grab your glass of orange juice that the collar of your shirt shifts and reveals your bruise you had tried so hard to hide all morning. You had went to move it back up but when you go to take a drink you see Sarah and Joel's eyes on you. Sarah's eyes were wide and looking at your neck. Joel was stiff and honestly the most tense you had ever seen him. More tense than when your father questioned him about Sarah's mother. You could see his chest rising and falling as he was trying to keep himself calm. 

No one was saying anything, they were just looking and you could feel your body heating up under their gaze. Thankfully before you said something stupid Sarah speaks looking at her father "Dad" she tries to get him to look at her but he doesn't budge. She had seen bruises on you before but you always told her that you fell or some stupid excuse but there was nothing you could say that would make her believe that was from a fall. There was nothing she could do. 

Joel speaks but doesn't look at her. Instead he stands up and grabs everyone's dishes. "Sarah give us a moment" his voice was stern but she knew it wasn't directed towards her. She just nods and goes over to you and places her hand on your shoulder before walking into her room. When its just you and Joel he goes to place the dishes in the sink and you stay sitting in your chair. Not wanting to get close to him because you have an experience with upset men and its not something you want to deal with not so soon. "Joel. Please calm down, its not what it looks like. I swear" 

He places his hands on the edge of the counter and bows his head a bit as he lets out a long breath. "This is me being calm" he says before walking back into the dining room and pushing chairs in. "I just had a tumble last night cause I was drunk off my ass. It doesn't even hurt" you lie through your teeth and Joel knows it too. He walks over in front of you and places his hand on the table beside you and his other hand goes to the side of your face but before he could you instinctively flinch back and close your eyes. 

When you realize what you did your eyes widen and hurt is written all over his face even if he tries to hide it "I'm not going to hurt you. Just wish you wouldn't lie to me, we both know you ain't no good at it." You scoff and start to get defensive but he doesn't look phased and instead he stands back up and goes back to the kitchen to start washing the dishes. "Wait no I can do those. You cooked I can do the cleaning" you had dirties some dishes and you weren't used to someone doing them for you. 

Joel turns to tell you that you didn't have to do them but you were already standing up quickly from the chair. Noticing the way that you try to hide your pained expression and his brows furrow together. "what was that?" he asks and you act like you don't know what he's talking about. "I'm serious. Why were you just in pain by standing up?" 

You glare at him "I wasn't in pain. For fucks sake Joel give it a rest." he steps in front of you and shakes his head. "why are you lying right now. You are getting defensive and its not doing you any favors. What is hurting you? is it your stomach?" he was getting frustrated with you but there's still an underlying of care and you didn't know what to do with that. Your eyes are gazing into each others and there's that fire rushing through you. The feeling that makes you weak when you were with him and you knew there was no getting out of this one. "fuck you" you say and that's when you lost the argument. 

He points to the couch in the living room "go sit down we are getting you looked at." You look at the dishes in the sink and shake your head "no I've got to help clean. I also don't want anyone looking at me I'm fine." Joel runs a hand down his face before looking at you "go sit down. I wont be asking again" he was demanding and its not something that happens often and so you mumble something as you turn and walk to the couch and slowly sit down. 

In the meantime he wets a washcloth with warm water before coming over to you. Standing in front of you and looking down at you. "Can you remove your shirt?" he asks not wanting to just do it himself or make you feel uncomfortable. You try to joke your way out of it "Well take me out to dinner first." He smiles a little before shaking his head "sweetheart I just made breakfast, Id say that's better than dinner" Your eyes widen and a blush forms on your face and you are now glad you had so much makeup on. "now I'm going to lift up your shirt because I need to see how bad it is" Taking a deep breath you nod and close your eyes. 

Joel notices your nerves and he places a hand on your arm gently and you let out a shaky breath "I wont hurt you, I'll be gentle okay?" You nod and open your eyes and just look at him as he lifts up your shirt. This was intimate and not even in a sexual or desirable way, this was intimate in a caring way. It was almost too much but you knew this needed to happen because you were even scared to look. Joel is looking at you but not because this is his first time seeing you without a shirt covering you, but because of the bruises. 

Your sides had bruises in the shape of hands as if someone were holding onto you. He had an idea of when this happened because even if he didn't see who it was last night. There was someone there and they weren't being gentle with you. On your stomach there were bruises where the persons fingertips were and he wants to go kill the person who did this too you. He didn't know why he felt this way but he assumed its just because you had become close to his daughter and had become maybe a friend of his. That's all. 

He places the cold washcloth against you which causes a gasp to leave you "fuck." There wasn't even pressure being applied to you, it just hurt to touch. "I know I'm so sorry" he says and his back hurts from leaning down so he gets on his knees in front of you and keeps the cold washcloth against you. Not moving to apply pressure or anything. 

The room was quiet besides both of your breaths and you trying to control the way you were feeling with him being so close to you. Joel is the first to break the silence "who hurt you?" he asks and you shake your head and place your hand on his arm "please don't ask me that" you knew you wouldn't be able to lie to him if he did. He scoffs "why cause you wouldn't be able to tell me" you nod and bite down on your inner cheek nervously and so he decides to let it go for now. 

"fine, but you cant just ignore these things and not take care of yourself." he says and he looks up at you. "Promise me that you will take care of yourself when these things happen. I-Sarah can't see you hurting like this" he corrects himself so fast that you barely catch it but you nod. "Ill try. I'm sorry" this is the first time you actually meant those words and he brings his hand up to the side of your face and this time you don't flinch back. "It's okay. Just if you can't take care of it yourself. You call me. Understood?" you nod "okay" 

He seems pleased and pulls your shirt back down. Resting his hand on your knee as if to keep himself grounded while your hand is on his shoulder. Its an intense moment and you don't know what to do with it. This feeling was new for you and it terrified you but for some reason you couldn't stop looking at him. Thankfully Sarah walks into the room and when she sees  the both of you she had seen a glimpse of the bruises. "holy shit" she says and Joel looks over dropping your leg quickly and standing up "Sarah watch your mouth." 

Sarah rolls her eyes before looking at you and starts asking if you were okay. Something inside of you switches and you start getting up and straightening out your shirt and grabbing your phone. "I'm fine. I'm just going to go, my dad needed me home to do some things" This is not how you wanted Sarah to see you. She was supposed to think you were strong and a good role model but this is going to change everything. 

You were rushing out but when you passed Sarah she grabbed onto your arm and you flinched. She drops your arm and your words are rushed "I'll come back another day okay? I'm so sorry today just really isn't a good day" 

As you rush out you don't notice the heartbroken look on her face. The front door shuts and you now run to your house despite your stomach aching, you just had to get out of there because you felt your chest tightening and it was beginning to get hard to breathe. Why did you let him take care of you like that. Of course Sarah was going to see, fuck you hated it. It was different when she thought the bruises were just from you falling but now that she knew it was all different. You couldn't go back and see them again. Had to distance yourself because then they will forget eventually and not think of you as just a helpless girl who can't take care of herself. 

When you get home your mom looks at you and notices the distraught look of your state. "honey" you glare at her not saying anything as you rush up to your room. You needed your person and there was only one person who had seen you like this before. The only person that will be here. You scramble for your phone and call Samantha. She picks up instantly despite you not responding to her All day. "I need you" is all you have to say for her to come rushing over. "okay babes, just breathe and don't hang up until I'm there" 

She gets to the house in a record time and she says a quick hi to your mom before rushing to your room and when she sees you the makeup had been wiped off from all your crying and she sees the bruises on your face. This was the worst state she had ever seen you in and as you reach for your shirt and lift it up over yourself her eyes wide. "who did this to you?" her question only made you cry harder and that answers her question. "I'm going to fucking kill him. Im so sorry for calling him I had no idea. You always said he was so good to you" 

Shaking your head as she pulls you against her "He was for the first month or so. But now its too late to leave. My father keeps pushing us to see each other and its awful. I don't know if he knows about him hurting me. Just wanted to be strong for everyone and not let anyone see how hurt I really am"

Samantha nods and kisses your head and forehead "you sweet gorgeous girl. You are so strong and not because of this but because of how you wear your heart on your sleeve and give kindness to everyone you meet." she pauses "remember when you told me that if you don't make one person smile every day then you don't feel like you had a fulfilled day" you nod "well I think you have spent so long making other people smile that you forgot the most important person needs too also. You."

You look up at her and she wipes your tears off your face. "I love you Samantha" She smiles "I love you too. Nat"

After a while of sitting there she helps you up and fills up the bath and helps you get in. She takes care of you and then when you get out of the bath she turns on your favorite movie on your tablet and props it against something so you both could lay down and watch it. You are now in a hoodie and shorts as you climb into bed. 

Your phone dings a couple times and you look at it seeing its Sarah texting to ask if you were okay. You tell her that you are okay and for her to have a good day and to not worry about you. She texts to tell you that shes sorry for upsetting you earlier and you tell her that she didn't. 

As you text her you decided to text Joel to apologize 

You: Hey, I'm sorry for how I just ran out. 

He leaves you on read and you can't help but frown at the read sign under your text. You assume he is upset with you which is fine. Everyone has their emotions and you can't blame him for feeling how he is feeling. So you shut off your phone and rest your head on Samantha's chest and watch the movie. Eventually falling asleep and you sleep for hours. 

When you wake up you eat and then go straight back to bed with a movie playing. Samantha is always there to hold you and she knows you need sleep and so you sleep the whole day and night away. 

-----

A/N: In my head Samantha looks like Amber Riley she is gorgeous! Also I picture Case as Milo Manheim. Decided to give pictures so it would be easier to imagine them cause some people have a hard time imagining. My character Case is Gay, and Samantha is straight. Natalia is queer/Unlabeled.

[rogue13245]

Mend

Chapter 3

Word count: 3.4K

Warnings: Domestic abuse, Drinking, Smoking

-----

The rest of your week goes by extremely slow, or at least that's what it felt like when you were home. Your father had been making sure to put you to work and not let you have a break. Every-time you would step inside he would have a list for you to do. He was being so much worse than he usually would be, he has been yelling and snapping at you more than he would. The worst part is that your mom just let it happen. She only ever gave you an apologetic look and it killed you because why couldn't she just speak up. It was so tiring, your body was aching from the physical labor and your chest hurt from what you didn't exactly know. Maybe was it anxiety. Probably

It was only when you had time to yourself that you would be able to be somewhat relaxed. You honestly didn't think your body could fully relax. It was a foreign thing to you. The closest thing you could get to relaxed was when you were drunk, high, or when you were at Joel's with Sarah. She's become someone you care about especially over this past week. Sarah had texted you a few times to ask you to come over and you would always be so eager to leave this house. All you would say to your mom when she would look over was "Sarah needs me" she thought it was the sweetest thing. 

Finally the weekend is finally here after a long week. Your father had told you and your mother that he would be working very long and late hours. Might even sleep at the office a few times. He was more talking to your mother so she knows where he is at. She cares about him and there had been many times when he wouldn't say anything and just not come home. She thought the worst but your father didn't like anyone else besides your mother and you knew for a fact he wasn't cheating. You may have done some stalking a few times and all he was doing was asleep on his office couch. 

While he was telling you this you couldn't help but be thrilled he would be gone. Especially because you had an outing to go to tonight. However he kills the mood by giving you a list of things to do and says "if these aren't done by the time I get home. There will be hell to pay" all you do is nod and take the piece of paper. It pissed you off how he still treats you like a child. You were 20 years old, but you did live under his roof so you couldn't really complain. 

When he leaves you look at the list and it reads 

1. Do the dishes

2. Organize everything in the kitchen. Dishes and all. 

3. mop and sweep all floors.

4. clean every room in the house

5. make sure laundry is finished and put away

6. clean garage

7. organize tools in garage

8. go outside and water the flowers and make sure no weeds are starting to grow. 

The outing started at 7 tonight and it was already 1 pm, so you got started on the more time consuming tasks. Grabbing gloves and a watering can and began tending to the plants and your mothers garden in the backyard. You spend hours doing these chores and when it was 5 pm you stop and the only two things you had to do were the dishes and laundry. 

Finally walking inside your mother sees you and she places her hand on your arm. "I will do the rest okay? You go out and have fun with your friends." you look at her and then hug her quickly before getting ready "thank you mom. I love you." 

"I love you too" she says as she watches you go to your bedroom. 

You get to your room and instantly go to your dresser to start digging through to find an outfit. Sorting through everything your eyes land on a dress and you instantly pull it out. Its dark red that falls just to the middle of your thighs. So it would show off your curves a bit but all in the good ways. Thin straps that would make it stay in place. Then you look around the room and you spot your black leather jacket and a smile spreads across your face. You were going to be sexy tonight and after feeling anything but, its exactly what you need. Placing your dress and leather jacket on your bed you find your doc martens and then you go to your jewelry box and start looking through it. 

Your eyes land on the necklace that your grandmother gave you, that was not broken. The smile fades from your face and you look upset. You didn't have the money to fix this right now and you wouldn't even know if they could. It was in such a delicate place that it ruined the whole pendant. A sigh escapes you as you push it to the side and grab out some other necklaces that you could layer. Then some bracelets and put them with your outfit. 

Once your outfit was picked out and ready you hurry off to take a shower. The water was hot enough that you knew it could burn off your top layer of skin. Just how you liked it. Your shower was 35 minutes long because you did your everything shower. It was so good that when you got out the mirror was fogged up and you felt like a new person. Which was the goal, you wanted to not feel like yourself today. It's the closest thing a person could get to being reborn. 

Heading back into your room after doing your skincare and hair care. You put on your outfit and then do your hair and makeup. For your hair you pull it up into a nice bun then leave a few strands of your hair down in the front so it would frame your face. Then once you were done you text your friends you were heading there. Calling an Uber to take you there so you don't have to worry about your car. 

When you arrive you see your friends by the brick wall outside. Turning to thank the driver you tip him highly "thank you and drive safely!" He smiles and then drives off leaving you with your friends. They both come up to you and practically tackle you "Oh my god, Its been so long" Samantha speaks and Case does next "honestly wasn't expecting you to actually come"

Giving them both a look as they pull away "I told you I would come. Also I needed a night out. So come on" you take both their hands and go to the man outside the door and show him your Fake ID's. He looks at you three for a moment before back at the cards and since you all were 20 he doesn't think that we are lying about being 21 he nods as he hands us the cards "go inside." You squeal and so do they. As you pass the man you turn your head and blow him a kiss "thank you!" 

Samantha laughs "Oh he so had a blush on your face when you did that" You roll your eyes and laugh as you three go to the bar. It was packed in here and it made you a bit nervous but you knew as soon as alcohol and weed was in your system you'd be fine. So when the bartender comes over you order everyone 3 rounds of shots of straight tequila. Case speaks "so its that kind of night for you huh?" you nod and then when they come all three of you down them. Samantha doesn't even make a face but you and Case do. She laughs "you guys are such babies" this causes you to slap her arm lightly. 

Case looks around and when he does you and Samantha already know whats coming before he even says it "I'm going to go find a man for tonight." Both of you look at each other with a knowing smirk and he leaves you both there after kissing both your cheeks. Samantha decides to take a break of drinking to let the shots get into her system while you order a drink and its a fruity drink and you practically chug that thing. Before Samantha could say anything you grab her hand and pull her onto the dance floor. 

The singing from people doing karaoke or performing on the small stage floats through the room. You were dancing with your hands all over Samantha and both of you are laughing. Over time the alcohol begins to hit you and you are more loose with your body. You honestly don't know how long you two had been dancing because Case comes up over to you guys again. This time he has lip stick marks on his neck and you give him a questioning look on his face "what? Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I wont let a girl use me to make a man jealous"

You all burst out laughing and then Samantha goes to get another drink because she hadn't had one in a while. Case looks at you "how many drinks have you had. That weren't the shots we took two hours ago." Your eyes widen "shit its only been 2 hours? Uh like 6 I think" you say and Case goes to ask you what's going on but you shake your head. "can you go get me another drink please?"

He could never say no to you and so he nods "fine but only one more okay?" you frown but nod. You go back to dancing and when he comes back he hands you a drink and you dance while drinking it. It was so nice not having to worry about everything all the time and having someone always telling you to go do something. Or having a boyfriend in your ear making you feel like shit all the time. This was nice. 

When the drink was finished you look over to the stage and drag Samantha and Case over to it. Grabbing the microphone from the person who was getting off. "you did so good!" you say to them and they smile brightly before muttering a thank you. Then you and your friends go up on stage and there were even drums and a guitar. The three of you knew exactly what you were going to do. You've done this charade so many times before. Case goes to the drums, while Samantha goes to the guitar and you focus on the singing bit. 

Microphone in hand you turn it on as you look out into the crowd "Everyone having a good time?!" Everyone cheers and hollers and you are only smiling "that's what I'm fucking talking about. Now lets keep the good vibes up!" they cheer and then you look back at the two of them and mouth a tempo and then they start up. You do three songs every time but never in a crowd like this and so you sing "don't stop me now, somebody to love" by Queen. Then Umbrella by Rihanna to keep the vibes a upbeat tone. While you were singing somebody to love you had lit a joint. Smoking was allowed in this building which is why you chose this one. Taking a deep long drawl of it you feel the smoke in your chest before letting it out and taking another one before handing it to Samantha. Then she passes it to Case. 

As you continued singing you felt the effects and you were feeling like you were on cloud nine. When it was time to let someone else have their time you stumble off the stage and a man catches you. "careful beautiful. Wouldn't want you to fall and hurt yourself. Do you want a drink?" Samantha almost says no but you smile up at him and nod. "Yes please" You were so drunk and high you didn't even feel the way Samantha's hand goes to your bag and grabs your phone. 

Both of them were so worried about you. Of course you drank when you all went out but never like this. Something was going on but they knew better than to try to talk to you about it in this state. When Case sees the phone his eyes widen "what are you doing. She is going to kill you!" She opens up your phone and unlocks it "What other choice do we have?! we cant call her dad he will actually kill her. We have to call her boyfriend" Case just sighs and shakes his head but doesn't say anything. 

They had never met your boyfriend in person. He seemed nice when he talked to them when you were on call. It's your fault they didn't know..you always talked so highly about him. Why? because it would be embarrassing if they knew their bubbly and sweet best friend they had was actually broken and being treated terribly. So you always tell them how hes so nice to you. Even when it was the exact opposite. 

She goes through your contact and when she sees Logan she clicks on it and it rings. After a few rings he picks up and his groggy voice comes through. He must have been asleep. "shit i'm sorry Logan. This is Samantha, Natalia's friend. We are at this bar but she wont stop drinking and smoking, I don't know whats wrong with her and we cant drive. Could you come get us please?" There is a quiet moment before he sighs "yeah Ill be there" 

He hangs up and starts heading this way and you have no idea. You had another drink and now you were smoking with a girl you were dancing with. The weed smell filled the air as your hands were all over her. Hands running over her figure just like hers were with yours. Both of you are laughing and finishing the joint not really caring about anyone else right now. However after a while she begins to pull away and you are confused until you felt hands on your hips and a voice next to your ear that makes you tense up before turning around. "so babe...what's all of this?"

Turning to face him "what are you doing here?" he looks at your friends and you frown. oh for fucks sake.  "they were worried about you so they called your loving boyfriend" his grip on you tightens and you clench your jaw. "yes so nice of them." he grabs your hand and pulls you to your friends and you are getting dragged because you are so drunk you can barely walk straight. 

When you get there you are pissed and don't talk to them. Looking at Samantha you snatch your phone and put it back into your pocket. Logan looks at you for a moment before deciding to ignore you. Samantha and Case are looking at you and they know something is wrong. You are acting so different now that Logan was here. Then they look at each other and both know they did the wrong thing. "lets get into the car" Logan says and that's exactly what you all do. When you sit down he speaks again "I'm going to go inside and get you some water." You were a little surprised because he would never take care of you unless there was something in it for him. 

He heads back inside and as he waits for your water a girl comes up to him and starts drunkingly flirting with him. She wraps her arms around him and he presses her up against the bar and kisses her. Its not until the bartender comes back with a water bottle that he pulls away and heads out. "sorry gorgeous. Gotta go" 

The car was silent no one was talking and when he hands you the water you notice the lipstick on the corner of his lips. Not saying anything because you knew it would only worsen things and you didn't want that in front of your friends. He drove fast and before you knew it your friends were dropped off. You say goodbye to them because you wanted them to know you still cared about them. But that's all you said and as soon as you pull away his flip switches. 

Logan's grip tightens on the wheel before bringing his hand to your thigh and you flinch. The touch was not soft or gentle. Then for a split second you think about how different his hands felt than Joel's. Joel had only ever shook hands with you but there was this one time he placed his hand on your hip to move past you. Both times you noticed how rough His hands were from working, but the touch was gentle. Logan's fingertips were dug into the soft flesh of your skin there "what the hell were you thinking. Having your friends call me and wake me up. This is so fucking ridiculous" 

You look at him and your voice is soft almost too soft. "I'm sorry..didn't know they called you" the rest of the car ride is him yelling at you and you just looking out of the window. Not saying anything just taking it because you didn't want to cry in front of him. So far you were doing so good. It doesn't last though because as soon as you get to your home he stops too quickly and there's tire scratch sound against the driveway and then he gets out and drags you inside your home. 

The whole time you were tying to get out of his hold but his grip was firm and when you get inside. He makes sure your mom is asleep before dragging you into your room and tossing you inside like you were nothing to him. You hit your head on your bedside table and you become lightheaded. A small whimper leaves from your lips and he snaps "shut the fuck up. You want to act like a whore. You will be treated like one:

Shaking your head you apologize but he grips your neck and his nails and fingers dig into your skin. "Didn't I just say to shut the fuck up" He pulls you up and then tosses you onto the bed and finally you were able to breathe. Now tears were falling as he shakes his head. "so fucking useless. If I knew you were this drunk I wouldn't have came and got you. Thought you'd at least be able to do something in return for me picking you up. But not like this you cant"

He leans down closer to your face and almost presses his lips against yours but they don't touch. "guess you will have to make it up to me. When I come over for this get together your father is hosting at the end of next month" your eyes widen knowing exactly what he meant by that but before you could even say anything he turns and leaves your home. 

Laying on your bed you sob. Feeling so alone and disgusted with yourself because how did you let a man treat you like this. You used to be so strong but now you were weak. When will you be free of all this. You wish you could have a different life..fall for someone who loves you. 

Despite all of this you still believed in love. When you were younger you dreamed of a prince or a princess. Now you didn't know if love was meant to find you, despite others finding it. Little did you know it was only a matter of time.

As you laid in bed crying you pull out your phone, not really knowing what you were doing but before you could click on his name. He texts you instead as if he knew you weren't okay. 

Joel: Want to come over tomorrow

A smile forms on your lips and when the second text comes through you laugh through a sob

Joel: Sarah has been begging to see you 

You: Yeah I'll be over. What time?"

Joel: Breakfast. I'll call you"

that's all that is said and you fall asleep with both of them on your mind.