let me go

♚ roman; 19 fast life, fuck slow

[teddy-kelly]

I don’t want to be alone.

[romanyo-blog]

I'm sorry.

[teddy-kelly]

I don’t want to go. What if you’re not? What if you have to go and you don’t come back? 

[romanyo-blog]

I won't. I won't go. I promise.

[teddy-kelly]

A-are you sure?

[romanyo-blog]

No, listen, Teddy. I want you to go so you can have time to figure out exactly what it is that you want, alright? You have all the time in the world, and I'll still be here when you figure everything out. I'm not going anywhere.

[teddy-kelly]

But I don’t know how! All I know is you’re not happy, I’m not happy, and we’re stuck in this messed up whatever this is. I would if I knew how to. You don’t want me to go, but you don’t like that I stay, and I don’t know what I should do and this sucks.

[romanyo-blog]

I want you to go.

[teddy-kelly]

Fine what?

[romanyo-blog]

You want to fix things, lets fix them. I still don't know what you want from me, so we'll do this your way.

[teddy-kelly]

I just want to fix this, Roman.

[romanyo-blog]

Fine.

[teddy-kelly]

Why shouldn’t you? This was supposed to be just about sex and power, right? Would you feel better if we went back to that?

[romanyo-blog]

Stop.

[teddy-kelly]

I know, but you said you can’t be around me, so… Being alone is not what i need. 

[romanyo-blog]

We can still talk, Teddy, I just.. I shouldn't want more, but I do.

[teddy-kelly]

I don’t have to, Roman. You’re just punishing yourself.

[romanyo-blog]

I'm not going to force you to leave. You're free to come and go as you please, you know that.

[teddy-kelly]

…Are you going to make me leave?

[romanyo-blog]

I.. I don't want you to.

[teddy-kelly]

The one time I don’t want you to be selfish. I don’t care about what could happen to me. 

[romanyo-blog]

[teddy-kelly]

You’re good too, there is good in you, Roman. I know you don’t see it and you sure don’t want people to see it, but I know. So what now? You send me away? I don’t care if you’re selfish, Roman. 

[romanyo-blog]

But I do.

[teddy-kelly]

Yes, you are. Like I’m this precious thing that need to be protected from everything and everyone, yourself included. I want you to stop avoiding me. And don’t say you’re not doing it. I want you to stop acting as if you were more interested when you hated me and wanted to see me upset. 

[romanyo-blog]

That's not the point. You're good, Teddy, I never said you had to be protected from everything. And I don't think that you deserve what being around me will put you through. I'm too interested now, I just. I care about you more than I should, Teddy, and I don't want to be selfish with you.

[teddy-kelly]

I’m not too good. Stop putting me on a fucking pedestal, Roman. What if it’s not what I want? Does that even matter to you?

[romanyo-blog]

I'm not putting you on a pedestal, Teddy, it's true. What is it, then? What the fuck do you want? I'm trying to do the right thing by you.

[teddy-kelly]

You won’t. Well, sitting here thinking that you don’t want to be around me doesn’t make me feel too good either. Just makes me feel like I’m not enough. Either way I’m fucked, Roman.

[romanyo-blog]

But you are, Teddy. You're more than enough, you're too good for me. I just want you to be as happy as you can be, and whether you agree or not, this is really for the best.

[teddy-kelly]

I have changed, Roman. It’s stupid to deny that. I’m not the same kid that got here, it doesn’t matter if you had claimed me or not, this place would still have changed me. 

[romanyo-blog]

Then I don't want to make it any worse. I don't want to make you feel worse than you already do, Teddy, I've hurt you enough.

[teddy-kelly]

Because you don’t want to force me to do anything, and that’s bullshit. What? Are you afraid you’ll blackout or something? Because that’s the only way things could go wrong. I-I just miss you. You know, Jason left, he used to own Carson and she’s all sad because she actually liked him, and I guess I’m scared you’ll do the same.

[romanyo-blog]

Because you still want to be you, and every time we do something you question yourself and you feel guilty because you think you've changed, and I don't want that for you. I don't want to do that to you. So, I'm sorry that I'm not jumping at every opportunity to talk to you, but please believe me when I say it isn't because I don't want you, because it isn't.