How painful is it when the higher-up decided to break your OTP?
Like a poison slowly killing you? Uhm, could be but nah.
Like your heart getting ripped out of your rib cage? Almost, but not quite.
Like dementors sucking all the happiness out of you? Very close, but still no.
Itâs actually pretty simple. It feels like getting lost in a crowd.
Back when I was younger, my mom taught us a saying that Iâve kept with me until now.
Three is a poison that could kill a person.
Four is to be lost in a crowd.
I never understood why the poison that could kill a person is the lesser evil compared to being lost in a crowd.
That was until I got my first broken heart.
Mark Herras and Jennylyn Mercado.
They were my first OTP in the local showbusiness.
I bought magazines that featured them.
I watched all the shows they were in.
I bought their individual CDs, and their movie VCD, too.
I supported them like a person needs air.
I was giddy as fuck when they kiss and hug.
I was unhappy as shit when they fought and ignored each other.
I became attached. My world revolved around them.
And then, they parted ways. Both in their reel and real lives.
I was distraught as a person could get.
Dark times. Dark, dark times.
It hurt as fuck. Like f u c k.
When the management decided to pair them off with other artists, that was when I put my foot down.
I was furious. I was inconsolable. I was despaired.
When I got to the point of mindless crying over something I had no control over, that was when I said I couldnât continue on and Iâve got to let go.
Then life happened to me.
Everything became a blurry past that I could actually chuckle about right now.
And the funny thing is, while today (January 27, 2014) marks the official onscreen split of Kim Chiu and Xian Lim (who Iâm currently shipping), today also marks the reunion of MarkJen with Rhodora X.
Life is quite an ironic ass shat, no?
But then it runs in circles, too. It begins and ends, too. Itâs a cycle.
Iâm not saying itâs going to be easy. Oh, hell no.
Itâs difficult. As difficult as getting lost in a crowd.
"Getting lost is one of the worst things that could happen to you. Especially with the thought of never finding your way back looming over you like a black cloud."
That was what my mom said.
What I interpret of it is quite different, but unsettling still.
Getting lost in a crowd, for me, means being around people but having no one to turn to, having no one to relate to. Having hundreds of thousands of people around you, but still feeling alone, like having your very own prison amid a sea of human beings.
So I totally understand how most of the solid KimXi fans feel right now.
I also got lost once, too. But I found my way back.
You will, too. One day, you will, too.
It wonât be today, or tomorrow, or even next month.
But, you will. Eventually you will.
And the best thing about it, youâd come out stronger and wiser.
Take comfort in the fact that Kim and Xian didnât part ways like Mark and Jennylyn.
Take comfort in the fact that theirs is not the first loveteam that split, and theirs wonât be the last either.
Take comfort in the fact that after almost a decade, Mark and Jen are reunited.
Iâm not saying that it would take that long, what Iâm saying is that life is full of surprises.
I never thought Iâd see Mark and Jennylyn reunited, but here we are right now.
Todayâs surprise might not be what we have expected, but someday it will be better.
Just.. just fight and find your way back so you could see Kim and Xian reunited once again.
I advise you not to hold on to broken promises and anger for a long time.
Itâs actually good to vent out, to air your grievances, but please donât let your anger consume you.
If you let it, it will eat you up and turn you into a Grinch. Trust me, been there done that.
As for now, weâre in front of a fork road.
Whatever choice you take is entirely up to you, but rest assured one person (me!Â ĂŒ) will respect it.
From here on out, all of us will continue our journeys in our own unique ways.
I wonât judge you for yours, and I hope you wonât judge me for mine, as well.
As a parting shot to you my dear friend, thank you for the wonderful, fun and sometimes stress filled three year love journey.
And I hope that, even if our choices now donât see each other eye to eye, someday, on the sunnier side of everything, weâll meet once again with wiser smiles and knowing eyes, and most importantly, a happy heart.
So long, amigo. Safe travels.
