Rooted and Thriving

[rootedandthriving]

We’re sheltered in place and stuck at home with those whom we are the closest. I might expect to be comfortable and content with this, as an introvert. And it’s true, I was all right the first week. Then our kids started pushing back, not wanting to do schoolwork. Not to mention pushing each other around. I’ve considered the “get along shirt” more than once. There’s even difficulty in Nick and I finding space to have adult and very necessary conversations.

As I was reading second Timothy, I felt God speaking directly to me. It seems I can’t find patience to be a good homeschool mom. Well, I can, until I can’t. Honestly I’ve done things I never thought I would do, but that’s a story for another day. I struggle to be sober minded when there’s nowhere to find solitude and quiet; the two things my mind and body crave. I’m not evangelizing to my littles while I’m hollering at them for the millionth time to get their bums in their seats and focus on schoolwork.

Paul tells Timothy; “As for you, ALWAYS be sober minded, ENDURE suffering, do the work of an evangelist, FULFILL your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:5

Well, Sir Paul. Here I am, stuck at home with two beautiful children as I try to help them continue learning academically. Though my body is physically sober, my mind is indisputably struggling to focus. This feels like suffering. Not just my own suffering, but for my children too. How much can they endure of me losing my temper? How long can they listen to me repeat myself about getting their work done so they can go play? Are they even feeling the love of Christ ooze out of their mother into their life? I pray somehow they are and I’m trusting God to fill in the gaps.

As I read this passage I was reminded of more of Paul’s encouragements in Romans. He said,

“rejoice in our sufferings, knowing suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

Don’t you just love when scripture comes together? I do. Here’s what Holy Spirit pressed on my heart this morning. Rejoice. Rejoice in the suffering of being sheltered in place. Rejoice while you are coming to your wits end, again. Rejoice while your children are fighting and learning how to work things out for themselves (even when it doesn’t feel that way). Rejoice because you get extra time with the kids; participating in their academics, playing new games and talking about the Bible. Rejoice.

What feels like suffering is really the beginning of character. The Holy Spirit is all up in our home, working hard to build character we will need for whatever our future holds. He’s working on the kids just as much as me. I look forward to their character growth on the other side of this thing. Character built on the hope we have in God. What better time to be pouring hope into them, just like Paul did with Timothy. The love of Christ flows through us, if only we ask Him to fill us while we are suffering.

Our perspective changes when we rejoice and find gratitude. It shifts from ourselves to those God has given us to share His hope, to build righteous character, and evangelize to and sometime those people are not far from the confined walls of our own homes.

Lord, help me realize I am fulfilling my ministry and may I live into the call You’ve put on my life, in this season.

[rootedandthriving]

It all begins with breath

“The way of experience begins with breath, Such as the breath you are breathing now. Awakening into luminous reality May dawn in the momentary throb Between any two breaths.

Exhaling, breath is released and flows out. There is a pulse as it turns to flow in. In that turn, you are empty. Enter that emptiness as the source of all life.

Inhaling, breath flows in, filling, nourishing. Just as it turns to flow out, There is a flash of pure joy- Life is renewed.” The Radiance Sutras by Loren Roche

There really is no better way for this to have been said. I actually read this a week or so ago and haven’t moved onto any other sutras. Often we take for granted we are breathing, without awareness of breathing. Until you take that deep breath to calm yourself or to rest. Even then we don’t always recognize the sweetness of breath. As things change and transformations happen, I am learning this may be my only saving grace. Breath may be my only focus to bring patience to my tired and wary mind. Finding patience seems hard. There’s no rule book on how to cultivate it. Until this morning I felt lost on how to even get there. Breath is the answer. Focusing on breath, cherishing breath, teaching myself to find solace in breath.

Inhale, exhale. Repeat

[rootedandthriving]

Aparigraha

Back in March I was a volunteer at the Northwest Yoga Conference. While I was there I took two wonderful classes with Silvia Mordini. One of her classes was focused on finding happiness through the study of the yoga sutras. After leaving her class I picked up The Secret Power of Yoga. It was my main read driving across country to Kentucky from Washington. Nischala Joy Devi, the author, writes about the sutras in a more positive tone than some translations. Her translation of the Yama, Aparigraha (non possessiveness or non attachment), is this, “Acknowledging abundance (Aparigraha), we recognize the blessings in everything and gain insights into the purpose of our worldly existence.” For me, this idea of acknowledging abundance shifts the focus to being happy with what I have rather than trying not to be attached to the things I have or don’t have. 

I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but every time I have the clippers out to cut Nick’s hair, I have the urge to shave mine down short too. Part of me has always loved cute pixie cuts, but there’s also a part of me wondering how I would feel with little to no hair. Those that know me, know my hair is sort of a touchy subject. I have been asked on multiple occasions if I was going bald. My hair has been falling out for many years and I have been to doctors and naturopaths trying to find out why. I even had a chunk of my scalp mailed to DC for testing. I do not have alopecia and my thyroid functions come back normal. At one point I was tested for lupus because my scalp was chronically inflamed; tests came back negative. Now I keep the inflammation down by eating less inflammation causing foods and  I have stopped washing it every day.

The other day as I was putting the clippers back in their box, it occurred to me, maybe I feel like I need to test my attachment to my hair. Maybe I need to know I’m okay without it. I am not my hair, and my hair is not me. I will be the same person I am with or without my hair. Who knows, maybe I will be more alive and less heavy without it since I wouldn’t stress about it falling out. I have to admit, I haven’t really stressed out about it much lately, but I still have a feeling to buzz it all off. Maybe it will be a relief to see what I’d look like without any hair.

Going back to Aparigraha; I am grateful I have hair and that it’s still growing. I’m grateful I have minimized inflammation so there will be less scar tissue on my scalp which would cause more patches where hair can’t grow. Even though I am thankful for the abundance of hair on my head, I’m still attached to it.  I mean, what woman isn’t attached to her hair?

Maybe someday you will see me with no hair because I’ve actually shaved it off. Then you will know I’ve let go of one of my most clung to attachments.

“Nonattachment does not mean that we don’t care. If fact, nonattachment frees us up to be immersed in appreciation of life and one another.” - Deborah Adele

[rootedandthriving]

Universal Love: A Silly Bird’s Nest

When we moved into our new home there was no nest. One morning I woke up and ventured into the kitchen. That’s when I noticed some birds building a nest over our neighbors gutter. Excitement filled me. What a treat to watch these birds create a home for their babies. Maybe a week later I walked into the kitchen to start my morning and noticed the nest was not there. A quick glance to the ground below confirmed the nest had fallen down. My first hope was maybe they would find a better place to put their home. A safer place, less likely to have a fall. The more I thought about it, and each time I walked over the the sink and saw a missing nest, I felt sadness.  It wasn’t much help the bird was there looking for the nest. It could have been the fact I just moved and things hadn’t quite settled in, it could be the mother in me, sad for the mother who wouldn’t have a safe home for her offspring, or maybe it was what some might call universal love. The idea all things are connected. I am as much a part of the little bird as the bird is a part of me.

Every time I was at the kitchen sink I felt the need to go out and put the bird’s nest back where it was supposed to be. I was outside pulling weeds with Sweets and thought for a moment about doing it. What was holding me back was knowing it would likely fall down again. I left it on the ground for a good 24 hours and couldn’t handle it anymore. The ladder was in the garage and it wouldn’t be that hard!

With my gardening gloves on I hoisted the nest up the ladder and placed it back on the gutter. Once back in the house I looked out the window and noticed the bird was back in his nest. After inspection he pulled a feather out of the nest and tossed it into the air. As it floated away in the breeze, I felt as if he were saying thank you. Sending a token of appreciation for the help. For the rest of the day he continued to expand his nest to have a covering over the top. My love tank was filled up. 

Sadly, the nest did not last but 2-3 days after being replaced and I haven’t put it back up in hopes they will find a safer place to build their home.