[rosadelaluna]

I’m drowning

[rosadelaluna]

Everything’s happening so fast, I can’t keep up.

[rosadelaluna]

I lied when I said I don’t run from my problems.

I’m a runner.

I’ll run fast. Fast enough to forget what I was thinking. Fast enough all I hear is the strain in my calves. fast enough I’m past the ruminating. Past the hurt. Past the failures. But past the success, past the achievements. It’s all moving past me, & I’m running away from it all

[weltenwellen]

Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

[spitblossoms]

[rosadelaluna]

You know what’s crazy?

Those thoughts came back today.

[rosadelaluna]

I always forget how much I hate loving someone.

The anxiety of losing a person is literal burning hell.

Missing someone feels oddly so embarrassing.

I feel like an idiot.

[rosadelaluna]

I came to a cross today.

Me, in the middle, In love with you.

Two paths:

1. Begging for a life with you

2. Alone reminiscing on the life I wanted with you.

Which option do you think I chose?

[rosadelaluna]

I hate this feeling so much I rather cut my losses and keep it pushin.

But I promised myself I wouldn’t self sabotage this time around.

[maureen2musings]

jukkarisikko

[rosadelaluna]

Im so reactive.

I hate that my first instincts are to act out.

I’ve been telling myself how I’d do things differently next time; telling myself I have options.

I’ve been working hard on building these road blocks & walls. Not those kinds of walls, you know, the ones that keep people out.. but ones that keep myself in. Ones with doors that say “one way out, no way back in”

Diodes.

Here it came and I almost ran through all those doors.

Deep breaths… vitamin c.

Im grateful to the universe for bringing me this opportunity to test out my tools I’ve picked up along the way, & improved structures I built for myself.

I get to put this all the use. this is good for me.

[rosadelaluna]

Sometimes I feel like the work I put in is just never enough.

Blocked with obstacles taller than the last

I’m running full speed

I thought I left this violence behind me

Run fast

I’m tired, my calves hurt

[without-ado]

New Details in Pandora’s Cluster l Webb

[rosadelaluna]

I took a dive into the deep end. a rope tied around my waste while you control the spool.

[rosadelaluna]

I guess the slightest possibility of being with the one living person on this planet that I wanted was a chance I was willing to take.

I knew the risks.

[rosadelaluna]

I’m not going to mourn.

It’s just another day. it was a surprise every day that you would talk to me. & I treated it like such. it was always a gift that I never expected. & I don’t wish to expect.

I’m not going to mourn.

[rosadelaluna]

What a wild realization - This whole time I’ve been looking for love in every single person I can find. & all I’ve found was myself, in them.

I’ve left pieces of myself in every person that I had hoped to find love.

I keep looking for love, but I keep dropping pieces of myself in its place.

What a wild realization - I am love.