Silence. There hasn’t been silence for a while.
A long while.
I won’t make this impersonal, since it has never been.
No pretending here.
The truth to find oneself.
The desire to "live", but not to live.
The things we own and see and do, how much do we actually feel?
Pause - it seems impossible.
Breathe - I think I still do.
Feel my humanity - what even is that?, no time.
The proper mindset, the proper time - there never is.
Be prepared to live.
"I can’t say the right words for the right feelings anymore. It seems so hard to even write a whole sentence for the things I want to say I feel inside, that I don’t tell anyone. I am doing so many things that are important. I never have any time”
For the things I feel inside and I don’t tell anyone.
The right mindset will lead you to the right time.
- But, there’s no time
- So?
- I need to say this.
- The time you want does not exist. It’s only you here now. It’s your life every moment. It’s only you that lives this moment.
- So many things I have planned to do, and I hope I will get there, where my goals are met, where I feel it mattered, where I feel I mattered.
- Hope. There’s only “I will do whatever it takes to make it happen”. Hope. I won’t just wait for hope. I’ll do.
- There is no time.
- What matters?
- I feel like I can’t say it anymore.
- Then, tell me, tell yourself.
Silence. Where’s the space where I find silence? Silence for myself, for my mind.
Life. Death. Plans. Goals. Children. No children. Life. People. Love. Partners. Lies and Truths. Paths and ways. Feelings hiding, none expressed. Why? What? How? and when?
I find it’s all love after all. The greatest human feeling. The only one that can make us truly live. It’s a path of realization. It’s not the time you take, it’s how you make your own humanity live. It’s all us, all in us, all in me.
But we need silence to find love.
- Rosa Liliam
Thursday, January 29th, 2015