Second rant of the day
Will I ever be brave enough to talk in person about things that I really keep buried?
I mean... Thinking that I may have created memories when I was a kid to hide real memories?
Talking in a serious way, not in a humorous way, that my father used mental abuse so much times in my life that I don’t even know how I was able to keep on my feet sometimes.
Telling someone I was so drunk one night that a guy abused me but I still feel I am to blame because I eas drunk.
Talking about my eating disorders and hating my body sometimes till the point to hurt myself?
Like... I feel that sometimes Im drowing and that I need to talk about it with someone in person, someone that cares for me, but Im not brave enough and I dont want to tell some of this things to my mom because she is already having a really bad time with depression so I just want to make things essier for her
I think Im going crazy, Im afraid Im never going to be able to fix all of this. Im afraid I cant find a way to make my mom feel beautiful and happy once again. Im afraid I will never feel truly happy, deeply loved outside my mom, really beautiful or smart enough. Im afraid Im never going to be good enough for anything I dont know Im just talking shit like and idiot but 🤷🏻♀️ Lets keep smiling while I can so everybody thinks Im a normal person and not some crazy weirdo or something
