Emtionally Damaged Good’s ✖️✖️ @rosetintedglassesbs - Tumblr Blog

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If anything I’m tired , I’m emotionally exhausted but somehow I’m still fighting with everything in me to find a sense of familiarity within myself , I’m fighting daily with the urge to give up and let my anxiety and depression win , I’m fighting against my own head everyday and tbh I don’t have allot else left but there’s this small part of me that knows somewhere along the line it’s going to get better, I am going to be the version of myself that would of made my little squidge proud ,

I’m doing it for them ,I’m going to become a much stronger person , giving up isn’t an option, I’ve spent the last 4 months crying and avoiding life and that did nothing for me , it didn’t help , I just allowed myself to drown and I refuse do that , I refuse to keep living in this trap inside my head , I won’t do it , I’m not scared anymore but rather I’m determined to find a way back to myself .

Although I have the longest road and I won’t magically wake up tomorrow fixed , tbh I won’t ever fully feel whole again , I’ve accepted that life as I once knew it has changed and I will ever feel different , I will forever feel as if something is missing from my life , the way I view myself and my actions will forever be different . Grieve isn’t something I know how to do , I have no idea how I’m suppose to grieve and I’ve suppressed allot of it because I’m scared of it , every second I wonder what my life would of looked liked , I can’t grasp the concept of missing someone I never met, but I do , I miss all the moments I could of had , but how can you not miss someone that has forever changed your dna , and a dna that will forever live inside of you , my body won’t ever feel the same again .

I look at life very differently , I look at the people around me very differently because no one knows how this feels , and most of the time I feel alone because I don’t have anyone who can reassure me that one day I won’t feel as if I’m drowning .

But I won’t allow myself to wallow , I nearly lost my life that night back in June , I’m lucky to still be here now and I should celebrate that, I should be grateful and while I am so beyond grateful that I’ve been given what feels like a second chance there’s a part of my heart that will always ache for the what ifs , and for the moments and memories I won’t ever get to have , the future I almost did have , and I’m not taking about the future as in 10 years time I’m taking about how different my life would of been in 3 months time , but I’m taking this moment , this dark period of my life to do something with my life , to live with more meaning , I won’t live in fear ,I refuse to live in fear it’s simply not happening anymore , I have to choose myself and I have to heal , and I’m willing to give it everything I’ve got ,

Even if I have to spend the next few months dragging myself through the days , crying my way through somewhere and some how I am going to make it and I’m gojng to be ok , and it’s a promise to myself but also a promise to my little angel , I want to make you proud .

I want to be the person I know I’m capable of being , I need to live again , I need to find a way to feel alive .

thepersonalquotes

Pit stop.

I have stopped to admire the view for a very long time , I mean that as metaphor for my life.

Allot has changed in my life ,physically and mentally. Life has been one hell of a ride this year, and I haven’t stopped to catch my breath and just take it all in.

Mentally I am at my strongest, I don’t recognise myself but in the best way possible, I am someone I do believe my younger self would of been proud of, and course the uphill struggle doesn’t just end, it’s a never ending process but the way I deal with things is very different, I’ve learnt to trust the process, I’ve learnt to accept the path I am on, and I won’t lie when I say the first time in years I feel like I can breathe.

Physically I am not the body I was a year ago. And I know my over weight self would be cheering us on from a far,working out saved me and I know everyone says that, but working on myself physically has helped me cope with my ongoing depression and anxiety. I am in love with myself for the first time in my life. This is all I wanted,and I’m proud.

I got a job promotion, at the same place that I once cried over because I felt useless, and here I am with a job promotion and I got that because I was always capable but I slept on myself for way too long.

I passed my driving test in April, second attempt. But the relief that I felt on that day was second to none. To this day it’s my biggest achievement, because living to drive was a never ending struggle, and I couldn’t tell you how many times I cried and swore I would give up learning but it was allot, I know my younger self would be crying with joy.

I got a new car in may, and I love him. The freedom that comes with driving is a whole new level of freedom, I am so grateful for my car, and I did that all on my own.

I’ve come far this year.

I’ve been so blessed and I’m so grateful 🫶

Here’s a photo dump :

And if I’m being honest, no one gives me the same feeling you give me, no one sparks the excitement that you do in me, I haven’t found it in anyone and don’t think I’m going to either, I feel this magnetic pull towards you, and I know for a solid fact you can feel it too, it’s not just me.

And I know you think of me, like I always think of you, because why else would I keep feeling your presence even though you are not around me and haven’t been around me for a year now.

If I could honestly tell you everything I would, I would tell you how I haven’t stopped loving you and I never stopped missing you, and yes our relationship was no bed of roses, quite the opposite actually, but the version of you that I meet last year, made me realise that if you asked me to come back, I would already been there, because when I’m around you, I feel alive and no one else gives me that, no one else feels like home, and no one else knows how my mind works in the way you do

But I know or rather I’m guessing you aren’t available, and maybe she is the one, and maybe this feeling I have will be something that is never acted upon and I guess in a way I’m use to it, I’m use to thinking about you, I’m use to waiting, but if by chance you think of reaching out, do, I wish I could reach out but my pride is too strong for that, but I’m also hoping for your sake she is the one, I wish you nothing but so much love and happiness, and if she’s the one, then you’ve made it, you deserve to be in love and be with someone who loves you as much as you love them, I hope that is the case,

I do believe at some point. Somewhere in time we will meet again, I believe with every part of me that we were are supposed to be in each other’s lives, and it never matters how much time passes we always go back to where we left off,

I miss you, I still miss you .

I know am so deserving of being loved, and I know that point in my life is coming and I know my time for that is also about to begin, I know some day I was fall in love with someone who holds nothing but pure intentions for me, someone who will understand how my mind works, someone who wants nothing but to grow with me, and I know one day my time for that will arrive,

But right now I need to enjoy being alone, and if I’m being honest being alone has been empowering, I am more of capable of handling myself, I’ve never needed someone but I want someone and there’s the difference, I’ve grown so much these past few years that not being in a relationship hasn’t broken me but rather it’s healed me and it’s made me someone who can stand alone perfectly fine, but I’m at the point where I am ready to fall in love again.

But I’m also perfectly good on my own, my relationship status doesn’t define me and being in a relationship won’t magically fix all the things that aren’t quite right, right now.

If I know anything it’s that I am and will be successful, and that my time is coming. But as for right now I am on the correct path, and I need to understand that. Understand that where I am right now, is where I am suppose to be. Right now is my time to lay the foundations. I can feel it so deeply that my time for abundance and love and so much happiness and success is coming, I know it is, although I can’t see it or understand why it’s coming from I know it’s coming.

My time to shine is going to be here sooner than I can even imagine, and I’m learning to be ok with the current path I am walking, right now is about me, and about healing myself and actually trusting my own abilities, I have so much potential and although allot of people don’t believe that in me, I know it’s coming. Watch this space because I am next

If I know anything, it’s that how I’m feeling right now won’t last forever it never does, but when I feel like this, it feels never ending, but this isn’t where my story ends, but rather where it begins.

I don’t mean this in the sense of I want to die and I want to commit suicide, quite the opposite, but rather I want the life I know to die, I don’t want my physical self to die , I want the current reality I’m living in to disappear.

I feel trapped, and I feel as if I’ve been stuck living the same life for a while now, everyday feels the same, and I don’t really feel alive anymore, I feel as if I’m going through the motions of life but I’m not living, but rather I’m just existing, I can’t really remember the last time I really felt alive or remotely excited about life, I can’t remember the last time I felt like I had any proper reason to get out of bed if I’m honest with you, the only reason I have to leave my bed is to go to work but that is more like I have to, I wouldn’t stay I jump about of bed for that.

I mean it’s clear as a day I’m depressed, I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember so let me tell you this isn’t anything new, I’m not new to this, but this time I feel numb, and I feel helpless, and I mainly feel alone ( hence why I’m writing this here) because I don’t have anyone in my life who I can sit and talk to, I don’t have anyone reassuring me that it will begin to get better, I have to try and keep myself up and try and keep reminding myself that this isn’t the end game, this isn’t where I decide to let myself drown in depression, no this is not it.

And I’m sure one day, I’ll find the beauty in my life again, one day I’ll look back and realise I was strong and even when I stood alone I never gave in, one day when I’m living, I’ll look back and I’ll say to myself we made it, and we finally made it to the other side, but as for right now I have to understand this isn’t going to be an over night process and if I’m being honest I’ll probably have to fight this through the majority of my life and this isn’t ever going to go away but one day it won’t seem so bad ( or that’s at least what I promise myself)

11/01/2022

I have slept on myself for way too long now, I have held myself back for so many years and tbh I’ve hid and watered down my own potential because it was more comfortable that way, I’m sick of doing things because it’s easier for myself or it’s easier to not push myself out there, and I will not do that to myself anymore I will not keep holding myself back, I will not allow myself to block all the good things I am capable of, I’m not blocking myself anymore from all the things I am capable of. I just won’t anymore and it’s time I start waking up, waking up and realising the potential I actually hold within myself, I am powerful and my presence is powerful it’s time I allow that to shine through inside of hiding it and acting as if it is not there when it is.

I’m tired of dragging myself through life, when it never had to be this way, it never should of been this way, I was never destined for how I’m living now, but subconsciously I made that choice based around fear and self doubt, I choose to settle because I convinced myself that was who I was and I couldn’t change it, but that’s not true it never has been true, but with each passing day I would convince myself it was the truth as if it comforted me when all it was doing was blocking my vision, and I can see so clearly the life I want, the life I do have if I just stop watering myself down.

I’m not doing this anymore, I’m not allowing myself to bully myself, I’m not allowing myself to swim in self pitty and throw daily pitty party’s for myself, because I’m use to it. No, I’m standing my ground and I’m opening myself up to the endless opportunities my life does have to offer, I’m opening myself up to the blessing that are right in front of me, the blessings that are in fact here right now, I’m opening myself up to the fact from here on out my life is changing, I have changed and I’m standing up for myself and realising my life has also been a blessing, I am blessed and in fact I am so overly grateful for the love and the opportunities I have been blessed with, my life is filled with abundance and it always has been, but I always refused to see it.

I am on the timeline I choose, I am exactly where I need / should be, I am on track, I always have been, I’m taking in all that my life has to offer me, and I’m thankful for where I am, as this is where I should be, my life is exactly how it should be, I’m where I’m destined to be, and these next few chapters and moments are for me.

I’m not holding back anymore, the girl who struggled and talk herself into everything that was no good for her, is not here anymore, I’m not letting my own anxieties drag me down, or control the direction in which my life is going, I’m here and I’m present and I’m living and that alone is something I am so grateful for and so thankful.

So here’s to now and to the rest of my life, because I am so fortunate 🤍

I use to be someone that when it came to love I would drive head first, without a second thought and I hated being that way, I hated being someone who fell in love so quickly, who caught feelings so quickly. I was someone who took everything so personally. But looking back I wish I was still that girl sometimes, the one who could easily catch feelings without a second thought, because it not someone I am now.

I think to put it simple; I am a commitment phob. The idea of commitment makes me feel suffocated, Inclosed, and it dam right terrifies me. Falling in love isn’t something I’m about to do in a hurry, if anything I avoid it, I avoid getting close to someone because the second they begin to like me,I changed my mind. I always use to be someone who would be the last person to leave, I would hold on in till I was broken, and now I run, I’m the first person to leave, I guess sometimes im scared of people leaving me, that I would rather be the person who left, then be the person who was left.

But don’t get me wrong there are moments( fleeting moments) that I wish I could fall in love, I want to experience all of that, I want to feel loved, but I don’t know when I’ll ever feel ready and I tell myself all the time I’m not ready, and maybe that’s just because really at the end of the day I’m scared.

And I guess it’s probably why I can easily involve myself in a hook up, because I know on both sides it means nothing, and it’s purely on a physical level, I feel safe with it being like that, because there are no expectations, there are no rules, and I’m ok with being left on read or it just being about the sex, because with those I don’t have to get my feelings involved, and I guess that’s where I feel comfortable because there is no expectation of me needing to feel something for the other person.

Chaotic 2am thoughts.

Tumblr very much gives me 16 year old vibes, but instead I’m 25 and well it’s clear as day I don’t actually have anyone to speak to, or rather I don’t have anywhere I can place my thoughts, so over the years this has become my safe space, because it’s just me here and that’s lonely, but there’s some comfort in these posts, even if again I’m alone here, but truth be told I’ve always been alone.

And lately life well, erm I feel like it’s on a never ending loop. Quite frankly I feel trapped, I feel bored, I feel frustrated, I feel disappointed in myself, I feel sad, and the majority of the time I feel empty, I don’t feel passionate about anything, and once I did, there was a time I had goals, and fuck I smashing those goals, I was creating the life I would always say dream about, I got everything I ever wanted, and I worked so hard for it, I was about to live this life I always spoke about wanting, I was living, and I guess when I look back to those moments, I was alive, I felt alive, I haven’t felt like that since then, I’m just existing, I’m going through the motions with absolutely no idea what the fuck I’m doing.

I’m disappointed in myself because I knew that life I nearly had would of made me happy ( or rather Imagined it would of), but almost within seconds my path got blurry, I couldn’t work out what direction to go in, I never found my way there, because I walked away from it. I walked away with the intention of finding my way back, but I never did, I ran out of time, I lost my window of opportunity, and most days I kick myself about that, I think I always will.

Moving aboard to work would of changed everything for me, I needed that, I need to feel alive so I don’t understand why I did do it. Well actually I know why, I was worried I was running away from my own emotions, I was running away in hope a different country would heal me, I was running away from life here, because here is a shit show, and I was ready to move forward, ever since letting that go, I felt lost, I lost my sense of purpose, and it’s been a year or two now and I’m still lost, I don’t feel alive, and I can’t seem to find things that give me that same feeling. And I guess I gave up searching, searching feel alive and searching to find a way back to myself.

I know allot of us don’t have a clue what to do with our lives. But I really feel like I’m going nowhere and I’m worried, I’m worried I’m always going to feel this way about my life, I’m only 25 but why do I feel like time is quickly passing me by. I’ve lost friends because they are moving on with life, they are getting houses, having babies and starting new chapters, I got left behind because life hasn’t moved, I haven’t moved forward, I don’t have any of those things. I know life isn’t some sort of race but fuck does it feel like one. I worry I would ever relate to anyone my age because I don’t feel like I ever have any of those things, god I can’t keep a boyfriend. And dating I gave up with that so long ago, that I don’t even think I would know how to date even if I tried because I can’t do it.

What I’m saying is, I worried my life will always feel like this, I’m worried I’m going to be 30 and still laying in this exact same spot, but I need to stop this pitty party and pick myself up and work so hard to find myself and find who I am again.

I would like to remove you from this pedestal that I have you upon, but I’ve never known how to do that, I’ve never known how to stop the thoughts of you running through my head all day long, sometimes I wish I knew how to turn those off.

Because missing someone who doesn’t even exist in your life anymore is slow torture, missing someone who you can’t just call, who you can’t talk to because they don’t want that, is torture and it pulls at me everyday, it pulls at me at night when in my head I go back to the days I so desperately wish I could relive, the days I wish I could of held on to.

But to be real, we were never some sort of fairytale are love was chaotic, it was messy, it was painful, and it didn’t often bring allot of sunny days, most days it rained, most days you could almost here the timer, the ticking of the clock that seemed to tick faster everyday, because here’s the thing we weren’t meant forever, we had a time limit, and fuck did the clock get louder everyday. We simply weren’t granted forever, I would say I understood that at the time, but I didn’t, I didn’t want to, I simply wished the clocks would of stopped, and here’s the thing we were never perfect, but you came into my life when I needed it the most, and without realising you gave me life, and with the same life you gave me, you also took it away, you took a huge chuck of me with you when you left. Which in hindsight I’m glad you did, a part of who I was left when you did, but that was blessing, I began to learn how to grow without you, and although it wasn’t a choice, I’m glad I had to learn the hard way of pouring so much of yourself into someone, Im glad I did put everything into us, because without doing so I wouldn’t hold the strength I do now, I would stand as this strong version of myself, if you didn’t come along and flip what I once called my life upside down.

While I don’t regret us, there are points where my heart aches for that version of myself, my heart aches for her because she was pure, her only motive was love for you , her intentions were as clear as Crystal, while yours were muddy, you intentions were cold, your heart was cold, cold from all the times you had been hurt previously, and I guess for once, once in your life you wanted that power; you wanted to know what it felt like to be the one to hurt someone else, because all anyone had ever done is hurt you, I understand, more so now, and back then I didn’t, but I get it, and tbh I hold no grudge towards you, or for the pain you inflicted on me, but rather I wished at the time you would of let me in, but in other prospectives I’m glad I was the one that showed you what unconditional love was, and how it felt to be with someone who wanted nothing but the best for you , I’m sorry at times I doubted you, I’m sorry sometimes I didn’t simply tell you how proud I was of you ( because I know that’s something you aren’t ever told), but I’m proud of you, I’m proud of the person you are today.

And if we never speak again, I hope you look back on me and think of fondly, I hope when you think of me you realise that I loved you, and the love I held for you was real, even if it was never real for you, just know I will always wish you nothing but the best, and if we never speak again, I hope you are out there thinking of me sometimes like the ways I think of you, I hope when you look up at night a small part of you wishes me the best also, I hope you find love that is pure, and whatever you are doing now I hope simply that you are happy, I hope one day someone gives you the world, I hope one day someone comes along and mends all the broken pieces of you. I understand your happiness was not with me, but im glad you walked away and you had the courage to go find what makes you happy.

But I know, I was no angel in the end, I ended up being the same as all the other people that hurt you, I wasn’t easy to be with at the best of times, but if I’m being honest I wanted you to know how it felt being me, but I took it too far when I should of walked away and not tired to become the female version of you, but just know I would of done anything to make it work, but I also realised just like you, are time had ran out and our relationship had ran it course and all that stood in its place was pain and heartbreak, all that was left was tue echos of the moments we did nothing but laugh, the echos of our voices were all that stood there , and I stayed there for a while, I stayed in those moments for months, trying to figure out where it broke, where we broke, I stayed there when you fled the second our timer went off, I stood alone, and I can’t describe how it felt when you left, but just know you have left a permanent void, a void that simply can’t be filled, but it doesn’t hurt anymore, it doesn’t sting, but sometimes the ghost of you and I visits me, when I can’t sleep, I go back to us,

If 2020 never happened, I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today, I probably wouldn’t see things the way I see them now.

2020 was where I grew spiritually, 2020 was were I began to look at myself in another light, 2020 was where I knew I had to heal, I knew I had to do it for myself this time, and if 2020 never happened I probably would of been stuck in the same cycle every weekend, which was getting black out drunk, being reckless and honestly not giving a shit about my own mental health, looking back on those moments I was never happy, not really. But rather I was masking the pain I was feeling by being this life of the party, by being the girl who was always the drunkest, the girl who was always the highlight of a night out ( but for all the wrong reasons) but really I was broken and every Sunday morning I would nurse the same hangover, and deal with the same pitty party I would throw myself every Sunday, It was a never ending cycle, and at that point I didn’t care about myself anymore, and looking back I can see how toxic I was to myself, when all I needed to do was find myself,

I’m not going to preach some bullshit how I’m magically happy now because I’m not the party girl, because that would simply be a big fat lie, I’m not going to preach about how wonderful and how happy I am, because truth me told I’ve still got a long way to go, and healing and bettering yourself is never ending, it’s always a work in process, but what I can say is, that version of myself, the girl before 2020, she doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not her anymore, that is not me anymore, and maybe along the way I realised there was more to my life than bars and clubs, and random hooks up, I began to realise I had to start showing up for myself because no one else was going to heal me, no one else was going to fix me, no one was coming to help, it was all on me, and I began to realise I didn’t want to be that girl, I wanted to be girl I knew I could look back on and be proud of.

So spiritually yes I grew, I found my own power but also began to seek more meaningful things for my life, more meaningful experiences, that were outside of getting drunk, I removed that part of my life because it no longer meant anything to me anymore, it had no meaning to me, but those nights also carried some sad moments along with them, and I no longer found joy in any of it anymore, I want to keep choosing myself, and being that girl isn’t something that makes me happy, 2020 showed me how powerful I can be if I just believed in myself,

Sure I’m not 100 per cent who I want to be, as it stands I’ve been letting myself down lately, but I became to take a step back and realised all the things I have been neglecting our key elements to my life that I should be holding on to rather than letting go, I want to prove to myself that I am the one who creates how my life goes, and from here on out I will keep holding myself up.

Instead of nursing a hangover on a Sunday, I spend my Sunday morning with my dad and since 2020 it’s been a Sunday tradition where we get coffee together, it’s my favourite day, spending time with my dad because time isn’t something you will ever get back, and I’m starting to realise that, and to me that is meaningful, and it’s something I enjoy doing, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

I went out this weekend, and after a few drinks I realised it wasn’t me, I realised I wasn’t enjoying it, I didn’t enjoy it half as much as I once pretended to, I realised that part of me was completely gone, by 10pm I wanted to be in bed, I didn’t want to drink anymore because I realised I would lose a whole day and I was prepared to do that, I think I’m ready for the next stage of my life, and I don’t wish to be taking who I was with me; she’s not invited, but I’m ready to start living and start feeling, instead of blocking and suppressing my emotions.

And when I think of you, it’s not resentment that I feel, I don’t hate you, I don’t hold any anger towards you, not anymore.

But instead, I hold all the good memories, I look back on some of those moments and smile. Holding a grudge doesn’t serve me, it doesnt bring anything to my life by hating you, if anything I think resenting you only allows the bad memories to live, I am feeding them by holding on to those past feelings, and like I said it doesn’t serve, I won’t ever heal, if I don’t let go, and although I don’t want to let go of all it, I have to, I have to let go of every single second, every single moment that we spent together, and I’m ready, I’m ready to do that.

Time has ticked on, we aren’t those people anymore, in fact those people don’t exist, not anymore. Who we were back then, is simply now just a memory. We were so young back then, we had our youth ahead of us, we didn’t understand what forever meant, we only saw life second by second, we weren’t focused on the years that we could be gained, we didn’t understand what being adults meant because we weren’t adults.

I forgive you, I forgive you for all the pain you brought me. I forgive you, I don’t want to go forever with this scar, and it’s not me, it’s not me to hold a grudge, but with forgiving comes me releasing my grip, releasing my hope. Forgiving you comes with having to let you go, to close that chapter and leave it how it is, because it was a chapter, I’ve hopefully got millions of pages I’ll get to fill and we were just a few short chapters, but I’m ready to turn the pages, and I guess this is the final missing piece ( for me anyways) letting it go, and letting it fade into existence, because once you and I did exist, and once we shined so brightly, but that light doesn’t shine, it hasn’t for a while, and I’m ready to let it float off.

By forgiving you and letting go, and also releasing the buckles and chains that came along with holding on to all that pain, I’m also setting myself free by accepting, accepting sometimes we have to forgive and go on with life.

I hope when you think of me, it’s fondly. I know I very much played my part, I hoped a while back you had forgiven me for that. I hope sometimes you look back and you smile, and laugh about all the things we use to laugh about together.

I’m also forgiving myself for doing what I did, and I know I never said I was sorry, my pride was too high, and I was wrong, I was wrong for inflicting pain back on you, I should of let you leave, without adding fuel to the fire, but I didn’t, I did what I did, I did it out of spite, and anger, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry to myself as well.

I guess this is it, I hope in another life time we met again, I hope next time we get a better shot at whatever potential we could have, whether that be romantic or just friends, but I hope we cross paths again, I just hope we meet again in the next life time.

And love, love is allot of things, love can be painful, love can spark an undeniable fire inside your soul, love can make your whole world shine so bright that you start to wonder if before they came along, your whole world was black and white,

Love to me though is the person who feels like home, the person who is home but in a body, rather than a building, to me love is feeling like whenever that person is near you , you are home, you are safe, you are comfortable, you are comforted, to me that is what I would describe love to be, or rather what it feels like.

It’s the sudden feeling of contentment, and warmth a sudden feeling of nothing else matter,

and love when you find it will stop time, the whole world around you will feel like it’s paused, as if the time you have with them is limitless, like the whole world outside of them doesn’t exist.

When you are in love, when you have find that person who allows you shine so brightly, who allows you to be unfiltered around them ,who sees you more than just a body, the person who makes you feel like it’s summer in the middle of winter, don’t you dare let them go, because love is rare, unfiltered love is rather, and when you find it, treasure it.

Believe me, when you are in love your insides will feel like there are on fire, you will shine from the inside out, when you find that person who is like literal magic to your body and your life, you will know, believe me you will know, you won’t doubt it, you won’t have a single doubt.

#love

I am strong because I have been shown very early on being weak wasn’t an option, being weak wasn’t going to get me very far in life.

So through that realisation I grew, I grew much stronger through the disrespect I have endured. I grew strong through the moments I was shown I was the only person I needed, I grew strong through the silence from the people who promised they would always be there. I grew through the times I cried alone, I grew strong through the moments I doubted myself.

I am strong because there is no other option, being strong is my only choice, and people betray my independence as stubbornness, which isn’t the case. The case is which I can hold my own, I can be alone, I am better alone, I don’t need another person to feel a sense of value because I am of a value alone.

thebuddhistmind

When you fall in love everything looks beautiful, because in those moments you don’t put conditions. Two persons move near each other unconditionally. Once they have settled, once they have started taking each other for granted, then conditions are imposed: “You should be like this, you should be like that, only then will i love"—as if love is a bargain.

Osho

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