Let Go. Live Forever,Laugh Alot,Love Nonstop.

Words,pictures,music etc are wonderful things.

[rosetopaz]

Lying and hiding are the 2 worst thing you can do to those around you. I can't even begin to tell someone about the man I love. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm in the wedding party then I wouldn't go at all.

[rosetopaz]

Second Chances

Sometimes in life we are given second chances. They are those second chances that we have wanted for so long and once we get them we go what now? Because maybe there have been months or years between that first and second chance and we have grown and things have happened so we are so happy about that second chance and at the same time we are so worried about the same thing happening with this second chance that happened the first time. What happens if we get two second chances that are for the exact same reason ,but with different people? We have at our hands a big decision. We have to look at what the future could lead to. We have to look at what went wrong the first time. We have to look at possibilities of what could be and what would make us happier. We have to look at all of it. What we must do is take out the emotion and think logically and most of the time that is the hardest thing to do. We have conversations with both. One more in depth with the other. One knows more about the other. What hurts the most is that you know you could have more with one than the other yet you go with the one who you helped heal. You are already so far in with the first one that it is insane,but every time you went to the places with the second one you always thought of him and wondered about him. Your heart hurt a bit and it ached a bit too. You wondered how he was. At the same time you also dismissed those thoughts immediately. Why? Because you couldn’t and didn’t want to bring yourself to admit that you still loved him deeply even as you watched yourself delete those photos and wanted to cry as you moved on it still hurt. You now sit here typing this happy that you got your second chance with the first one, but when you asked him last night if he was sure about it and he didn’t say yes,but rather that he wasn’t unsure about it it killed you. You knew this and you feel guilty for pushing him. He asked you the same thing and you told him that no dip you were sure about this when in fact part of you is unsure about this. It has been amazing just being friends and getting closer,but the fact that you two are still same as you were last time kinda kills you. Yes you have become closer as friends and you love that,but you miss that right now. You can’t decide which you want. Do you want your friend or your boyfriend? Technically you two have been “dating” for weeks almost 2 now , without a title and it has been fine. You just fear that this will come crashing down....again. How is that you can be so happy yet so confused and lost as all hell. You sit here and use this social media platform because no one you know follows you on this so it is your safe place to let everything out. This second chance is amazing ,yet the second person reminds you and makes you feel young and adult at the same time. He is closer to you in age and can give you far much more than the one you chose. You reminisced on how everything seemed to go right when you two were around each other, but at the same time you got frustrated with him so much and that was because you didn’t communicate with him and you lost your patience and then the first person came back and stuff got back with this second person. You were doing well and now..... you don’t know what you did. Again you are so incredibly happy with the first person because he is just perfect in every single way. :) Everything is perfect so why are you trying to mess it up and break it????? You don’t want to lose him.   

[counseledcounselor]

[rosetopaz]

Pain

Pain it is something we all feel. Something we all see. This time I was the one to cause it. To two people who would do nothing but be there for me until the end. Marry me and give me everything they had and I had the balls to hurt the first one knowing how I felt about him. That hurt and I wanted to cry, but I had to get over that quickly. I had hurt him before and this time was the last and it was the worst. I broke a friendship. The next one I broke was one I had fallen in love with years ago and hurt him once before by cheating without him knowing it. I only wanted him the first time. Then it was a dinner with friends and numbers got exchanged at that dinner. It was bad. Long distance relationship hurt , so without him knowing I hurt him and then it was a mutual agreement because of the distance. Not much longer after that he wanted me back and I couldnt go because I had cheated and I stayed with the guy I cheated on him with. That guy and I ended up getting engaged and that was a messy 2.5 years. Then Justin and I found our way back to each other because we stayed friends even though I was engaged to my ex fiance. He was my best friend and I was his. We had a bond no one could break. Back in October I asked him what his true feelings for me were. He told me and it made me feel better yet made me so mad at the same time. I knew them all along. On November 1st we had a conversation about him coming home to see me on leave and on the 2nd over Skype he proposed to me and I said yes. My dumbass was talking to a friend of mine and he was coming down on his 6 days off on the 7th. This was going to be a really fucked up sitiuation because I told David that Justin was going to come in Jan and propose and I was going to say no. I had already gotten cold feet by the 5th because I felt like the engagement was too much, too fast, too soon. By the 7th of Nov David was in town and on the 8th like we had planned he and I went clothes shopping for him. It was so much fun to be a little kid again with a friend It was a snowy day and just beautiful as can be. Picture perfect hallmark/lifetime movie moment. I reached back for Davids hand and we walked around the mall. It was just a blast. We played hide and seek in the stores like children even though we are grown adults. I enjoyed the day. Trying on clothes and just being a young and blissfully happy person again....whos with her siginificant other....her second one. This entire sitiuation was one that my therapist told me would blow up in my face. It was all good the week that David was in town. Just the 2 of us around his chosen family and it could not have been more perfect. Everything was as it should be in our own little bubble, but it was like when I left David’s side and went home all of that happiness was gone. Then the day I dropped him off at the airport that was when I knew my days of pure bliss were numbered. On the 16th of Nov it all went up in flames like a nuclear bomb and I deserved it. Justin found out why I broke off the engagement, David found out the truth about the engagement and my parents took my phone and yes 4 days away from being 22 and living under my parents roof I still lose my phone. It was all because I hurt my best friend and obliterated that entire relationship in every single way possible. The friendship and romantically. I picked David and somehow he still chose to stay by my side and give me one last chance. I am so thankful for that right now. It is my mission to not mess this second chance up. Pain I caused families pain, friendships broken, worlds shattered , futures destroyed. Pain is caused by decisions that someone makes and it hurts like hell.

[rosetopaz]

Me

I over think,jump the gun,think the worst, constantly paranoid, impulsive as hell 24/7,annoying as fuck,clingy as all get out,moody like no one knows,needy as can be,emotional,and I don't always take care of myself. I get mad at the dumbest shit and will act like I'm 16 not 21 almost 22,but this is me at my absolute worst and usually me on a daily basis. I'm working on it. I don't mean to do it and I know it irratates everyone I know and emotionally drains them and exhausts them. They are always mad at me for all of that fucking shit,but you know what? I have a huge fucking heart and once I give it to you it's all yours and I don't want it back. I'm SORRY!!!!

[rosetopaz]

How I love and live for mornings that require a hoodie and long pants. It's so peaceful before everyone is fully awake and I'm the only one up. This is the sole reason why I get up so early every single morning even during the summer. It is just so I can enjoy the complete silence of the house, the sounds of nature,and just simply enjoy the cool,brisk morning air. I can also enjoy my coffee,water ,and tea in peace.

[rosetopaz]

Osei Dupree Bennett

Lets make a list of songs that remind me of you starting with "Back to December ","One Number Away","California King Bed","White Horse","Tim McGraw ","Slow Me Down","It Ends Tonight","Apologize","Cruise ","The Man Who Can't be Moved","Broken","Let Me Go","I'm With You","Unfaithful","Impossible","Bleeding Love","Tattoo","Forgiven",and so many more. The blanket we spent many nights under I can't make myself or let anyone else get rid of. The only ones who should have it are you and I. I saw you today for the first time in months and I wanted to run and touch you again,but couldn't. I called you tonight,and we talked for a straight hour. I had a full blown panick attack and you calmed me down. We both admitted that we are still deeply in love with one another and that we miss each other. I'm FINALLY in a healthy and happy relationship with one of my best friends who treats me right. It's not perfect,but I vowed I'd never cheat on him,and I won't. There's something about Osei Dupree Bennett that keeps drawing me back to him,that keeps me from being 10000% with my current boyfriend. It's the fact that I am still madly in love with Osei. We were together for almost 3 years,and engaged for most of those 2 years. I can't let that go. I just can't!!!! He has pissed me off worse than anybody that I know and has just been the most ignorant and arrogant human being on the face of this planet,but there's apart of me that can't and won't let him go. I truly like my new boyfriend a lot. I don't love him yet,but this relationship means more to me because we have been friends for 2 years,so I'm THAT much more invested in it. I won't cheat on him,no matter how tempting it is. Osei Dupree Bennett is someone who for 2.5 years I saw myself getting married to. It's odd not having him in my life. I miss him like hell and hearing him tonight say "I love you." Made me lose my shit. I just wished at that moment that he could have been there to hold me and play with my hair and kiss the top of my head like he used to always do. I need to figure out what I want and soon. I have wanted my current boyfriend for a while and that's who I'm sticking with even if my heart says Osei.

[recovering-and-healing]

A to Z  SELF-HELP  MASTERPOST

10 more ways to cope with bipolar

25 ways to avoid self injury

A:

A little bit of everything

Acoustic

Alternatives for anger and restlessness

Anti stress breathing tips

Are you feeling okay?

B:

Big master post of masterposts

Bipolar coping skills

Bipolar self help

Breathe

Bulimia recovery

C:

Calm down

Calm down during a anxiety attack

Calm sounds

Calming manatee

Calming paintbrush

Cheer up!

Choose happy

Click here to smile

Coffee shop

Coffee shop acoustics

Coffee shop tunes

Comfort box

Conquer school

Cool game called ‘the end’ to distract you

Cope with ocd

Cope with panic attacks

Coping with autism spectrum disorder

Coping with bipolar

Coping with borderline personality disorder

Coping with depression

Coping with eating disorders

Coping with exercise addictions

Coping with PTSD

Coping with schizophrenia

Coping with social anxiety

Coping with social anxiety disorder

Coping with weight gain

D:

Daily puppy

Deal with anxiety

Dealing with bipolar without medication

Depression resources masterpost

Disorders/mental illness

Distractions and alternatives for self harm

Do nothing for two minutes

Do yoga to cheer  yourself up

Draw a stickman

E:

Eating disorder support groups

Emergency compliment

Feeling stressed?

Good feelings

Good morning

F:

Finding the right antidepressant

H:

Happy thing masterpost

Helping someone who is suicidal

Hotlines

How to break out of a zip tie

How to care for self harm cuts

How to cope with depression

How to fade and cover scars

I:

Isnt the rain beautiful

J:

Just relapsed?

L:

Learn how to mediate

List of hotlines for everyone

Living with bipolar

Living with someone who has OCD

Look at the stars!

Low on cash but wanting help?

M:

Match the colours

Maybe you want to comfort someone else

Mental health hotlines

More about ocd

More hotlines (UK)

Most relaxing tune according to scientists

Mynoise

N:

Natural depression treatments

Nature not your thing? coffee shop noise

Need a hug??

Never say these things to someone having a panic attack

Note to self

O:

Overcome your eating disorder

Overcoming loneliness

P:

Panic and anxiety

R:

Rad covers

Rainy mood

Rape escape

Really good game to get feelings out

Reasons to live

Resisting the urges

S:

Sand patterns

Self defence tips

Self injury recovery masterpost

Sleepy tunes

Soothing techniques

Sounds to fall asleep to

Soundrown

Speak to people

Spring fling

Stop biting your nails

Stop skipping breakfast

Study playlist

Stupid games to cheer you up (pointless games)

Suicide prevention

Supporting someone with PTSD tips

T:

The butterfly project

The dawn room

The quiet place

The thoughts room

Tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety

Tips to help stop cutting

U:

Understand types of anxiety

Understanding and coping with panic attacks

Understanding and managing anxiety

W:

Wanting to self harm or worse?

Ways to deal with depression/stress

Weave silk to calm down

What are eating disorders?

What cutting does to you

What is autism spectrum disorder?

What is bipolar?

What is borderline personality disorder?

What is depression?

What is generalized anxiety disorder?

What is ocd?

What is panic disorder?

What is PTSD?

What is schizophrenia?

What is social anxiety/social phobia

What to do when someone notices your cuts/scars?

Wheels on the road

When you’re sad?

Work through feelings of social isolation

Wow beautiful nature sounds!

source: Multiple internet sites

[timelyreminder]

It's going to be okay!

Think some positive thoughts! You deserve some happiness in your day :)

Try looking up positive things or something that you like. Maybe talk to someone that makes you smile.

The world is a brighter place with you in it! Don’t forget that!

[weltenwellen]

“There’s a Japanese phrase that I like: koi no yokan. It doesn’t mean love at first sight. It’s closer to love at second sight. It’s the feeling when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. Maybe you don’t love them right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.”

— Nicola Yoon, The Sun Is Also a Star

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[words-of-emotion]

“

[rosetopaz]

Growing up

I’m only 21 and will be 22 and I still have a ton of growing up to do. I am no where near where I wanted to be at this point in m life. When it comes to my little brother who is 19 we still at like we are 9 and 12 and not our actual ages which is very sad. This morning I had a very eye opening conversation with my mother about my actions and how I do not act my age which is a very disappointing thing to hear from your own parent. My father has said the exact same thing to me and as had my eldest brother. I have adult goals and dreams that I want to achieve,but with the way that I act at home it doesn’t show it. I still have so much growing up to do and a very small amount of time to do it in. I am about to graduate from community college in Spring of 2019 and by then I will need to move out. I know how to act and behave and it’s about time that I start acting like it. I need to prove so many people wrong and show everyone that I CAN go to school and work!!! My end goal is to become an English or History teacher for grades 6-8 but have a minor in Elementary Education so that way I can teach a wide variety of children,but again I must grow up in order to reach my goal. Being young isn’t an excuse for how I act. I am an adult and I need and a long time ago should have started acting like one. No more being the disappointment in my family,nor will I any longer be the failure of the family. I WILL overcome and beat my bipolar,PTSD,and my eating disorders. My words WILL become actions!!! 

[zodiacmind]

Fun facts about your sign here

[riseabovedefeat]

““Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.””

— Marianne Williamson (via naturaekos)

[butterflyinthewell]

You deserve to have good things happen to you and I hope good things happen to you.

[summersweeet]

via weheartit