Redefining BPD & Mental Illness

This blog is my way of communicating my personal journey and progress towards leading a healthy and happy life. It’s a messy, maybe inconsistent journey, but a hopeful one nonetheless. I hope that by putting my realities of BPD into words, that I can help validate and support others on their own pursuit towards happiness. Ive come a long way, so reach out and help me create a positive community that can offer hope and inspire progress. thecounseledcounselor.blog

[5ummit]

me: *worries that I’m Evil and Manipulative and tries very hard every day to be a good person*

me: oh my god

me: I’m manipulating people into thinking I’m good

[steadfast-deactivated20191017]

[feministism]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

[thegoodvybe]

[haleyincarnate]

4/03/2019 (97/?)

[poems-and-word]

[counseledcounselor]

Recovery

I find it self-defeating when I say that I am ‘recovering’ from borderline personality disorder. Recovery from a personality disorder would imply that my very sense of self is flawed- that who I am needs to be cured.

Who I am, at my best, is a woman who is funny, intelligent, empathetic, caring, and giving. None of these qualities, which are central aspects of my personality, need fixing. Instead- I look at recovery as the ability to manage behaviors and control impulses that present themselves in my life.

These aspects of myself categorize me as borderline, however; an endeavor to recover my sense of self- my personality- has proven toxic to my self-esteem and self-worth. Instead, I like to believe that recovery means accepting who you are- the good, the bad, the dramatic, the impulsive, the sensitive and recognize where there’s room for improvement.

How can I do better in order to truly be the best version of myself- for me.

So, for me, recovery looks like:

Accepting that some people won’t like you- and that’s okay.

Accepting that disagreements with peers are not indicative of self-worth. Some people may not share the same beliefs or opinions as you… and may very well vocalize this disagreement- and that’s okay.

Accepting that you are not evil or unworthy of life if you inevitably anger or disappoint a loved one- or even a stranger. Whether it be by accident, or on purpose, mistakes in character and judgment are inevitable- as human nature is laced with imperfections- and that’s okay.

Accepting that, every now and then, you will slip up and fall back into some old unhealthy habits or ways of thinking because, progress is never linear- and that’s okay.

And finally, accepting yourself as you are- ‘disordered’ personality and all- because no one can ever be perfect- and that’s okay.

Via:  https://thecounseledcounselor.blog/recovery/

[positivelypositivequotes]

Go do whatever you wanted but was afraid to do ,this is your sign!

[mentalhealthiswealth]

Part of the problem

Rationally knowing something isn’t always enough to fully believe it.

Emotions distort thoughts, long term and short term.

Being mindful of this fact may help to take your thoughts with a grain of salt when you are feeling overly emotional.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

7 Self-Compassion Stress Relievers

1. Start the morning with a time of silence so that you feel calm, and are grounded for the day.

2. Set good intentions for yourself. Make sure your automatic thoughts are positive and healthy.

3. Focus on your breathing to relieve anxiety, and create a sense of being strong and in control.

4. Stretch to release any tightness or tension – so you don’t keep carrying the stresses of the day.

5. Set small, realistic and manageable tasks so you don’t start to panic, and feel overwhelmed.

6. Keep your focus on right now – don’t worry about later. You have you need to live this moment fruitfully.

7. Before you go to bed, think of 3 things that went right – and end the day with gratitude – then rest, and get some sleep.

[kaasbolletje]

[reinerist]

[timelyreminder]

It's going to be okay!

Think some positive thoughts! You deserve some happiness in your day :)

Try looking up positive things or something that you like. Maybe talk to someone that makes you smile.

The world is a brighter place with you in it! Don’t forget that!

Art by traitspourtraits

[lavenderhealing-deactivated2024]

Characteristics of Emotions:

Emotions are Complex; they generally consist of several parts or different reactions happening at the same time

Emotions are Automatic: Emotions are involuntary, automatic responses to internal and external events.

Emotions Cannot Be Changed Directly: We can change the events that cause emotional experiences, but we cannot change the experiences directly. We cannot instruct ourselves to feel a particular emotion and then feel it. We cannot use willpower to stop an emotional experience even when we desperately want to.

Emotions Are Sudden, and They Rise and Fall: Emotions ordinarily occur suddenly, although the intensity of a particular emotion may build up slowly over time. They are also like waves in the sea because they rise and fall. Most emotions only last from seconds to minutes.

Emotions are Self-Perpetuating: Once an emotion starts, it keeps restarting itself. We might even save that “emotions love themselves.” This is because when emotions sensitize us to events associated with the emotions. Examples: When we are in a house at night alone and are afraid, every little sound seems like it may be someone breaking in. When we are in love, we see only the positive points of the person we love. Once we are jealous, every time our loved one looks at someone else, it is proof of betrayal.

Emotions have Components: These components are interrelated, and each component influences all others. Thus, although an emotion can be thought of as a complete and transactional systematic response to external and internal events, it can also be very helpful to examine each component separately. A very important take-home message here is that changing just one component can often change the entire emotional response.

Some Emotions are Universal. There are probably about 10-12 universal emotions (e.g. anger, disgust, fear, guilt, joy, jealousy, envy, sadness, shame, surprise, interest, love). People are built with the potential, the biological readiness, for these. Others are learned and are usually some combination of the basic emotions.

Complete credit goes to The Second Edition of the DBT Skills Training Manual by Marsha M. Linehan

[goodreadss]

Cultivate an understanding that life is long, that people both change and remain the same, that every last one of us will need to fuck up and be forgiven, that we’re all just walking and walking and walking and trying to find our way, that all roads lead eventually to the mountaintop.

Cheryl Strayed, Brave Enough (via goodreadss)

[counseledcounselor]

“Why do you love me?”

“why do you love me?”

I ask this question when I can’t find reasons to love myself.

“why do you love me?”

Please, someone- remind me of the value I add to your life because I’m having a hard time recognizing it on my own. Without your validation that I’m wanted, loved, needed- I forget why I’m here.

I so easily lose myself in a mind that feels toxic without the support of your reassurance.

I resent that my self-worth is so heavily dependent on how others see me.

“why do you love me?”

Please, tell me, because I’m trying to learn how to do it on my own.  

via: https://thecounseledcounselor.blog/why-do-you-love-me/

[shitborderlinesdo]

I have BPD, I know a lot of sex, being very sexual can be an issue Do you know if well wanting more taboo kinds of sex can be a symptom? Getting off on someone else's pain, BDSM things, Rape fantasies Pretty much any kind of taboo sex And then being mad or upset if you can't do them with your S/O

It can be part of the risk taking aspect of having BPD, for sure, especially when you find yourself escalating from just lots of sex or unprotected sex to more “kinky” or violent or extreme forms of sex. 

It can be done for thrill-seeking, for the risk. 

It can be done because we sometime need more and more extreme things to satisfy us. 

It can be done as a form of self-harm (this is the reason why I got involved in the BDSM scene in a city I used to live in, because as an asexual I used sex as a way to hurt myself, regardless of whether I was in a dominant or submissive role). 

It can be done because you may be hypersexual and need to always be experiencing new sexual things.

It can be done out of curiosity and a pursuit of new sensations.

It can be done because you’re hoping that something will go wrong while taking a risk and you’ll end up feeling some sort of pain or “punishment” for your desires.

Basically, this kind of sexual desire can be really dangerous because of how extreme it is.  If you’re not doing it safely, a lot can go wrong.  Sometimes, as I said, that’s the appeal. 

It’s also really common for borderline individuals who have experienced sexual violence, particularly sexual abuse and rape, to feel this way.  Some of us will become hypersexual, some of us will become sex-repulsed. Some of us, like me, are asexual and yet were previously engaging in a hypersexual way until something traumatizing happened and now we’re sex-repulsed.  Sometimes we flip back and forth between being hypersexual and being sex-repulsed. It can be very complicated and confusing.

As long as you’re not trying to hurt yourself, there’s nothing particularly wrong with what you’re doing and what you desire (the only concerning thing you list, in my opinion, is having rape fantasies, since I think the only people who should be allowed to engage in rape fantasies are rape survivors because that can be part of the healing process). 

When it comes to your partner, I can’t give you advice there.  We don’t do relationship advice.  But I can say that sexual compatibility is incredibly important in a sexual romantic relationship or even a casual sexual relationship.  If people have to very different levels of comfort with sex and types of sex, that can lead to a toxic dynamic in the relationship where the less comfortable person can feel pressured into doing things they’re not comfortable with in order to satisfy their partner.  That’s not a good dynamic to have.  It can lead to a lot of guilt-tripping and coercion and manipulation and unwilling consent.  It can lead to really bad sexual experiences if both people aren’t into it.  You have to respect each others’ comfort zones and boundaries.

If your partner and you are just not compatible in this way, and sex is a really important thing to you, maybe consider that this might not be the relationship for you if you and your partner don’t have a happy sex life.  Open relationships can sometimes be a solution to this, but sometimes they too can result in unhealthy or toxic dynamics.  It’s up to you to work it out and understand you won’t get everything you want.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to engage in “extreme” or “taboo” sex as long as it’s legal and is between consenting adults who know what the limits are and how to be safe.  This might be difficult for borderlines because we might not WANT to be safe.

Therefore, I really encourage you to analyze whether you have these desires for healthy reasons.  I’m not saying they’re automatically unhealthy (except the rape fantasies without a specific context), I’m saying that borderlines who are hypersexual often have other motivating factors behind their desires other than just really liking sex.  So you need to figure out if that’s the case for you and whether this is healthy.

TL;DR: Extreme sexual desires and extreme types of sex can absolutely be expressions of the impulsive risk-taking aspect of BPD, and there are many reasons that borderline individuals are hypersexual.  Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with being hypersexual and enjoying “extreme” or “taboo” sex as long as it’s legal and all parties are consenting adults.  Be careful though, extreme sex, especially BDSM scenes, can quickly become toxic if not done correctly and safely.

-Pandora